Ready for the Bus Driver, Winger?
Know why they call me Bus Driver?
You've been traveling?
your butt to school. Because I'm taking
Heh, heh. Nice.
No, game's to 15. Cool, I'm up.
Since you scored 11. Since when?
Sorry, Abed, I have to finish kicking Troy's butt.
All that angry talk about butts.
Kick your butt, stomp your butt, punch your butt.
Do they say "punch your butt"?
hatred of each other's butts. Point is,
so they can seek out Men play sports
their own sensitivity. and destroy
Oh, I never thought about it that way. Mm-hm.
Think we'll learn that in our women's studies class?
Hell, no. We're gonna find our roots in that class
our gender by theirs. and stop defining
Well, I feel bad saying it,
but it will be nice to get away from the boys
and take a class with just us. Amen.
Or a-women.
Am I right?
for a boob bump, ladies. Bring it in
Uh… No? We'll get there.
Hey, guys.
Remember when you played with those remote control cars
you were real cool? and you thought
Well, it turns out you're not.
DraganFlyer, beyotch.
It's got a built-in spy cam. Yep, four propellers.
Range, 100 yards,
your stupid cars' little butts. and it will strangle
Pierce, we're in a game. Yeah.
And we're really not into RC anymore.
But that's a DraganFlyer. What?
Come on, Pierce.
Pierce. I can't control it.
There's a little pilot in there. Whoa!
Stop it.
Knuckle walkers.
Sorry, it was an accident.
So was the Y chromosome,
but you don't see us throwing stuff at it.
Where are you guys going?
Away from your symbolically invasive balls
to a women's studies class.
Which women's class?
Feminist Representations in Media.
I'm in. Abed, we kind of thought
this would be something just for the girls.
Sounds like it. I'd love to learn more about you.
I'll change out of my sport clothes and meet you there.
Um…
* You just lost *
* You just lost a game *
* You just lost *
* You just lost a game *
* With Troy *
Hey, sore loser.
Yeah, proud of it. I want a rematch.
[THE 88'S "AT LEAST IT WAS HERE" PLAYING]
* Give me some rope Tie me to dream *
To run out of steam ♪ d Give me the hope
* Somebody said It can be here *
Tied up, dead in a year ♪ d We could be roped up
* I can't count the reasons I should stay *
They all just fade away d d One by one
Hey, guys. I raced here so I could save us four seats.
Pew, pew, pew, pew.
Thanks, Abed, but Annie can't see the board
from this far back. She lost her glasses.
I've never seen you wear glasses.
but I couldn't find them I wear contacts,
without my glasses, which I wear.
Cool, cool, cool.
Are we bad people?
No, I love Abed, but sometimes he can't take a hint.
this is a girl thing. We told him,
Ahem.
we were gonna sit there. Excuse me,
Oh, sorry, we didn't know, but now we're sitting here, so…
That's the problem.
You don't seriously expect us to get up
and change seats for you.
Well, if you're further in back,
less people will see your roots.
Um, excuse me?
your little mustache hairs? Oh, the way you excuse
We're good people, You know what?
so we will find seats elsewhere.
It's called the high road.
I hope it leads to a salon.
You're back.
The leader's name is Meghan.
Why name your daughter Meghan?
for a bitch shortage? Are you stocking up
in her sweater's armpit? The one with the hole
Or whose sleeves are pushing her fat toward her elbows?
No, those are her cronies.
The one with crooked ears and no ankles?
Sorry, I overdescribed again? Ha. Damn.
No, no, Abed.
Describe those girls all you want.
what are you doing for lunch? In fact,
It's Wednesday. Sometimes I eat in Jeff's car.
Don't tell him.
Troy, where are you?
You would go this far to avoid a rematch?
Jeff, what is this thing?
In my line of work?
A multimillion-dollar injury suit.
I thought schools got rid of these things.
I can't believe Greendale allows it.
Greendale doesn't.
That's why it's hidden.
Who else saw you come in?
If we say nobody,
are you going to stab us with your bush scissors?
Of course not.
I'm Joshua.
And this is a place of peace and balance.
A place of nourishment.
A place free from darkness.
Because there's a trampoline?
about being up here, Jeff. There is something cool
I was just jumping, but then… I mean, at first,
you started bouncing. But then,
on the knee of a goddess. Like a baby
Yes. Yes.
Jeff, get on.
Oh, one at a time, please.
to two simple principles. I must ask you to adhere
First, for this place to survive it must stay secret.
no double bouncies. Second,
Feet, shoulder width apart.
Knees bent.
Just breathe.
At the apex of each bounce,
there's a moment outside of time,
outside of everything. outside of words,
A perfect moment.
A silent moment.
the world's whisper. I call it
Wow. You're right.
And I don't mind admitting you're right.
Which is weird.
