[suspenseful music playing]
Tina, how we doing? We almost there?
We in the right spot?
We just have to walk to that abandoned warehouse on this dark, abandoned street.
It's fine. Unless you think it's not, and we should call Mom and Dad.
No. We've gone rogue.
We're not calling Mom and Dad.
Nobody panic, but I'm running out of walking cookies.
Come on, guys, we're doing this for Mom, and Christmas, a.k.a. our presents.
Uh, maybe we shouldn't have snuck out. I'm feeling sneaker-outer's remorse.
Mom and Dad wouldn't want us wandering around this part of town alone,
so we had to sneak out because we love them so much.
- [beeps] - [vibrates]
Hello?
[Tina] I don't know, I think Mom and Dad
would like to know that we're down near the strange, abandoned building
on the corner of Garfield Street and Jackson Street, I think.
-I can't read it very well. - Tina? Tina, sweetie, can you hear me?
I think the kids snuck out of the house.
- Wait, what? - Tina's butt-dialing me
from the emergency phone. I can hear them.
Tina. Tina, it's Mommy. Can you hear me?
-Tina! - Louise, I really think we should go home.
There's nothing out here except a thousand scary alleys.
Guys. Oh, my gosh.
It's one of Mom's ornaments.
That's the one I made. You're safe now.
Shh. It's all over. It's okay.
Get this ornament a blanket.
- What? - Ah!
- Hell no! - This is real. This is happening.
Should we, like, stake out the perimeter and call for backup?
No, there's no time. It's Christmas frickin' Eve.
Look, footprints. Let's follow them.
Crap. Flashlight's dead.
Looks like we'll be doing this in the dark.
Cool, cool, cool.
[panting]
-♪ The Bleaken is gonna ♪ -♪ The Bleaken is gonna ♪
-♪ Wish that he was never born ♪ -♪ Wish that he was never born ♪
-♪ We're coming for you, man ♪ -♪ We're coming for you, man ♪
♪ Hold onto your horns ♪
[Gene] Protect us, Lord Santa.
[Teddy] Now we just got to flip on the air compressor and...
[sighs] Oh!
That feels good.
Come on, thief or thieves.
Come and get me.
No one would suspect a man would spend his Christmas Eve in here.
[Louise] Okay, all signs point to the Bleaken's lair
being inside this warehouse.
We just need to figure out how to get in and get Mom's ornaments out.
But we've looked all over this place and there's no doors.
Maybe we could go home and make some muffins and come back.
Everyone likes to open the door to a fresh basket of muffins.
That's weird, there are footprints that lead that way,
but there's nothing over there.
It doesn't make any sense. There's nothing here but a ditch.
[Gene] A nasty little ditch.
Are you kidding me? We came all this way and we can't get in?
[groans] Hm?
- What the—? You guys, this is a wall. - Huh?
Wow, someone painted a super realistic mural on the side of this warehouse.
I thought only Wile E. Coyote could do that.
Or Banksy.
You guys, I think I found the door.
Oh, my God, it's unlocked.
Looks like the only way to go is down.
[gasping] My nightmare called, it wants its scary staircase back.
Okay, before we do this, let's talk weapons.
- What'd everybody bring? - Wait, what? None.
Why are we talking weapons now?
There was a much better time, back when we were near weapons.
Well, I have extras. You're welcome.
[sighs] Okay, here's what I got.
Ruler, for slapping or poking.
- Or measuring. - Pass.
- Key chain, for stabbing. - Or keys.
You could also take the key chain, and you could force it down a throat.
You could sneak it into someone's mouth.
- Yeah. - What's that?
Oh, keys in your mouth.
What else you got?
Uh, you know, Mace, knife. But I'm keeping those.
Oh. Uh, I guess I'll go ruler, but I don't feel good about this.
Shall we?
[suspenseful music playing]
[Gene] Okay...
[Louise] Weird.
Why would there be stairs that lead to a brick wall?
Maybe it's another painting?
Like, maybe it's a picture of a brick wall painted on a super easy
to walk through piece of paper. Ow. No, that feels like brick.
[Bob] All right, Tina said the corner of Garfield and Jackson,
but those streets don't intersect.
She's not good with directions, Bob.
