People today are obsessed with anything shiny and new.
But it's all an illusion.
Everything new fades.
But forgotten hotels are still good for some things.
Drug deals.
May-December indiscretions.
And ending it a“.
I knew that look anywhere.
Seen it many limes.
These two lucky birds are content.
At peace, even.
It's their wedding anniversary, they tell me.
Sixty years.
Four kids.
Nine grandchildren.
They've had a good run together.
But she's not quite the same anymore since the cancer spread.
And he can't imagine his life without her.
The last thing she wants is to be a burden.
Sc they come...
...to be alone.
Sn they never have to be alone again.
One, two, three. ...envy them.
Have you ever seen anything more beautiful?
All I can see is eight hours of hard scrubbing gonna take to get the blood off these walls.
Why don't people have the courtesy to blow their brains out at their own home?
What if one of the kids found them like this?
Well, I don't see why that has to be my problem.
Look at them.
Why are you crying?
They were happy.
I feel like I'll never be happy again.
I pretend that I'm okay living in a world without Tristan, but it's...
It's been difficult.
Besides, knowing the Countess...
...it's just a matter of time before she slits my throat.
What's the point of waiting around for someone...
...to stab you in the back when I'm already dead?
No, no, no. Wait.
Just let me do it. No, no.
I don't wanna be here. I know.
Well, you're gonna be stuck here for all of eternity...
...unless you get your head strapped on straight before pulling that trigger.
Oh, shit.
Jesus.
You know how this goes.
Yeah.
And I'm guessing you have plenty of unfinished business still on your plate.
No, just one. My son.
I always meant to put that right.
Tell him I'm sorry for leaving him.
Okay. So you do that.
And that'll give me enough time to cancel my Reader's-z Digest...
...my Country Living.
And then we'll be ready to go.
We?
You don't have to do this alone.
I don't understand. I thought you were reborn.
Donovan was my one true love.
I thought when he brought me back from the brink of death...
...it was because he loved me.
He doesn't love me.
He never will.
We'll do it together, then.
Make a clean exit.
Yes, dear. The Hotel Cortez, in downtown Los Angeles.
And you have the dates now.
That's right, dear, one whole week. Your papa's treat.
What's that?
He wants to know, why now?
Well, I'd hoped to reach your father to ask, but alas, I cannot.
I must away. Bye now.
Really.
I can't thank you enough.
If you don't mind my asking, how long has it been?
I haven't seen my son in 31 years.
I've written letters.
God knows I've written checks.
The bank statement always let me know that each one cleared.
I took that as, pfft, a sign.
I must caution you.
You don't know exactly the young man's aspect.
I don't follow you. His world view.
I fear you are challenging him to be very understanding.
Let me stop you right there.
Back in my day, fairies knew never to father children.
It would only add to the mayhem.
My cousin Frederick.
He was always getting into his sister's peignoir and stockings.
And then one day, he found his place. His station in life.
Took his comfort in the sacramental vestments.
He might've become a monsignor had he not succumbed to his appetites.
I'm not a pedophile!
I lost interest long ago in whatever you claim to be.
No, all I know is some poor boy threw a ball in the backyard...
...and suddenly, his proud papa wasn't there to catch it.
So now, here comes this same little boy...
...to visit someone he's always longed to see.
And instead, he's going to be confronted by the ghost of Theda Bara.
I mean, it's quite a fright indeed. That's enough.
Anyhoo, where's that item you promised me?
You haven't forgotten your end of the bargain.
Have at it. Go nuts.
Oh, heh, who would have thought? Heh, heh.
Oxygen in the soap. Yes.
For God's sake, look.
"Radiant whites," it says. You are an absolute marvel.
It's like Christmas morning.
Ears.
For they heard the calling of false gods.
You're a clever man, John Lowe.
Empty your hearts. Let the Lady of Shadows hear your prayers.
Welcome to our church.
Is this your first time here?
Know that the old gods are not dead.
They're waiting to be awakened.
What is your name?
I am death.
No!
One more and you'll be free.
What is the meaning of this?
Welcome.
Thank you for coming.
