Aah! My arm! Ohh! My face!
Hmm.
This happens sometimes.
Wait, what? Oh, my gosh!
How many times do I have to tell you?
Somebody broke into my house and stole my lumps!
Peebo?
Hey, hey, how-a mah haah!
Eww! Uh...
Okay. Calm down. How am I supposed to calm
down? Lumping thief is out there,
getting fresh with my lumps! Gross.
Whoa! Whoa!
Gals, we'll find this crazy freak and return all of your
body parts. Thank you so much,
finn!
I shall give you a kiss.
It's — it's okay, hot dog princess.
We'll be right back.
I said I don't know!
I have nothing to do with this.
Stop lying. We found your fingerprints at
the crime scene. What? Really?
Uh... No.
Oh, well, then why would you say that?
Ice king, we know you did it!
Finn, I'm as concerned as you are.
There's some sicko out there. What if he comes after my
princess? Your princess?
Yeah. Let me introduce you to my new
wife.
Oh, wait, you mean I'm the guy stealing all the p—
Yeah, okay. I get it now.
[THUD!] What happened to them,
husband? Hmm?
Um, ah! They're sleepy.
They're our limp, sleepy children.
Come on, wife. Let's have a nice family meal.
Okay.
Wife, you sit right here.
Isn't this nice?
[SPLAT!] Uh-oh.
I mean, that's good. [SPLAT!]
Oops! How fun! You're so fun!
Mmm.
Oh, marriage is fun. See?
When you wash and I dry, we get done faster.
And then tomorrow night, we switch.
Here.
Let me show you a trick, my darling.
See? You let it soak, and then we'll
wash it in the morning.
Enough chores. Come along, dear.
I want to show you something special.
♪ I can introduce your parts to
♪ will remind us when we've
Here it is. I hope you like it.
Hmm.
You like? Is there something wrong with
me? The way I am — it's not normal,
is it? Oh, pretty baby
wife. You're the most normal thing in
my whole life. We're like two normal jelly
beans sitting at the bottom of the jar, floating in a sea of
olives, waiting for somebody to guess how many jelly beans are
in the jar, which I mentioned. I don't think I understand.
Just look into my eyes and know that everything is
okay.
Are you feeling normal yet?
Okay.
See that?
We're normal, just like the normal people are.
Oh.
Lady, don't take my pizza.
Huh? What's a...
M-m-mons—mons—mons— Finn, what?
Are you saying "mama"? What are you...?
Hi! M-m-m-monster!
Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Aah! Ugh.
Oh, don't mind the
kids. It's just a phase.
I need a glass of water.
Oh, I'll go get — no. It's okay. I'll get it.
You are not normal. You are a monster!
Hey, hey, hey. Monster! A monster!
What's going on in here?
Nobody's a monster. All I see in this room is a
young, kind-hearted, intelligent, hot-looking
ice king and his beautiful princess bride.
That's you, sweetie. I don't feel beautiful.
I feel like a freak. I will prove to you
that you are beautiful.
To me, my penguins. Goonter, Gunther, gunder,
goonder, come on!
Gunter, gunthe, gaunter, ginther, follow!
Don't rearrange the chairs, please.
You're all gonna clap and cheer, or I'm gonna smack your buns.
Whoo! Yeah!
Clap louder. You got to be all "whoo!"
If you look at her with these mirrors, her ugliness will
have no effect on us. Well, where is she?
Oh, I think she's right over...
Hey!
Baby, you want to
talk about it?
You should just find another princess to marry.
I'm unlovable! Girl, I love you as
much as all the other princesses in the world combined.
You don't really mean that. I'll prove it.
See? You have elbow princess' hips
and doctor princess' heart and intestines, slime princess'
bottom. You have all my favorite parts
of my favorite princesses. I'm... Just... A bunch... Of
stolen parts? Oh, the parts don't
matter. It's you that matters.
But who am I? You're my wife, and
I will always love my wife, no matter what.
You'd love me even without these other princesses' parts?
Sure, baby. Even without all your fine lady
parts. Now give us a hug.
Mmm. Hey, ice king!
Huh? Your wife's face can't
make us faint anymore.
Don't listen to them, babe.
They're being negative. Haahh!
Aah! Run, my happiness.
I'll distract them with ice magi—
Ouch.
Aha! Aah!
[THUD!] Yaaahhh!
Aah! Aah!
You give up? Yes!
I give up.
Finally. Let's get those princess parts
back to the ladies. Yeah, mans.
Wait, where'd your wife go?
Huh?
Let me go! Let me go!
Though my parts be scattered, I shall always be your wife.
She...
Gave away all my stuff!
What you building?
Um, it's just a little stick fort.
Oh, rad.
Look. It's just my size.
Hey, get away from my fort, you big, stinky monster!
I like it when you get small, Jake.
Yeah, me too.
Whoa!
Peppermint Butler?
Finn, Jake, the princess wants to see you.
As princess of Candy Kingdom,
I'm in charge of a lot of candy people.
They rely on me.
I can't imagine what might happen to them if I was gone.
And after my brush with death at the hands of the lich,
I realized something.
I'm not gonna live forever, Finn.
I would if I could.
But modern science just isn't there yet,
so I engineered a replacement who can live forever.
I call her Goliad.
Aw, she's cute.
- Hi, Goliad. I'm Finn. - And I'm Jake.
Hi, Finn. Hi, Jake.
- Hi, Goliad. - Hi, Finn.
What did you use to make her?
Oh, um, pretty standard candy-creature soup.
Some amino acids.
Some algebra.
And I threw in one of my baby teeth
so she'd have my DNA.
Whoa, DNA?
Yeah. All it takes is just one little tooth.