Nobody is in our family.
We're lucky we ever get anywhere.
We're so stupid.
Oh, God, my babies. My babies are in danger, no. [sobs]
Lin, Lin, Lin. Lin, let's try and stay calm.
This is a totally safe area for kids to walk around.
See? Those dogs are playing, to the death.
It's all my fault.
If I hadn't gotten so caught up in my ornaments investigation,
the kids wouldn't be in danger right now.
- That's true. - Bob.
You're not supposed to agree with me when I blame myself.
Oh, right, then it's not your fault.
Thank you. Now say it's all your fault.
What? Why?
- Say it. - No.
- Okay, it's both our faults. - [sighs] Fine.
[Linda] Well, this is Garfield and Johnson.
Could she have maybe not read it very well?
[Bob] We haven't bought her new glasses since she was 6.
Well, there are footprints here, and they could be kid-sized,
and there's a lot of cookie crumbs.
Oh, God, no.
My babies are in there.
No. Why?
Eh, so, no decorations thief yet.
That's okay. It's a waiting game, right?
Here comes nice Mrs. Chang with her little doggy.
Hello, little doggy.
Hey, she's not picking it up.
So she's the one that doesn't scoop.
I did not suspect that.
All these years.
Oh! There's the smell.
[gagging]
That's bad. Oh, that's bad.
Oh, it's coming in the suit.
Ugh. It's trapped in here. No, no.
Don't puke in Santa. Don't puke in Santa.
[Louise] Ugh! We've pushed on every brick on these stupid walls and nothing works.
- [squeaks] - You hear that?
- I think someone's coming. - Everybody be quiet.
It's probably the Bleaken, or maybe one of his minions.
Do you think they call themselves "Blinions"?
If they don't, they're making a terrible mistake.
[gasps] You guys, I think I just realized
why there's a staircase leading to nowhere.
- Why? - To trap someone.
[gasps, then groans]
Okay, here's the plan,
we hide behind here, and as soon as they come down,
we jump them.
I love the hiding part.
Everybody get out your weapons.
Is it too late to switch? Great ruler here if anyone wants it.
- Incredibly accurate. - Here they come.
Get them!
[yelling]
- Oh, my God. - Hold on. Hold on, stop, stop.
- Mom? Dad? - Kids?
Oh, my baby, baby, baby, babies.
Oh, I'm so glad you're safe.
Did someone just hit me in the face with a ruler?
- It was Gene. - It hurt.
Oh, did it? Cool. I mean, shame on you. That's our father.
What are you kids doing down here?
Why'd you attack us?
We thought you were Blinions. How did you know where to find us?
You butt-dialed us. We could hear you talking in the background.
Huh, that's funny.
I wonder who it could have been.
Who's got the most scared butt?
Mom's got the most fierce butt.
Thank you, Gene.
- But Dad's is the most lived-in. - Thank you, Gene.
I did it, okay? I called Mom and Dad, and told them where we were.
- It was me. Oh. - Uh, yeah, I figured.
Well, whatever. We're all here.
Maybe you guys can help us get past this brick wall.
By the way, how long did it take you guys to figure out the door was in the mural?
Way too long. I still don't think your mom gets it.
I get it, kind of. It's a mirror, right?
- No. - It is.
[rumbling]
- [Linda] Oh, my God, what was that? - You guys, look.
That step is rattling, like it's hollow or something.
Huh, that's odd.
Dad, help me lift this up.
Easy, Bob, easy. Your back.
- Lift with your legs, you're so frail. - Oh, my God. Why are we doing this?
Whoa, a secret staircase inside a staircase.
It's an architectural turducken.
Mm-hm. Yeah, that's great.
- Uh, now let's go home. - What?
No way. We came this far.
We can't turn back now.
We're so close to finding the Bleaken.
Louise, the Bleaken isn't real, and he didn't steal Mom's ornaments.
Okay, fine. Then how do you explain this?
- [gasps] One of my ornaments. - What the...?
Where did you kids find this?
Here. That's what we're trying to tell you.
A map of the robberies led us to this area, and then we followed a trail
of black feathers and footprints into this building.
- Obviously, something is going on. - Where there's smoke, there are feathers.
