- If it feels good, go with it. - _
But we're supposed to be the responsible ones here.
I got to agree with that.
So, in the spirit of responsibility:
lambskins.
Courtesy of my pop's undies drawer.
What was that?
I know you two heard it. The jingling?
It's probably those annoying wind chimes
the eight-year-olds made.
- Synced and corrected by Firefly - - www.addic7ed.com -
* American Horror Story: 1984 9x01 * Camp Redwood
Kick!
Kick! Up!
Reach!
_
* This is the end *
Yeah!
* You made your choice *
- * And now my chance is over * - _
* I thought I was in *
Hip thrust, in.
* You put me down and say I'm going nowhere *
Left, left.
- * Save me, darlin' * - _
* I am down *
* But I am far from over *
_
- * Give me something * - Ooh.
And down.
* I need it all 'cause I am *
- * Runnin' over * - Left! Left! Right! Right!
It's hard but it's worth it!
* Back in the race *
* I'm moving in 'cause I am getting closer *
* I'm digging in *
Yes! Two more!
- * I want it more than * - On your side!
* Anything I've wanted *
* Save. *
Hi.
I'm not a lez. Just friendly.
Rad bod, though.
Like that girl on Cheers.
I noticed you ogling my buddy Chet's mound.
You want me to introduce you?
I don't know what you're talking about.
It's nothing to be ashamed of.
The whole reason most people come to Slimmercise class
is to hook up.
Not for me.
The last American virgin.
Everyone tells me I can be
a little over the top with new people.
It's just that it's L.A.... you can't make friends
unless you get a little aggressive, right?
Totally.
I'm Brooke.
I'm new in town.
Well, I'm obsessed with this place.
I've been doing aerobics since '82.
Ever since I read those articles about it in Rolling Stone.
Did you know they have competitive aerobics championships?
Sounds... serious.
I know it may sound silly to you,
but I'm gonna be the greatest aerobics competitor of all time.
- I'm Montana, by the way. - Mm.
She was stabbed, like, 40 times.
Her throat was cut so badly she was basically decapitated.
- Describing your last date? - Hilarious.
- Yeah. - No.
There was a murder a couple of days ago in Glassell Park.
My cousin works for LAPD Homicide,
and they're convinced whoever did it is responsible
for a bunch of other unsolved murders in town.
The cops are calling him the Night Stalker.
I heard serial killers become more active
in the summer months when it's hot.
Because people sleep with their windows open at night.
Hmm. This is Brooke.
She's new in town.
Brooke, this is Xavier,
Ray and Chet.
Hi.
Hey.
Hey. How do you guys know each other?
Well, it's L.A.
Do any of us really know each other?
We collected each other over the last couple of years.
Xavier and Montana met in traffic
- and dated for a hot second. - "Met in traffic"
is a nice way of saying that I missed an audition
for one of the last episodes of MASH
because she rear-ended me.
You are welcome.
- You're an actor? - Yeah.
Not one of those "happy to get a role on a soap opera
or a Coca-Cola commercial" types.
I'm a serious actor.
I trained at Stella Adler...
I'm method.
Cool.
Chet and I met at the gym.
Yeah, and I think I met Montana
at a party up in the hills at Justine Bateman's house.
- You know her? - Not really.
Anyway... my cousin was saying that they think
that this guy's gonna go on a rampage,
like Son of Sam did in the summer of '78.
Which is why I'm getting out of town
for the next couple of months.
I got a gig as a counselor at a summer camp
they're opening up a couple of hours from here.
You guys should all come.
I mean, they're desperate for counselors.
Hey, I'm in. When do we leave?
Tomorrow, after class.
Why can't we leave tonight?
Slow down.
What's with you?
You been jumpy all week.
I'm just ready to get out before the Olympic shit show starts.
Okay? Los Angeles is about to descend into chaos.
All right, gridlock on the freeways.
And I'm thinking of poor Chet, having to be here
getting his face rubbed in it.
Fuck the IOC.
I'm in.
Do you think they'd let me teach aerobics up there?
Can't see why not.
I'm in.
You should come.
I'm desperate for some estrogen in this crew.
Oh. Sounds fun,
but I'm taking classes at Santa Monica College.
I'm gonna be a veterinary assistant.
Wow. Aiming high.
Knock it off, Montana.
Yeah.
I'm in the medical field, too.
