(DOCTOR WHO THEME)
- You wish for my answer, Doctor? - I do.
Then here it is.
SARAH: No!
The female, too. It seems I am doubly fortunate.
- Get up. Get back to work! - DOCTOR: Linx.
Can't you see that your prisoners are physically exhausted?
They've had no sleep and nothing to eat for days.
- They can still work! - Not for much longer.
LINX: I owe these primitives nothing.
My only concern is to rejoin our glorious struggle for freedom.
DOCTOR: That's such an old tune.
Don't you know there's no such thing as the super race?
Your Time Lord philosophy is egalitarian twaddle.
It is a weakness.
Every species has its own weakness, Linx.
For instance, you can only be stunned by a blow on the probic vent,
that small hole at the back of your neck.
LINX: In our case, Doctor, it is a strength,
because it means we must always face our enemies.
Now, to return to the question of your demise.
I think it would be better
if you witnessed first the destruction of your female companion.
Well done, Rubeish.
- Doctor, are you all right? - Yes.
Yes. The blast was too brief.
But I wouldn't have been in a few moments.
- Thank you very much, Sarah. - Oh, pleasure.
Hadn't I better be getting on with the rest of your plan?
- Yes. All right, but be careful. - You, too, Doctor.
Right. Well, if we can secure our friend here,
we can get on with the job of restoring his wretched victims.
Will this help?
Rubeish, you're invaluable, my dear chap.
- Bloodaxe. - Captain.
Fetch me Linx.
Fetch me that scabby-faced stoat from his burrow.
At once, Captain.
Well, that should hold him for a while, even on this planet.
Why this planet?
Well, in his own environment, he weighs several tons.
Fortunately, his muscles have been designed for load bearing
- rather than leverage. - Fascinating.
I'd always assumed that creatures from a high-density planet
would have developed a pressure-balanced physiology.
For example, if you take certain types of seaweed...
BLOODAXE: Linx! Linx!
- Linx? - DOCTOR: Who speaks?
Captain Irongron commands your presence.
Tell him I'm busy.
Well, come soon or we come and fetch you.
Who is Irongron? Is he a nice chap?
Well, I wouldn't recommend him for the Royal Society.
All right, Rubeish, you know how to bring these people round?
- Yes. A simple, repetitive optical... - Yes, quite so.
- I'll leave you to get on with it. - What do you propose to do?
I was going to preset this osmic projector.
Send these people back to their own time.
But now I have to find a way of stalling Irongron.
The robot! Yes, of course.
That ought to give him something to think about.
Thief!
You common scullion, stand aside!
How dare you obstruct me? I shall have you flogged.
Oh, so, a lady, are you?
- A lady dressed as a serving wench? - I'm hungry.
Please let me go. I've tasted neither bread nor meat for nearly a month.
No, nor done no work for longer by the look of you.
All right, my girl, I'll give you bread and cheese,
but you'll have to earn it.
Who are you?
DOCTOR: I am a gift to Captain Irongron
from the one who made me, my master, Commander Linx.
It is indeed the robot, Bloodaxe, though somewhat different in shape.
And I remember, Linx promised to make me a second iron man,
one that would obey my voice.
But why has Linx sent you?
Why has he not himself obeyed my summons?
My master toils in his workshop to make you more fighting robots.
- He sent me as proof of his goodwill. - What?
- Now I must return. - Hold.
I would see something of the mettle of this gift.
- Can you fight, iron man? - That is my purpose.
Then fight me.
I was programmed to fight for you, not against you.
- Cease thy gabble and fight. - You will damage my circuits.
Fight, iron man,
or you'll return to Linx in as many pieces as did your brother.
Hold.
It's truly a marvel, Captain. Never have I seen a finer swordsman.
Ah, 'tis great sport this, Bloodaxe. Draw your sword and join me.
We'll try this creature's strength to the utmost.
Get on!
(SWORDS CLASHING)
What's that?
Oh, fighting again in the great hall, I'll warrant.
Men were ever like children, fond of noise and brawling.
Get about your work, girl.
Hold!
Hold, I say!
We must slow this iron man's speed a little.
Stick me some crossbow bolts in the creature.
We'll see if it fights as well with a crossbow bolt or two in its gizzard.
And if that fails,
we'll lop off its head and try again then.
(MEN LAUGHING)
Isn't that a bit unsporting, old man?
I mean, sitting ducks and all that.
This iron man talks like some Norman ninny.
