Bro!
Boom!
- Thanks, bro! - There for you, bro!
But, Finn, I'm gonna tell you something gently.
OK. What is it, bro?
Get a new sword.
What do you mean?
Bro, these guys could have hurt you.
It still works. Hyut.
- Bro? - I love this sword.
It will be OK.
Let's go shopping!
- Candles. - Candles.
- Candles, candles for all occasions. - Candles, candles for all occasions.
Hey, there's Choose Goose!
Goose! Come on!
Finn, what's wrong?
Hmm.
- Maybe we should try someone else. - What?
But we have history with him. That's important in business.
Yeah, but we're looking for a sword. Remember that armor he sold us?
Ooh!
Yeah, OK.
I asked around. This is the place to get sa-words.
Oh, doesn't look like it's open.
Open!
Close the curtains behind you, please.
Walk towards the candle.
How can I help you?
- Need a sword. Hold on.
Here you go! A grass sword!
It's a bargain.
I don't know. I've never used a grass sword before.
Maybe we should keep looking.
Swords like this don't come around every day.
Don't come around every day, huh?
I love it!
Well, that was easy.
Remember, no take-backs.
Hey, the pillow vendor!
Huh?
- Pizza? - Yeah! It came out of nowhere!
- It was gonna bonk you on the head. - You're getting good with that sword.
You were never able to do that with your other swords.
No more pizza bonks. Hyut!
Hey, we're near Tree Trunks' house. Let's stop by and get some pie.
Pie.
Hyut! Hyut!
Yaa!
Howdy, boys.
Nice pillow and nice sword.
My hands are full, Finn.
Uh, you mind slicing an apple for me?
Hyut!
Something is terribly wrong with that awful sword.
He's getting really good. He saved me from pizza.
That apple slicing is too perfect.
Demonically perfect.
That sword is cursed!
I like it when Tree Trunks gets all serious.
Uh, how is that curse doing?
Making you wanna moidle me?
No, man.
This sword doesn't seem to have any curse on it as far as I can tell.
Well, OK.
Dang tag.
- I got it! - Huh?
Whoa.
Hey, quit showing off, bro.
Sorry, man. I don't know what happened.
I...
- I'll go put this away. - Good idea.
Hmm.
Aah!
Huh?
What the...
Jeez.
Stupid... thing!
Worst three bucks I ever spent.
Hmm...
Phew!
What's going on?
The sword is after my flesh!
Huh? Oh, snap.
Don't let it get me, Jake!
Don't worry. I'll handle this.
There.
Let's go return that junk.
Oh! Hey, he's not here.
Hm, maybe somebody around here knows where he is.
Help! Help!
Somebody in trouble!
Help!
- They're taking our candles! - They're taking our candles!
It's the hooligans who love candles!
Let's get them!
Hey! - Huh?
- Yo! - You got a prob, Bob?
Stealing candles from old ladies is immoral!
- Anarchy! - School! Hi-yah!
Stop chasing us!
- Happy birthday!
You're dead, Teddy boy.
No.
[in slow-motion] Loser!
- You saved our shop! - You saved our shop!
Thank you so much, you brave young man.
And don't even worry about the damages.
We'll just use the broken pieces to build a life-size candle in your likeness.
Oh, and we'll put it right by the entrance,
and it will be our mascot, the Candle Man!
Dude!
Yeah. Not coming off.
Don't give up, man.
Hey, maybe Choose Goose knows where the old man went.
Hey, Choogles, we need your help!
We got to find the dude who sold us this cursed sword.
You know who he is?
I know you did business with some rando guy!
Help you backstabbers, why should I?
What? Come on, Choogie, it was only one time.
Hmm!
I made a mistake, CG. This merch is totally defective.
Please.
OK-dokay.
I know that quack with the grassy shack.
He's a wizard from the grassy plains.
He lives atop the grassy moun-tayn.
Awesome. Wizard of grassy moun-tayn. Mountain.
- Yeah, thanks, Choogs! - Yeah, thanks!
He's the only one who can lift the curse!
But beware!
He's a huge dingwad!
Just the worst!
Chop! Chop! Chop! Chop! Chop!
Hm! For a cursed dingus, you cut so good.
Come forth, wizard, and uncurse my mitt!
Grassy Mountain Wizard!
Coming up here! Trying to enter my house?
Are you for real?
Mow him down, my cursed grassy objects!
Hyah!
Uh... Go forth! Go, uh, forth!
That was all my grassy objects.
Ooh!
Lift the curse!
Never! You have no power over me, young fool.
The grass sword will be part of you for all eternity!
Hm.
You know what? I think I'm cool with that.
- What? - Whoa.
Now that you've accepted it, you can control it!
Yeah, this is really cool. I just had to get used to it.
That's not how people are supposed to react to an eternal curse!
- Whatevs. - Whatevs.
Do it again!
Finn, you scared me!
I am sorry, Princess!
What are you doing here, Finn?
Since I got out of my last relationship, I've been slacking on the job.
So I'm rededicating my life to protecting, serving,
and meeting your every need.
Jake said I was acting bananas about the whole thing
and wanted no part of this.
It's 5:30 in the morning.
That's right, Princess.
I'm getting back on the job hardcore,
giving a hundred percent of my being all for you.
Thank you. That's very nice.
No need to thank me, PB. It's my job.
- Heh. - Thank you.
How am I doin' my job, Princess?
- Am I crushing it? - Yes, but can you move just a bit?
No, no, like, out of the way.