Medical field?
You're an orderly. You mop up poop.
We're all putting our lives on hold for this,
but I'm telling you, it's gonna be worth it.
You don't want to be in this town this summer.
It could cost you your life.
* Not the only one, it's a cruel... *
Oh, um, your bag.
* Cruel summer... *
Thanks.
If you change your mind...
call me.
- * It's a cruel * - * It's a cruel *
* Cruel summer *
* Now you're gone *
* You're not the only one *
- * It's a cruel * - * It's a cruel *
* Cruel summer. *
Shut up.
Where's the jewelry?
Get it for me.
Get it for me!
Is that it?
All of it?
Swear on Satan!
I swear.
Fuckin' waste of time!
I'm sorry!
At least we'll see some blood.
- No, please, don't-don't... - You're gonna be famous.
You're gonna die by the hand of the Night Stalker.
Aah!
Hey, you okay in there?
- The cops are on the way! - Bitch!
I will find you.
Satan will show me the way.
A little Jack might take the edge off.
I still don't really know what happened.
* Watching me... *
How am I alive right now?
Face it: you're a badass.
I'm not. He said he was gonna come back and kill me.
The cops are gonna find him, right?
Totally. But in the meantime, he won't be able to find you.
What's better than a few weeks in the wilderness
to forget about everything?
And get paid for it.
Brooke, you're totally doing the right thing coming with us.
Absolutely. It's gonna be a nonstop party.
The kids, the camp.
I got enough blow and weed to last us through the summer.
And let's just hope we don't have to take
any random drug tests.
No, it's not fucking funny.
What? What did I say?
.001. That's how much shit
those wastoids say was in my bloodstream.
If you haven't figured it out,
Chet was disqualified from Team USA.
He peed a pharmacy, so they kicked him out of the Olympics.
Come on, you can be honest with us... we're friends.
But I didn't do anything!
I worked my ass off for that spot.
I mean, look at this bod.
Have you ever seen a body like this?
Never.
- You're embarrassing yourself. - Embarrassing myself?
- Yes. - Yeah, what the hell have you got? Let's see.
Yeah, I'm up for a laugh.
Well, it's like the ad says... there's always room for Jell-O.
Ah. Eat my shorts.
* Just a little touched *
* But maybe showers remind me of Psycho... *
What the hell.
Guess it doesn't matter what I put in my body anymore anyway.
Let's go. Let's go!
* Somebody's watching me... *
No, thanks.
More for me.
* I always feel like *
* Somebody's watching me *
* Tell me, is it just a dream? *
Fill 'Er up.
- Pay phone? - Mm-hmm.
Takes a quarter.
Hey, this is Xavier's answering machine.
When you hear the beep, do your thang.
You have 11 messages.
First message.
You can't just take your dick
and walk away. There's nowhere to run,
nowhere to hide.
I know exactly where you're going.
Xavier! Let's go! We got to get moving if we're gonna make it
to Redwood before dark.
You say Redwood?
Yeah. Camp Redwood.
We're all counselors there for the summer.
Turn around.
Go back to the city.
They never should have opened that place up again.
Yeah, yeah. How much do we owe you?
Ten even.
You're all gonna die.
* I'm outta luck *
* Outta love... *
You guys, I think we were supposed to turn back there.
Nah, that was a side road.
Leads to the same place.
This way is much faster.
You've never been here before.
- How do you know? - Instincts, baby.
Maybe we should have checked at the gas station.
Why was that guy saying
all of that creepy st... Look out!
Did we hit him?
No. I-I don't think so.
Hey.
You okay?
Just keep your head back and relax.
We need to keep him warm.
I-I'll go get a blanket.
What's your name?
I can't remember.
No, no, no, no, no, no!
- Don't move. - No...
Look-look at his cuts.
The dried blood. He didn't just get
those injuries... he's been out here a long time.
Doesn't matter. We're in the middle of nowhere.
We can't just leave him here.
We'll take him back to the camp with us, then, but
let's get our stories straight. We didn't hit him.
Here, let's just get him up, huh?
- Let's get him up. - Come on.
You got to believe me.
- I tried. - It's okay.
Okay. It's okay. It's okay.
Hey.
Hey!
Welcome to Camp Redwood.
I'm Margaret Booth. I'm the owner.
Boss lady chopping her own wood. Choice.
