Man, I had one job to do.
No, wait.
I had two jobs to do.
Man.
Another rich citizen robbed of their valuables,
and they are riding me to do something about it.
Good riding or bad riding?
I still don't understand the concept of being rich.
Yes, are rich people the ones who have
things or don't have things?
I believe they're the ones who
cannot stop coughing blood.
Those are the sick.
And you have to be sick to be rich?
- Correct. - Not correct.
Look, it's very simple.
Out in the wilderness, people didn't have anything.
But here in the city, people can have things.
If they have enough things, they
become rich, but not if other people steal those things.
Because then they get sick.
Sickness has nothing to do with it.
Mom, can you do something about the city's thieves?
Of course I can.
- And will you? - I don't think so.
What was that?
It was an invitation to the monster fight
at Hermes' Monsterdome.
Those monster fights are barbaric.
You hate them, too?
Well, I haven't been, but yes.
The Monster Dome used to be Deliria and Hermes' Pageant
of Monstrous Wonders, but when I got kicked out of Olympus,
he took over, changed the pageant to fights,
and changed the name.
Right, so you hate it for the wrong reasons.
There's no wrong reason to hate something.
I hate dolphins because one stole my ex-girlfriend.
So we've just totally moved on from my problem.
I'm rich!
You're not.
I mean, you are, but not because of the sneeze.
Fine, I'll handle it myself.
And history will reward me.
Because if there's one thing I'm sure about,
it's that society will always look kindly
on those who defend the rich.
Are these my speech practice dummies?
How should I know what you use them for?
Wait, why is this one wearing a hat like the baker?
I dress him up like people who have wronged me.
Those are the kids who threw pebbles at my head.
You use your free time pretending
to kill your fellow citizens?
It's not free time. It's training.
Well, get over it.
Today your job is to protect these people.
Come on.
Is it an invading army?
Right now, the greatest enemy of Krapopolis
comes from within.
- Bugs? - Thieves.
- We talked about this. - The vase thing.
I'm sure that'll work itself out.
There have been three more robberies since breakfast.
So what?
People are taking things from other people?
No one cares who owns what.
Look, mine now.
Man.
I just stole that.
One way or another, you need to take care of this.
Meet your new fighting force.
This is my old fighting force.
But with new uniforms.
I call them "police."
So who are we killing?
No one.
Your job is to stop the thieves inside the city.
By killing them?
Only if absolutely necessary.
Why would it not be necessary?
Can you work this out, please?
No. I don't even want this job.
I'm supposed to be outside the castle walls facing
real threats, stabbing invaders and cutting heads off dragons.
Protecting vases is beneath me.
Then I guess the entire city will just descend back
into the madness of the wilderness,
where might makes right, and only the strong survive.
That works for me.
That was sarcasm.
I don't care.
Fine.
Until Stupendous decides to step up, you're in charge.
Begin the slaughter.
Changed my mind. Changed my mind.
No one's in charge, and the uniform
no longer includes swords.
So we kill with our bare hands?
No killing.
If you see someone stealing something, tie them up.
If anyone needs me, I'll be in the forest.
We need you now.
That's been the whole point of this conversation.
Everything OK?
Yes.
Why would everything not be OK?
Why would you even feel the need to ask me that?
Why are you interrogating me?
You're destroying your entire room.
It raises questions.
It's called an aggressive remodel.
Why do rooms have walls?
I didn't say stop.
Is this remodel by any chance related to your invitation
to the monster fights?
It's just, why change the name?
Deliria and Hermes' Pageant of Monstrous Wonders.
That is what it is.
That's what everyone loved.
Did you ask the monsters if that's what they loved?
I think they loved the pageant more
than fighting to the death.
And I think it's all bad, but that's not my point.
Can they leave now? - Yes.
You have a child now.
Congratulations.
My point is we both hate Hermes' Monsterdome.
I hate the brutal destruction of innocent-feeling monsters
for the pleasure of gods.
You hate...
