Wow, they found a way to make the Human Being even creepier.
Covering him in icicles. I think it's festive.
Yeah, my favorite Christmas tradition
is trimming the Hellraiser. Guys, found something
for Christmas this year. we can watch together
The long-lost 1981 Inspector Spacetime Holiday Special.
Runtime two-and-a-half hours, and so critically reviled
that after it aired, the creator had his knighthood revoked.
That sounds terrible.
I wanna watch it twice,
but I'm spending Christmas with my relatives.
Or rather, I'm spending the day with them
to acknowledge Christmas. while they refuse
You Jehovah Witnesses, so severe.
Andre and I are spending Christmas giving gifts
to the more persuadable of our Jewish friends.
I wouldn't call a visit from your pastor a gift.
And don't bother this year.
I'll be at the movies with my bubbe.
You're not taking both of them?
Well, one's dead. What?
to hanging out with you. I was looking forward
so long, dark, angry. This semester's been
we could have some fun. I was thinking
What we've learned
to make the holidays brighter is that attempts
a certain darkness. give them
if I agree with that. Oh, I don't know
With boughs of holly ♪ ♪ Deck the halls
Actually, maybe I do.
* 'Tis the season to be jolly Fa la la la la la *
* Rock on *
Merry Christmas, Greendale. Glee Club here,
reminding you that our Christmas pageant is coming.
Next stop, regionals.
What are regionals? They never stop talking about it.
* I said deck *
Please tell me we were
the year we filled in. not this obnoxious
T-minus five seconds till the hip-hop remix. Four, three…
Re-re-re-remix ♪ ♪ Come on
* Re-re-re-remix *
F-A-L-A, come on… d d Fa la la la
You're awfully quiet, Jeff.
Nobody hates Glee Club more than you.
I'm just content to sit back and enjoy the show.
And now our pop music mash-up.
Elton Lil Jon Lennon.
Kick it. Hey, tiny dancer.
Okay.
Stop!
Cease and desist.
Glee Club, meet ASCAP.
Protecting musical copyrights since 1914.
They've received an anonymous tip
that unlicensed material was being performed here
without the artists' permission. Merry Christmas, everyone.
just became History Club. Glee Club
Oh, no! No!
No! Why?
My soul is dead. Oh!
we were never here. Okay, anyone asks,
Why?
[THE 88'S "AT LEAST IT WAS HERE" PLAYING]
* Give me some more Time in a dream *
To run out of steam ♪ d Give me the hope
It can be here ♪ d Somebody said
Tied up dead in a year ♪ d We could be roped up
* I can't count the reasons I should stay *
* One by one they all Just fade away *
is at Westside Hospital, The Glee Club
a collective nervous breakdown. recuperating from
This is the second Glee Club we've lost in two years.
We might have to cancel the Christmas pageant.
this close to regionals. And to think they were
What the hell are regionals? They're this close, Pierce.
Anyway, an old friend wants to talk to you.
Your favorite Glee Club instructor,
the dreamy and boyish Mr. Cory Radison.
Uh, I thought I told you to call me Mr. Rad.
Or Cory. Just don't call me late to dinner.
Unless you're serving Brussels sprouts.
Aah! I won't, I promise.
This guy's like human froyo.
Look, when the last Glee Club died in that bus crash,
you guys stepped up.
You were the best gosh-darn emergency substitutes
I've ever worked with. Well, this time,
I'm not gonna kid you. It won't be easy.
Your best won't be good enough. Oh.
And 10 times your best will be so bad,
I will yell at you.
if we dig down… But I promise,
Yeah. Pass.
Okay.
Don't you hurt him.
Mr. Rad?
we let Mr. Rad down. I feel like
He let himself down
when he left the house wearing a sweater vest.
have fun last time. I guess we did
I can hardly remember. Did we?
happy, musical fog. It's all a weird,
It was like being on ecstasy,
pointless conversations only instead of having
and dancing like idiots… Wait.
like being on ecstasy. It was exactly
That's what worries me about this guy.
Hanson and Manson. He's equal parts
Nobody let him corner you until he is out of recruitment mode
or next thing you know,
we'll all be caring about Christmas pageants
and regionals. You're right. Deal.
Gotcha. Agreed.
What the hell are regionals?
