[**]
Dean? Dean?
Don't shoot, red-haired guy.
Why not?
Something's not right
about the game.
We just took out a professional
paintball assassin.
A professional?
Aah! That doesn't
make sense.
Why would someone who gets paid
to do things be at Greendale?
Aah! No! No, no!
I'm not playing!
No, I'm the dean!
Stop shooting me! Aah!
MAN 1: Man's down.
MAN 2: Copy that.
Hi, Pistol Patty.
Did they take you hostage?
Dean Spreck?
Hello, Craig.
City College.
Now I understand everything.
Now your whole evil plan
is clear as day.
But if you need to explain it
to your men, I understand.
It's simple, Craig. I pose
as a fake ice cream company,
sponsor your
end-of-the-year picnic
and waved enough money
under your students' noses
to provoke them to destroy
their own campus.
Who hurt you, Steven?
How could any dean be so mean?
Oh, you haven't seen how mean
this dean can be-ean.
MAN 3: There's one.
TROY: Go!
MAN 3: After them.
TROY: Go, go, go!
[SCREAMING]
[GUNSHOTS]
Wait, did you say "bean"?
[**]
[INDISTINCT CHATTERING]
Guys. Guys!
City College is trying
to destroy Greendale.
And they're an unstoppable
juggle knob.
"Juggernaut."
Juggernaut.
Which means,
if we're gonna fight them,
we have to form a school-wide
alliance of rebels.
It seems we've left
the Western motif
and are entering more
of a Star Wars scenario.
[ALL GROAN]
I wish it happened sooner too.
If we surrender our
individuality
to form a faceless regime,
how are we better?
You're the worst.
Okay, she is just
saying that to fit in.
The floor recognizes
Magnitude.
First off:
Pop, pop!
[ALL CHEER]
I love it.
Second, Magnitude's
a one-man party.
A one-man party can't
be in an alliance.
That's a paradox.
I agree to disagree.
Easy, Paradox,
we're on the same side.
Hasn't the other side
already won?
Their goal was to make us
trash the school.
We trashed it.
We still might hit them
where it hurts.
Their balls?
No.
Just below their balls?
Their wallet, Leonard.
I think it's called
a "taint."
Why do you think they
sent in a ringer to win?
It must be because
we're entitled to the
prize they promised:
a hundred G's.
SHIRLEY:
Ooh, I could use that money.
This is why we have
to agree, right now,
that whoever wins, we give
the money to Greendale.
No!
What?
To repair the damage
and save our school.
Abed, tell them.
Whatever, pal.
I ain't in it
for your revolution.
I'm in it for me.
Wait, Abed,
this was your idea.
But I'm calling dibs
on the Han Solo role
before Jeff slouches into it.
Star-Burns, I need that vest.
Pfft. Oh, yeah, right.
Give me the vest,
laser breath,
before our conversation
gets nasty.
SHIRLEY:
Question.
How long is the game
gonna last?
Andre's home
with the baby...
Shirley, forget your
newborn child
and think about the
people that need you.
I can't afford to lose
a single soldier.
What?
Oh, now you're the leader?
I don't see you
stepping up.
I don't step up to being
leader, Troy.
I reluctantly accept it
when it's thrust upon me.
Oh, Jeff.
ANNIE: You're an idiot.
Oh, my God.
What is that?
[SHIRLEY SCREAMING]
[**]
[BOMB BEEPING]
[EXPLOSION]
[ALL GASPING]
SHIRLEY:
Oh, my God, is he okay?
[MAGNITUDE WHIMPERING]
Magnitude!
Pop...
Po... P...
"Pop...?" Pop what? Pop what?
What is he trying to say?
Pop what, Magnitude?
You sons of bitches.
Can you hear me?
Who is this?
Oh, that's Jeff Winger.
You are in trouble now.
Jeffrey, it's your friend,
the dean. I'm safe.
JEFF:
Sit down.
I can hear you, Mr. Winger.
This is City College's
Dean Spreck.
Hey, Spreck, you cheat.
You can't spray people
with paint by remote.
And you can't have
City College students
in a Greendale game.
My men have been registered
at Greendale for weeks.
As for rules,
they're clearly defined
in your school's agreement
with my fake ice-cream company.
If you get paint on you,
you're out.
I'm glad to see there's
paperwork,
because we are going to win,
and you are gonna pay.
Yay! Go, Jeff Winger's
study group.
Those guys are ballers, yo.
I hope you like getting balled.
MAN 2:
Sir, this guy tried to charge
us three paintballs
to use the bathroom.
We were gonna shoot him,
but tell him what you told us.
Don't shoot me.
Great. Now shoot him.
Sure, shoot me.
You'd certainly be doing
Jeff Winger a big favor.
[**]
Greendale Human Beings,
it is now clear
that we have no choice
but to team up
and defeat City College.
I also have no choice
but to accept the
role thrust upon me.
And what role
would that be?
No time to squabble,
Troy.
"For Greendale,"
on three.
One, two...
Jeff, every second counts.