Listen, kids, I'm glad you found one of the ornaments,
and I am really glad you're okay,
but there's no way we're spending Christmas Eve in a dark, scary warehouse.
- Right, Lin? - Here's the thing, Bob.
- Oh, no. - I'm not saying the Bleaken
took my ornaments,
- because it could have been anyone. - Right.
But somebody stole them. And it sure seems like the kids are right.
That whoever stole them is inside this building right here,
the one we're standing in.
- So, I'm staying till I find my ornaments. - Yes.
- But you can take the kids home. - What, wait, what?
I'm not leaving you here.
- Neither am I. - I think she'll be fine.
- Wait, I'm staying with Mom. - Me, too.
Who said she'll be fine? That sounded cowardly.
Okay, we'll try and find whoever stole the ornaments.
- The Bleaken. - Not the Bleaken.
But you all stay behind me,
and we leave in 20 minutes, no matter what. Tina, give me the ruler.
- No. - Tina.
- Fine. Let me show you how to use it. - Ow!
[suspenseful music playing]
I can't believe we're doing this.
Such a bad idea. Such a bad idea. Such a bad idea.
That's great, Dad, great for morale. Keep it up.
♪ Someone's stealing All the Christmas cheer ♪
♪ Do you hear what I hear? ♪
♪ Inflatable vinyl decorations Make this time of year ♪
♪ Do you hear what I hear? ♪
♪ A Santy Claus standing on the lawn ♪
♪ With a hidden Christmas surprise ♪
♪ It's a grown man dressed in disguise ♪
[groaning]
You still wanna do this, Lin? Because we can turn back.
Some jerk has my tree, Bob.
Yeah, Dad, and that jerk happens to be a ferocious,
mystical beast who's trying to ruin the holiday, just FYI.
Everyone's being really rational. This is great.
Really, really, really great.
[Teddy] ♪ A jerk or two ♪
♪ Out there in the night ♪
♪ If he comes, he's gonna get a fight ♪
♪ If he comes, I just hope he doesn't bite ♪
- That's not good. - Nobody panic.
We'll just wait till the lights come back on.
Or until we're killed.
[all yelling]
[gasping]
- What the heck was that thing? - It was a—
It was a...
What do you think it was? It was the frickin' Bleaken!
Okay, we should definitely turn back.
Bob, that thing can be explained.
I don't know how, but it can.
We got to keep going. It's like IKEA. We can't go back. We got to push forward.
Watch out for Swedish meatballs.
Oh, okay, fine, we'll go toward the thing with feathers and the deer head.
[suspenseful music playing]
Okay, I'm gonna open this a crack,
even though every part of me tells me not to do this.
Everyone stand back.
Oh, you're standing way back. That's good.
[dance music playing]
What is it? What do you see?
It's, uh, not what I expected.
It's not a horrible pit of death?
I mean, it depends on how you feel about trance music.
Is this Moby's house?
Oh, it's a... rave.
Yup. Just a rave.
Whoever these people are, they have a lot of creative ideas.
Like the illusion wall and the secret staircase.
So instead of the Bleaken's nest,
we get a bunch of people dancing like nobody's watching?
What a rip-off.
[gasps]
- Look. - [Tina] Whoa. Mom's tree.
Everyone, we're leaving in a second.
Right after I get my frickin' treetop back.
Mom is literally raving mad.
- I bet all this stuff is stolen. - Yeah.
- And that guy stole my dance move. - I think that's the reading reindeer
from in front of the library, I recognize his glasses.
Stupid young people.
They think they can just take things for their fancy rave.
Don't worry, we're gonna get your tree back.
I mean, it's really high up, but...
Hey, everyone. DJ Elev-8 here.
That's spelled with the number eight.
And this is asinine with the number nine.
Just a few minutes left until the clock strikes midnight
and it's officially Christmas morning.
You all know what that means.
It's time to elev-8.
[trance music blaring]
- Unbelievable. - Okay, I think if we just
quietly and inconspicuously make our way over to—
I'm gonna get on that microphone and give these people a piece of my mind.
- Please don't do that, Lin. - Please do that, Mom.
Bob, you go get my treetop.
Kids, you stand underneath your father in case he falls.
I got a party to poop on.
Oh, my God, that's so high up.