Two worlds and in between
What do you want?
Who are you?
Hot metal and methedrine
Who am I?
I hear empire down
I'm you, asshole.
We need to have a little talk.
I didn't really think that you brought me here to rummage through your old clothes.
And I'm not interested in your castoffs anyway.
Though I know you're very interested in mine.
So you know my entire biography?
Damned behind a wall for decades and now ready to be damned again.
I love her!
You think you love him?
You love a distant memory.
You love an image on a screen.
You're nothing more than a fan to him.
You know, your petulance is very common.
It is always this way with pretty boys who are past their prime.
You should grow out that little beard, you know?
Maybe you could find work in the Westerns.
We don't need you.
You know nothing of my resourcefulness, little mouse.
You can go.
You wouldn't last two days with the Countess in the real world.
Once she sees how you shit yourself at the sound of a traffic helicopter...
Oh, I know all about you.
I am the greatest screen lover of all time.
You're cheap.
You've always been cheap.
You have a freaking sword?
I should've killed you after our first tango.
You should be honored to die by its blade.
Bitch, please.
Really?
Who's the little mouse now?
She's gonna mourn over that pretty face.
We look hard
To see for real
You're not so pretty now, are you?
I dun'! see much evidence
I don? feel
I have better cheekbones, anyway.
Cheekbones for days.
Help!
Help! Can anybody hear me? Help!
You can scream as loud as you like.
In fact, I prefer it.
What do you want from me?
Help! No.
You failed. I'm a contractor.
I make optimistic projections.
Please, I'll do anything. I'll make this up to you.
Please, don't do this.
I'll do anything you want, please. Please don't.
A man is only as good as his word.
What are you doing?
Keeping up the practice.
I have great plans for us, you and me.
Ever since my death, my hunting grounds have been limited...
...to the confines of this hotel.
And as rich as it may be, there are opportunities available to you...
...that I can only dream of.
Where's my wife?
Forget her. I find spouses to be a distraction.
I suspect my own to have ended my career prematurely...
...by turning me in to the police.
I've forgiven her, of course, because of her immense beauty.
I need to find Alex. You know where she is.
Of course. I know everything.
I have nothing but time and imagination, but what I've planned...
...beyond the Ten Commandments, will elevate you to the zenith of our profession.
You take the glory, John. I'll stand humbly in your shadow.
You tell me where she is or your dreams are just that.
Precocious.
I'd expect nothing less from my star pupil.
Come.
Your reunion awaits.
There's nothing like the steam from a fresh pot...
...to loosen the phlegm from the lungs.
Thank you.
You mustn't have an argument on an empty stomach.
It upsets the balance of the day.
Mom swam
I'm sure you didn't wake me up to have a cup of coffee.
You told me Holden was a hallucination. That was a lie.
You tried to make me think I was going crazy. Well, that was the truth.
You kept my son away from me.
In case you haven't noticed, he's not the child you knew.
I made my choice to be with Holden.
I didn't tell you because I was afraid you would say something to change my mind.
I don't regret my decision.
We have another child.
I haven't forgotten about Scarlett.
All this time...
...you’ve seen her twice.
She told me.
And how many times have you been to visit Grandma?
No excuses.
We abandoned her. We're the world's worst parents.
Well, at least, that's one thing we can agree on.
Maybe it'll be better for Scarlett with me gone.
What's that supposed to mean?
We're in trouble.
I made a mistake a while ago and the Countess holds me responsible.
Tell me.
A pack of wild children, drains man of all his blood.
Anything you want to tell me, Alex?
I saved my patient. Max was dying from measles.
So you turned him? And he turned the others.
One chance to fix this problem.
The Countess told me she'd kill me and Holden if I didn't make things right.
I know it's not your problem.
If it involves you and Holden, it's my problem.
What do we have to do?
Tap.
Tap, tap, WV-
That's Morse code for "he's coming up the stairs."
Clutch your pearls, Daddy.
Good God.
I didn't think I'd be so nervous.
Your son is all settled in his room.
He knows about the complimentary drink tickets...
...and here he comes to redeem them.
Okay. Bye now.
Good afternoon.
