Hour six of our Ice Kingdom stakeout.
Abso-nothing's going on there.
And if I do this hand position,
my boogers should turn into smoke bombs.
Pbht! You sure this tip is good, Flambo?
Come on. You know I'm on the level!
The Ice King is scheming to nabs a princess today!
- I swears it! - Hmm.
Relax, restless-pants.
A true ninja can sense
the intentions of his enemies. Jin!
Hehe! Ninjas.
Ninjas ain't real for nothin', nohow.
Whoa, now. Ninjas are real.
For, you see...
- Jake and I are ninjas. - Yep.
Ever since we fished this ninja manual out of a ditch.
Finn, booty me!
Wenk. Wenk, wenk, wenk. - Listen!
Finn, I think I'm gonna take off my booties.
I can't flip these pages.
Ho-ho! Oh, Gunter, let's go.
I've got the overnight bag.
Wenk, wenk!
It's the Ice King, all right,
and he's looking awful pleased with himself.
Uh-oh.
If the Ice King's so happy,
he must have stolen a princess
when we weren't looking somehow.
That's ninja logic.
- Then we got to... - Ahem.
We got to save that princess.
You got it, Shino-bro.
- Ninja kick. - Ninja kick.
Princess? Princess?
- Princess? - Princess!
Princess! Uh...
- No princess here, man. - No princess?
It's... a trap.
We're being trapped! Ninja vanish!
- Evade, evade! - Nothing is trapped, dude.
We can't find any captured princesses
because the Ice King hasn't captured one yet.
He's out doing it right now.
- Are you sure? - No.
It's only a ninja hunch, so we should ninja snoop for proof.
Wait, man, I'd feel uncomfortable
snooping through the Ice King's personal stuff.
It feels sort of like a violation.
Gah! Whoo! Got the Ice King's diary.
No, no, no. We can't read his private junk.
And yet we must. Ahem!
"Dear diary, and you better write me back this time.
Today, I'm bringing home a special new cutie."
There's our proof, man! Hmm. All right.
Let's use our ninja stealth
and hide until he comes back with the princess.
Or we could keep looking through his stuff.
You know, for more proof.
No, alls we're gonna do is lie in wait
until the Ice King gets back.
Then boom! We catch him with princess on his hands.
- Where are we gonna hide? - In this filthy hamper!
Think he's there yet?
- See anything? - Nah.
Hey, Finn, I don't want to hide
in the hamper anymore. It reeks in here.
But we're ninjas, and this is our ninja hideout.
Nah, man, my sense of smell is like 1,000 times better than yours.
Also, the hamper's boring. I'm out.
- Wait! - I'm out!
Jake! Get back here!
Hey, wait up!
Check this out.
- Weird. - I want to draw something.
Hey, we got to leave no trace.
Ninjas leave no trace.
I'll delete it after.
Hey, come on!
Jake, what have we done?
A secret hidden room
full of ninja stuff!
Hehehe!
Oh, great. A line.
Excuse me. Pardon me.
Uh... I... I think you were actually... ahead of me.
You know I was.
Counter maid, I demand medicinal attentions,
preferably those of a princessy type.
And are you checking in as a patient or a cadaver?
Hey! I'm as healthy as ten old men!
Wenk, wenk. - Huh?
Oh, oh, right. My penguin.
He's very, very sick.
So, what time does your shift end?
What kind of guy builds a cave inside of another cave?
What's this? A spell book?
- Whoo! - Dude! Leave no trace.
Ah, it's too late for that.
It's not too... late.
Whoa!
- What you got there? - Dude!
It's a First-Edition Ice ninja manual.
"True ninja passes no wind.
He only passes..."
- Ugh!
I ain't even heard of these techniques.
Nuh-nuh-n-numm-nuh... numb-chucks.
Hey, Ice King seems way into ninjas,
even more than we are.
Yeah. So? Oof!
So, doesn't that mean that ninjas must be kind of lame?
Nah, they're still cool, but Ice King's still lame
because he hides his ninja love.
We wear our ninja on our sleeve!
Jake! Show me how to do that.
What's taking that doctor so long?
Gunter, make more noise.
Yeah, all right, all right. Don't oversell it, drama queen.
Dun-dun-dun! Pardon the intrusion.
- I'm Doctor Princess. - Yes. Well, uh...
- Come to Ice King, Princess. - Don't worry, sir.
I specialize in treating little tuxedo people.
Just give it to me straight, doc.
Am I gonna have to pay for this?
- Hmm. - Wenk, wenk.
- Wenk, wenk. Wenk, wenk. - Oh, my.
What can you do for him, Doctor Princess?
Without Gunter, I'll be all alone.
You see, I'm a widower.
Oh. I'm sorry. How did your wife die?
Oh, uh, what? Is that what that means?
Whoa, Nellie! Something medical is happening.
Wenk!
Gunter, you're embarrassing me!
Frigidtsu Master Finn summons
dagger of chilled glass.
Frigidtsu Master Jake summons
stars of frozen rain.
Get ready to be star-struck.
Get ready to be cold-cut.
Hyah!
Kunai attack!
Icicle kick!
