has a space simulator. City College
close the door. We know,
As I was saying, on Monday,
City College will be unveiling
the City College Cosmic Pioneer,
their very own orbital launch simulator.
an astronaut on their brochure, Pretty soon, they will have
and we will still be bragging about our Foosball table.
What do you think happens to enrollment then?
I don't know about you gentlemen,
but I love my campus.
I don't wanna watch it become
a City College parking lot.
Well, what can we do?
our own space simulator. We can launch
Before they simulate their launch on Monday,
we simulate a launch this weekend.
We make Greendale, not City College,
the first community college to pretend
to put a man in space.
Do we even have a simulator? We can get one.
the county museum had In 1980,
space mission simulator, a state-of-the-art
by Kentucky Fried Chicken, sponsored
Fried Chicken Eleven Herbs called The Kentucky
and Space Experience.
Gentlemen, Greendale's future. Oh.
past. Here's one more current. Actually, that photo is from
I admit, it could use good wash. It's seen better days.
And I've got just the crew to wash it.
Can we stop walking in slo-mo now?
Twenty more yards.
You guys are walking in slo-mo?
[THE 88'S "AT LEAST IT WAS HERE" PLAYING]
* Give me some rope Tie me to dream *
To run out of steam ♪ d Give me the hope
It can be here ♪ d Somebody said
Tied up, dead in a year ♪ d We could be roped up
* I can't count the reasons I should stay *
They all just fade away d d One by one
You guys are an hour late.
Abed kept making us redo our walk.
I think you know the reason
this group has been chosen for this job.
To atone for the obscene entry you submitted
flag contest. That's right, in the Greendale school
this isn't a symbol I know that
for the crossroads of ideas, I now know it's a butt.
Yeah, keep snickering.
Pack yourselves with peanuts and really be satisfied,
but guess what. This won.
forever. Proud of yourselves? This is now our school flag
How do you know it was our design?
We submitted it anonymously. Whoops.
One of you actually came forward.
What?
Now, somewhere beneath this dirt
is Greendale's newest pride.
And my hope is that while you scrub it,
you will find the school pride in your hearts.
After we clean it, can we go inside?
for some upstanding students No. That is a job
in the Simulator Simulator. who are training right now
Great job on this.
Hard to believe I'm not really not really in space.
I expect this craft to be squeaky clean
in time for the pretend launch in front of the press at 3:00.
I have to make this a butt flag. Now, if you'll excuse me,
I remember this thing from high school.
During field trips, we used to sneak inside
and get to praying.
Oh, that's nice.
a coffee break. We should take
Let's all get coffee, okay?
Where are Troy and Abed?
They made their way into that thing after the dean left.
What?
Oh. It's more beautiful than I ever imagined.
You've never been in it?
My dad never let me.
He had a grudge against restaurants,
they almost wiped out his falafel stand.
I memorized every detail of this old girl on the Internet.
Guys, we can't be in here. Then get out.
for something survived the '80s. Wow, pretty well-preserved
liked to collect doll heads. And a local transient who
Ah. The '80s.
Our teen years, right, everybody?
I feel like I'm underdressed for this.
I'm gonna get something from the dorm.
Guys, seriously, I have to ask that we all step out of here.
like you did with the flag? You gonna tattle on us
but you shouldn't have made it. I didn't tattle,
If you love Greendale so much, why don't you marry it?
claustrophobic, that's all. Sorry, sorry, I'm a little
as I'm standing near a door. It's no big deal as long
In closed situations I get a little nuts
and I don't know what's gonna…
Hey, hey, hey. No.
Hello?
Greetings.
I am Systematic Android Network Diode Energy Rocket System,
but you may call me Sanders.
this is Pierce Hawthorne. Sanders, Sanders,
Can I get this door open?
Look for the handle. There's got to be a handle.
It was the '80s. Everybody who made this was on cocaine.
We can't be in here.
Chicken's secret process Just as Kentucky Fried
seals in the flavor,
I'm sealing the cabin's air
explode on your journey. so you don't
What? What does that mean?
Please find a seat, strap yourself in
for Mission Control. and wait
Okay, we gotta find a handle on this door.
a mental step backwards Guys, can we take
a Winnebago and we'll be fine? and realize we are simply in
Please find a seat. Oh, my God.
and wait for Mission Control. Strap yourself in
I'm not strapping into a coffin. We gotta get out of here.