Thirty seconds on this thing and I already feel…
Jeff, you've been up there for an hour.
Yes.
Okay, Abed, girl in the pink. Go.
over her head like a canopy. Her forehead hangs
Missed a belt loop. Her stomach spills over her shorts.
The brutality. Target destroyed.
It's called a muffin top, Abed.
Like a muffin. Clever.
to focus on imperfections. You said it's rude
This is the stuff I filter, right?
kind of a guilty pleasure Absolutely. It's just
about certain girls. to hear it
Like Meghan and her friends, because they're bitches.
Oh, hoo-hoo. That's nice. Who needs a soda?
I'll get it. I'm making you happy, I wanna keep it going.
Aw.
Okay, I love Abed so much.
I know, it's like he's one of the girls.
Uh, guys?
Uh-oh.
Yeah, do you mind not looking at me?
makeup doesn't match your neck? Do you mind that your face
you look like a circus clown. When I squint,
I beg your pardon, geek? Okay,
your peanut-headed ass. I don't even know
We've never met. Like your hair and dandruff shampoo.
Ha, ha, ha. Filet of Meghan. Service for one.
let's get back to the table. Okay, Abed,
go with your skank. Yeah, Abed,
Or keep going, up to you.
Her uneven bra padding? About what?
You look like you're smuggling a lime and a coconut.
Go away, loser. Tell that to the stitching
in your ratty panties. Or wear higher jeans on laundry day.
That diss made me snarf, yo. Damn.
You know what, you're dead?
You're bow-legged. See you.
Women of Greendale.
declared a Bitch-Free Zone. This cafeteria is hereby
Whoot, whoot, whoot!
I can't tell you how great I feel.
take to the trampoline's ways. I wasn't sure that you would
Some can't.
just natural jumpers. And some are
See you tomorrow, Joshua. We better bounce.
Whoa.
That's Sharice. I had sociology with her last year.
I walk like a dude. She told me
That's awful. Abed, got anything?
I might have something to say about those jeans.
You guys are sure it's not bad?
you're doing it to bad girls. Isn't that bad when
You're really good at it. You're like a machine.
Like RoboCop. Exactly like Rowboat Cop.
Sharice is a bad rowboat.
Sink her.
Affirmative.
You look like a dude in those jeans.
They're bad. Bad.
Hey, you dudes ready to shoot the rock after study group?
your butts' throats. I'm gonna slit
Nice catch, losers. Go get it.
Sorry, Pierce. We're not really into basketball anymore.
What?
Why are you acting like that? What's up with you guys?
Like what?
Ah! Gay boots. Lady boots. Heh, heh, heh.
He's a gay wad.
Those as comfortable as they look?
They're like wearing a pair of dreams.
I'm sure your shoes are fine, though.
You know what? They are.
Something's up with you two. I wanna know what it is.
Are you on weed?
Give me some, I'll smoke you two under the table.
Man, I feel so good.
It's like the campus is a gutter
and we're spraying it clean.
Abed, I need you to come to the bank with me
with a certain something. to have words
We'll take them down. We'll take all these bitches down.
Ladies, are you okay? Take it easy.
Um, did you just tell us what to do?
it's a little rule. Here's the thing,
familiar with it. Maybe you're not
what to do, ever. Nobody tells me
Whoa, cowboy. I surrender.
did you hear that? Abed,
Jeff's a bitch too? Yes.
Cool. Hey, Jeff, Take him down.
what's with the boots?
2008 called to tell you that even in 2008,
those were tacky. You go, girl.
Damn.
Why don't we just all take a deep breath
and find some center?
Okay, that is it.
What are you hiding from me?
relaxation secrets. They're keeping
Tell me how to get laid back or I'll kill your families!
Okay, this place is lame.
Girls. Abed.
Toodles.
I'm watching you two.
Twenty four, 2010.
These balls, on your butts.
Quick bounce before lunch? Absolutely.
Pierce isn't hovering around. Let me just make sure that
Coast is clear.
What did you see, my pretty?
Wait. Back, back.
Freeze it.
Can you blow that up a little? Enhance.
Stop. That's it.
Blow it up.
There it is.
you're sitting in our seats. Um, excuse me, girls,
I'm sorry, what did you say?
Oh, I didn't know you were deaf.
I suspected you were blind from the outfit.
Toodles.
See you.
Wait, why were you mean to them? Did they insult you?
insulted our retinas. No, but that top
Go, girl.
you're doing it to bad girls. Bad isn't that bad when
Annie, when you laugh like that, you snort like a piglet.
Be careful with your skin. Careful, Abed.
your eyes look like buttons. Your face is puffy,
Check that attitude at the door.
Check the door before you go through it.
What? What?
talk to us that way. Abed, you cannot
You guys are being bitches. Someone has to.
