(DOCTOR WHO THEME)
Jamie, the Doctor!
(PIERCING SCREAM)
(SCREAM FADES)
(ECHOING VOICES)
Doctor?
Zoe!
What's happened?
(ZOE'S VOICE ECHOES) Jamiel Over herel
Zoe? Is that you?
Redcoats! Am I back in my own time?
If I am, they'll shoot me down.
Shoot me down like a dog, would you? A McCrimmon never died without a fight yet!
- (FIRES) - (ZOE SHOUTS) Jamie? Jamiel
Jamie, I'm here!
Where are you?
Jamie, can you hear me? Jamie...
Jamie, Doctor, help! Somebody help me. I'm trapped!
(CREAKING)
(SCREAMS)
(MAN) Good. Excellent.
(SPEAKS SOFTLY) And now the good Doctor, where is he?
(HARSH, ROBOTIC TONE) Look around. He must be here somewhere.
Find him. Search.
(SOFT, GENTLE TONE) I see. He has eluded us for the moment.
So he is not yet completely under my control.
Perhaps it is better this way. Yes.
He'll soon find out.
(EVIL LAUGH)
(HARSH, ROBOTIC TONE) Find him. Search all areas.
Jamie, Zoe... Jamie...
Fight... I must fight.
Fight!
Where in time and space am I?
Where are the others?
Jamie? Zoe?
- (JAMIE SHOUTS) Doctorl Hellol - Jamie, is that you?
(ZOE SHOUTS) Jamiel Doctorl
Zoe?
(ZOE) Doctor, I'm trapped. Help me, pleasel
All right, Zoe. Stay where you are and I'll see if I can find you.
Hello?
Call out to me!
- (JAMIE) Over herel - Yes, all right, Jamie.
- (ZOE) I'm over herel - All right, Zoe.
(THEY BOTH SHOUT AT ONCE)
No, no, no!
Not both together. One at a time.
Now, then, Jamie, you seem to be the nearer.
You first. Count up to ten.
(JAMIE) One... two... three... four...
(ROBOTIC TONE) Find him. Search!
(GENTLE, SOFT TONE) Perhaps some light will help.
This is like exploring a maze in the dark.
Oh!
Well, thank you, whoever you are.
(CREAKING, POUNDING STEPS)
(ROBOTIC TONE) Spread out. Cover the whole area. Slowly.
Keep moving. Look left to right.
Search every inch of the forest.
(SPEAKS SOFTLY) We know the Doctor is here somewhere.
Hmm, no sign of him, but he can't be far away.
We'll continue on this course.
(ROBOTIC TONE) Track him down. Those are your orders. He must be found.
(LOUD WHISPER) Jamie! Zoe!
(MAN SPEAKS LILLIPUTIAN)
(LILLIPUTIAN)
(SPEAKS BROBDINGNAGIAN)
(BROBDINGNAGIAN)
- (DOCTOR) Parlez-vous français? - (SPEAKS LATIN)
(SPEAKS BROBDINGNAGIAN)
Do you speak English, by any chance?
Sir, my birth was of honest parents in an island called England.
Good gracious me! Why didn't you say so at once?
I've spoken as many languages as I have the least smattering of.
Well, let's start at the beginning again, shall we?
What did you say to me?
I said, "Beware, false traitor, highwayman, robber, pickpocket, murderer!"
You must be making some mistake. Highwayman, indeed!
When were you last in England?
- We set sail from Bristol on May 4th 1699. - We?
What became of my companions I cannot tell. They were all lost.
My dear sir, you and I are in the same boat.
- You have a stout ship? - Unfortunately, no.
Would you take that pop gun away? It does unsettle me so.
Well, sir, if you can assure me you are no traitor.
How can I be a traitor when I don't even know where I am?
Where am I?
I cannot tell.
That makes two of us, doesn't it?
Thank you.
Listen, I've lost my companions, too.
Two of them, a boy and a girl. Jamie and Zoe.
