By the end of World War II,
President Roosevelt's body finally succumbed
to the polio that afflicted him his entire life.
to the Yalta Conference. Which brings me
Who can tell me three key points brought up there? Annie.
The demilitarization of Germany…
I'm sorry. Annie Kim.
The demilitarization of Germany,
of Poland's borders, establishment
of the United Nations. and formation
the results of Yalta Side note,
would later set the stage for the Cold War.
Oh, boy, spoiler alert.
Somebody just won a ride in the wheelchair.
I'm proud of you for deciding on a major.
I'd think the Lord heard my prayers,
but you still dress like a streetwalker.
Yep, I'm getting serious.
I got a backpack, a new notebook.
those yellow pens I got one of
where you color in words. so I can do that thing
Highlight? Probably the backpack.
Free the Damascus Three. Oh, thanks. Oh. Whoa!
We used to protest together. I know this girl.
Oh, that's terrible. Now she's locked up in Syria.
Yes, it's terrible.
She's imprisoned by an oppressive regime
and I'm, what, in college? halfway around the world
Where are my values?
a Facebook group? Man, she's got
My first cop flashlight.
some brains on this bad boy. Can't wait to get
Are you safe, ma'am? Everything okay?
bothering you? Huh? Is this guy
Hey! Who the hell do you think you are?
"To serve and protect." The badge says
No, it doesn't.
"How's my smile?"
Oh, man. What the hell am I in charge of?
See this garbage can?
of the library bump into it. Students coming out
You can serve and protect them from a boo-boo.
if I see a crime? What do I do
What a security guard does.
Call a cop.
even get these? Where did you
Let me keep them. Please? No.
I swear they're just for sex!
[THE 88'S "AT LEAST IT WAS HERE" PLAYING]
* Give me some rope Tie me to dream *
To run out of steam ♪ d Give me the hope
* Somebody said It can be here *
Tied up, dead in a year ♪ d We could be roped up
* I can't count the reasons I should stay *
They all just fade away d d One by one
And this ragtag group of cutups is my study group.
Gang, this is Annie Kim from my Poli-Sci class.
We had the same GPA in high school.
Mine was higher if you consider my school's ranking.
You had a lighter course load, so…
Well, I was in a lot of clubs. I founded 17.
I was thinking about founding a Model UN at Greendale.
Any interest?
I'll probably be busy.
You probably need to study, so see you in class.
Okay, bye.
how progressive of you Wow, Annie,
to have a multicultural evil twin.
An Asian Annie. Obama's America.
Her name is Annie Kim.
And she's not evil, she's my friend.
Didn't look like it. You seemed competitive.
Be careful, Annie, they are ruthless.
What? What?
Not Asians. Women.
I'm not competing with her. I find her adorable.
She's like a younger me.
The you that took so much Adderall
she tried to straighten the lines
on our football field during a game?
You don't want this girl Careful.
to suck you back to the dark side.
Hey guys, what are you trying to do? This is our Annie.
That little twerp is a can of Annie Lite.
She couldn't hold a candle to the real thing
in any category of anything.
You're the best, kiddo. I wasn't fishing for that.
You know what else was the best? The rainforests.
Too bad the fascist oligarchies are raping them
to make hamburgers. Look it up.
the regular side of the bed. Someone woke up on
Britta's just having a rough time
because her friend's in prison.
I went to her Facebook page.
It says she was tear-gassed and possibly beaten.
I haven't been tear-gassed in so long.
Well, you're on a new path now.
Oh, goody, a new path.
Is it lined with credit cards and flat-screen TVs?
Does it go by an Ikea?
Maybe I don't want a new path. Or any path.
Maybe my path is a war path
that leads to the Terrordome, N-words.
Okay, maybe I went too far.
my African-American friends, Maybe I don't wanna offend
but the larger point is
raging against the machine! maybe I'm not done
Raging against the what? That sounds dangerous.
she'll be bad at it. Don't worry,
Keep clear of the can.
Sir, step around the can.
Mind the can, student.
[LIONEL RICHIE'S "HELLO" PLAYING]
* Hello *
You're looking for? d d Is it me
* I can see it in your eyes *
You just got yourself a warning. I piss warnings, pig.
