Did it work?
It worked! The growth stone worked!
I'm just the right amount taller!
Not off-puttingly giant, just what girls call
a respectable height!
Up top, similar size man! I can reach!
We should hang out!
Stupe, the stone you gave me...
Ohhhh.
Hold on. Did you undress me
while I was sleeping and put a smaller toga
on my helpless nude body?
Well played!
Remind me what you call this hilarious
public destruction of someone's ego?
A prank. Took me a while
to get the hang of it 'cause usually I destroy an ego
by destroying the head,
but turns out I like prank wars almost as much as a regular war.
- And now we're even. - Are we?
There was the prank where you painted a plate of food
on the table and I ate it...
Which was repayment for the crown lice.
Which was repayment for when you said
if my hand was bigger than my face it meant
I had plague, and then it turned out
there was plague on my hand.
That was a good one.
One way or another I need to
call a prank truce.
I have a big day.
OK, fine, I'll "agree to a truce."
Can you agree without subtext?
Morning, all. Have I told you
what I want done with my body if I die?
OK. What angry madam
at what weirdly specialized brothel
has a bounty on you now?
Son, I never pay for sex except as a bit,
and the starfish at the starfish brothel
have so much fun, they keep trying to pay me!
No, I'm just on my way to King Minos' bash
on the Isle of Crete.
- "Min-os"? - Yeah, I thought
it was pronounced "Mine-os."
Divorced men.
No one parties harder or sadder.
Minos' party will have all sorts of risky amusements,
not just his famous Minotaur.
Right, there you go.
There's also a piranha jacuzzi,
crossbow line dancing, which is like normal line dancing,
but if you mess up, they shoot you.
Why would you want to go to a party like that?
The same reason people black-out drink.
Nothing's more fun than almost dying.
And on the off chance I overshoot the "almost,"
I'd like my body to be ground up and put in a big lasagna.
All righty then!
You're just gonna let him do this?
Sounds like his life is gonna be in danger!
Once you've made the mistake of investing
emotionally in a mortal, you have to give up
on distinguishing between levels of theoretical risk.
Anything short of "he is currently dying" looks
more or less the same to me.
At any rate, I'm very busy today.
I'm getting a sandwich.
Lunch dragon!
Well, one of us has to go with Dad.
He can't party like he's 4,000 years old anymore.
I feel you, and yet, I am also busy.
Gotta go clear things up with everybody
who thought you got magically tall?
Among other things! Hence the prank truce!
And I'm on alert because
the "prank truce" is definitely a prank.
Great, so it's on me to pretend I want
to go to this reckless-idiot festival
and keep Dad from partying to death.
You're both welcome!
Nobody thought you got tall.
Except me, Stupe!
Except me.
Wow. This seems less like a party
and more like a bunch of guys
endangering themselves for no reason.
Well the snake-taunting booth isn't for everyone,
but I'm sure we can find something you'd like.
- There's quicksand races... - Whoo! Yeah!
A blind guy just swinging a sword
around in an enclosed area...
Blowfish meat?
We didn't prepare it correctly.
Oooh! Sounds delicious!
Dad! No!
I-I mean Won't we catch a buzz faster if we drink
on an empty stomach?
Good looking out, son.
Should I procure us some dangerous libations?
Let me get the drinks!
Why don't you hang out here and try...
Aah! Unh!
Whoo-hoo! Hee hee!
Sitting next to this quiet, calm man?
Ooh. What could he be hiding?
Hi, I'm Marc.
I'm a grown man who gives his cats
ironic "people" names like "Greg" and "Meghan."
Ooh, scary!
Sit here and talk to scary Marc!
My best friend is my aunt.
Two waters, please.
So are you a fish with legs or a man with a fish head?
What?
Sorry. Where are my manners.
Well, I'll tell you where.
My wife got 'em in the divorce. I'm King Minos.
So this is your divorce party,
and you pronounce it "Mean-os"!
Yeah, but don't worry about Minos.
I get to be the good guy.
She was seeing a bull behind my back,
which I only found out when "our" kid
came out half-bull.
You believe that?
I mean, what does a bull have that I don't?
It doesn't matter, I'm over it.
Well, I gotta go find my dad.
Thing is, somehow I got custody
of this Minotaur!
Do not let your racquetball partner
be your lawyer.
He was like, "I can handle that for you."
- Well, he didn't. - Right, right.
Sounds tough, man.
Well, good luck with everything.
I'll be thinking of you...
And I gotta keep it appeased by feeding it
virgins, which are super hard to find, especially
on this island since there's really only
one thing to do here, you know, the nasty, knockin' boots,
the horizontal tango, the vertical sexual tango...
I get it, having sex.
If you wanna be crass.
Anyway, it's hard to find a virgin,
and it's basically the only thing this Minotaur will eat.
Incredibly picky, but do you see me complaining?
No! That was my wife's job.
- Aah! - What was that?
What's going on?