Well, we'll all have to wear multiple hats.
We are short-staffed, and the kids arrive in the morning.
Yeah, are we the only counselors?
Well, the Olympics create thousands of temporary jobs,
and my pool of potential employees was limited.
Is there a medic or a nurse here?
We have a situation.
What happened to him?
Uh, he was by the side of the road.
- He was already messed up. - Okay, well,
let's get him to the infirmary.
You say you found him in the middle of the road?
He was by the side of the road.
He's been pretty out of it, saying weird things,
not making much sense.
He's severely dehydrated.
Probably went for a hike and got lost.
Couldn't find his way back. Panicked.
People don't realize just how deep these woods are.
Hikers get lost in them every year.
End up dead of hypothermia or
falling into a ravine
or just disappearing altogether.
He's lucky you found him.
Hmm.
Is he gonna die?
Not on my watch.
Don't worry,
I work in the E.R. at Hawthorne Hospital the rest of the year.
Why don't we give our nurse a little space.
Come on. I can show you all a tour of the camp.
We have canoes and rowboats.
All children must have a buddy to go into the water.
The lake is allegedly bottomless,
and drowning is the number one cause of death for U.S. campers.
What's second?
And this is Chef Bertie,
a Camp Redwood veteran.
Dibs.
You wouldn't know what to do with it
if you got it, handsome.
Put those scrawny arms to work
and help a lady fill her pantry.
All of you, grab a crate.
This heat is a killer.
Chef Bertie worked here when I was a counselor.
We are so blessed to have her with us.
I have many good memories of this place.
It's magic up here in the fresh air.
I'm sorry that one bad apple ruined it for everyone.
The minute I heard Margaret was reopening this place,
I was first to volunteer.
No. No, no, no, this... all this goes up to the mess hall.
Girls shower in the a.m., boys in the p.m.
Same goes for counselors, too.
This is the girls' cabin.
And this is the boys' cabin.
Girls are red.
Boys are blue.
Don't even try to make purple.
You expect us to be celibate all summer?
Well, I'm not banning self-abuse.
Although every stroke soils your soul.
But how could I ever enforce it?
It's 1984, Margaret.
They're building coed showers in the West Hollywood gym.
You ever hear of the sexual revolution?
Sex won.
I am aware of the decadence of our era.
Women's underwear that shows the buttocks.
Pornography in your own home.
Van Halen.
I have been fighting the Lord's fight
against filth around the world for years.
Charles Keating is a dear friend.
I was right by his side in Cincinnati
during that Larry Flynt trial.
And that is why, while still grieving
my sweet husband Walter's untimely death,
I took a small portion of the large fortune
he left to me to buy this camp and create a safe,
pure, godly and decent place
for the children of this country to escape for the summer.
It is a dream come true.
Now, there aren't many rules, but I expect every one of you
to follow them without exception.
Who's Charles Keating?
I don't smoke that funny weed.
Only thing I put in my lungs...
is a Marlboro Red.
You know that shit will kill you.
All got to die somehow.
Any of you been camp counselors before?
- Mm-mmm. - No.
Nah. We just had to get out of L.A.
I hear that.
Couldn't stand being in that city
another minute. Not with all those gruesome murders
happening so close to home.
I was attacked in my apartment
by the Night Stalker.
He said he'd come after me.
Brooke, take a chill pill.
He doesn't know where you are, and nobody followed us.
Nothing bad is gonna happen here.
Maybe not, but something did.
14 years ago.
That's why they closed this place down.
Rita. I totally understand the tradition,
and usually I'm cool with that,
but our friend Brooke here
had a for-real assault, and
we're just not in the mood for a bullshit ghost story.
It's not bullshit.
And there was no ghost.
I'll be honest with you. I've never been a nurse
at a summer camp before.
And you've never been counselors.
So how did we get these jobs
with no prior experience?
That's because anybody that knows anything
about Camp Redwood
doesn't want to be in Camp Redwood.
This is the sight of the worst summer camp massacre
of all time.
Come on, Rita.
His name was Benjamin Richter.
But everybody called him Mr. Jingles.
Richter was drafted into the Vietnam War.
They sent him off to Saigon,
and that's where he found his calling.
He had the highest kill rate in his company.
And even after he was wounded,
he went back for a second tour.
See, he liked to kill,
and he was good at it.