I've ever wanted d d You're all
* And my arms are open wide *
* 'Cause you know Just what to say *
how we do that. And that's
Hey.
I got my eye on you, missy.
Oh. Uh!
Sorry. Hi.
You okay, kiddo?
Know what's funny? So silly. Yeah, yeah.
Remember little Annie Kim, from Poli-Sci?
my Model UN idea and just… Boy, she just took
the little go-getter. Pfft! She is quite
She stole your idea? Wait, what?
Sneak attack. That's just like…
Not women. Asians.
is that there is a Model UN. The real important thing
It doesn't really matter who starts it.
It just means her name goes on some charter
and she gets to put it on her résumé.
And lead the Greendale team to the National Model UN.
And meet Kofi Annan,
Boutros Boutros-Ghali and Will.i.am.
Boutros Boutros-Ghali?
That's it. I'm gonna find this brat's off switch.
protective, I'll stop him. Jeff. He's just being
that we finally have I am so excited
a Model UN here at Greendale.
I am really, really, really into Model UNs.
Model UN Guy back in college. They used to call me
Don't research that. Well, that's not…
The important thing here is that I am really…
Professor Cligoris. Pardon me,
Either pronunciation is fine. Cli- gor -is?
Here for the Model UN? I'm here to tell you
that the entire idea to have a Model UN was hers.
So you're Clark M. Eichelberger? Really?
So I've had your photo around my neck since high school?
the Greendale Model UN. I'm talking about
other Annie the idea My Annie gave this
and the diabolical little bu… sybody stabbed her in the back.
It's childish.
Honestly, I'm just happy there is a Model UN.
Annie, is this true?
mentioning the concept, I recall other Annie
but she didn't take the initiative
to find a faculty adviser.
I didn't know you had to call dibs.
I'm not calling dibs,
because I'm not a child that steals ideas.
I refuse to acknowledge the authority
of your criminal Model UN.
So don't recognize it. It still exists.
Well, then Annie will just start her own Model UN.
I still don't recognize it. Yeah, for grown-ups.
Well, it exists, baby.
Sorry, I don't understand your relationship.
Is he your father or your lover? Whoa, whoa, whoa.
There can only be one Model UN that represents this school,
the crazy pedal for a moment. so let's take our foot off
There's only one way to settle this.
A head-to-head Model UN battle royale,
the rules to which I would have to spend the evening devising.
We'll have a competition tomorrow
in the cafeteria at 7 p.m.
May the most united nations win.
Fair enough. Totally fair.
I'll see you in the fair papers, other Annie.
what our relationship is? Oh, and you were asking
We're friends. Yeah.
Good friends. Grown-up friends.
Yeah. So…
Ha, ha, ha.
Just friends. I'm friendly.
So the key to winning this thing is,
when in doubt, agree with Annie.
Everyone should just have fun. That's sweet.
Then again, what's more fun than winning?
Absolutely. Pierce?
I'm offended you'd single me out.
Did you read your info packet? Yes.
Somalia has 1900 miles of coastline,
that knows its place a government
and wives you can afford. and all the guns
of this paradise before? Why have I not heard
I studied up on my country.
Is it okay if we do accents, sugar?
Troy, Georgia the country, not the state.
That's right, capital city, Tbilisi,
of the Soviet Union and former member
y'all mind your P's and Q's. and we kindly request
Welcome to the world's first-ever Model UN-off.
You will each be scored on your UN's ability
to pass resolutions,
and maintain order. follow procedure
The end goal, of course, total world peace.
Any questions?
there are two Earths? Does two UNs mean
Uh, yeah, sure. Two Earths.
in different galaxies Parallel Earths
in parallel dimensions? or identical Earths
The latter one. What about free will?
Abed. Professor. Right, yeah, let's begin.
Ready, set, peace.
has broken out in Ethiopia. Crisis alert. A civil war
Rebel forces have seized the grain supply,
creating a humanitarian disaster.
Okay, cool heads, everyone.
a UN peacekeeping force America proposes
of 10,000 troops.