Force of blizzard!
Flying jump!
What? Three Jakes?
That's one too many.
Caltrop hailstorm!
Those Jakes were all fakes!
Ha! Frigidtsu Master Jake summons
arrow of ice!
Hyah! Rad!
Oh-oh-oh-oh!
It's the Ice King. Hide!
Okay, my dear, this enclosure will be your new home.
He's got a princess.
Now we leap out, catch him red-handed.
- Hai! - Snow-blind!
Thin ice, thin ice, thin ice.
But once you get used to the smell of penguin manure
it's almost tolerable.
Hiyah!
Ice King, hand over that princess!
- Hyah! - Princess? What?
- Jake, where's the princess? - Ooh, right.
What princess?
The, um, princess you were just talking to.
Yeah, the one you just came back from stealing.
Wrong-o, I was at the hospital,
for it turns out Gunter here was preggers!
- Wenk. - I was just talking to the egg.
- It's such a cutie. - Gunter's a woman?
What? No. Huh.
Anyway, get out of my house or I'll kill you, et cetera.
I want to take a nap in my easy chair.
Aah! What happened to my recliner?
- Oh. My skins and tubs!
You even violated my secret sanctum?
- What is wrong with you? - No princess?
No. No princess.
We messed up, Jake.
We're... violators.
Yeah, what the heck?
You think you can just wreck my house
and wear my collectibles?
Who do you guys think you are?
- We're... ninjas? - You're not ninjas.
- You're just a couple of jerks! - It's true.
Ice King, we're gonna make this right.
Yeah, do it. Make it right.
Start by, uh... Oh, take my bag over to the cage.
Oh, no, no, no! Not that. Never mind.
Uh, put that down and go clean my gym equipment.
- Doctor Princess! - Oh.
I have no idea how that got in there.
- What's going on? - I'll field that one.
The Ice King abducted me while I was distracted
by the horrifying beauty of birth.
Yes, Gunter's ailment was the perfect cover for stealing
a princess M.D.
I'm not even a real princess.
- Princess is just a surname. - Enough!
You may have uncovered my princess-smuggling scheme,
but you'll never leave this place alive!
Ha-ha!
A couple of ninjas like me and Finn
can only be defeated by another ninja!
Ninja!
What am I... looking at here, exactly?
Ninja!
So, how's your egg doing?
- Wenk, wenk. - Oh.
Wenk, wenk.
Gunter! Why didn't you tell me?
We-we-wenk.
Oh, Gunter.
In the kingdom of Ooo, there is a galaxy of flavors
but only one taste sensation is amazing enough to kill for,
the Royal Tart.
Royal Tarts are very rare.
They are only eaten at the most sacred gathering in Ooo,
the Annual Back-rubbing Ceremony.
The tart is so legendary that countless thieves
will risk their lives for just one bite.
My head will be decapitated
if the tarts don't make it to the ceremony.
I only trust one guy to deliver them,
the Royal Tart Toter.
Oh!
He's magnificent!
He used to be, but he's gone mad and old.
So he can't deliver the tarts anymore.
Cinnamon Bun offered to fill the position
but he's kind of... half-baked.
Hey, Princess! Here I go!
I'm stuck.
Princess, let us deliver the tarts.
Are you sure, Finn? This is really important.
Princess, I have never been more sure
of anything in my whole life.
I'll do anything it takes to keep you alive and safe.
We won't let you down.
Well, I accept your offer.
Welcome to the Tartorium!
Wow!
They're so beautiful.
No, boys, those are the reject tarts, full of imperfections.
These are the perfect tarts.
Safely packed into one of my antigravity tote chambers.
Tote sweet!
Now, I want you to tote those tarts through that tunnel.
The Royal Tart path takes you directly
to the Royal Congressional Hall in the Badlands.
The path is really safe and well protected,
but keep your eyes peeled for any sign of danger, okay?
- Mm-hmm. - Yep.
Good. Now, here's your map.
Hey, Princess, what are all these bubbling chemicals
all over the place?
That's paralyzing potion, Finn!
Don't touch it. It'll paralyze you forever!
- Oh. - Thank you, boys.
And remember, my head is on the line.
All right. Let's hit it.
Wait. I got a sick plan.
- Go! - Okay.
- Bye! - Bye-bye!
Bye-bye, now!
- Goodbye! - Bye!
- Bye!
Ha! That was fun. But why'd you do it?
Look, everyone expects the tarts
to be on that Royal Tart path.
Cinnamon Bun will be our decoy while we take the one path
no thief would expect a tart toter to take...
the desert of doom!
- I guess this is it. - Huh.
Not as scary as I thought it'd be.
Yeah, man. Mostly, it just looks empty.
I mean, what thief would ever hang out here?
There's nothing to steal.
You know, I think my plan might be kind of brilliant.
I mean, I'm not saying I'm brilliant
but it's a pretty brilliant plan, I think.
True, true. This place is perfect for totin' tarts.
Yeah, and the back-rubbing ceremony
is right over those mountains.
This tart tote is gonna be a total cakewalk.
Yeah.
- Whoa! Wait! Hold up! - What is it?