We were just joking. We're not bitches.
If that makes us bitches, we're all bitches.
Mm-hm. You told him. Mm-hm. Good point, Annie.
You're all bitches. Affirmative.
It would look better on a girl. Nice shirt.
with that Band-Aid, it's a zit. You're not fooling us
You're all bitches. Triple bitches.
Bitch, bitch, bitch. Hey, bitch.
I'm a bitch. You're a bitch. Bitch. You're a bitch.
Pierce.
Ha, ha.
How did you find us?
DraganFlyer, beyotch.
So this is the big secret, huh?
You two sneak out here and hang out on the big gay trampoline.
Lower your voice, Pierce.
This is our place of peace.
Yes, and now it's mine too.
Mine.
This is great.
I wanna go higher.
you're doing it all wrong. Please,
I wanna go higher.
and double bounce me. Get up here
That's not how we do things here.
and double bounce me Get up here
or I'll tell everybody about this place.
Come on.
God as my witness, I will tweet it.
Unh! Double bounce me!
Why are you doing this?
Double bounce me. Do it!
Pierce, that's enough.
I hate you. I hate you.
Double bounce me!
Father.
My legs. Ow!
Oh, my legs!
Illegal trampoline!
trampoline back there! They have an illegal
Nice try, Michael Penn. Black jeans?
Bangs aren't covering anything.
Pegged jeans. Sweater balls. Crow's feet.
Back hair into neck hair into regular hair?
Look it up because you have it. You are just mean.
how to be a juice box? Nice. Who taught you
I come in peace. Don't worry,
And whatever shampoo you're using
seems to be doing the trick.
To restore the natural order. What do you want?
What are these?
Destruct codes.
Get the blow torch over here.
a little excessive. Well, that seems
Joshua.
We've been looking for you all over.
Where are you going?
I got fired. I'm leaving.
we are so sorry. Joshua,
Don't apologize. It's my fault.
for trusting some Black guy. Guess that's what I get
When you found the trampoline, What?
I thought the only way to protect it
was to let you use it.
Guess it goes to prove what I already knew:
Non-whites ruin everything.
Oh, my God.
Joshua was racist?
That came out of nowhere.
Did it?
A place free from darkness.
And some are just natural jumpers.
It's going to be a maze.
Maybe I just didn't wanna believe it.
the lesson here. Maybe that's
Purity that demands exclusion isn't real purity.
Maybe paradise is a lie.
Not exactly.
Paradise exists.
Right here.
For once, he's actually right.
Let me buy you some ice cream.
My white guilt is doing somersaults.
Worth it.
Paradise.
Hey, horse-neck.
So, what's with the clothes?
I mean, you look like a toddler who got dressed in the dark.
Snap, here it comes, y'all. Ha, ha.
Look at your face.
It's like your mom was a lizard
who got raped by a Muppet.
That burn was brought to you by the letter S, as in snap.
Too hurt to respond? What?
You don't have feelings. Oh, that's right.
feel ashamed of ourselves, The rest of us
to make ourselves feel better. so we act like bitches
But you did it to fit in.
And no matter how hard you try, you never will.
Snap, snap, snap! Give it up!
Thank you.
Snap! Snap! Snap!
Abed, are you okay?
That was so cruel.
I deserved it.
been mean to anybody. I should've never
Least of all you guys.
I tried to fit in, I took it too far.
the kind of women that we hate, We took it too far. We became
and we turned you into a monster.
The kind of monster
statements about weight. that makes outlandish
even when they're not true. Those kind of things hurt,
we were insecure. And all because
Everyone is. Even Tom Cruise knows he's short and nuts.
We're at the mercy of each other.
That's why there has to be forgiveness on both sides.
Oh, Abed.
What happened to Pierce? Goodness.
Long story.
Men.
Yeah.
Pierce, will you knock it off?
I'm not controlling it, I told you,
there's a little man inside.
Pierce. Hi.
to let you know, Pierce, Listen, I wanted
the recommended daily dosage. it's okay to exceed
And don't let anybody tell you different!
of making sure he doesn't OD? Who's going to be in charge
When did we start doing that? What?
Three, two, one.
* Troy and Abed In the Morning *
And we're back with Greendale's resident animal expert,
My name is Alex. Star-Burns.
with his pet turtle, Shelly. Star-Burns joins us
can eat over five mice a day. Now, I understand Shelly
Turtles don't eat mice. That's impressive.
What do they eat?
I don't know.
Pellets? I have no idea.
That's not good. That's disappointing.
What is going on? I was studying for my econ midterm.
You guys walk in, hand me this turtle
and tell me to smile for the folks at home.
What folks at home?
Star-Burns. Oh.
These things give you salmonella, you know.
with a check on the weather. Let's go to Garrett
It's still sunny.