Uruguay agrees. Oh, uh, China too.
Georgia…
…the country…
…is much obliged.
Who can take refugees? Refugees.
The great country of Somalia, this gem, this Shangri-la,
graciously invites the Ethiopian refugees to enjoy safe lodging
and cool ocean breezes
on the sand-swept beaches. Okay, we're rolling.
Switzerland proposes a summit. Good idea.
discuss a portal to Earth Two. Maybe at the summit we can
Can we put a pin in that? Can't ignore it forever.
Ooh! China has money. Does anybody want some?
Yes, United States proposes using China's money
to fund agricultural programs
to support Ethiopia's sustainable farms,
which should promote economic development and security.
All in favor?
Good resolving. It's unanimous.
We have a unanimous decision. You covered all the bases.
After one round, we are tied.
Looks like both UNs are experts at fostering unity.
Damn it. Crap.
Crisis alert. Russia…
This is what the United Nations is doing to your freedom.
I'm your freedom, and I'm in a cage
with the world, because of them.
I thought I'd find you here.
What are you gonna do, lock me up?
Oh, just give me a reason. I'll give you a reason.
Argh! Aah! Whoa!
you're coming with me. That's it,
* Hello *
You're looking for? d d Is it me
He's pulling my cage.
I'm being pulled in my cage for no reason.
Is anybody seeing this? Is the world seeing this?
Are we Facebooking this?
A tsunami has hit Vietnam. Crisis alert.
Flooding has left thousands homeless. Crisis alert!
Tuberculosis outbreak.
Humanitarian aid. We resolve… Disarmament treaty.
To help women and children… Crisis alert!
Loose nukes. To save the orphans.
Sinkhole. North Korea.
The prime minister in exile. Military coup.
The tropical paradise of Somalia yields.
Gooder than grits. China will pay.
Switzerland is concerned. Uruguay agrees.
Uruguay sounds like Ur-a-gay. Backyard BBQs.
Uruguay kindly requests
that Somalia stop pronouncing it Ur-a-gay.
Hereditary monarchy! Resolved.
Corruption! Resolved.
Crisis alert!
Resolved.
Looking good, Blue UN.
Getting very close to world peace.
That's my girl. You are kicking ass.
this is the homestretch. All right, guys,
All we gotta do is focus.
Whoo! Damn, Pierce. Ooh. That wasn't me.
I don't smell anything. I just got it.
Oh, it's in my mouth.
Guys, come on, focus. Like adults.
if we don't get through this. We're gonna lose a point
It's almost a solid. Get through it?
A genocidal dictator in Laos… Crisis alert!
we'll get to that. Ooh! Yeah, yeah,
Okay, so, Turkey, what can you do?
So let me get this straight. You're bringing her in here
for making a mess?
I did more than make a mess.
I turned your whole system inside out.
I shut her down.
You spilled paint on a globe.
You're as much a criminal as this idiot is a cop.
None whatsoever.
something illegal, aren't you? Okay, but she's going to do
Is that true?
Do you, Britta Perry,
of breaking any laws, ever? have any intentions
Uh…
No, it's not that simple. Oh, my God.
I have a life now.
I have a major and… Get out, please.
I have highlighters.
Get out!
Okay, I know you got a lot on your mind right now,
but somebody broke the thing that comes down
from the parking booth.
The thing that comes down,
keeps the cars from coming in.
The thing. It's like a gate, but it's just a stick.
It comes down, on a hinge.
It goes up and down 90 degrees. Keeps the cars out.
The arm?
Another point goes to the red team.
still happening? How is this
what regular air smells like. I can't remember
We're gonna lose. Do something.
Guys, this is important to Annie.
So whoever actually died a few months ago, 'fess up
so we can put a stake through your heart.
Ha, ha, ha. Jeff!
I think the lesson here
is that a Model UN, like the real UN,
falls apart when faced with actual…
No!
is that I need to win this! I think the lesson here
I wanna win!
And you, you suck!
You're a stupid, ugly poop-face and I'm better than you!
Annie, stop.