- Lift up your visor. - I cannot reveal my face, Irongron.
Why?
Because if I did, it might give you a seizure.
- The wizard! - Well, I did warn you, didn't I?
Seize him!
No.
The sword is too quick and clean a death for you.
Well, since you are a wizard,
then by wizardry shall you die.
Not so much of that oatmeal, girl. It's only pikemen we're feeding, not horses.
Hey, watch that pot.
If you burn Lord Irongron's stew, he'll have your liver cut out.
- Is all this for Irongron? - Him and his chamber guard.
- How many's that? - Half a dozen.
- You're full of questions, girl. - Don't the guards on the gate get stew?
What? Meat for those common creatures? I should say not.
They'll have oatmeal, the same as the rest of us,
and lusty enough they are on that.
So you watch yourself if ever you take out that skillet.
I'm not afraid of men. They don't own the world.
Why should women always have to cook and carry for them?
- What else should we do? - Stand up for ourselves.
Tell the men you're tired of working for them like slaves.
- We are slaves. - Then you should set yourselves free.
- Oh, and how should we do that? - Don't you want to be free?
Women will never be free while there are men in the world, girl.
- We have our place. - What subservient poppycock.
- You're still living in the Middle Ages. - Eh?
- Nothing. - You're young and foolish, girl.
And I warn you, keep those thoughts to yourself
or you'll not live long enough to grow wiser.
I must tell them their food will soon be ready.
Look at that great spider!
(SCREAMS)
♪ Oh, see me dance the polka Oh, see me... ♪
(RUBEISH HUMMING)
Ah, that's it.
Come on. Stand up, my dear chap. Come on.
Come on. That's it. Now listen, all of you.
You've been kidnapped, but you're about to be rescued, I hope.
There's a machine here that'll send you home again.
Unfortunately, I don't know how to work it,
and the chap who does has vanished.
But I expect he'll pop up again. He usually does.
But the important thing is,
until then, you must carry on working as if you were still hypnotised.
- Can I ask... - Morrison, don't start asking
a lot of awkward questions. I assure you, I don't know the answers
- any more than you do. - IRONGRON: Linx!
Back to work, everyone. Someone's coming.
Linx, you dog!
Where are you hiding?
Oh, there you are, you dragon-eyed toad.
- Who put these bonds on you? - The Doctor.
I was struck from behind.
- Where is he? - The Doctor is dying.
What method have you chosen to destroy him?
Thank you, sir, for your charm and old world courtesy.
May I ask the purpose of this tomfoolery?
If you're going to have me shot, why don't you get on with it?
I would not have your death be in vain, good sorcerer.
I intend that it shall be of some use to me.
Nothing that I do will be of use to you, Irongron.
Oh, nay, Doctor, but you're wrong.
These knaves of mine lack practice with their star weapons.
A living target will give them a chance
to better their aim before tomorrow's battle.
You, shoot!
(IRONGRON LAUGHING)
These knaves of mine aim so ill, Doctor,
that you are mayhap safer to stand still.
You, shoot!
The aim improves, Doctor. Be patient.
We shall hit the target all in good time.
I'm in no great hurry, I assure you.
Oh, beshrew me, but I grow fond of this fellow.
Shoot when you please, lads, and a bag of gold to the one that brings him down.
(GUNS FIRING)
That noise. I can hear shooting!
- More tomfoolery. - What is it? What's happening?
They captured Sir Edward's sorcerer, this fellow, the Doctor,
and now they're slaying him in the great hall
with these devil's weapons of theirs.
For the life of me, I can't see what's wrong
with a good, old-fashioned broadsword.
By the stars! This fellow hops around like a flea on a griddle.
Give me a weapon. I will destroy him.
What? Would you spoil good sport, old toad?
(GUNS FIRING)
Doctor!
Well done, Sarah.
Just like a daring young man on the flying trapeze. Come on.
(BANGING ON DOOR)
(IRONGRON SHOUTING)
Sarah, wait.
Come on.
(DOCTOR WHISTLING)
Do you know, I think that was one of the most active days
that I've had in years.
Well, it's not as if I was a lad any more,
once you're over 200.
So then, Doctor, your plans have miscarried, I fear.
- What will you do now? - Oh, wait a bit.
Give the potion time to work and then go back.
- Doctor, you can't! - Sarah, I must.
Rubeish and all those scientists are there.
Linx's spaceship is just about ready for takeoff,
and when that happens, there'll be a tremendous explosion.