He had a nasty habit
of collecting trophies from his enemies.
Cut off their ears
and strung them into a necklace.
- Jesus. - Army found out about it
and gave him a dishonorable discharge.
Richter came home to nothing.
Only job he was able to get...
was right here in Camp Redwood.
Nobody knows exactly why he snapped.
But one random night,
Mr. Jingles grabs a knife
and slaughters an entire cabin.
Ten victims in all.
You're wrong.
If you're gonna tell a story, tell it right.
Alcohol is not allowed.
- Wha... God! - Neither are those funny-smelling cigarettes.
What are those, cloves?
So nothing happened here?
No, there was a massacre.
But only nine died, not ten.
So Mr. Jingles is real?
Now, I don't usually show off,
but since you all are helping me start this camp,
I think you deserve to know everything.
I was asleep when I heard it.
It was the sound
of his keys... jingling.
I opened my eyes
a split-second before I felt the blade.
But I knew
I was going to die.
_
But then a miracle happened.
I saw a bubble
rising to the surface,
and I had this powerful urge
to follow it up to the light.
I was so scared.
I didn't know how I could stay still.
But then the light became so bright.
I was lost in it,
in the warmth and peace.
It was Jesus.
I had known him my whole life,
but I truly met him that day.
I floated out of my body,
held aloft by the wings of an angel.
From above, I saw him cut off
my ear, but I gave him nothing.
Not a twitch or a sound.
And that's how I managed to survive,
through the grace of God
and His mercy.
What happened to Mr. Jingles?
He was arrested and put on trial.
I was the star witness.
The jury only took an hour to find him guilty,
and I thought, "That will be the end of it."
But I can't escape him.
And that's why I bought this camp.
To reopen it.
And to take all of my darkest memories
and turn them into something bright and happy.
Dude.
That's heavy.
Okay, well...
the kids are coming tomorrow,
and this is the last time
I want anyone talking about that horrible night.
Oh, Jesus.
You can't creep up on people like that.
You...
you shouldn't be here.
I was worried about you.
What are you doing out of bed?
Come on, you should be resting.
Man, you don't look so good.
There's nobody I can call?
F-Family, friends?
Phone lines are down.
Seriously?
It's a miracle they let them reopen this dump.
Reopen?
Where are we?
It's a summer camp. Camp Redwood?
No.
No, you have to leave.
Something terrible is gonna happen.
No, I don't understand. What...
Get out! Go, now!
I think there's something wrong with the hiker.
When I went to check on him, he wigged out.
I think he has a concussion.
I mean, we got him here, made sure
he didn't die.
Karmically, we're cool.
He kept saying something bad
is gonna happen.
* You see me... *
Hey.
* When you're making a scene *
* Oh, girl, you've got to know... *
Don't you guys know
you're not supposed to be coed fraternizing?
* The senses will show to my heart... *
I'm just fucking with you.
Oh, I'm Trevor, activities director.
So, technically, I'm your boss,
but don't worry, I'm not gonna be enforcing
any of Margaret Booth's rules for godly living.
Between you and me, I bet myself 50 bucks
I'd bang her by the end of the summer.
You bet yourself?
Yeah.
Don't I know you from somewhere?
Teach aerobics in Marina Del Rey.
Maybe you've taken one of my classes.
They're pretty hot.
Also, if you look closely
at the end of the opening credits of Three's Company
when John Ritter and the girls are on bikes on the boardwalk,
you can see me in the background.
Shot it right at my condo.
I love that show.
I'm sorry, how does one go about making a bet with themselves?
No, no, no. Wait. You were in the Jane Fonda workout video.
Ah.
Originally, yes.
First row, right next to Ms. Fonda herself.
I call her Jane.
I've seen that video a bunch of times.
You're not in it.
Well, not in the one that went out to the public.
We shot the original for two days.
But when they tested it with an audience,
they realized I was pulling focus from Jane.
Well...
a certain part of me was.
That thing was flopping around
like a baby elephant's trunk.
They had to recast and reshoot.
You must have seen one of those bootleg VHS tapes
that's been floating around.
First thing I ever masturbated to.
* A front for me... *
You're a legend.
Thanks.
You're welcome.
* Slip on into any disguise... *
It got hot in there.
I needed to cool down.
Feeling a little sticky myself.
Oh, yeah, you are.
Ah.
Oh...