- Have you seen them? - Alas, no.
I've got to find them. Perhaps you could help me if you know your way around.
- It is not permitted. - Who says so?
- The Master. - The Master?
He has articles of impeachment against you for treason and other capital crimes.
Treason again? Really?
I leave to your prudence what measures you will take,
and now, sir, to avoid suspicion...
..I must retire in as private a manner as I came.
But, sir, don't go. I wanted to ask you...
A hallucination?
Ah, well.
Jamie!
Zoe!
- Cooee! - Is that you, Zoe?
- Cooee! - Who's that? Who are you?
Well, well, well!
How do you do?
- Why did the chicken cross the road? - This isn't the time for riddles.
You must answer. Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side, or so I've always been led to believe.
Which is it, the yolk of an egg is white or the yolk of an egg are white?
- Neither. It's yellow. - How many beans make five?
Adam and Eve and Pinch Me went to the river to bathe. Adam and Eve got drowned.
- Who was saved? - Pinch Me.
Agh! Stop it. Don't do that.
Now it's my turn to ask you questions.
- What can you make of a sword? - Huh?
What can you make of it?
- Rearrange it. Think! - This is your last chance.
S-W-O-R-D. Rearrange!
S-W-O-R-D...
Rearranged it makes... W-O-R-D-S. Words!
(THEY CHEER)
It's a dictionary. Words.
You have answered correctly.
- You may be suitable. - Suitable?
- I do hope so. - Come on. It's teatime.
- I'm hungry! - Race you home!
Words...
- (JAMIE SHOUTS) Doctorl Over herel - Jamie?
Jamie? Is that you?
Jamie...
It's just another trick!
Hello...
What's this?
A safe?
Locked, of course.
And a wishing well. Hmm...
I wish...
I wish I believed in wishing wells (!)
(FAINT, ECHOING VOICES)
(SMUG LAUGHTER)
(ECHOING VOICES)
(DOCTOR) Hello...
This is a puzzle. That's what it is.
Oh, yes...
I'm beginning to recognise this. It's sort of picture writing.
Let me see now...
Jamie...
mist...
Mist without the M or the T. I-S. Is.
Hand without the H. And.
So we have "Jamie... is...
"safe... and... well."
Oh! Now I've lost his face.
Hello...
Oh, I see...
I'm supposed to provide the face, am I?
Very well. Now, then...
Yes. There we are.
Yes, that's his nose all right.
And...
Yes...
Oh, no! I've done it wrong!
Doctor! (LAUGHS)
I'm glad to see you again!
- But... But you're not Jamie. - Eh?
(ECHOING LAUGHTER)
What are you on about?
Well, your face, it's different.
- What do you mean, different? - Look in the mirror.
- That's not my face! - It's the one you're stuck with for now.
- Why should I suddenly be different? - It's a nasty trick
- played by the person who brought us here. - Brought us here? What's happening?
I don't know. Wait, if you really are Jamie, you should know what's happened.
- How did you get here? - I was describing my dream with a unicorn.
He was charging straight for me,
head down, ready for the kill, when suddenly everything went crazy and I was off.
Off? Where to?
Where have you been?
In the fog. Really. Ever since the Tardis broke up.
- It did what? - Broke up. It fell to bits.
The next thing I knew, I was here.
- I heard you calling, but couldn't find you. - (ZOE SHOUTS) Jamie, helpl
- Zoe, where are you? - I'm trapped. You must help mel
It sounds as if she's over there.
- Zoe! - I can't get out. Help me, pleasel
- There's no handle. There's no lock either. - Don't you see? It's not a door at all.
- It's a brick wall with a door painted on it. - How do you open a door that isn't a door?
- Let me think. - What we want is a battering ram.
- When is a door not a door? - This is no time for riddles.
When is a door not a door, hmm?
- When it's ajar! - Eh?
(ZOE) Get me outl
Get me outl
(JAMIE LAUGHS) Oh, Zoe!
