Ice!
You're a month late. You should resupply and get going
If you want to make it in time for next year's ice week.
Almost forgot. Thanks! 5 stars.
All right. Let's get more ice over here, can we?
Let's get those ice sculptures higher, guys?
Gonna need that ice slide to be way more slippery.
And remember not to stick your tongue to the ice.
It will get stuck.
And I need twice the slush in the slushies.
No skimping during ice week.
Hey, guys, guys. Rub it on your privates.
That's the spirit.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Keep 'em moving.
Those beauties are for the ice dance.
Take 'em straight to the venue.
King ty, king ty! Look at this!
No more boo boo! My boo boo is completely gone!
I had a boo boo, and what did I put on it?
A poultice of dung and leaves? No! Friggin' ice!
You know what they say:
- No boo boos during ice week. - Ha ha!
Is that the ice virgin I see?
That's an honorary title, right?
- Because I've done everything. - Well,
Everyone lies during ice week.
Hey, are you gonna take her to the ice week dance?
I said I've done everything,
Not that I'll do anything.
Very funny. Everyone's very funny during ice week.
King ty, I'm an orphan,
And I'm wondering, is it true that
Everyone has a family during ice week?
- Did I say that? - Hey, look!
A reporter.
It's true. There are no orphans at ice week.
Get rid of the kid. No visible orphans during ice week.
You got it, boss. And, hey,
Go easy on the ice chewing.
They say it's a sign of sexual frustration.
You're overstepping, kolax.
What are you doing? Surely you're not
As amazed by ice as they are.
You lived through an ice age.
A grotesque monster frozen in a moment of terror,
Left to melt on the side of the street.
Great party, mortals.
I think
This is my old friend opie.
- I'm... Sorry? - No, he would love
To have been called grotesque.
Makes me think of the old days.
We were quite the terror in our youth.
And now here he is, frozen,
And I would have to assume dead.
Whereas I... Am old.
Well, as opie used to say,
You mess with the snake...
You get the horns.
Can you stop doing whatever this is?
Sadness? I don't like it.
Would that I could, but I'll do the next best thing
And stop being sad around you.
Thanks for coming with me all the way out here.
The witches have the best deals on magic metals,
Even if they're always trying to pucker up.
- Mwah. - No problem.
What ty wants, ty gets, right?
Even if it's last-minute magic metals
To help keep the ice going for stupid ice week.
Yeah. I figured you'd want to get away, too.
I don't mind running his errands if it gets me
Out of that circus, right? Ice week. Pfft.
Yeah. Too bad we have to get back so quick.
Didn't this chariot have horses and wheels earlier?
I can help you get your horses back,
For a true love's kiss. Ha ha ha! Mwah.
Lady, be professional.
Plus, there's a sign right over there.
No! There goes my best shot at a first kiss.
So, king ty, we're doing a little puff vase for ice week.
I'm not from around here, and I know my vase-lookers
What's so special about this week?
Well...
Well, ice week celebrates the human triumph over the ice.
It's usually really hot here. So hot here.
Right. Ok. So, what's your favorite part of ice week?
Is it the ice dance? I've been hearing a lot about the ice dance.
Well, ice brings people together.
Clearly. You know, they say chewing ice
Is a sign of sexual frustration.
Do you have any thoughts about that?
I thought this was
Supposed to be a puff vase, not a deep dive
Into whether king ty can score or not.
Always keep things light during ice week.
Relax. I was talking about the ice humpers.
But I can tell you're a tough nut to crack.
No, chloe. Will you excuse me?
Please don't leave.
What are you doing here?
Your goon tried to drown me.
Wow, he really overshot the assignment. Very sorry.
I thought there was no drowning during ice week.
Listen, this might be inappropriate to tell a child,
But there's this reporter here, and it turns out
She's simply spectacular.
It was hard enough when it was just about
Getting good press coverage, but now I see it's about that
And impressing a pretty lady,
Which I'm very close to doing, so...
- No, you're not. - If you'll just
Make yourself scarce.
I'm sorry. What did you just say?
You're not giving her anything.