I hope you've found a seat. I want you to be safe.
Did you just threaten me?
Pierce, you're talking to an Atari cartridge.
Sit down.
Oh, we're moving. Ah!
This is part of the simulation, right?
I don't think this is a simulation.
I think we're being towed.
Come on. Hello?
You guys, forget it.
Whoever's towing us can't hear us.
this is classic Greendale. You know,
That place deserves an anus flag.
Can anyone get a phone signal? No.
Black guy with the wrong number. Mine's working, but it's that
Pierce, I keep telling you that that is an iPod,
to Wesley Snipes' audio book. and you are listening
He sure hates the government.
This is a long shot,
it will solve everything. but maybe if I do this,
Damn it.
This is all my fault. Very much so.
Hey, when you go fishing,
sometimes you catch a boot.
Where are you?
Where…? Hello?
Where are you hoodlums? Bring my spaceship back.
Uh… We are…
Forty light years outside of the Buttermilk Nebula,
although it is possible…
Yeah, it's a sticker.
Hey, Terrible Dean.
This thing is being towed with us in it.
Oh. Oh, okay, wait.
So handicap spots count on Saturdays?
Assuming we don't wind up in a compactor,
I am going to step on you. when we get back,
I might enjoy that, Jeffrey, As much as
if you don't get back in time for the launch,
City College wins, and Greendale becomes just another school
call because it doesn't exist. on my résumé that no one can
Now tell me where you are.
with no phone and no GPS In a moving canister
because the only window is sealed shut.
Hell… Hello?
Jeffrey? Damn it.
It isn't sealed shut. Hmm?
Window isn't sealed, it slides open
when you complete the simulation.
Well, can you talk them through it? Hey, Abed.
they can tell us where they are, If they can open that window,
and we can find them.
to be on that thing. I was supposed
I know how she works.
Hey, that's why they need you to bring her home.
I'll get us some coffee.
Psycho.
Troy. Abed?
You can get that window open by doing the simulation.
tell me your recipe. Look at the panel,
How many pieces? Original.
Flavor heading? Six.
We need to get up to delicious. Tasty.
That makes sense.
Excellent work, captain.
Now keep your herbs and spices balanced
helps you with teamwork. while the crew
open if you man your terminals Guys, we can get the window
and we complete the simulation. Yeah, I got a better idea.
Gooby dooby, gooby dooby.
We're all gonna die, we're all gonna die.
the need for cooperation. My readings indicate
I hate to pull rank on you, but I need you to man your station.
but you got your rank, captain, I hate to pull reality on you,
by sitting in the chair with the largest knobs.
My readings indicate Pierce.
What?
you're going to die alone. My readings indicate
Why is he saying that to me? Why is he saying that?
Uh, he's getting worse. Almost there.
Stop talking, old man.
You can't make me stop, Pierce,
because Troy is giving me life force.
I knew it. I knew it.
Hey, hey.
Come on, Troy.
Abed.
Hold on, Troy.
Kentucky One? Do you read me?
Kentucky One, do you read me? Kentucky One?
Kentucky, come in, Kentucky. Kentucky One, copy.
I've worked out a way to reroute the power
from the auxiliary battery.
Reroute to what?
Here is the situation. Everybody.
This is Greendale.
This is the maximum distance from Greendale we can drive
time for the simulated launch. to haul them back up here in
are city impound lots, And these
might be their destination. any of which
What are these other circles? What circles?
Looks like you've circled restrooms and truck stops,
there's another one.
Okay, that is a different side of the map and that is
Why do they have star ratings? for a different project.
Let's get to work, people. Got it, talk to me, come on.
Well, we stopped moving.
Pierce has got space madness, so he's old,
they're locking him up in the back.
You can't do this to me. We just did.
You're becoming animals. Guys, please.
Oh, shut up, we wouldn't even be here if it wasn't for you.
That's not true, we weren't supposed to be in here
when it happened.
When what happened?
When we got towed?
we were gonna get towed? How did you know
I set it up.
transferring and dean told me I called City College about
that he would get me in if I helped
sabotage Greendale's launch.