It's happy hour.
So feel free to smile. Heh.
Maybe something to drink?
Sure. How about a bourbon rocks and a soda back, please?
I'm Douglas.
Call me Liz.
What's your, uh...?
What's your line of work?
I work for a guy who owns huge properties...
...packed with self-storage units in and around Denver.
Oh.
Company makes some serious coin.
Ah. Not that I do.
Hey, I like your dress, by the way.
Sparkly.
What do you call those? What?
The-- The round things. Heh. Oh.
The... Oh.
Paillettes.
And then my wife insisted that I needed to find a new boss.
Or better yet, she said, "To be my own."
I mean... Oh, give her a break.
Your bride sounds astute.
Yeah. Yeah, she is. Heh.
But that doesn't make the mortgage payment any less late.
We all have dreams, you know?
Not meant to drop everything.
Oh, no, no, no. I disagree.
You go ahead.
You move to Boulder, and you start that kayak company.
Anyway, I'm sorry to bend your ear.
I've always kept my own counsel, you know'?
Coming up, it was, uh, just my mom and I.
Dad split.
Missed my one great season in Pee Wee League. Heh-heh.
I can't blame the guy.
I was a rambunctious kid.
Oh.
You shouldn't blame yourself.
I'm sure your father had his reasons.
Well, those will be news to me, whenever I hear them.
I guess he's on my mind.
I'm in town because we're finally gonna reconnect.
Well...
Here's to that. Yeah.
This, uh, next one’s on me.
Heh.
Nice of you.
Maybe another time.
I'd like that.
We're too late.
The police must have tracked down the delivery boy.
Kids must be long gone.
Maybe not.
Some-body's inside.
Hey.
Stay here.
Hey there.
What's your name? Kimmy.
I want my mommy.
Okay, Kimmy.
Let's see what's going on with you. Get away from her!
Don't move.
You're bleeding. I'm okay.
No. Don't make me have to shoot you.
You don't scare me.
There's a lot more of us than you.
We told you not to come back.
Kimmy!
Please. Please, you have to help her.
Maddie, get back.
You ready? Breathe for me. Ready?
Come on, honey.
Come on, Kimmy.
- Fix her! - I can't stop this. Kimmy, come on.
Come here.
Come on.
Why did you stop?
Help her!
- It's too late for Kimmy. - Come on.
It doesn't have to be too late for the rest of you.
How long has your husband been missing, Mrs. Drake?
Since Wednesday evening. Virtually, the last thing he said to me was, "I do."
Then I came up here to change and finish packing.
He was going to the bar for a drink.
That's the last I heard from him.
I wouldn't panic yet, Mrs. Drake.
Some grooms, um, they get cold feet after the ceremony instead of before.
Oh, you don't know my husband.
He's a very responsible human being.
He would never abandon his new bride or his young son this way.
Something must have happened.
Darling, I wasn't aware we had visitors. I'm Will Drake.
Dearest.
Sir, your wife was under the impression you'd gone missing.
Missing? Heh. No.
No, I was just exploring the new renovation on the seventh floor...
...and got lost in the hallways for two days.
I'd love to show it to you.
My wife designed it. You should see it. We couldn't waste their time any longer.
I am so sorry for how I've inconvenienced you.
I was confused. Yeah.
Well, we're just glad everything turned out okay.
A happy ending without all the tugging and the pushing and--
Thank you. Thank you again.
You murdered me, you bitch.
Oh, get over it. You pissed me off.
You made disparaging remarks about Bartholomew that I cannot abide.
Bullshit.
This was your plan all along.
So, what happens now?
My body turns up in some filthy alleyway? You take control of my empire?
I thought I'd dissolve the empire, convert it to cash.
Well, you forget. You're not in the will.
No, you forget.
Lachlan inherits everything.
And you've made me his legally appointed guardian.
I'll be guiding him.
Only until he reaches his majority.
Assuming he ever does.
You threatening my son?
I don't kill children, but I could make him a blood relative.
You mean like that woman who sucked me dry in the hallway.
You're a lot smarter dead than you ever were alive.
Try and keep it that way.