- (LAUGHING) - (ZOE) Get me out!
Not unless you promise to be a good girl!
(ZOE) Oh, you...!
Go on. Get her out.
Come on, then. Up you come.
One, two, three...
I thought I was never going to get out of... Who are you?
Eh? Och, don't you start, Zoe. I've had enough from the Doctor. I'm me.
Jamie!
- Why does he look so different? - Well, I'll... I'll tell you later.
- It's time we got out of this wood. - Aye. This place gives me the creeps.
You go on ahead, Jamie.
- Is that really Jamie? - Well... Well, yes.
He couldn't just have changed like that. It's impossible.
I think we may be in a place where nothing is impossible. Come on.
(PANTING)
Oh, my feet ache! I'm going to sit down and have a rest.
If only we could see over these trees.
- If you give me a leg-up, I'll shin up one. - Good idea.
- Can you manage? - I think so.
It's a bit tricky, but...
- Nearly there. - There's a foothold.
I'm at the top.
- Doctor... - (ZOE) Can you see something?
I can see all right.
- Do you know what this tree is? - (DOCTOR) No. What?
It's the letter S.
The next one's an L, and then an O and a W...
It's a forest of words!
- This must be a world of words. - What do the words say?
"Slow but sure...
- "In for a penny..." - In for a pound.
They're all sayings, proverbs.
"Look before you leap."
- I can't read any more. - (ZOE) Can you see a way out?
I think so...
Yes.
Down you come. There's a foothold. Can you manage?
Steady.
There.
It's this way.
(ZOE) Oh, Doctor!
It's all right. I've met this gentleman before. He's a traveller like ourselves.
Delighted to meet you again, sir! Allow me to present my two companions.
This is Zoe,
and this is Jamie.
- How do you do, sir? - We're trying to get out of this wood.
This resolution may appear very bold and dangerous.
- But we've got to get away. - Haven't you ever tried to escape?
No. I looked upon myself to be fully settled for life.
These tests, what's the point of them?
In choosing persons for all employments, they have regard to great abilities.
A course of study is required to qualify any man for the service of his country.
But who's in charge here?
- Who's setting all these tests for us? - The Master.
The Master again, eh? I suppose this army of robots works for the Master as well.
Army? As to their military affairs, I knew not what they meant.
- Surely you've seen them! - I knew not what they meant.
(CREAKING, POUNDING STEPS)
They're coming back!
- What do we do? - We hide among the trees!
There's a J. There's room for two. Thank goodness there's a letter C!
Aren't you going to take cover?
The best expedient I could think on was to keep guard.
Whatever you do, don't give us away!
(CREAKING, POUNDING STEPS)
I could not forbear smiling, sir. What you told me is mistaken. There was no army here.
(MASTER SPEAKS AFFABLY) At last! Very well.
(ROBOTIC TONE) Round them up and lead them away.
You have your orders. You know what to do.
- Thank you very much (!) - Why did you give us away?
But I said there was no army here.
Don't you see? As far as he's concerned, they don't exist. He can't see them.
I must forbear to trouble you further.
Having answered the only objection you've raised against me, I now take leave of you all.
Wait!
I think they want us to go in the other direction.
Doctor, these soldiers...
Am I mad, or do they look like toy soldiers?
Yes. Particularly dangerous toys, too. Come along. Let's go.
They've stopped.
- Why have they brought us here? - We shall soon find out.
(ROBOTIC TONE) Mission is accomplished.
It's so dark!
I've got a funny sort of a feeling I've been here before.
Shh!
- Listen. - (POUNDING HOOVES)
- Sounds like a horse galloping. - It's getting nearer.
It's coming this way!
It's not a horse. Look!
(WHINNIES)
- A unicorn! It's looking at us! - Keep quite still.
(ECHOING, PIERCING WHINNY)
It's coming straight for us. Run! We don't stand a chance!
- (DOCTOR) Stand still! - (JAMIE AND ZOE PROTEST)
Stand still!