I was to make sure nobody was around
so they could steal it.
were late, and then… And then you guys
Wait, wait, you're transferring? Why?
butt hole flag was so funny. You guys thought that
I mean, I respect you enough to let you hate yourselves,
but I respect myself too much to let you hate my school.
Yeah. Let's kill her. Eh, I'm not buying it.
Wait, City College was behind this?
in time for launch. We gotta get back
We earned the right Why?
to pick on Greendale every day by going there.
Our school may be a toilet, but it's our toilet.
Nobody craps in it but us.
Now, that was inspiring. Yeah.
Seriously?
Captain.
Get to your stations.
Thrusters. Full.
Thermal shield. On.
Navigation. Three.
Chicken. Yeah.
Ready. Ready?
Suppertime.
Hold it.
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYS OVER MACHINE]
You've worked together. Congratulations, crew.
the wonders of the cosmos. Now feast your eyes on
Greendale? Greendale?
Everybody, be quiet. Everybody, quiet down, quiet down.
Standby for location. Say again?
What do you see, gang?
We are in
Coldwater.
truck stop with three thumbs. Here, they're next to the
Those aren't thumbs.
Greendale, do you copy? Greendale?
I'm sorry, Jeff. I'm afraid
you're out of town.
I guess somebody will come get us eventually.
I really miss Greendale.
How many schools would let you make a butt flag,
then actually fly it?
How many schools would let you get a degree
in Theoretical Phys-Ed?
We owe you an apology. Annie.
Nobody should have to choose between their friends
and their school.
Thanks.
You shouldn't have tattled about the flag.
I tattled.
it was our design. I told the dean
it was a butt too. And I told him
Why, Jeffrey? What?
He kept not seeing it.
it was driving me crazy. I mean,
It says, "E Pluribus Anus."
We should've put cheeks on it.
and a place for subtlety There is a time
was before Scary Movie. and that time
Hey, guys.
a lot better now. I'm feeling
Well, you… You sound good.
a smaller place like this, In a weird way, being in
I was able to work through some things.
I think I'm ready to come out.
I will kill you, Sanders. I'll kill you.
Come on, man, come on.
Get off my mommy. I'm her man.
Pierce. Stop it.
No, calm down, Pierce, calm down.
Hey, who's feeling skinny?
Dean, the press is here.
I tried to buy us some time with these sandwiches,
but they thought I was doing product integration for KFC.
This Hawaiian bread, so good, though.
Time to face the music.
Craig.
Stephen, surprised to see you here.
You don't think I'd miss your moment of triumph, do you?
Greendale beating City College into simulated space.
Unless you're having trouble locating your ship.
You.
You were behind this?
The next time you provoke City College,
more than a Winnebago. you will lose
Greendale, come in, Greendale.
You can call off the rescue. Go ahead, Kentucky.
We're coming to save you.
Come on, you family-sized bucket of bolts.
Abed, construction on Spring Road.
Left on Apple Valley. I see it.
Annie, left on Apple.
Hold tight.
Hi. Hi.
Get off of me.
They'll never make it back, Craig.
That thing might as well be on a simulation of the moon.
Oh, you know what…?
AND TIRES SCREECHING] [HORN HONKING
Ah! Yes.
Hey, wait up.
No.
Ladies and gentlemen, returning from their maiden simulation,
Greendale Green-stronauts. the fabulous
[CROWD CHEERING AND APPLAUDING]
Yes.
Yeah, that's good.
I picked this team. I picked the team.
Well, Anne, I suppose you're not City College material after all.
Thank you.
Good job. Annie, that was good.
Great job up there, captain. Really?
You think I could be a real astronaut?
If NASA ever needs someone to keep an arrow
inside a moving rectangle,
I know who I'd recommend.
Abed, wanna take a seat in the captain's chair?
No, thanks. I think you've earned it.
could have been cooler Can't imagine what
than what I've done today.
Okay, that was cooler.
In the future…
Mission Control, headed for base.
Target acquired.
Two cardboard boxes…
I got a bogey on my six. Yeah, I'm on your six.
Evasive maneuvers.
are about to become…
Still on your six.
I took evasive maneuvers, you can't be.
That means I'm on your six. Then I'm on your 12.
Good.
space ships.