"For Greendale," on two.
One...
Guys.
ALL: For Greendale!
For Greendale!
Greendale students,
I understand you've unified
and intend to draw
this game out.
Well, if it's a war you want,
it's a war you will lose.
City College is stronger,
faster.
Our sperm counts are higher,
even in our women.
Resistance is as pointless
as your degrees.
Honestly, ask yourself, what
does "Liberal Arts" even mean?
MAN 1:
"Welcome to Greendale.
You're already accepted."
Ha. Losers.
What the hell?
Welcome to Greendale.
You're already dead.
Jackpot. Shirley, you keep
watch while we get these.
Here, help me with this.
Sure thing, your worship.
Abed. Stop trying to be
Han Solo,
it's making me
embarrassed for you.
Come on, admit it,
you like it.
I like having conversations
with adults.
Playing Star Wars is worn out
and immature.
You like me because
I'm immature.
There's not enough
immaturity in your life.
I hope I don't get shot
waiting out here.
I'd hate to go home
to my babies.
Reconnaissance
indicates the key
to City College's
strategy is
the Gatling gun
inside the ice-cream truck,
which we'll charge en masse,
overwhelming their defenses,
and taking that gun
for ourselves.
Well, that's not how
I would proceed.
Happen to have a better plan?
I do happen, Jeff.
I happen very much.
We use sneak attacks to draw
their patrols to the library,
where one of us will
pull the fire alarm,
activating the sprinklers,
which I will have rigged,
to shower everything
in the building with paint.
Paint in sprinklers?
Are we the Little Rascals?
I was.
Have you heard your plan?
You wanna charge a machine gun.
[ALL ARGUING INDISTINCTLY]
[GUNSHOTS]
I've got something
to say.
I don't take orders from girls,
because they don't talk to me.
Watch it, quasar face.
Annie's a good kid
and a better shot.
So listen up or you'll be
floating home.
Thank you, Abed.
Sorry..."Han."
Okay, I think we should
split the troops in half
and carry out both plans
simultaneously.
Troy, your plan will lure
people off the ice cream truck,
allowing Jeff's troops
to take the stronghold.
You're welcome.
I'm so glad
that we didn't shoot you.
Now we have the advantage
of knowing that Jeff Winger
wants to be a ballerina
and that his Achilles heel
is..."wieners."
PIERCE:
That's just the tip
of the iceberg.
For one more pudding,
I'll tell you
why he's jealous of me.
They kicked you out of study
group after two years?
Yeah.
What took them so long?
[**]
Hey, thanks for sticking up
for me back there.
This group gets so tangled
in each others' feelings.
You're a hero
for standing outside of it.
Heroes are great, but I'll take
a blaster every time.
Anyway, just wanted
to let you know,
I don't think
you're immature.
I think you're great,
for a no-good, laser-faced,
Jabba scoundrel.
You're good, kid.
Don't get cocky.
[FOOTSTEPS]
Hey!
MAN 1: Ow! Ow! Damn, my leg.
MAN 2: Take cover.
[**]
They're right on our tail.
Operation Troy's Awesome Plan
is living up to its name.
JEFF [OVER RADIO]:
Good for you.
JEFF:
Looks like they're taking
Troy's bait.
Squad B commencing
Operation Actual Operation.
Everyone look alive.
Leonard, good enough.
Greendale, it's been a pleasure
fighting with you.
Some of us won't make it,
but there is a place
where we will see
each other again,
and that place
is Denny's.
Which Denny's?
We'll figure it out later.
The one near the 15 exit,
I'm banned.
Then I'll see you in hell.
Let's kick some taint.
JEFF:
Okay. On my count.
One, two...
Vicki!
[GUNFIRE]
[STAR-BURNS SCREAMING]
ANNIE: Go, go, go.
ABED: Lock the doors.
Seal the room.
All right, Shirley, you have
the most important job, okay?
Yeah, pull the fire alarm.
Can we move this along?
I'm missing
Enemy soldiers are incoming.
Everyone evacuate through
the air ve...
Garrett.
GARRETT:
I may be stuck in this vent.
It is too early to tell.
[GUNFIRE]
MAN:
They're all over the place!
ABED:
I think our only choice is
to try and shoot our way out.
Right.
Commence Operation Troy's
Awesome Leadership
is Never in Doubt.
MAN:
Ugh!
[GUNFIRE]
MAN:
That's affirmative.
That gun's too powerful.
I'm scared.
Hey, Quendra with a "Q-U,"
they can kill most of us,
but as long as nobody gives up,
somebody will make it through.
Understand?
Yes.
Charge!
Well, I'm out. We lost.
See you at Denny's?
Denny's is for winners.
MAN 1:
We've got two Human Beings
trapped outside of the library.
MAN 2: Keep them pinned down.
MAN 1: It won't be long now.
[GUNFIRE]
[SCREAMING]
Leonard, we're losing.
Britta, I've been
in a few real wars,
but this one is actually
the most terrifying.
Guys, we're dying out here.
Well, we're dying too.