Knock knock! Sorry.
I just saw that my daughter was on her third ice cone
And I had to get her. I wish I could have
Left her home with her dad, but she doesn't have one.
My mom also went away.
- Is this your son? - Well...
I know it's not professional to say this,
But I think it's sexy when a man
Takes responsibility for his kid,
Stays in the same city as his kid, and is alive.
Well, I sure do love this little guy.
In fact, I think I might just keep him.
You really undersold it before.
This is such a magical place.
And you organized this whole thing,
All while balancing the responsibilities of fatherhood?
As it turns out, men can do it all.
Here. Try this.
What is it?
Frozen yogurt. I like to call it froyo.
I'll just call it frozen yogurt.
I wish you could hear how uncool you sound.
- Do you like it, chloe? - Yes, and I like this man.
Well, you passed a crucial test.
Chloe's chased away some real contenders.
This is a great treat for kids.
I take little ty here all the time.
Some say I spoil him.
Yes. That's why I wear such raggedy clothes.
My father wants to keep me humble,
But he's going to buy me
A fancy outfit for the ice dance.
Hey, why don't the two of you see
Who can stand under the biggest icicle?
I have to say, I've never
Seen an unmarried king.
- Well, I'm a rarity. - Seriously.
I mean, it kinda doesn't matter with kings, right?
Like, it doesn't have to do anything with personality or looks.
- They have money and food. - Yeah, I—I get it.
There's a king in crimea who weighs 400 pounds only in the trunk.
Jaw can't open, nose is on the side of his head, and he's wifed up.
Well, I guess I'm just picky.
No, I mean, the economics alone.
Who wouldn't have shoved their
Daughter in your face by now?
It is a mystery.
Can we move on?
There you are. I don't like knowing
You're so down in the dumps.
Don't worry about me.
I didn't say I'm worried.
I said I don't like knowing it.
But I have a little surprise that I think
Might turn things around.
I've been working on it this whole time.
Quite a production, in fact.
A lot more work than I expected
But I believe it'll be worth it.
What was that catchphrase you said
Your old monster friend used to have?
You mess with the snake...
You get the horns!
Opie! You're alive!
Yeah! Your wife here brought me back.
Speaking of which, wife? Come on.
Really? You got married?
How long was I dead for? Till the minotaur laid eggs?
I don't get it, so, I'll leave you to it.
Maybe it was stupid to go to
The witch's hut before ice week.
Who could have predicted that the horses
Would steal our wheels and ride off?
Why do you think that's what happened?
I've done experiments.
Horses are obsessed with wheels.
Look! Another sign.
Looks like it's that way to the horse vendor.
I might go for a palomino today.
Although, stupe, hear me out.
If we go to the river
And get swept downstream,
We'll end up at the inventors' guild.
We can borrow a vessel and make up a ton of time.
A "vessel"? But the horses are right there.
Why are we making this more complicated?
Trust me. I've done the calculations.
What's the big rush? Did you buy yourself
A new snowflake gown for the ice dance or something?
- Ha ha! - Ridiculous.
That would be so out of character. Like,
"look at me, looking good, trying new things,
Having a good time with the ice!"
Snowflake gown.
Crack myself up.
You know, I never do this.
Female vase painter
Getting involved with her subject.
It's such a cliche.
Well, have any of your former subjects
Given you a floor of ice to slip on?
And what about this? You ever seen
One of these bad boys before?
Yeah, it's a sweater.
Well, you're gonna need it if you're
Gonna go to the ice dance.
It's cold in there. You need layers.
Am I going to the ice dance
In a personal or professional capacity?
Can't you do both? As my date in one role
And a journalist covering me in the other?
I guess so. I'll just have to disclose it on the vase.
She says she never does this,
But you should see her vases.
They're covered in disclosures.
Opie, it is good to see you.
I haven't felt this young since...
You were young.
- What the hell is this? - Monster hall of fame.
- Is that sean? - Yes.
That bastard gave a good fight.
We lost him a thousand or so years after you.
Glad to see the thrill and terror of wanton destruction
Hasn't died down at all.