Shh!
It's a campfire, close by.
Does it smell like a tart thief's campfire?
- Maybe. - We better check it out.
Can't be too careful.
Don't burn it, now, Grimby.
Hush.
I ain't gonna burn it.
Crud! I was sure we'd be safe in the desert of doom.
What? What you saying?
Those are dirty tart burglars.
I think they're just dirty hobos.
No, man, they are cold-blooded tart destroyers
and we have to get them
- before they get us. - Why?
They're gonna kill Princess Bubblegum by stealing our tarts.
Oh, yeah.
But how come J.J. gets to hold it, Grimby?
- Aah! - Ooh. Ow.
Yeah! Go on! Get! We'll mess you up crazy!
You, listen up and tell your friends,
the next time you want to steal one of our tarts...
- You got tarts? - You know we do!
And the next time you want to steal one,
you picture this guy right here chewing on your brain.
What the! That thing's getting the tarts!
Son of a...
We're eating good tonight!
Uh-oh. Man, he got like five or six.
But my brilliant plan.
Incoming transmission from Princess Bubblegum.
- What the... - Hey, Finn.
I'm just checking in using the Holo-pendant.
How are my tarts doing?
They're, um... They're... they're...
They're radical! No tart problems here.
Uh, yeah, right. Everything's, uh, bazoobs.
Oh, look! Uh, something's eclipsing the sun.
It's so dark now.
Finn? Finn!
Ah! Oh, well!
I'll see you soon enough.
Transmission complete.
I think the plan went awry.
No. All this was just some freak bad luck.
But we still got some tarts, and the princess is still safe.
Oh, yeah.
And who knows what kind of freaky things
might have happened if we took the Royal Tart path?
Old Cinnamon Bun's probably got his hands full.
Bye. Goodbye.
Bye-bye.
- Hello. - Hello.
Shall I hold that for you, sir?
Okay.
- Shall I hold that for you, sir? - Okay.
You know what, even though it totally wasn't our fault,
it's probably for the best that we lost those tarts.
Huh? How?
Well, it's like a reminder to really stay sharp
and play it extra safe.
For instance, take this scary cavern here.
No sane person would ever bring a tart down there, so...
- So no thieves. - Exactly.
You are on a roll today, buddy.
Pee-yew!
Yeah, pee-yew!
- Jake? - Yeah?
Hey, man, did you just, like, sniff my butt?
Uh, just now?
Yeah.
No.
Huh. All right.
- Hey, Finn? - Yeah, Jake?
Did you just, uh,
lick me all the way up my arm?
No.
Hmm. Strange.
Jake, let me see those matches.
Uh-oh. Man, we got got. There's only two left!
What? Aah!
Incoming transmission from Princess Bubblegum.
Hello?
We blew it, man. My plan sucked.
It sucked all along, but I was blinded by my hubris.
Now PB's gonna get got, and it's all my fault.
Whoa, whoa. Take it easy, buddy.
We've still got two whole tarts left.
PB is gonna be fine.
You really think so?
- Yeah, why not? - Hey! Keep off them tarts!
- Huh? - I said back off of them tarts.
Are you an imbecile?
- But I... - Right the bazoobs now!
Finn, he's got a laser gun!
Yeah! That's it. All right.
Now I got to book it to Nana's for brunch.
- See youse later. - It's over.
- PB's gonna get croaked. - Mm... yeah.
Or we could smash in there and stop Congress
from chopping her head off.
You're right!
Jake, let's go save Princess Bubblegum!
Chop! Chop! Chop! Chop! Chop!
No!
Aah! Huh?
Another perfectly chopped tart!
Let the Annual Back-rubbing Ceremony begin.
Dude, they're just slicing tarts.
And there's Cinnamon Bun over there!
Hey!
He must have delivered the decoys.
The ones we poisoned!
No!
Princess, don't eat that tart!
Okay. Geez, Finn, I won't eat that tart.
I'll eat this other tart instead!
Oh, Princess, no!
The princess has been paralyzed.
I'm not paralyzed. I'm gripped with the flavor!
That means we must have been carrying
the poisoned tarts all along.
Yep, all part of my master plan.
Pbht! Whatever, man.
Excuse me.
What is this about poisoned tarts and alternate plans?
I... I... All right. Here it comes.
I had a brilliant plan to tote the tarts
along a dangerous path, but I mucked it up.
You ought to give this toter job to Cinnamon Bun.
He's the real hero.
I'm sorry for not following your instructions
and for lying to you about it.
Oh, Finn, I forgive you, 'cause I lied to you, too.
They weren't going to decapitate me.
I just said that so you guys wouldn't eat the tarts.
- Oh. - So I guess we're even.
Uh, yeah. I guess so.
Ladies and gentlemen, the Royal Tarts have arrived.
The old tart toter. Nobody move.
He can't see or hear, but he can feel your movement.
Hello? Eat my tarts?
This cosmic dance of bursting decadence
and withheld permissions
twists all our arms collectively,
but if sweetness can win and it can,
then I'll still be here tomorrow
to high-five you yesterday, my friend.
Peace.
Sheesh.
This party is so crazy!