This here's your home from now on.
Behave, now. Wouldn't want our merchandise getting damaged.
Someone! Anyone!
Get me outta here!
"Property #7: A Home for Fighting"
I-If I don't get outta here, what's gonna happen to me?
Wouldn't want our merchandise getting damaged.
"Capture"
"Processing"
"Production"
"Shipment"
I-I've gotta get out of here!
If I can't escape, then at least you can live free, Pip!
You're small enough to slip through the bars!
C'mon, listen to your papa!
I know, Pip, but I... I can't...
I can't give up like this!
I think I broke a tooth...
Papa!
Pipe down, will ya?
Why're ya making such a ruckus?
I-I'm sorry! Please don't turn me into weapons and sell me! At least spare Pip!
The hell are you talking about?
Oh, boy, we got ourselves another big goofball, huh?
What's up, little guy? You hungry?
Please, get us out of here! I'm on an important journey!
I got separated from my other party member,
and I don't want my story to end with getting turned into cool gear!
Sounds like you got problems, all right.
But if you wanna leave so bad, then leave.
It was unlocked this whole time?
Come on over and have a cup of tea with us first, a'ight?
I'll introduce ya to the others.
Th-The others?
They've got that many other prisoners?
I wonder who the head honcho is in here!
A'ight, punks, lemme tell ya how it works around here!
Yessir!
Hey, guys! We got a newcomer.
I'm done for!
Pleased to meetcha!
What kind of prison is this?
This little dog guy is Daniel.
I'm not a werewolf.
And here're the Three Skeleton Bros.
Wuzzup!
And this devastating beauty here is our very own Madonna:
The lovely Cassandra!
Aww, you guys always make such a fuss.
But if you'd like a headshot, here you go.
Oh, uh, thanks.
And I'm Steve. Pleased to have ya here!
And this is everyone else. Too many to name.
Introduce us, dammit! You had one job!
Get over here and introduce yourselves.
O-Okay.
Are you all here because you were captured?
Yup.
Have you ever tried to escape?
Nah.
This dungeon's part of a fighting arena owned by some human Margrave. Look.
"Baldy"I looove tiddies!" "what a narcissist lmao"
It's pretty chill. No pushy salespeople or hunters dropping by.
Every now and then, we get Heroes barging in.
I smell loot!
But the jailers take care of 'em for us.
Honestly, it's easier in here than out there.
And the jailers let us do what we want, so we can hang out all we want.
The food's pretty good, too.
B-But this is still a prison!
You might be treated okay now,
but eventually, something bad's gonna happen to you guys!
You're just sayin' that 'cause you haven't seen the rest of the place yet.
No need to worry 'bout hygiene! We got a huge bath, complete with jacuzzi jets!
Wha...?
And don't worry 'bout getting out of shape! We got all the latest machines!
Whoa!
And we got entertainment, too: like this state-of-the-art theater!
That's so cool!
Wait, wait, I bet that's just to make sure we don't try to escape!
Look at our rooms! They're just jail cells!
Well, actually...
"Cassandra's Room"
If you wanna change up your room, you totally can! Here's Cass'.
That's a full-blown renovation!
We've been calling her room The Queen's Chamber. Bow when you walk by, yeah?
Yeah, that makes sense.
Don't wanna get hit with an ancient curse.
That's it for the dungeon tour.
Think of how you want to change up your room, yeah?
Th-Thanks, but I...
The jailers can getcha whatever mats you need.
They can?
See, check it out.
Most of the time, they just play cards with us.
Hey, welcome back!
They were here the whole time?
Sounds like it's time for work.
First round's the skeletons versus the dragon.
Get ready, mmkay?
You got it, fam!
What was he talking about?
I told ya this was an arena, right?
Yeah?
Ladies and gentlemen! Are you ready to rumble?
Another day, another horde of monsters...
fighting to the death for your entertainment!
Our first champions are our undead champions! Pain means nothin' to 'em!
They've worked as a deadly team to bring countless monsters to their doom!
Give it up for the Skeleton Brothers!
Rock on, dudes!
And in the opposite corner...
The most powerful, most horrific of all evil creatures...
The Red Dragon!
Are the Skeleton Brothers any match for his horrible fire breath?
Don't worry, I can't actually breathe fire!
Let the battle begin!
Um, uh...
You ready to die, dragon?
Here comes the pain!
Get back here!
Would you look at that!
My God! The dragon's terrible tail strike smashed the skeletons to bits!
I'ts over before it's even begun, folks!