Choose death, am I right?
Yes. Of course.
So, it's all these humans now?
- They look like little gods. - They're all right.
And you said that there's no titans anymore.
Opie, so much has changed.
Yeah, but rampaging and pillaging
And wild, random violence against humans hasn't changed.
What? It has?
Come on. Not too much, I hope.
All those years in ice, they got me really craving blood.
Really? I thought they might have chilled you out.
- Shush! Shush, shush. - So, I was like, buddy,
I don't know what a will is,
But I definitely don't need one.
Ha ha ha! Classic. Aah!
No, no, no, no, no, opie!
Don't look him in the eye. Aah!
- Opie, we don't really— - What is going on here?
Is it not about the death anymore for you or something?
Hooah! Here. I see a cowering shoe salesman. Go get him.
Anything for the sale. Anything for the sale.
You snooze, you lose. Ahahaha!
I don't even have feet. Hahahaha!
You really have changed, bro.
The part of the journey with the most variability
Was the being swept downstream. And whether anyone would
Answer the door at the inventors' guild.
We should focus on those triumphs.
Why would you choose to rely on
A solar-powered vessel
This late in the afternoon?
I never would have agreed if I knew
This is what I was signing up for.
These things usually go much faster.
- Why are you so upset? - No reason.
I just thought we'd get back to ice week
In time for the ice week dance.
- Because of the metals? - Ty will get over it.
So you really hate ice week?
No, I mean, I don't hate it.
I just don't like being stuck out there
With the crowds and people.
Everyone's shoving and noisy
And their hands are cold. Why?
Hey. Don't stress.
It'll still be ice week tomorrow.
Will it be, though? Nobody knows
How long an ice week is.
Now what's wrong with you?
Have you not been having fun
With your snake creature friend?
He thinks I'm a joke, a sellout.
Seeing myself through his eyes, I feel older
Even than I did before.
The nerve of you!
I tried to make you happy,
Something I've never done for any man,
And now I've done it, you're sadder.
- A thank you would be nice. - Well, first of all,
I don't need you solving my problems.
I beg your pardon?
Second of all, he's right about everything.
I've become a mascot to humans and a goddess' pet.
I'm sorry I came home.
I'm going back out to party with my friend.
Like the monsters we are!
You're welcome.
It really is true what they say.
Resurrection is never worth the trouble.
Chloe and I should get going.
You've got a lot of layers
To put on for the dance tomorrow.
Boss. I've been looking for you.
Two things. First, some ancient monster
Was rampaging the town square earlier.
Did a lot of gratuitous murder.
Monsters rampaging at ice week? That's a huge scoop.
I assure you, there's no rampaging at ice week.
And second— there he is.
I'm sorry, ty. I thought I drowned him.
He musta held his breath or something.
- That's enough, kolax. - Ty,
What's he talking about?
Nothing. It's—it's fine now.
- Everything is fine. - My boss king ty
Told me to kill this orphan.
No, no, no, I didn't.
Yeah, you—you said to kill him.
- Not the case! - And I did.
I am not a liar. The kid held his breath.
If anything, he's the liar for pretending to be dead.
I did not say kill the orphan.
I said get rid of the orphan,
Which is not the winning argument
I think I thought it was.
I have a vase to paint.
Great. Why not just tell her
I'm sexually frustrated, too?
She definitely already knows.
That's the sad kind of drinking.
Hate to see it. So, what happened?
I blew it with this girl. Why are you sad?
I have a little monster incident to deal with.
The one who did all the murdering last night?
I know, I know, and there are no rampages during ice week.
I'll take care of it. So, tell me about this girl.
I can see you're sexually frustrated.
But I'm not even chewing ice right now.
What does ice have to do with it?
I don't know. I don't
Understand the connection.
I just want what you and mom have.
Just be honest with her,
And I'll be honest with you.
You'll never have what your mom and I have
Because we're very, very hot.
Maybe you're right.
All that bullcrap about ice week.
It's all bullcrap.
I didn't say that exactly.
Hey, you seem pretty hung up about the dance all of a sudden.