Do you know how many times
I watched you do Rover's Revenge on that video?
You'd lift your legs to a perfect 90 degrees and kick out.
It gets me excited just thinking about it.
I got another trick I'd like to show you.
Oh, yeah?
Are you okay?
You almost strangled me with your thighs.
Let's jam. A storm's coming.
You don't want to be in the water with that lightning rod.
- Let's go. - Okay.
Dr. Hopple.
What in God's name is going on?
It's a mess, Doctor.
One of the patients broke out.
One of the patients?
The entire hospital is on the front lawn.
He hit the master release on the way out.
Opened all the cell doors.
Who?
Mr. Jingles.
I mean, Benjamin Richter.
Please tell me he's not still loose.
We have patrols combing the grounds.
Local police are setting up roadblocks.
He's not gonna get far.
How did this happen?
_
Richter, you dumb fuck.
Saved the taxpayers a lot of money.
_
Aw, shit!
Oh!
Jesus!
Oh, God.
Bella, you maniac.
Hello?
Hey.
Nobody's supposed to be in here.
If you want gas, I'll be right out.
Hey! Hey!
Hey!
Hey, hey... Aah!
What the fucking fuck?
Yes.
They're replaying it.
Stop!
There.
There it is.
This sucks.
Best athletes in the world in one place, and I'm missing it.
I should be in the Parade of Nations.
I know exactly what you missing.
The fuck fest.
Athletes are skanks.
There's a reason why they hand out 20,000 condoms
at the Olympics.
Sounds like heaven to me.
I heard the male athletes outnumber the females
five to one.
That's some tough competition.
- What the fuck would you know about it? - Whoa.
Dude,
shut up already.
She was just trying to help.
You're being a dick.
Fuck you.
- Chet, what the hell? - Okay!
Shit!
My bad. I-I didn't mean to do...
Back off!
Nurse, a little help?
I clocked out already.
I'm here for the kids.
You want bandages,
you can find 'em yourself.
Goddamn 'roid rage.
Nice.
That was real smooth.
_
Fuck.
You okay?
I think Chet really is sorry.
He's just drunk.
No, he's just an asshole.
Can I see?
- Does it hurt? - Yes.
- Oh. Sorry. - It's all right.
It's still bleeding.
I'm gonna go look for some bandages and...
maybe some iodine.
- You don't have to do that. - Just...
I don't mind.
All right, just keep pressure.
All right.
Be safe.
Aah!
Gina Hemphill,
granddaughter of the great Jesse Owens,
hero of the 1936 Olympics in Berlin.
But will she light the flame?
Rafer Johnson.
He will light the Olympic flame.
The last 25 steps you see rising...
He's here!
He's after me!
He's trying to kill me!
Who? What are you talking about?
Mr. Jingles!
- This is a joke, right? - I could make out his raincoat.
His hood. I kept hearing his keys.
It was him.
No, no, no, no! He's right outside!
I don't see anything. There's nobody out here.
Are you sure it was really Mr. Jingles?
Hasn't he been locked up since, like, the '70s?
No... I know it was him.
He murdered the hiker and he cut off his ear.
He's right behind that door.
I'm not going back in there.
Girl...
you trippin'.
Wha... I...
I don't understand.
He was... he was right here!
Well, he's not there anymore.
Must have wandered back to wherever he came from.
Not our problem.
I think I might've found your raincoat killer.
No, no, no. No, no, no.
I am not imagining all of this!
Well, yeah, but...
you did indulge in the righteous bush.
How many hits did you take?
- Zero. - Then you probably just got
the mother of all contact highs.
We toked on a crossbreed
of Northern Lights and Nevil's Haze.
What in heaven's name
is going on here?
It's, um... it's-it's my fault.
- I thought... - No, we came to check on that guy
- they picked up on the road. - How is he?
I guess he was well enough to leave.
Okay, good. That's one less person for us to look after.
Now, let's go get some rest.
We have a big day tomorrow.
What happened to you?
Cleanliness is next to godliness.
Go clean yourself up.
Montana, wake up.
W... It's-it's me. It's Brooke.
Why are you sleeping with a knife?
I have a suspicious nature.
Why are you waking me up?
Someone's calling the pay phone.
Who gives a shit?
He said the phone lines were down.
Whatever, Brooke.
Hello?
Who is this?
Satan, Satan, Satan.