A-Are you guys okay?
Hell yeah, dude!
We can come apart whenever we want!
Just gotta put ourselves back together, and bam, we good!
W-Well, I'm glad everything went okay.
Yeah, all according to script!
Does this happen every day?
Nah, once every three days.
We base our shows on the betting odds to make sure the house makes a profit.
You gotta lose today, okay?
Roger that.
The Margrave makes a killing off our performances.
And when he's happy, we get treated well, so we're happy, too.
Th-That makes sense.
The human world can be hella annoying at times,
but you can find a way to coexist with 'em in it.
We can coexist...
Sorry to keep you waiting, Pip! I'm all done with work for the day!
Pip's not here!
"Urgent Quest: Find Pip!"
Pip! Piiip! Where are you?
Pip! Pip!
Pip?
Pip!
He's gone...
Where did he go?
What's up?
U-Uh...
"Cassandra's Ice Cream: Touch and you're dead!"
"Nice and Cold"
Pip!
I saw him in the drainage ditch,
so I fished him out and put him in the ice room.
Little guy likes to be cold.
Thank you so much! You saved his life!
Just doin' my job.
I ordered it some snow to eat, too. Keep an eye on him, mmkay?
W-Will do!
We can coexist!
I never knew you could live a life like this...
I wonder what Dearia's up to right now?
He must be looking everywhere for me...
Here's what Dearia was up to.
Can't... go on.
That makes 12 now!
Not bad, Elf. But I'm up next.
Loser foots the bill.
You still good with those rules?
Absolutely.
Thirteen contenders, defeated!
Not looking for Letty in the slightest.
It's now been ten days since Letty arrived at the arena.
Man, they worked us to the bone.
Good work!
Great job today. The crowd's gotten bigger since you started.
Where the heck is Dearia?
Why're you freakin' out?
Papa!
Good work out there. This little guy was so good waiting for you.
Th-Thank you for helping.
My pleasure.
I totally thought Dearia would find me in two or three days.
Guess magic's not as all-powerful as I thought, or that easy to cast.
We're in trouble!
Everyone, gather round! News from the Margrave!
The Margrave is dead?
What?
So what?
Huh?
Humans up and die all the time. Why's this time special?
Doesn't that just mean the arena gets a new owner?
I wish that were the case.
But his oldest son inherited it,
and he wants to shut down the arena for its "barbaric treatment of monsters."
He also...
wants all of you euthanized.
H-He's gonna kill everyone? But why?
Is it my fault?
Did he find out about me pilfering some profits to build a rotating theatre?
Huh?
Or was it because we fudged the numbers in our favor so we could buy stuff?
Huh? Wha...?
Or was it because we used that money to go on vacation? That sure was fun.
You have that many reasons?
No, they just don't want you to take revenge on us for capturing you.
Don't worry, they didn't find out!
The guards were in on it, too?
Meh, they enslaved us, we scammed them, so we can call it even.
I guess...
That's not our biggest problem right now, though.
We just learned all this from the new Margrave's mercs.
Once they've finished evacuating the human employees,
they're gonna head in and start killing.
They're already here?
H-How're we gonna get outta this?
Man, not even two weeks' notice?
Okay, gang, we're gettin' outta here!
Mmkay.
But the mercs are right outside the gates! How're we getting out?
We're gonna go through the aquaduct.
There's a big ancient aqueduct that runs underneath this whole place.
It connects up to an old decrepit well outside the walls.
The whole thing's too old to be on any maps, too.
But just to make sure none of them find out we're going that way,
we're gonna have to distract the hell outta those humans.
So let's get us a team to do just that.
"Distraction Team"
Why am I on this team?
You'll stick out otherwise.
Look at you. You're a dragon.
No way, no how! I'll just get in your way!
We'll be fine, even without a script.
How are we gonna be fine? Now it's really gonna be a fight to the death!
Don't freak out, man!
Trust your friends, yeah?
My friends...
You've got a little one to protect, too, right?
Okay, I'm in.
Let's do this!
Who put out the lights?
Can't see shit in here.
Not like we need to see that well to kill 'em all.
And they're all in cages! This is gonna be a piece of cake.
I'll make it quick for yo...
"hi, stupid"
Wha...?
I'll slaughter them!
They're all gone!
Find them!
The decoy worked!
It just made them angrier, though.
Are you sure you should have brought your little one with you?
Well, I tried to send him with the others, but he didn't listen.
No more time for idle chat. Let's get the ball rolling.