They've trapped us
in a dead end.
Hey, kid. Someone's gotta
make it out of here alive.
[**]
MAN 1:
We're taking fire.
We're falling back.
Falling back. Fall back
to placement positions.
We're gonna need help.
I had a dream
it would end this way.
MAN 2:
Take him.
ABED:
Shirley, nobody's making it
out of the library.
Pull the alarm.
Britta, are you alive?
Britta? Britta?
Aw, hell.
Someone's gotta win this.
MAN 3:
Aw. Alpha 4 eliminated.
[GUN CLICKING]
I'm out.
Me too.
MAN 4:
Alpha 17, move in.
Looks like this is it.
Will you be Han Solo
after we die?
Afraid not, doll.
Once I'm gone, I'm gone.
Oh.
Okay.
[**]
Ugh, gotta do
everything myself.
[ALARM RINGING]
[**]
[NO AUDIO]
MAN 1 [OVER RADIO]:
We're all dead. All of us.
Paint is raining from the sky.
Everyone in the library
is dead.
Damn it.
Kill him.
MAN 2:
Yes, sir.
Unh... It's my heart.
Buddy, you okay?
[ALARM CONTINUES RINGING]
[ALARM STOPS]
Cool.
[SIGHING]
Hoo.
Eat paint,
you Stormtrooping,
City College knob-gobblers.
MAN 1: Codger down.
You're it, kid.
MAN 2:
Covering the right flank.
MAN 3:
Okay, looks like we got her.
[**]
[GUNFIRE]
Shirley.
What are we supposed to do?
How about we save
this school's ass?
Deal.
[TIRES SCREECHING]
Go, go, go.
SHIRLEY:
Hold on.
Hold on!
[GRUNTS]
Yeah!
BRITTA: You'd better watch it.
SHIRLEY: Oh!
Oh!
That's it. I think that's it.
Is that it?
We win.
We won!
Oh! We win. We win!
Jeffrey.
[SHIRLEY LAUGHING]
[GUNSHOT]
Oh!
We win! We win!
[MAN LAUGHS]
WOMAN: What?
MAN 7:
All right. Way to shoot.
All right, we did it.
Yeah, way to go.
Yes.
Who are you?
Your mother's lover.
[GRUNTS]
What?
MAN 7: What?
MAN 6: That's low.
MAN 7: Oh, man.
I win.
[CROWD LAUGHING AND GASPING]
MAN 1: All right!
MAN 2: All right!
You owe me a hundred G's.
And you can make the check out
to Greendale.
[GROANS]
[ALL CHEERING]
ALL [CHANTING]:
Human Beings! Human Beings!
[**]
Thank you.
SHIRLEY: Oh, that's very good.
ANNIE: Okay.
SHIRLEY: It's nice.
Final meeting of the semester
now in session.
Final order
of business,
pick a class we can all
take in the fall.
We could just take
Anthro 201.
Risky. Sequels are almost
always disappointing.
Since when are you in favor
of playing it safe, Han?
ABED:
Cool down, Annie.
I was only Han Solo because
the context demanded it.
But here.
Oh. Star-Burns.
He uses a crystal
instead of deodorant.
Guys, I know exactly
what we should do.
We should see what Troy thinks
we should do.
He had some good ideas today.
Thanks, man.
Okay.
I've given this
a lot of thought,
and I've decided
we should sleep on it.
Just came back for
my day planner.
Pretend I'm not even here.
You guys are great at that.
Come on, Pierce.
We all know
there is no "day planner."
Here it is.
If you'll excuse me,
I'm running late
to drink a bottle of wine
in my bathing suit.
Pierce, wait.
[CLEARS THROAT]
You know I've been coming
to this school for 12 years?
And I've never been friends
with anyone here
more than a semester.
Probably for the same reason
I've been married seven times.
I guess I assume, eventually,
I'll be rejected.
So I, you know, test people,
push them,
until they prove me right.
It's a sickness. I admit it.
But this place has always
accepted me, sickness and all.
This place accepted all of you,
sickness and all.
It's worth thinking about.
Um, I think we have thought
about it, Pierce,
and you're right.
And we were just picking a class
we could all be in this fall.
And we'd love for you
to join us.
[**]
No, thanks.
I'm done with you guys.
I like this school,
but I'm done with
whatever you call this.
Adiós.
He was my ride.
I'm going after him.
No, he's just acting out.
I've seen this behavior before.
In cats. My cats.
It's true. And now
he'll come slinking back
in five, four, three, two...
[**]
Then one of the Stormtroopers
shot the others,
and it was Pierce.
And we won.
We saved Greendale.
You guys had a lot of fun.
Yep.
I don't know
how we're gonna top it.
Oh, I got a pitch.
Why use guns?
Take a hose and spray
the whole school with paint.
We kind of did.
Been to the library?
I'm working my way there.
[SLURPING]
Oh, you can just
put that anywhere.
Doing anything fun
for the summer?
No plans.
Cool.
Cool, cool, cool.
It's slippery.