Mm. Why don't you go visit our son?
We wouldn't want anything to upset him.
Tell him we decided not to honeymoon in Paris after all.
I advised you not to kill him on the premises.
Bite me.
There's a room at the end of the hall. It's ready for you.
I'm gonna try to find you something or someone to eat. You must be starving.
We can wait out here till you get back. I'll just be a sec.
Okay. Come on.
Go on in. Your friends are waiting for you.
I don't want to.
Let's go.
- No! - No!
No! No!
Help!
Open up! Open it!
- Let us out! - Open up!
Max! I told you.
We should have never trusted that bitch. Shut up!
Mmm.
Mama...
...smells appetizers.
Why do I feel like a teenager that's about to get caught?
We're getting a divorce.
We're not supposed to be sleeping together. Who says we have to go through with it?
I do.
Has anything really changed since I gave you the papers?
Everything.
You found Holden.
You are different, aren't you?
Something solid behind your eyes.
You're all there.
Finally got it together, John.
I can't.
I have to process this.
And I have to check on Holden and the kids.
I am interested in this new John Lowe.
Mom swam
Did you come inside her...
...or did you shoot on her tits like you do with me?
Sally. With the whore, it's always on the tits.
That's what I am to you.
A whore.
You're wrong.
It's not like that.
I told you what you meant to me.
Yeah.
You told me you loved me.
And don't you dare deny it.
I'm not a liar. I have loved you.
What we have is an addicts high.
In the moment, it seems like it's never ending.
But it always ends.
Oh, no.
Oh, no, baby.
There will never be anyone like me.
John.
You can't tell me that this isn't what you want.
No.
Alex is not the answer.
She doesn't know about you.
Not the way I do.
How's she gonna take it when she finds out the truth?
That you're a serial killer.
Heh. You think she'll take you back?
Accept you the way I do?
No, I have to try.
For Scarlett and for Holden.
Bullshit.
This is for you.
It's for you.
You're right.
If I'm being honest with myself.
She left you.
She lied to you.
She wanted you out of her life.
I was there for five years.
I'm sorry.
I deserve more than this!
Stay away from me.
You'll be back, asshole.
She'll leave you once she learns what you are.
She'll leave you, or maybe I'll kill that bitch!
Oh, it's the most beautiful thing I have ever laid eyes on.
Oh, thank you, thank you.
How--? How do I use it again?
Uh, okay.
You press this once for cold. Oh.
And twice for hot.
There's even a separate setting for delicate.
Oh, and no more wringing. No more wringing.
Oh, heavenly day.
Thank you for helping me reconnect with my son...
...and for giving him such excellent turndown service.
So good to go?
Oh, yeah, I think so.
Um, have we settled on a method?
Pills? Gun? Knife?
Oh, Queen of the Nile, I must tell you.
Your son has been perched in the Blue Parrot for quite a while.
Would you like me to tell him that you will not be back?
Because you're doing yourself in? Shit.
Mainly wanted a moment of your time. Okay.
Really? I just wanted to tell you something.
Janice and I are Boulder-bound.
Well, cheers to that.
Thanks for the push in the right direction.
I have something to tell you.
And it's rather difficult.
Um...
Hey, Dad.
It's not difficult.
Or it doesn't have to be.
Mom gave me a few clues. I put them together.
She warned me that I wouldn't recognize you, but I did.
I mean, I do.
I don't recognize myself in you.
How did I get so lucky to raise a child...
"-50".
"Compassionate?
Mom raised me. You left.
That hurt.
And maybe that's what...
...makes me see when other people are all messed up inside.
Plus, Janice hears me, you know?
Even when I don't even know what I mean.
And I told her...
...that I was gonna make things good tonight.
And she's happy for us both.
You have no problem with the fact that your father is a woman?
I really learned something when Pedro died...
mun The Real World.
Sorry.
And I kept learning.
Plenty of time to talk it out, Liz.
And, hey.
There's plenty of room for another woman in my life.
Okay.
My goodness, I do love watching you work with a knife.
I was a little surprised to get your call.
I figured you'd be in Paris...