Okay. I can't take the smell anymore.
I gotta move away from the dog poop.
[grunts] Damn it. Oh, whoa, oh, whoa.
Just gotta get my arms under me, like a push-up.
Just gotta do one push-up.
[grunting] What's wrong with me?
I can't do one push-up? [grunting]
[sighs]
Oh, God. This is really the stupidest way to die.
Don't worry, Dad. You're not gonna die.
If you fall, it would be a tough road back,
but you're not gonna die.
Yeah, I bet Santa falls off roofs all the time,
and he's only in slightly better shape than you.
Just for the record, your butt crack's not totally out.
I know it, I feel it. I feel the breeze.
Hello. Hello, people.
Uh, can I have your attention, please?
Hey. What the—? Get off of that.
- Give it to me. - What are you doing?
I'm killing that mic. Where's that damn switch?
I know you're all having a fun time in your little rave cave,
but I need to say something.
Normally, I would love to be doing a rave with you, but this is bullcrap.
This is not what Christmas is about.
It's not about stealing things, and secret tunnels.
[man 1] We don't have a permit for this.
That's why we have all those things.
To keep people out.
Who brought her?
[man 2] And no one stole anything.
Oh, go play ping pong with your ding dong.
You know what you did, you Christmas burglars.
Look, you took my treetop.
- Uh, hi. - So we're taking it back.
And my ornaments.
But you know what I can't get back?
My Christmas spirit.
What's happening? What is that?
[dramatic music playing]
Whoa.
Hello.
[laughs] Most of the year, you know me as Cleavage To Beaver.
But it's Christmas, so tonight, I'm Miss Triple X-Mas.
- [whooping] - Welcome to our party.
I'm not sure what this grumpy lady is yelling about, but it's midnight.
So I'm gonna sing my Christmas song.
♪ Twinkly lights ♪
♪ Shine ♪
♪ If one of them goes out Then none of them light... ♪
♪ Or at least that's how it used to be ♪
♪ Now the LEDs work A little bit differently ♪
♪ But you know what I mean ♪
♪ Twinkly lights, twinkly lights ♪
♪ That's what makes Christmas bright ♪
♪ All different colors And all different types ♪
♪ I mean sure there are a lot Of white lights ♪
♪ But you need an assortment of lights ♪
♪ To do it right... ♪
Finally, a song about light bulbs.
Marbles? Marshmallow? Dalton?
♪ And when they wanna tell us That we're all wrong ♪
♪ I'm here to tell you that we're ♪
♪ All lights... ♪
Oh, my God.
♪ You twinkle for me ♪
Excuse me. Hi.
You're, uh, not the Bleaken, are you?
No. I'm a person. In a costume.
Well, just so you know, we could've taken him. Right, guys?
Yeah. We would've sent him back to Bleakentown.
I had a ruler. I really don't know how it would've gone down.
[cheering]
Oh, not again.
Wait, wait, wait. Don't turn me off. I wanna apologize.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry I yelled at you.
I didn't realize how wonderful this party was.
I couldn't see you.
I thought you were dumb kids.
[man] I'm 23.
I thought Christmas gave up on me, but maybe I gave up on Christmas.
Can you tell us all this later?
Wait, wait, listen. I have to confess something. Uh...
Something I did that I feel really, really bad about
and now I wish I could undo.
I called the cops and told them the thieves are here
- and they're on their way. I'm sorry. - Oh, no.
You called the cops? They're gonna shut us down.
I know. I'm so sorry. I'm really, really sorry.
- Hi, Marshmallow. - Uh-uh.
I'm sorry I called the cops.
I feel terrible.
It was dark, and I couldn't see all your beautiful faces.
You called the cops and ruined our Christmas party.
This party is all I have.
Okay, I'll be honest,
I have a couple different things going on tonight, so I was gonna leave early,
- but this is still not cool, Linda. - Okay, I admit it.
I ruined your party.
I just got so mad.
I freaked out because you stole my ornaments.
For the last time, lady, we didn't steal your ornaments.
Well, someone did.
I did.
[gasps] Art, the naked artist guy?
I confess.
I stole your tree and these lights, and I did it by myself.
Don't blame anyone else here, it was all me.
