What a lovely morning.
Is this to your liking?
Oh, it's perfect!
You seem to have slept well.
Why, of course! I've been on the run for a few days now.
I've grown quite accustomed to camping out.
I would hesitate to use the word "camping" to describe this.
What a handy little satchel.
Changing the subject...
What has Letty all worked up this morning?
An upset stomach, perhaps?
Oh, I know!
You have to lay eggs every morning!
Use the Lamaze method! Breathe in, breathe out!
I'm a male!
I asked him to decide which property he'd like to tour next.
And he's having trouble deciding?
Yeah...
I let Dearia handle everything till now...
Maybe I'll just let luck decide.
Come on, you drummox!
You're Piyovelt's father, are you not?
And you can't even pick out a home? You need to be a better role model for him!
Or at the very least, be a better dragon!
She speaks the truth!
Huh?
Pleased to make your acquaintance, Red Dragon.
I'm with the Non-Human Internal Revenue Service.
Wh-Whatever has happened? Are you quite all right?
You startled him, that's all.
Let me resurrect him!
I'm okay, I'm alive.
"Property #11 A Home for a Kingdom"
Allow me to re-introduce myself.
I am Nashim, a tax counselor with the Non-Human Internal Revenue Service.
I've come to speak with you about unpaid income taxes.
O-Okay.
As you no longer reside with your family, you are not their dependent anymore.
"dependent"
Thus, you must pay your own income taxes.
"dependent"
If you possess property, then you must pay a fixed asset tax on said property.
"fixed asset tax" "dependent"
If you possess property, then you must pay a fixed asset tax on said property.
"home loan"
If you've taken out a home loan on that property...
I know what this is!
Some kind of magic spell!
Taxes aren't magic, you're just stupid.
When a member of a high-ranking species becomes independent,
they must file a yearly income tax report,
but we have yet to receive yours.
An income tax... report?
Do you not know anything?
Everyone pays a portion of their income to the government. That's what taxes are.
You need to tell the government how much you earned to determine what you owe.
I-I had no idea that dragons have to pay taxes!
Says the dragon looking to buy a house.
The Demon Lord is the reason we non-humans can enjoy life in this society!
It is only under His protective wing that we can live, nay, prosper! And taxes...
You, could it be?
Oh, don't mind little old me. Please, continue.
Pretend I'm a cursed statue.
That would be even harder to ignore.
Well, uh...
A traveling branch of the NHIRS' tax office happens to be nearby.
Would you like to file a report there?
Surely you wouldn't want to commit tax evasion. That is a crime, after all.
I'll go right now!
"Don't forget to file your tax return!" "Free consultations!"
"Non-Human Internal Revenue Service"
The filing window is right over here.
I'll assist you with your tax filing today.
First, please fill in the boxes marked "required" on this form.
We'll need your name, species, and occupation.
My occupation?
Oh! If your income is earned through raiding villages or hunting heroes,
list yourself as "self-employed."
I'm unemployed.
What is your address?
Uh, I'm actually looking for somewhere to live right now.
I see. That would make you...
Unemployed and unhoused.
"Unemployed and Unhoused"
Unemployed and unhoused.
Yes, I'm sorry!
And he's fostering a child. Quite the deadbeat, isn't he?
"deadbeat"
Give a guy a break, will ya?
N-Now, now, let's keep going.
After leaving home, you've earned zero income, is that correct?
Oh, I took on a few side jobs.
Wonderful! Then please describe those in detail here.
Okay.
I'll just need to see your stat card for a moment to finish this up.
H-Here.
Thank you very much.
Wait just a moment while I take care of things.
I wanna see your card!
Nuh-uh!
Come on, why not?
Because I say so!
Just a peek!
No way, no how!
Let's see here...
How... How are you even a dragon?
How do you have such crappy stats?
You're preaching to the choir, Nell.
It's horrifying to see how your pathetic nature translates into numbers.
What, you'd like to see it, too, Piyovelt?
You really shouldn't...
N-No, you see... it's just...
It's just so cool! Your father's got quite the incredible stats!
I'm in awe!
You handle this later!
What? What am I supposed to do?
Pip is too pure and innocent...
How could I break his heart like that?
Come back here!
So sorry about the wait.
I had to dig around for a particular set of documents...
Is everything all right?
Yes, I'm fine.
Now, Red Dragon,
as you're already here, I thought you might want to take the opportunity
to apply for a child allowance.
What's that?
It's a small sum of money to assist with any child-rearing expenses.
You have two young children, do you not?
Wait, two?
Peek.
Oh, no, the girl's not mine.
She's a fine young lass. I'll admit, I'm a bit jealous.
She's wise, beautiful, and is quite skilled at taking a human form.
Wait, what?
I'll have you know I'm a flesh-and-blood human, you insolent fool!