Or... a single hair.
It's a-a-a-all it takes.
Princess Bubblegum, are you okay?
Yeah! I'm good!
Haven't slept for a solid 83 hours, but...
Yeah, I'm good.
Oh, you should go to bed.
I can't go to bed.
Goliad has huge, mondo mama brains.
I still need to fill them with knowledge...
on how to rule a kingdom.
What? Let us teach her.
Uh, okay.
I guess that would be all right.
Yes!
Teachers! Teaching teachers!
Whoo! Whoo! Whoo!
Come on, Goliad.
See you later, Princess! Get some sleep.
Wh— hum? Hmm?
Huh?
Bye, guys.
Look, Goliad. This is a preschool.
I'm gonna go set up some obstacles and all that
for you to learn on. - Mm.
- Is that okay? - Yes. Thanks, Finn.
I'm excited to learn.
Okay. Great.
Jake, you go and get some kids from inside
to help with the lesson and such.
Okay. Come on, Goliad.
Yes, Jake.
Um, hmm.
Uhh...
Rotten, stinkin', jerkin'...
Whaaa! Ohh!
Rah! Rah! Rah!
Now, now. Settle down.
Jake, these kids seem pretty scary.
Oh, no. These kids ain't nothing.
Kids croove doozyploon!
Check this out.
Hey, there, kids. Who wants to play —
- Get him! - Get that stink!
Uh, easy now, children.
Get the brain!
Get in his brain!
Get in his eyes!
Listen up! You kids better stop donkin' around!
You're gonna mess up Goliad!
It's my way or the highway, get it?
I'm Don Juan Cherry Tempo!
Now march, glib blobbit!
Don't be acting all crazy.
Whoa, holy shmow!
Oh, hey. Y'all are just in time.
You ready to pop this croc's back, Dr. Goliad?
Yeah, I think so, Finn.
I've learned a real lot already, so far.
So much...
from Jake.
Yeah, you know, Finn, maybe this isn't
such a good idea, actually.
Oh, no. It's cool.
I got helmets for everybody.
Okay, Goliad. You ready to lead?
Ready.
Okay.
In 3, 2, 1. Go!
All right, listen up!
You kids better stop donkin' around
and get up that ramp!
You're gonna mess up Goliad!
I'm Don Jon Cherry Temp— Cherry Tempo!
It's my way or the highway, glob globbit!
Stop, stop!
No, Goliad, no!
Leading isn't about scaring people.
You got to stay calm and use your head.
Use that beautiful brain, girlfriend.
My brain? Are you sure?
Yeah. Don't be shy. Try it on me. Lead me.
Okay, Finn.
Okay.
Hmm.
No, Goliad. That's wrong, too.
You can't just control people or whatever.
It's messed up.
No, Finn. This way's good.
Everyone did what I wanted —
really fast, no mistakes,
calm, like you said.
This definitely is the way to lead.
Definitely.
Uh, no, no.
Wait. Is that true? Hmm.
Come on, Goliad.
Let's go see Princess Bubblegum.
Princess!
Goliad's got mind-control powers!
She got the wrong idea about leadership.
Oh, I was afraid this might happen.
Where is she now?
We left her outside in the garden!
Hello, Goliad.
Hello, Princess.
I hear you learned a lot today.
Yes. I led the children.
But Finn said you used yelling and mind control.
Yes. It was good.
Goliad, let me tell you something about leadership.
You see this fat bee?
She gets pollen from this flower,
but she's gentle
and makes the flower happy and pollinated.
They both get what they need,
and that's how a leader should be.
No, Princess. Bee cares not for flower.
If getting pollen hurts or kills flower,
bee would not care.
Bee is stronger than flower.
Goliad is stronger than bee.
Goliad is stronger than all.
Oh, no.
She's too far gone — too corrupted.
If we're not careful, she could throw an ultra-tantrum
and whang the castle apart.
I'll have to disassemble her and try again.
- No, Princess.
This is my castle now.
Don't worry, Princess. We'll stop her.
No, Finn. Here's the plan.
I'm going to build another candy sphinx in my lab.
It's the only thing that could possibly match her.
Just keep her busy 'til I return,
and don't think about the plan!
She can read your minds!
Ohhh!
Whoa!
Ugh, that eyeball.
Just tuck that eyeball back in its hole.
Goliad, no!
Ugh.
Jake! Don't swallow!
Uh, you're in Finn's bubble.
Don't think about the plan.
Think of something else. Think of something else.
Don't worry, Princess, we'll stop her.
No, no!
No, Finn. She's ohhh...
Anyway, like I was saying, she's far too powerful-I-I-I...
Ugh! Unhhh!
Aah!
Finn, she's far too powerful. Here's the pl—
Argh.
Here's the plan.
- No! - I'm going to...
Goliad, no!
Wait, brother. Why must we fight?
Rule with me!
No, brother. Don't you see?
They're turning us against —
So be it.
Finn, are you okay?
Yeah. That dude saved me.
That's Stormo, Goliad's new brother.
Well, what are they doing now?
They're about to have a psychic showdown.
Whoa, man!
So, like, I guess they're so evenly matched
that it's a stale— blaghhh!
It's a stale— flughhhh!
Ughh, blah!
They're so evenly matched that it's a stalemate.
Yes.
Stormo sacrificed himself
to keep Goliad in check for all eternity.
Well, that's pretty cool, but I don't understand.
If Goliad and Stormo are the same,
how come Stormo is a good guy?
Oh, that's simple.
I used some of your heroic DNA in Stormo's recipe
and not Goliad's.
Oh. Whoa.
So, that means Stormo is, like, my son?
Well, yeah, in a way.
Happy birthday, Stormo.