Oh!
OK, what else do I need?
Oh, dang it. I forgot we're out of milk.
- Now I have to go get it— - Bup! Bup! Bup! Bup! I got it!
Yah!
Milk... You wanted milk.
Finn, I thought you went home.
Yes. I do regret the slow return.
But I assure you,
this is the highest quality milk available.
It's mink's milk.
I milked a mink. One hundred percent dedication.
No limits to what I'd do for you.
I'd throw Peppermint Butler off this balcony if you asked.
Sorry, Peppermint Butler. Just joking, but kind of sort of not.
You're really going over the top here.
Take it easy. Princess' orders.
OK, I'll just rest here.
No, no. Resting on the job is not resting.
Go somewhere where you can relax.
Yes, Princess.
Hup! Hup! Hup!
Hmm...
Wow, PB. Sure is a nice day to be outside.
Hey, watch what you say about PB, bro!
Talk garbage about PB one more time, bro, see what happens!
Hold on one sec, PB.
I got to deal with a real tough guy over here.
You got one last chance to apologize before I dishonor you like you did milady.
All right, bro, have it your way.
Ee-yah!
Where's your pants, bro?
Where's your honor now? Everyone's laughing at your undies.
It's real uncomfortable.
Want some?
Heh.
Wowzers!
No!
Did you drop this car on milady, bro?
Leave this dump now.
You dropped a car on milady, bro. Now I got to restore her honor.
Hope you're wearing underwear.
Huh?
Uh!
Whoa, dude's got awesome powers.
Hey, dude, you got awesome powers!
You gonna kill me, bro?
No.
Do it, bro!
You have a warrior's spirit.
Something I haven't seen in a long time.
But your swordsmanship is...
You should learn to master your weapon before you draw it.
What? You're just gonna tell me I'm terrible and walk away?
Teach me sword stuff, man!
I know you're back there.
- I brought you a muffin. - I don't eat muffins.
I'm a robot.
Look, I know you don't know me and we got off on the wrong foot,
but please, dude, teach me how to use the sword.
- Please.
- You OK? - No.
When I was a young robot, I went horseback riding.
No one taught me how to post.
The horse took a crazy jump, and I came down on the saddle hard.
One of my gumballs bounced up inside me...
It's been lodged in a weird spot for years.
Oh, here.
- Uh...
Uh! More to the left. Getting closer.
Closer!
Ho! You got it!
- Thank you! - Yeah.
Perhaps you feel a sense of indebted obligation to me?
Yes, I will teach you the sword stuff.
Lesson one, block my eggs.
Hyut.
Ha! Got one!
Egg-cellent!
Whoa!
Ooh!
Yeah! That's right, I can take it...
You have done well today.
You've felt the sting of the yolk, endured the sizzle of the mini BBQ.
Perhaps you are ready to learn my secret technique.
Secret technique.
Watch.
What the...
The shadowless thrust.
Your blade must be swift enough
to slice the air between you and the target,
removing all wind resistance.
Now you try.
Again.
So, am I a master swordsman now?
You will be, if you train this hard every day.
For 10 years.
And get a robot body.
Oh.
So, uh, why you living in this dump?
You should be out in the world saving fancy ladies and junk.
That, my friend, is a long tale.
Which I will tell you now.
It was a much wilder time in the Candy Kingdom.
I was a member of an elite robot police force created by Princess Bubblegum.
Her previous attempts at law enforcement had been a bunch of goofs.
- Stop him! - Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!
Our righteous sword's cut a swab through the chaos
but we were too successful.
Unfortunately, we were still programmed for violence.
One, two, one, two, one, two, one, two.
OK, robots, all the number ones, go stand on that platform over there.
And all the number twos, just turn around and face the wall.
And no peeking.
We were programmed to follow her commands 100 percent.
But through sheer force of will...
I was able to overcome it.
We had been judged too dangerous to stay operational
and sentenced to death.
Number twos, chop, chop.
I alone escaped.
While my compatriots became minimalist furniture.
Ah! Sorry.
I've lived as a fugitive in this junkyard ever since.
That is why you must never tell Princess Bubblegum about me.
If she ever found out, she would have me destroyed.
Rattleballs is still what?
He asked me not to tell you,
but I could not break my oath to serve you, milady, 100 percent.
Captain Root Beer Guy, assemble my guard.
Hello, Princess.
Sorry, Ree-B-Z. My oath to the princess comes first.
But once you two talk it out, I know she'll see you mean no harm.
Banana Guards, destroy!
- So be it. - Wait!
Charge!
Wee-ooo! Wee-ooo!
Wee—
Char—
Rattleballs!
RB, don't!
You think I'm dangerous, Princess?
Dang right I do! You killed all my Banana Guards!
No, Princess, look! They're only bruised.
Hey, you hit me.
I no longer crave mindless violence.
I have found peace in meditation, gardening...
Egg throwing.
I hope time has also made you less bloodthirsty, Princess.
But do with me as you will.
In my heart, I still serve you... 100 percent.
[man, on TV] Bigger pimples mean bigger dimples.
- So mash up your mush...
OK, everybody.
I took care of Rattleballs.
- Oh, wow, cool. - Nice.
Show's back on.
Everything's settled.
I don't have to go back on my order,
and you can protect the kingdom from the shadows.
Thank you, Princess.
That's marginally better than hiding in a dump.
- Wait.
Hmm?
I dub thee Sir Rattleballs!
Frederator.
This party is so crazy!