On it.
"Oranges"
What the heck? What happened to not standing out?
You'll be fine.
We've got dungeon brick wallpaper on one side, so you'll blend in.
Why only one one side?
You gotta sneak around in cardboard boxes for stealth missions, right?
Plasterin' every side with that would ruin the aesthetic!
Oh.
Listen up, I'mma tell you how the box plan works.
First, you get some porn.
"Mommy Milker SPECIAL ISSUE: Barmaids Galore"
What?
Set it out as bait, then hide and wait for them to take it.
Once they do,
knock 'em out!
Is it really that easy?
Oh, yeah, totally.
Let's use it on those guys over there.
Okay.
They must be hiding somewhere.
First I have to sneak up on them,
then I set the book down...
Huh?
How am I supposed to put the book down?
Did I get things out of order?
I can't even see where I'm going!
The walls are closin' in on us!
Huh? What? What's going on?
Don't leave me behind!
Dammit!
O-Oh, no! A dead end!
Why won't it open?
Nobody told us there were traps down here!
What the heck is going on?
A-Are you okay?
Are they even alive?
What was that noise?
Oh, no, they're coming!
Found one!
O-Oh, no!
No, don't do that in here, or...
The devastating cry of a beast!
Go home, lads.
R-Retreat!
You haven't seen the last of us!
I knew it'd echo real bad in here.
Did that shriek come outta your little one?
We won't be able to sneak around anymore after that.
I'm so sorry.
Wait, where's Cassandra?
Oh, she's over there.
And now for my final riddle!
The beer meant for your unit was stolen and sold by someone else!
Tell me, who took the booze?
Here's a hint: it's someone who just got some fancy new gear.
I knew it was you!
We were gonna drink that together, asshole!
She's using riddles to trick them into fighting each other.
She's so scary! Don't look, Pip!
A'ight, let's go.
O-Okay.
Found them! This way!
Halt!
Here they come.
Hind leg kick!
Enjoy your stay!
The hell is this place?
It gives me the creeps...
D-Dude!
The hell'd they go? That way!
No, this way!
E-Everyone's probably escaped by now, right?
We've bought them plenty of time.
Now's the time for us to make our escape.
This way.
Playtime's over, fiends!
We're surrounded!
You sure had your fun with us...
But now there's nowhere for you to run!
We're gonna drag all you beasts outta hiding...
and turn you into mats for some shiny new...
Huh?
Dearia!
I'm glad to see you're doing well, Letty.
Why are you here? Wait, were you looking for me this whole time?
Absolutely not.
I heard you were here at this arena,
but letting you handle your own problems would help you build character,
so I decided to let you be and watch from afar.
The reason I'm here is for another matter entirely.
Another training arc?
Who's this? Buddy of yours?
What a hottie!
My name is Dearia. Thank you for the help you've given Letty here.
It was no biggie.
I heard some men had been hired to slaughter non-humans,
so I came to assist you.
Though I see that was not necessary.
Let's get out of here, Dearia!
Agreed. Before that, though,
let me erase the memories of these guards so they don't follow us.
Magic sure makes things easy.
Hey! Hey, dudes! Over here!
I'm so glad you guys are okay!
We're still missing some.
Sorry, took us a minute!
The guards!
Sheesh, how long does it take to deliver letters of resignation?
Not long.
It took a while to liberate everything from our storerooms, though.
You guys rule!
What will you do now?
Eh, we'll figure it out.
Whaddya guys think about becoming a traveling circus?
Sounds great!
They sure are close with one another.
You can say that again!
You could stay with them if you like.
No, thanks.
Who knows what I'd have to do in a circus.
My, are you sure?
Still, I learned a lot from them.
Who, what, or where they are doesn't matter at all,
because wherever they end up is "home" to them.
Papa!
So now I know I can find a place like that for me and my family, too.
I see.
Thanks for everything!
So Dearia, what were you doing for these last ten days?
Nothing in particular.
While I was on my way here...
Y-You!
I went around to all the local lords
and told them of the new Margrave's many crimes.
Dealing with that arena will likely be the last thing on his mind now.
Keep that a secret, all right?
Wow!
You sure have a lot of human friends, huh, Dearia?
Only due to my work, of course.
That's the Dark Lord of Real Estate for ya! What a guy!
"Elf Housing Realty"
Do you know the difference between a veranda and a balcony?
"Veranda vs. Balcony"
A veranda is roofed, while a balcony is not.
Next time, "Pip Goes on an Adventure."