Monsterdome.
It's a stupid name.
But we both want to see this thing go down.
I'm listening.
Like you said, you used to run this place.
The know the layout, and you know Hermes.
With your help, I think we can break the monsters out and end
these fights once and for all.
Without monsters, it would just be Hermes' Dome.
No one would go to that.
And the monsters would be free to live
out their natural lives.
I don't care about that part.
And I don't care if you care, so I guess we're good.
Why?
Thank you.
I don't think you'll have any more trouble with thieves.
Stup, do you hear what I hear?
I hear screaming.
- Between the screams. - Begging?
Silence.
The peaceful silence of citizens
who know their valuables are safe, which
means they can feel safe to work in the city,
to buy more valuables and so on.
This palace isn't as nice as my house.
You can go now. Thank you.
I still mostly hear screaming and begging.
Well, what have you done today?
Besides rescuing a little girl from a three-headed
lion in the forest?
The girl went a little feral.
How do we know those didn't come
from three separate lions?
Any other dumb questions?
Nope. That's it for me.
And I don't care, because I didn't need you after all.
The police are working perfectly.
So you've got a few banana burglars.
You wanted your police to stop the rich from getting robbed.
And so far, so good.
My gold medallions, they're gone!
That sounds like a rich person.
Police, come with me.
When did this happen?
Just now. He's still in there.
Seal the exits. Find him.
Feel free to help.
I'll feel free to watch.
Here.
He's right here.
Where'd he go?
There! On the ceiling.
Grab his arms.
That's what he's using to hit you.
My crown.
I nearly died.
But since I didn't, I'm still stuck on losing the crown.
No!
No one almost kills my brother but me.
Ha!
You're not like the others.
Neither are you.
Ha.
Got him.
So, you know, give up, please.
I'll see you again, but you won't see me.
And you won't see me.
Damn it.
He already said he'd see me.
He's good.
Do you have any more of those stupid police togas?
Several.
A bunch of the guys down there quit.
But I thought this job was beneath you.
The job is, but this guy isn't.
I mean, literally he's beneath us.
Like, he's down there somewhere.
No, no, no. I get it, because he...
Jumped off the...
Yeah, he jumped off the roof.
Now, remember, the crown is solid gold,
which means it dents easily.
Yeah, I don't care about the crown.
The crown is the whole point.
If you can steal from the king, nothing is safe.
The rich want this thief locked up,
and the police are trying to make that happen.
Pfft. The police are useless.
They can't handle this guy.
I'll have you know, the police have caught
dozens of fruit thieves.
And I'd do it again.
Best mango of my life.
And this master thief made them look like fools.
Don't you see?
All the big crimes in the city were him.
One man.
He's a professional, a worthy adversary.
What? No.
I was fantasizing about killing him.
It's different. Shut up.
I'll be back when he's dead.
I don't love your motives, but I like your goals.
So I allow this.
Why do you think the thief will strike here next?
Because it's where I would strike.
But you're not going to, right?
No.
I did not want to fight you.
Wait. What was that?
What, you didn't like my gift?
I'm using it, aren't I?
True.
I noticed you threw it at the barrel instead of me.
I didn't have a clear shot.
I don't think a woman such as yourself needs a clear shot.
I don't think me as well as you think you do.
I think I want to.
I... what are we doing here?
You tell me.
Stupendous!
Go. Leave the city.
If you don't, I'll have to kill you.
I won't even ask for the crown.
You think I care about the crown?
She's down here.
There you are.
The thief has moved up to stabbing barrels of wine.
He's getting bolder.
He changed the sign?
Can we focus?
You said there's a service tunnel that leads
right to the monster pens?
There was, unless he's changed a perfectly
good service tunnel, too.
He changed the color.
Let's hope he didn't change where the tunnel goes.
Just get in there.
And keep him distracted while I save the monsters.
Only save the ones worth saving.
All monsters are worth saving.
Deliria.
You got my invitation.
I'm here, aren't I?