All that will be left of that castle will be a pile of stones.
- But, Doctor, how can the castle go? - Just believe me, sir.
When Linx goes, it goes.
Irongron's castle is to be destroyed by sorcery? Then all is well.
There are innocent people in that castle, my lady,
and I don't like the idea of anybody going up in smoke.
Not even Irongron.
If you're going back, then I'm coming with you.
I, too, will come with you if my master permits.
Well, thank you. Thank you both.
I can do with all the help I can get.
Thank you, my friends. Your work is finished.
You may rest now for a time until the power build-up is complete.
Doctor, I think you'd better get a move on.
I've a feeling time's beginning to run out.
- Good evening. - It's working, Doctor. Look.
Aye, the villains sleep like innocent babes.
Good.
Well, we'll wait a bit to be on the safe side then we'll go in.
At last, Doctor, there you are.
Something most interesting happening here.
Yes, I see. Where's Linx?
I don't know. He started his spaceship going then cleared off.
Where's the osmic projector? It was over there on the table.
He put everything back inside the ship.
I'll just have to take it out again, won't I?
Hal, scout around the castle.
See if Irongron and his men are sleeping.
If they are, disarm them and come back here.
What are you going to do, Doctor?
Get the osmic projector. Fortunately, it's an independent unit.
- Can't you switch this thing off? - Well, I can try.
Suppose you don't succeed?
Then we've got between five and ten minutes to get out of here
before we're all blown to kingdom come.
(MAN SNORING)
- Couldn't you shut it down? - No, the drive system is sealed.
Linx must have taken the activator key. I managed to get a hold of this, though.
I was lucky to get it out with the drive running.
I think that should do it.
I've got to send them back one at a time.
Get the first one to stand over there, will you, Rubeish?
Come on, Morrison.
All right, Rubeish, come over here. I may want you to take over.
Now then, all you have to do is this,
- this and this. Get it? - Yeah.
Right, here goes.
Right, that ought to surprise them back at the research centre.
- Next gentleman, please. - Come on.
(ALL LAUGHING)
For the last time, Linx, let there be no more talk of leaving.
And I tell you for the last time, I am leaving now.
Our alliance is at an end.
It ends when I say it ends and not before.
You would be well advised to march from this castle now
and capture another. Soon you will have need of it.
- He threatens us, Captain. - He does not understand our ways.
Tomorrow, Linx, we smite the enemy, hip and thigh!
But tonight, we feast.
By your dawn, I shall be 700 million miles from here.
Can I be concerned with the fate of primitives?
(ALL LAUGHING)
What did he mean, Captain?
He is a toad.
Who knows what a toad thinks?
Aye, Captain, 'tis truly said.
This stew has made me heavy.
Eh?
That's Linx.
Send the rest of them back. I'll try and keep him busy.
(SNORING)
Trickery! Sorcery!
What sorcery! Treachery.
That toad Linx bewitched us all!
- Now you, Professor. - I really don't think
- I ought to go and leave you. - Off you go now.
- Now then, this, this and this. - Well, goodbye and good luck.
It really was the most fascinating experience.
I hope you and the Doctor will be all right. See you back at research centre.
SARAH: Doctor!
So...
destroy my castle by sorcery, would you, toad face?
Well, Irongron's magic is too strong for you!
Now listen, dog!
In minutes now, this castle will be destroyed by the sorcery.
If you'd save your miserable skins, then get you gone!
Flee, dogs!
Flee for your life! Come on, waken, you dogs!
And flee! Flee for your lives, you dogs!
Waken! Waken up! Now flee!
Doctor, do get up. We've got to get you out.
(HIGH-PITCHED BUZZING)
Something's gone wrong.
He must have hit the takeoff button too soon.
Come on, we've got about a minute to get out of here. Quick! Run!
(HIGH-PITCHED BUZZING BUILDS)
(BUZZING INTENSIFIES)
Well, you can tell Sir Edward that his problems are over, Hal.
Irongron, his castle,
his magic weapons and his sorcerer, they're all destroyed.
Will you not tell him yourself, Doctor?
He will reward you well. We owe you much.
I'm sorry. I'm afraid we must be off.
- Goodbye, Hal. - Goodbye, Doctor.
- Goodbye. - Goodbye.
You are truly a great magician, Doctor.
To tell you the truth, Hal, I'm not a magician at all.
I'm not so sure about that.
(WHOOSHING)