What are you still doing here?
I thought I'd give her one more tinkle
before I took down decorations.
No Glee Club means no pageant, means no Christmas.
things brighter Trying to make
made more darkness. just would've
a certain ex-lawyer talking. That sounds like
I see a lot of myself in you, Abed.
You care about your friends.
And you wish they cared more about each other.
That's not an easy position to be in sometimes.
I want my friends to have a merry Christmas.
Well, maybe you could start
by giving them the greatest Christmas gift of all.
What's that?
* Glee, it's a feeling you get *
* When your brain finally lets Your heart get in its pants *
* Glee, it's like a drug That you use *
* That turns pain into shoes *
* And your shoes into dance *
still playing this song? How's your piano
* Glee is the answer When questions are wrong *
If you just sing along ♪ ♪ You'll understand
* 'Cause glee is the gift That you need *
* Glee is what I'll spread To my friends *
* Like a virus that sends them To a healthier place *
* Glee, I'll understand Every scene *
* Because they'll sing what they Mean instead of making a face *
When families are winning ♪ ♪ Families are closer
* Everything's cooler When cameras are spinning *
* Singing and dancing in unison In-in-in *
* Glee is the gift *
* That we need *
Glee!
Thank you, Mr. Rad. Don't break down the set yet.
I'm gonna try to get my friends to be in the Christmas pageant.
Thank you, Abed.
Thank you.
Merry Christmas, Troy.
Abed, you look gleeful.
Don't you think it might actually
be fun doing this pageant?
Abed, we hate the Glee Club.
I just like liking things. Yeah. I guess
Abed.
I'd do anything you did, but… Look, you know
I'm a Jehovah's Witness.
to celebrate Christmas. We're not supposed
I've been thinking about that. I may have a loophole.
a Jehovah's Witness What if you were
to be into Christmas, merely pretending
gathering clues to take down the holidays from within?
You mean like a spy investigating,
like I'm celebrating, making it seem
when actually I'm infiltrating
Santa's operation? Yoip!
* Going deep cover Past enemy lines *
I'm on the Christmas side ♪ ♪ Making everybody think
* Rocking warm sweaters Hanging big-ass lights *
* If the fat man can see me It's gotta look right *
* I'll watch all the TV specials That I never could *
* I'll cry during sad ones Like James Bond would *
It's time to set the bait ♪ ♪ When the big night comes
* Cold milk, hot cookies Decorative plate *
* He'll come down the chim-in-ey Just him and me *
* He won't know we're enemies 'Cause I'll play sincere *
Hug him tight, get on his lap ♪ ♪ Spring a trap, like that
* And tell him he can come back Every year *
* 'Cause I am Jehovah's Most secret witness *
* So I might have to dedicate My life to Christmas *
* And act just like I love it Till the day I die *
Connoisseur of Christmas ♪ ♪ A-B-E-D
None of your business ♪ ♪ On the spectrum?
* Thoughts too fast To comprehend *
* Wanna do right by my friends *
* If years were seasons This December *
* Would be the December Of our December *
Than Howard Hughes ♪ ♪ More blueprints
* But if there are blueprints How do we choose? *
* We have to be happy To get to the end *
* We have to save Christmas To save our friends *
Hey, guys.
Yep. Wanna join us? Rapping?
Totally.
Wait. You guys never let me rap with you.
all hands on deck We're gonna need
go to regionals. if we're gonna
Cool.
I just need to study, though. In my room.
So have fun.
And then this morning
I could hear them in the bathroom
doing country mash-ups.
And they won't stop talking about regionals.
Maybe it's nothing.
wears a sweater vest Yeah, if nothing
aggressively asexual. and seems
Let's all study for our final in our old…
Where's our table?
Who's that guy?
You guys all see him too, right?
Merry Christmas, y'all. Hey, guys.
Sorry about the rearrangement. We need this space to rehearse.
doing the pageant. But we're not
I hear your negativity, Look, guys,
but also, can I counter with this? Who hates glee?
Listen to how that sounds.
"Glee" literally means "glee."
Club doesn't make us bullies. Oh, stop it. Not liking Glee
is reverse bullying. And implying that
Good point. Sing about it? No!
I understand them, but you, Pierce?
Your generation invented music.