Here, and testing whether the enchantment on the sign works.
Good for you. Come in.
Come in, come in, come in, come in.
Come in before we let the monsters out.
I kid. They're never getting out.
Look at this place.
Yeah.
I made a few changes since you left.
You mean since I was exiled.
And I was left running this whole operation by myself.
Running it into the ground.
You changed everything.
What was wrong with Deliria and Hermes...
Deliria and Hermes' House of Boring Who Cares?
Gods don't want to admire monsters on a stage.
They want to watch them fight to the death in a caged pit.
Come to the monster fights.
Have a few laughs.
Don't worry, gentle beast.
I'm here as a friend to save you.
Fine. Just go.
I can do whatever I want.
It's my name on the door.
Only because you took down my name.
Clumsy.
I'm a little disappointed.
So am I.
Hang on.
To plant your trap here, you would
have had to watch me plant my trap last night
and then let me leave.
And it was worth it, to watch you fall into my trap.
Well, it looks like we have a moment to talk.
I told you to leave the city.
You could just take the crown and go.
Take it where? And for what?
I don't know. To be rich?
Rich.
I don't care about being rich.
Yeah, neither do I.
Of course not. We're both warriors.
I don't know what you are.
A soldier, like you.
Used to be, anyway, until we stopped fighting for ideals
and started fighting for things, property.
Did we ever really fight for ideals?
Wasn't it mostly land and resources?
It was for glory.
I think you agree with me.
Maybe.
Or maybe I've been using this time to get free.
Maybe I've been doing the same.
What do you even want?
To kill me?
To cage me?
To serve society?
To beat you.
What do you want?
For you to come away with me.
What?
Leave the city.
There's nothing for us here.
We can be warriors in the wilderness, together.
We can't talk here.
There's a secret entrance to the palace,
behind the statue of Athena.
The tunnel will take you to me.
The only place I want to be taken.
Little drop.
No.
He got away.
Last one.
Be free, Porcupotamus.
Yeah, you're welcome.
That was harder than I thought it would...
Whoa.
This one can shapeshift.
I'm not one of the monsters.
And speak.
You're still proceeding from the wrong assumption.
I'm in this cage because I fell into it.
And confuse me.
And this. A bench?
What was wrong with the cushioned seats?
Gods like the bench. It's more casual.
You know what, Deliria?
This is why I had to change everything.
Because when we were partners, you
wouldn't take any suggestion that wasn't your own.
Because your suggestions were stupid.
Then you don't have to look at any of them.
You're banned.
Why haven't we started the next monster fight?
Fine.
Very fine.
Ladies and gentlemen, we've had a mishap
in our monster holding pens.
But not to worry.
The winner of our last fight is ready for round two,
as is our challenger.
Would you believe that I'm here to help you?
- Armor problems? - No.
I mean yeah.
I've been working my delts, so the shoulder plates don't
fit the way they used to.
And you want to look your best for the thief.
You're curiously sexual rooftop rumble
is the talk of the market.
My God, that's not what this is.
I mean, I don't know what this is.
I don't know what I'm doing.
You're following your heart, and there's
nothing braver, aside from fighting
the dreaded chimera of Corfu.
But that doesn't tell me what to do next.
When the time comes, I think you'll know.
And whatever it is, I'll support you.
Unless you want help fighting the dreaded chimera of Corfu.
Thanks, Dad.
You should go before he gets here.
The dreaded chimera of Corfu?
He's here. Grab him.
Wah!
You see?
He's just a man.
An extremely handsome man.
Thank you.
Stupendous, I have good news and great news.
My so-called useless police caught
the so-called master thief.
So now he goes to prison?
That was my original plan.
But the city's rich.
Believe we need a more permanent solution.
What if we use that on the thief?
And this isn't horrible, though, right?
I mean, obviously it isn't.
It's not like it means we're no better than the thief
or anything crazy like that.
But we are better than the thief.
That's why the thief has to die.
And anyone could see that.