She's human?
Look, it's complicated...
I see, you're saving her for later! Pardon me.
What? No! I'm not going to eat her!
That's the last of your forms.
When you do find yourself a home, come back to pay your property taxes!
Right, property taxes...
Speaking of property taxes,
Letty, you should declare that house you built.
Oh! I totally forgot!
I'm glad you remembered!
I gave it to someone else right after building it, though.
I see, I see...
In that case, there will be a capital gains deduction...
Capital... deduction?
I have all the necessary contracts right here.
Here is the total cost after property and agency fees, then building expenses.
"property fee"
"agency fee"building expense" "property fee"
Here is the total cost after property and agency fees, then building expenses.
"agency fee"building expense" "property fee"
Might I see form for the property transfer tax?
"property transfer tax"
Might I see form for the property transfer tax?
"property transfer tax"sale contract"
The property transfer tax was paid before the sale contract was closed...
"property transfer tax"sale contract"
The property transfer tax was paid before the sale contract was closed...
"depreciation costs"
Depreciation costs do not apply as this is a private residence...
"property acquisition tax"
Property acquisition tax does not apply within range of the royal capital...
"property acquisition tax"
Consumption tax would be paid by the other party...
"consumption tax" "property acquisition tax"
Consumption tax would be paid by the other party...
Here are the final numbers. Would you like to look over it, Letty?
Oh, dear.
Why don't we have him sign these later?
A fine idea.
My goodness. I knew you were feeble, but not to this extent.
Papa!
Piyovelt, why don't we help your father, here?
Acquisition... depreciation...
"Acquisition"Depreciation"
Letty? Letty, wake up.
Papa!
"Papa!"
Papa!
Get up, you drummox! Your documents are ready!
O-Oh, thanks.
Also, here!
Here's your next tour!
Huh?
I let Piyovelt choose, since leaving it to you would take ages.
And they say a picture's worth a thousand words...
Thank you so much, Nell and Pip!
You're a dragon. I can't believe you're crying over something like this.
This is the first and only time we're deciding for you!
You pick the next one, got it?
Got it!
I feel good about this one!
Let's go! Soon, I won't have to check the box next to "unhoused"!
Yeah!
Where is this property we're touring, anyway?
It's in the royal capital's old sewer system.
I wasn't aware that non-humans had their own royal capital.
We don't.
This property is in the human royal capital,
very close to your old home, Nell.
Wha...
What?
We're actually here...
in the human city...
Well, underneath it, but yes.
If my retainers knew that their princess was wandering through their sewers...
No one would suspect their princess and a dragon was right beneath their feet.
You needn't worry about anyone finding out.
I can't help it!
I can't believe we actually came here!
I thought you'd pick up on my apprehension and suggest elsewhere!
W-Well, Dearia was all like...
Shall we head out immediately, or take a quick rest first?
We didn't even get a choice.
We got railroaded!
Why would a dragon even want to live here, anyway?
Here we are.
W-Wow, there's actually a place to live down here!
The property is a few hundred years old,
but it's dwarven-built, so you needn't worry about its age.
Hold on!
I know this place!
Huh?
This is my kingdom's man-made dungeon,
built for training Heroes!
You trained them?
Yes, that's correct.
C'mon, Dearia!
Most human-non-human interactions occur in dungeons, yes?
True, and there are monsters living here for heroes to train against.
A lot of us do live in dungeons...
I understand the situation now.
You do?
The kingdom commissioned dwarves to build this dungeon to train Heroes.
"Founder Felix II"
The employees staffing the dungeon would play the part of the dungeon's enemies,
requiring the hire of numerous non-humans to work as live-in employees.
Which means, if you'd like to live here,
you would need to become a public servant.
"Public Servant"
You would need to pass an interview,
but your being a dragon would make it quite easy to get the job here, Letty.
I had no idea...
Why not live here then? It's quite nice.
I-I don't know, I don't like fighting...
But this is your chance to gain both a home and a job all at once!
I dunno...
For now, let us take a look at the property.
What if we run into some Heroes, though?
Not to worry.
"Closed Today Open 8:30-5 M-F"
The training grounds are closed today.
Wow. It really is a government office.
Leave the dungeon crawling to me!
I've always wanted to explore a dungeon!
To tour it, not beat it, right?
Let's go!
She sure is raring to go...
Wait, Pip, too?
Whoa, it's bigger than I expected.
Stop dawdling!
Let's explore the side paths first.
What? Why?
Everyone knows there are never any treasure boxes or items on the main path.
Are you still half-asleep?
I certainly didn't know.
Did your parent's house not have any treasure chests?
Well, no. Just think about it.
Why would anyone leave a chest full of valuables in a hallway?
Oh, you're right, that does seem silly.
Then you didn't have any mimics, either?