...murdering your husband and dumping his body in the Seine.
I did a rather stupid thing, I suppose.
Felt great at the time, but now I have a bit of a mess to deal with.
I know just what you mean.
Before we could leave for our honeymoon, we had a squabble.
So I chucked him in with Ramona, and she ate him.
Baby. Heh-heh.
You hate-watched without me.
Don't be mad.
We can dump someone else in there, maybe this weekend.
In the meantime, I need you to do something for me.
Name it. I need you...
...to retrieve Will's body before it gets too ripe.
And I think Ramona should go back in the iron maiden.
Hmm.
Sure.
And while I'm cleaning up your mess, maybe you can clean up mine.
What did you mean "your mess"?
Why don't you text your boyfriend and ask him. Oh.
Oh, that's right.
He doesn't know how to text.
And you can forget about FaceTime.
It's open.
Uh, I-- l just need a sec.
I wasn't sure what we landed on, so I just put out a selection.
Help yourself. Christ.
It's like you're an arms dealer.
There. God.
Boy, it took a lot longer than I thought. But it's finally done.
What is?
It's my tribute video.
Nobody's gonna be rushing to extol my virtues once I croak...
...so I decided to immortalize myself.
Tell me what you think. And be honest.
I hope you never Pose your sense of wonder
You get your fill to eat But always keep that hunger
You put a lot of work in this.
Yeah.
I just-- I wanted it to be a beacon of hope...
...for my three followers on lnstagram.
Okay, I'm ready. Let's do this.
You know, I'm just thinking, the chimp might go better before the rainbows.
So it's over the "Never lose your sense of wonder" lyric.
You're stalling.
My Douglas.
He just told me he wants me in his life.
So you're out.
What if one day he has kids?
I'd be a grandmother, Iris.
Yeah, well, I've lived alone all my life.
Every single person I've ever loved has abandoned me...
...so why should you be any different?
Listen to me, Iris.
You and I are women of a certain age.
We have suffered more than our fair share.
Damn it.
We are the ones who should inherit the earth.
We should freaking take over this damn hotel.
Spiffy n up.
Turn it into a place with as much hope as your rainbow montage.
Best Exotic Marigold Hotel.
We're entitled to a second chance.
A glorious...
...blazing final act.
My friend...
...the best is yet to come.
If we do this, there's no going back.
Daddy. Holden.
I can't tell you how long I've waited to do this.
Five years. Yeah.
He's exactly how I remembered him.
And that's exactly how he'll stay.
It's time to go home.
John!
Who's that? Just keep walking.
I'm going to kill you!
I swear on my soul, I'm going to kill you!
John!
You used to call me on my cell phone
Late night when you need my love
And I know when that hotline bling
That can only mean one thing
I know when that hotline bling
That can only mean one thing
Ever since {Jeff the city, you
Got a reputation for yourself now
Everybody knows and I feel left out
Girl, you got me down You got me stressed out
'Cause ever since I left the city, you
You didn't run.
Why would I run?
You'd only find me.
I couldn't find him.
For almost a century.
I didn't know if he was dead or had abandoned me.
Neither of which were true...
...because he'd been trapped here the whole time.
He's not the only one who's been trapped here.
We all have.
At least now he's free.
And this time, you know he didn't abandon you.
Is that what you want, Donovan?
Is that why you did this terrible thing, because you wish to be set free?
I suppose I do.
I knew what this would mean.
I knew what he meant the moment I saw him.
What he was to you.
What I could never be.
He made me!
He made me.
He made me everything I am.
And you made me...
...in his image.
Yes, I did.
I tried to. I thought I couldn't be without him.
You were never him.
You could never be him.
So you destroyed him.
First chance I got.
And you knew I'd come back here to kill you.
Yes.
And you don't care.
I do.
I do care.
I just don't mind.
Dying is the only way you'll let me love you.
I don't know how else to do it.
Beautiful boy.
Willing to sacrifice everything...
...for the love of me.
What a beautiful thing I've made.
You used to call me on my cellphone
Late night when you need my love
Call me on my cell phone
Late night when you need my love
And I know when that hotline bling