Well, you know about the snowflake gown.
I was just making that up.
Well, the gown is real,
And it's exquisite.
It really hugs my curves.
Ok, so, you don't hate ice week.
Why didn't you just tell me?
You didn't want me to think you're a loser?
Since when do I care what you think?
Being a ruthless killing machine can get a little lonely.
Not a ton of people want to hang out.
I never would have purposely sabotaged ice week
If I knew how you felt.
Well, it turns out ice week
Really is stupid after all.
- What do you mean? - You know what they say:
When you tell the truth during ice week,
You get your ice wish.
Well, I wish we'd be there
In time for the ice dance,
And that's not gonna happen.
Hold on. I think I have an idea.
This might not work. And if it doesn't,
We're both gonna look like idiots. And probably drown.
Well, those two things cancel each other out!
Do they?
Let's go!
- There you are. - Having fun at last?
No, I was having fun before all this.
If I had only remembered when I first saw that ice
That "you can only be so old
When you're smashing solid gold."
That is what they say.
I'm sorry for ever
Questioning how lucky I am.
Well, it was insane of me to find fault
In you being unhappy.
You're allowed to be unhappy
As long as you keep giving me that slappy.
Another classic expression.
Shlub!
There's a whole lotta humans gathering.
You want to see if anyone can put up a real fight?
You know what, opie? I know the perfect place
For some good, old-fashioned carnage. Come with me.
Man, I'm so glad you had a change of heart.
Who are we gonna kill? Maybe we take on the gods again.
Your wife?
The woman I treasure more than life itself?
- Quite the escalation. - I know, right?
What better way to choose death than murdering someone you love?
I know what you mean, old pal.
Let me just pick something up.
Wow. Respect, man. That's hardcore.
you think I made the wall?
Yes, buddy. I think you did.
- What now? - Listen, man,
- I have to tell you something. - Ok.
I'm not an orphan. I'm actually
An apprentice butcher.
I'm 23 years old. I was playing you.
- But why? - Let's not get judgy.
I just wanted 3 squares a day, just like you wanted tina.
By the way, she's also a soulless monster
Who uses children as props.
Maybe you two are made for each other.
Made for each other?
Hey. I'm surprised you came.
Why? I have to finish my story.
I owe you an explanation.
I owe you the truth.
Is it that you pretended that an orphan
You had recently tried to get murdered
Was your son in order to win my trust?
That's one truth.
But much like at this dance,
There are layers.
Ok, so, the truth is, I am sexually frustrated
And I was keeping it a secret from everyone.
No, you weren't. Everyone knew.
Right. Ok. How about this?
My fake orphan son
Isn't an orphan at all.
He's a weirdly young-looking
Adult con man. And a butcher's assistant.
I don't know why he has that job.
You'd think he could make a decent living
Just as a con man.
Maybe he likes meat? Or hates animals?
At any rate, he was playing me,
Just like I was playing you.
And perhaps you were playing...
No? Nothing you wanted to share?
You know if you tell the truth during ice week,
You get an ice wish.
Well, while we're spewing truths, chloe's not my daughter.
She's just a kid I found when I was drunk.
And then I kept her around because she was useful
In getting my subjects to lower their guards.
But I gotta tell you, she's getting on my nerves.
You think you can get your goon to drown her?
never mind. Don't ask him.
That can be my ice wish.
- I think I'm in love. - We made it!
Stupe, you look great!
Thank you!
My gosh, this ice is like water.
Wow! Ooh!
Ha ha ha!
Yeah. Come on.
- Whoo! - It's what
He would have wanted.
Absolutely.
Just look at that smile.
Tyrannis, voice-And that's the thing about ice week.
It's just like life.
Everyone tells the truth. Everyone lies.
There's real magic. There's false magic.
It's cold. It's wet. And it ends.
Get back here, orphan!
Well, I guess this is good-bye, then.
Richard, wait. You forgot something.
Right. My shawl.
Wow. I can't believe all three of us
Were stuck that whole time and now we're in love.
Did you get any of that?
Bento.