To doubt it would be frankly offensive.
There's nothing barbaric or disproportionate or morally
unforgivable about...
Look, we've got a lot of stuff,
and if you're not going to protect that stuff,
I can take that stuff to a city that will.
Say, Troy.
No, no.
Of course we'll cut off his head.
I was being silly.
And there's no way in which doing
this makes us inhuman villains, deserving ourselves
of justice.
You got caught?
Using the entrance you told me about.
And that's why your head
is coming right off your body.
The entrance I told you about doesn't
go past the throne room.
But the police were everywhere,
and I had to make a detour.
And that happened to be through the room in the palace
with all the expensive stuff?
Then we're going to put
your head back into the guillotine and slice that up.
You played me.
Two things can be true at once, you know?
I can want to run away with you,
and I can also see the perfect time
to strike a blow against corruption
by disrupting the unfettered accumulation of wealth.
Were you always so full of wordy values crap,
or are you leaning in now that you're desperate?
And once we got all the head slices,
we're going to put them in a sandwich,
and we're going to feed that sandwich to the...
Wait, to the what?
I want to know who's eating my head slices.
But we're out of time.
So I'll strip out all the wordy values crap
and make it simple.
Help me or watch me die.
I trust you.
You don't have a choice, and my choices suck.
We haven't met.
I'm Stupendous' father.
- Nice to meet you, sir. - Sir?
Clever with his hands, and he's polite.
Quite the catch.
He's also a wanted criminal about to be executed.
And I poop standing up.
We all have something.
The rich are saying they're ready for the real thing.
What in Hades is this?
A monster fight with the only monsters
I have left, since someone freed the others.
I have been with you the whole time.
Obviously, I'm talking about your son.
Why do you always treat me like I'm stupid?
Because you are stupid.
And you're mean.
Ooh!
I'm telling you, you don't have to do this!
I'm trying to help you.
This is for smashing my tiara.
And this is for telling everyone I
peed my toga at your birthday.
Stay back!
I'm warning you.
I'm on your side, but I will kill you if it's me or you.
I'm giving you a choice here and laying
out the consequences.
All right, so maybe not all monsters are worth saving.
You could do that the whole time?
Ha-ha!
Well, you know something,
I think I understand the fights.
I feel much better.
And 19 out of 20 monsters isn't bad.
I want to fight Apollo.
I want to fight Helios.
It takes so long for these to grow back!
Deliria!
Good news.
I've negotiated with the rich, and they've
agreed to cut your head off with the sharp blade
instead of the dull one.
OK, maybe not good news, but...
What the...
Dad, did you see what happened here?
Yes.
Find him.
Any idea where he went?
I have the same information you do.
Then you must also feel set up to fail.
What are you doing?
I'm staying. You're leaving.
But why? You don't belong in this world.
You're like me.
I don't know what you are, but I do know that there's
not enough time to figure it out before people
come to kill you.
And if you don't leave, my brother won't trust me,
and the rich people won't trust him.
So I have to trust you to go and never come back.
Maybe one day we'll find each other again.
Maybe one day this new society of wealth and property
will result in a city the size of the world, and half of us
will be in cages.
Sure. Maybe that, too.
I don't even know your name.
Ha-ha! I know.
Aw, he stole my shoulder plate.
I have an announcement.
I have decided not to execute the thief
because I have invented something far worse and more
punitive than execution.
I call it extradition.
How does it work?
It's very simple.
Instead of killing the thief, which many are saying
is precisely what he wants, and therefore, ironically enough,
too merciful, we remove him from the city,
his precious, precious home, and send
him far away, to another city, where
he can never be seen again.
- What city? - Even I don't know.
- Will he be killed there? - Possibly.
Wait, is Krapopolis his home?
It seemed like he was from somewhere else.
All righty, then. Looks like we're done here.
Thank you so much.
What do you think happened to all
those monsters you set free?
I don't know, but I know they found peace.
Did you get any of that?
Bento.
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