I don't know about invented. Perfected, maybe.
Pierce, they're just trying to pander
to your demographic's documented historical vanity. Resist.
Abed, wasn't Santa Claus himself part of Pierce's peer group?
I believe so.
One, two, three, four.
* Santa Claus was born in 1945 *
* He had a boogie-woogie Coca-Cola army jive *
Gave the polio to Doris Day ♪ ♪ And when the commies
* Santa helped the Beatles Chase McCarthy away *
* That baby boomer Santa *
* He's never gonna die *
* Santa fought At Woodstock and Vietnam *
* And smoked a ton of acid And burnt his bra *
He did more drugs ♪ ♪ And then in 1970
* And his hair stayed long *
* And he grew a mustache *
* Baby boomer Santa *
* He's gonna stay alive *
Spielberg and microchips ♪ ♪ Santa invented
Coca-Cola and aerobics ♪ ♪ Santa invented
* He made the Iron Curtain And the Gremlins too *
* Fake butter and AIDS And Twin Peaks *
* Baby boomer Santa *
* Thank you for MTV *
Aah! Ow!
* Baby boomer Santa *
* Thank you for everything *
* You're welcome *
* You're welcome For everything *
* In the world *
* You're welcome *
For all that I bring ♪ ♪ You're welcome
* To the world *
* I'm baby boomer Santa *
The gift of the world ♪ ♪ I bring
* Baby boomer Santa *
* I'm an American pearl *
That's great. Pierce is onboard.
we can get Shirley or Annie. For the Christmas queen,
They both have really strong voices, natural vibrato.
There's also Britta. Britta's adorable.
for the Christmas queen. So Shirley or Annie
There's a leaf on Britta's head. She's playing a tree.
And it's gonna be so fun.
Mr. Radison, who authorized you to rearrange our study room?
Who do you think you are?
I'll tell you.
* Well ♪ ♪ Well *
* Well *
into the study room. I'm scared to go
So many top hats in there.
we could stop all this. I wish there was a way
I realize the stakes aren't that high.
That just makes it extra scary. I know.
what Mr. Rad is up to. Jeff, I think I know
There's something you have to see.
Mr. Rad plans to get
every single member of our study group to join the Glee Club.
that's gonna happen. I don't know how
I'll show you.
What…?
the many costume changes This is just one of
during the show. I'll be doing
for regionals, right? We're a shoo-in
This is beneath you. Annie, you too?
You are an intelligent woman.
Also, you're Jewish.
I guess I have a lot to learn about holiday tradition.
How to understand Christmas ♪ ♪ Teach me
* Show me how to open a box *
* It hurts my little head *
* When I'm lying in my bed *
Of sugarplum socks ♪ ♪ With visions
Is this a bit? ♪ Teach me *
* How to understand Christmas *
* Do I trim the tree Or the deer? *
* I can't keep it straight *
* And now it's getting late *
* Where does the stocking go? *
* Here? I can't see *
* What's a Christmas Eve? *
* Is that Santa's lady? *
* Are snowmen cold or hot? *
* Won't you be my daddy? *
* I'm a silly Christmas baby *
* Tell me what to deck *
* Heh, 'cause I forgot *
Annie. Oof! Oh-ho.
* Brain hurty undie-stand-y Cwistmas *
* Mistletoe for eaty Taste good? *
* You smarty, me dumb *
* Help pwetty have fun *
* Boopy doopy doop boop *
* Sex *
Eventually you hit a point
of diminishing returns on the sexiness.
What's a dimin…?
Stay back, old man. Don't even hum.
I have no intention of singing. Shirley, Britta,
Good.
I can't speak for these angels, though.
Oh.
* There's a magic in the air *
* Around us *
The sudden urge to bake ♪ ♪ We all have
A very special birthday ♪ ♪ It feels like
* But whose name should be Written on the cake? *
you need to get out of here. Shirley,
* We asked our public school To give the answer *
They're not gonna tell you.
* But they could only teach us Not to pray *
That's what they do. That's what they do.
The state can't tell us ♪ ♪ The Constitution says
* Was anyone important Born today? *
Oh, I gotta tell the babies.