And to think I gave you drugs.
But why?
I was put in charge of decorations.
I didn't have any money.
And I didn't think it was hurting anyone if I borrowed a few things here and there.
I borrowed them, kind of.
And then I put all this up.
- Oh, it is beautiful. - Oh, I know.
So how'd you boost our spruce?
I hid it in the Dumpster in your alley when I left your party.
- [gasps] You threw my tree in a Dumpster? - I placed it in the Dumpster,
very carefully.
Right next to some old meat.
And then, after I finished my nuding, I came back for it.
It's just, this party's usually at The Wiggle Room,
and it always looks amazing.
And I know it's important to a lot of people, and I just—
I had a dream of making it look beautiful in here,
to bring people a little bit of light.
[gasps] I had the exact same dream.
That's why I threw my Christmas party.
[Louise] This one was way better though.
They were both good. Who's to say?
- I mean... - Well, I—
They're here. The cops are outside!
[Marshmallow] Well, I guess that's that. Party's over.
Oh, my God, I am so late for this next thing.
I would bring you all, but I don't even have a plus-one,
so I doubt it would be cool to show up with, like, 500 people.
Wait, wait, wait. Hold on, hold on.
- This party's not over. - Bob, what do you mean?
Look, we called the cops. I mean, you called the cops.
I never would've done that. The least we can do is save the party.
I have a plan. I just need that costume.
Dad's about to get horny.
Where's the god-dang door?
[Bob] Hey.
- What the...? - Over here.
I'm the Christmas thief.
The Bleaken is real. Come and get me.
Oh, hit him with the car. This will be fun. Do it.
[siren wailing]
It worked. They're chasing him.
The cops left. Party back on.
[cheering]
Yeah. All right.
[grunts] I'm up. Stronger than ever.
[sighs]
[siren wailing]
[gasping] I think I lost them.
Oh, my God, the Bleaken's real. [yells]
- Bleaken? - Santa?
- Bob? - Teddy?
Oh, thank God, I thought you were— What are you doing?
[sighs] It's a long story.
Eh, same.
It all started earlier, when I heard from Bosco, that—
- Uh-oh. They're coming. - Wait.
- You running from the cops? - Yeah. Very much. I need to hide.
- Turns out, I'm bad at that. - I think I got the perfect place.
We lost him. Oh, well.
How about we get lost in some Kung Pao chicken?
[Teddy] This is a great idea. I knew we could both fit in here.
- We can kind of fit. - Yeah.
- I mean, it's a little snug. - Shh.
Wait. Aren't we in front of your house?
- Couldn't we have just gone in there? - Shh.
- Teddy. Aren't we right in—? - Shh.
- Why do you keep—? - Shh.
- Teddy. Why do you keep shushing me? - What?
- I thought I heard something. Oh, sorry. - Yeah. So stop doing that.
That's why I'm trying to stop you from talking.
Why? Because I'm— I have something to say.
Yeah, what? Yeah.
I said, we don't need to hide here, we could go...
- Shh. What? - I'm leaving.
- Don't go. - Good-bye.
No, don't go.
- Let go of me. - This is the best Christmas Eve ever.
Don't ruin it.
Well, I guess there's no Bleaken. I kind of wanted to fight him.
Maybe there is a Bleaken. Maybe we scared him away
with our tough, badass, positive, can-do attitude.
You might be right. I mean, look at Mom.
I love Christmas!
- Mom, did you sleep? - She hasn't even sat down.
Somebody gave me a little something at the party.
I feel amazing.
Hold on, I gotta lie down for a second.
[snoring]
Isn't she an angel when she sleeps?
Well, Merry Christmas, everybody.
I'm just gonna, uh, feel her pulse.
Yeah, she's okay. She's fine.
♪ Twinkly lights, twinkly lights ♪
♪ That's what makes Christmas bright ♪
♪ All different colors And all different types ♪
♪ I mean, sure There are a lot of white lights ♪
♪ But you need an assortment ♪
♪ Of lights ♪
♪ To do it right ♪
♪ Ooh, ooh, oh, twinkly lights ♪
♪ And when they wanna tell us That we're all wrong ♪
♪ I'm here to tell you ♪
♪ That we're ♪
♪ All lights! ♪