Why would I want something scary like that in my house?
What about barrels or boxes that give you items when you break them?
We put our items in drawers like we're supposed to!
No...
Is everything I know about dungeons... wrong?
Monster lairs are filled with items and treasure chests!
But watch out for mimics!
These dungeons you speak of are the creations of human imagination and bias.
Oh, so this place...
is what humans think dungeons are supposed to be like?
Well put.
No need to feel so down, Nell.
You can hire a mimic for your house if you like.
Can you start tomorrow?
"Thanks, Mimic with Flexible Availability!"
I'm down!
The terrible greed of Heroes has created great demand for theft prevention.
Take a look at this catalog.
My goodness!
When you find a house, I'll get you one as a housewarming gift.
No, thanks!
Let's continue with our tour. Next, let's head for the employee living quarters.
Dungeon crawling time!
Y-Yay.
"NELL"Princess" "LETTY"Loser" "PIYOVELT"Mascot" "DEARIA"Dark Lord"
"NELL"Princess" "LETTY"Loser" "PIYOVELT"Mascot" What's this weird music?
"NELL"Princess" "LETTY"Loser" "PIYOVELT"Mascot" The dungeon music.
"NELL"Princess" "LETTY"Loser" "PIYOVELT"Mascot" "DEARIA"Dark Lord"
"A monster appeared!"
The music changed!
"Gargoyle in PJs Drinking a Smoothie"
"Fight"Defend" "Run"Do Nothing" Wh-What do we do, Letty?
"Fight"Defend" "Run"Do Nothing" Um, uh...
Sorry to bother you on your day off.
"Do Nothing"
You're good.
Is this a swamp?
A poison swamp!
Is this the boss room?
"You are in Rock" What the heck?
We haven't made any progress...
Who went through the trouble of making the dungeon this big?
Your ancestors, apparently...
Good efforts, both of you.
Hey, Dearia, could you give us a little hint?
Please?
C'mon!
Just keep going straight...
Did you say something?
No.
B-But I just heard someone murmuring in my ear to "go straight"!
Was it a ghost?
Th-That joke is hardly funny!
You likely are hearing a "whispered hint."
It's dungeon magic that assists lost Hero trainees to put them on the right path.
Don't worry. Keep going, and you'll find a door with a save point behind it.
Wow.
Though it is not always helpful.
I'd kill for some KFC.
You're right.
At least now we know we're going the right way!
Sheesh, it could have told us earlier!
What time is it?
Did I turn off the stove?
Did I lock the door?
Did I bring in the laundry? Is it going to rain today?
Did I put yesterday's leftovers in the fridge?
Stop, you're giving me anxiety!
We've walked a long way now...
Look, Letty!
A big door!
Past this door is the boss arena.
The employee living quarters are just past it.
We made it!
Let's get going, then!
What are you doing?
That door won't open until you have all the necessary pieces of the stone relief.
What?
But it took us forever to get here!
Huh? I feel like I've seen this somewhere...
Great eye! This dungeon was crafted by the same artisan as the Temple of Fall.
I'm impressed, Letty.
I dunno if I'm impressed.
I'm going to find every last one of them!
Wait, Nell!
It's dangerous to go alone!
Found something. Wait, already?
Not the statues, but...
"One part of the relief this way."
"Where the dink are the other pieces, asshole?"
The Hero trainees' graffiti.
They had it tough, too...
Is this what we're looking for?
Judging from how obvious they're making it, I'd assume so.
Grab it so we can head for the next one!
On it!
What's that sound?
The ceiling's coming down on us!
The stone! Put it back!
H-Hold on!
I put it in my satchel 'cause I didn't think we'd need it again right away!
Nope, nope, where is it...
The path's getting closed off!
You took the statue? Find something that weighs the same or you're a goner!
See ya in heaven, losers!
You little bastard! Way to rub it in!
Stop dawdling, drummox!
S-Sorry, I'm trying to find it, but I can't!
Give it to me, moron!
Pip!
A hidden door! Well done, Piyovelt!
Hurry, Letty!
My legs! My tail!
We made it...
Here I thought I was gonna be a dragon pancake.
"Our Dungeon Specialty!"
What's up ahead?
Where do you think it leads?
Can we go this way to get back to Dearia?
I don't know. We'll just have to find out.
Look up and I'll gouge out your eyes.
I won't, sheesh!
A dead end...
But I think it will open with a push...
Could you let me try?
Up we go.
Oh, wow!
It's so shiny!
Oh, no.
Nell?
This isn't good.
This...
is the royal palace!
Wait, we're in your house? Is the royal palace!
"Elf Housing Realty"
Welcome.
If you're in search of property,
why not come by one of Elf Housing Realty's local real estate shows?
Next time, "A Well-Defended Home."