You're acting like a little schoolgirl,
and not in a hot way.
that made me sound creepy. Okay, uh,
But-but here's the thing…
Don't look at me.
bountiful zinc deposits, If embarrassment were
I'd be Zambia.
There's nothing to be Zambia about, Annie.
This is all my fault.
I pushed you into competing with other Annie.
Are you kidding me?
I practically ran to you with that flyer.
I wanted to destroy her, all because I can't handle
the thought of anyone getting more gold stars than me.
I'm such a child.
You're not.
When you really hate someone the way you hate Annie Kim,
or when you feel the way I feel about you,
the easy loophole through the creepiness and danger
is to treat them like a child.
"Chip off the old block. You're the best, kiddo."
It's a way for me to tell you It's a crutch.
how important you are, from a distance.
But now you're becoming this mature,
intelligent young woman self-possessed
and I can't keep patting you on the head
or talking down to you.
how close we are. But I like
I don't wanna grow up if it means losing what we have.
Well, tough, Annie. You have to grow up
because the world needs more women like you.
We can't keep doing this forever, kiddo.
Can't we?
No, that's gross. I feel gross. Nope, I can't. No. No.
Well, I'd better go check on the group,
if they haven't left already.
From a respectable distance. I'll follow you.
I put you through that. Guys, I'm sorry
And I know it doesn't make up for what happened,
if I said I farted? but would it help
Annie, no. I can't let you fall on that sword
because I farted.
No. I farted.
I farted.
Guys, I wasn't doing the Spartacus thing.
No, seriously… I farted.
We all farted. Oh, you guys.
Thank you.
Wait, why are you still here? I'm farting now.
Abed may have figured out a way we can still win.
Really? How? It's simple. First we…
You circle around… And then I go…
Abed, what did I tell you? You can't just mumble nonsense.
No one's cutting away. Fine. Here's my actual plan.
Aah! Aah!
What is that? It's from Britta.
She's promising to disrupt the Model…UN.
She says she's gonna cause a disruption
completely illegal, that, while not
should be of real concern to campus…security.
I don't know.
call the real cops. Maybe we should
You know, back in the '80s,
I had this real piece-of-work protestor
who used to always give me trouble.
You know what happened to her?
She incited a riot at the WTO.
Got choked till she passed out.
with a real billy club. By some real cop
Sometimes I wonder, you know.
Well, what are you waiting for?
how the world really works. Go show that hippie
Are you forgetting something?
All in favor? Aye.
Could you morons say "aye" any slower? Come on.
Whoa!
[GROUP MAKING BUZZING NOISE]
Greetings, people of Earth Two. What is this?
We represent the United Nations from Earth One.
Using our Switzerland's Hadron Collider
and resources from every nation,
the people of our planet have constructed
a trans-dimensional gateway here.
The science works out. They can't do this.
We come to you with an offer. Yeah.
We have achieved world peace, tying our score with yours.
But we are willing to concede our victory
if you agree conceding yours,
forming one, gigantic, united United Nations.
You're a fool. We did it.
a technical act of aggression. Your ultimatum is itself
to recognize your authority, If we simply refuse
we still remain ahead and you lose.
But you win a simple game.
The larger, symbolic victory will be ours.
Ooh-la-la.
We refuse.
I'll take the real victory.
common-sense move, Annie Kim, A logical, effective,
one which flies in the very face of the United Nations itself,
a fundamentally symbolic organization
founded on the principles of high-minded rhetoric
and empty gestures.
Blue UN wins.
Yes! Yes! Yes!
What the hell are you doing? Nothing.
And you can't do anything to stop me.
"Can't do anything"? Did someone say,
[LIONEL RICHIE'S "HELLO" PLAYING]
* Hello *
You're looking for? d d Is it me
* I can see it in your eyes *
* I can see it in your smile *
* You're all I've ever wanted *
* And my arms are open wide *
* 'Cause you know Just what to say *
Just what to do d d And you know
So that's nice. No?
* And I want to tell you So much *
I knew you'd come.
You're so busted.
* I love you *
Yes.
Shit.
I told you to stop playing Operation on me!
I'm not your damn board game!
At least you didn't get my spare ribs.