* Jesus Christ ♪ ♪ Jesus Christ *
* Jesus Christ is Lord ♪ ♪ Jesus Christ *
* Happy birthday, Jesus *
Cut the cake now ♪ ♪ Cut the cake
* Cut the cake, my lord *
Oh, Jeff, thank God.
It's just you and me now. They got Shirley.
Jeff?
* Ah *
Guys, I am swelling with pride.
You stepped up and you saved the Christmas pageant.
It's all thanks to you, Mr. Rad. Whoo!
I just hope we can repay you by making regionals.
this was regionals. I thought
undercut their importance. Don't let my confusion
Places, everyone. Oh!
Okay, scooch, scooch, scooch. Great.
I could not have done this without your skills, Abed.
I was happy to do it.
I thought we were gonna end the semester on a dark note.
I'm glad we're singing together instead. It's been a good time.
It's going to continue to be a good time.
If we win regionals, it's straight on to sectionals.
And then a week later is semis, then semi-regionals.
Then regional semis, then national lower-zone semis.
Oh.
thought this was, But I kind of
just for Christmas. you know,
No, no, no.
This is forever.
This is what we do now.
This is who we are.
* Fa la la la la ♪ ♪ Fa la la la la *
* Fa la ♪ ♪ Fa la la la la *
* Fa la la la la ♪ ♪ Holla *
* We are planet Christmas When we sing *
* We will sing together Throughout everything *
Britta.
Is this about regionals?
I talked to Cory, he needs you to be the Mouse King.
Me? But I'm supposed to be a mute tree.
It's an emergency.
This will help us get to regionals.
I knew it.
Wait. What are the lyrics?
They're in your heart, Britta. Right. Duh-doy.
And we are everything ♪ ♪ We are everyone
* Christmastime *
What…?
Oh, Britta's in this?
* I got a Christmastime For me *
* I got a Christmastime For a tree *
No. She's ruining it.
* Christmastime *
* Me so Christmas, me so merry *
No, stop, stop, stop.
What are you doing? Get off the stage.
I'm singing my heart's song.
and never sing again. Get off the stage
You are the worst.
Hey!
to call Britta the worst. You do not get
Yeah!
Mr. Radison, I think it's fine.
Greendale is an all-inclusive school.
Why don't we let Britta sing her awkward song?
Yeah!
No, no, no, no, no, no!
This show is supposed to be gleeful and bright and fun,
there can be another bus crash! and you can let me do that or
Well, figuratively. Heh-heh.
"I killed the last Glee Club." I'm not saying
you not listening to me I'm saying
is like metaphorically cutting the brake lines on your own…
Look, Kings of Leon.
What did he say?
the last Glee Club? Did Mr. Rad kill
And to think I trusted him enough
to captain a magic carpet in that dream I had last night.
Maybe Jeff's right.
Forcing things to be bright
makes the darkness underneath darker.
for insisting we do the pageant. This is all my fault
Sorry.
Merry Christmas.
I guess I'll just see you guys after the holidays.
Happy Time Day, Reggie.
to give one's constable a gift It is tradition
each orbital cycle. at the end of
Oh, thank you, inspector.
Blimey! A hologram. Mm-hm.
Let's activate it and view the performance.
* I tried to find a way around And get behind your wall *
* I tried to reach the top… *
This is terrible.
* The angels did say *
* Was to certain Poor shepherds *
* In fields where they lay *
* In fields where they *
* Lay keeping their sheep *
* On a cold winter's night *
* That was so deep *
to spend the holiday together. We decided we wanted
It's been a dark semester.
I basically killed a guy.
And I kind of attacked you guys with a fire ax.
I'm thinking about seeing a new shrink.
Don't. What?
Holy crap.
Look how terrible this Christmas special is.
Ho, ho, ho.
Merry Time Day!
* Noel, Noel *
* We'll see you all *
* After regionals *
* Dean, dean, dean, dean Dean, dean, dean, dean *
* Chang, Chang, Chang, Chang *
* Pop, Pop, Pop, Pop *
* My name is Alex My name is Alex *
* Pop, pop, pop, pop *
* Dean, dean, dean Dean, dean, dean *
* Dean, dean, dean, dean *
* Merry, merry, merry Merry Changmas *
* Merry, merry, merry Merry Deanmas *
No, no… What…? No, no, no. No!
* Dean dong *
No!