I spent my whole life staying a virgin
in the service of the kingdom,
but then along came your dad!
No. You slept with a virgin sacrifice?
Dad, you weren't supposed to do that.
Well you should've told me.
It would have made it even hotter!
You spoiled my virgin?
I spoiled him all right.
It turns out Marc is quite the charmer.
Marc, tell him about the cats.
Hey, Stupendous.
Just polishing Ty's throne for his big day.
I see that. What's in the other bucket?
- Is that glue? - Yeah.
I was just doing some gluing earlier.
It's really strong glue.
- Interesting. - Is it?
That's good to know.
I need more conversation starters.
I've been trying to date more...
What did Ty have you gluing?
Let me guess. My battle axes to their mounts on the wall?
No, no. A dead goat to my bed?
Maybe himself to my ceiling
so he can pretend he's a ghost and haunt me?
I don't know what you're talking about.
I bet you don't.
You know what, Scott? You do too much around here.
Why don't you let me take over?
Really? It's so nice to be appreciated!
Tee hee hee hee hee!
Hey, Ty! Get in here!
Wow!
I felt bad about how I didn't take
your big day seriously, so I polished your throne up
real nice for you.
Can you sit in it real fast so I can make sure
I got the shine level right?
Aw, thank you, Stupe! That is so nice of you!
You should lean back so the sunlight
glints off your eyes.
Well, OK. Like this?
OK. You can hop off now.
Ha ha ha! Or maybe you can't
'cause you got glued to your throne with your own glue!
Ha ha ha!
What? Are you kidding me?
What about the truce?
Yeah, I guess this glue was to
make truce decorations!
You thought I'd fall for that?
You gotta try something a little more convincing
than "I have a big day."
But I do have a big day!
I'm hosting a peace talk!
I can't be glued to my throne! - Why didn't you say that?
Because I knew you wouldn't want to be
involved in a peace treaty, but guess what.
Now you have to be.
You agreed to a truce and didn't honor it,
and now you have to help me not look like an idiot!
Well, that's not gonna be easy.
Just get the door!
What if we found you a new virgin?
I saw a playground nearby.
- What? - No.
You take my virgin, you face my Minotaur.
Oooooh!
But neither of us is a virgin!
- He can choke you down. - Oooooooh!
Tell the Minotaur he's eating
fish sticks for dinner!
Whoo!
Why are you whooing?
He's talking about me!
I'm so proud of you.
The fish sticks are my son!
I'm gonna get us out of this.
I've got a plan.
I know all about the thread trick.
- Damn. - And the crumbs.
That would've been a good idea.
And the ladybugs.
How would that work?
This will stop me from flying out,
and I love the smell of tar!
Why are you so excited?
Do you not understand? You could be killed!
If I die, I'll die doing what I love...
almost dying.
Dad, wait!
You've got traps in there?
- Enjoy! - Why thank you!
Not a bad fellow in the end!
Smooth sailing so far.
I know, it's too bad.
We've avoided the venomous snake pit,
the guillotine corridor, and that red water slide.
Dad, I already told you
that wasn't water, it was lava.
If we're not going to do anything,
why did we even come here?
Just let me step on one suspicious rock
beneath a column of spikes.
Dad, no!
It's like you want to get hurt!
Come on, we're getting close.
Halt! Behind us stand two doors.
Nope.
One leads to your freedom...
Wrong.
The other to almost certain death.
That is incorrect.
One of us always lies,
one of us always tells the truth.
Neither of us does either of those things.
- False. - And what about you?
I'm not with those guys.
OK, well obviously this is the one
that tells the truth.
No! Why? What? No.
Well, she said there's two doors
- and you said there weren't. - No I didn't.
Which door leads to freedom?
Because once we know the safe door,
we can choose the spicy door.
What?
The door on the right.
- Not true! - No, your right.
No, my right. Nobody's right.
- It's on the left. Your left! - Thank you.
Maybe there are no doors!
Maybe we're the ones who are trapped
and we have to open one of you.
Ooh!
- OK, Dad. Let's go. - Are you sure?
'Cause we can still choose the fun door!
You mean the door that she said leads
to "almost certain death"?
The one that's literally leaking blood?
- That door? - Yes!
It's not leaking blood.
You're leaking blood.
Come on! We're leaving my way.
Wait, wait, take me with you?
Take me with you!
Jeez, Debra, if there's something you
want to talk about, just talk about it.
I'm not offended.
- Are you... - I'm fine!
Thank you for trusting me.
It's a huge honor and responsibility,
and I promise I will treat this negotiation
with the solemnity that it deserves.
You're gonna do great.
How much of this can require you to move anyway?
Before we get started,
it is a custom of my country to stand in prayer.
Seriously?
I know, right? Here we go.
I wouldn't expect that guy to honor this tradition,
but you, a man who claims to be reasonable?
That's exactly why Ty won't stand.
He doesn't want to... honor one kingdom over the other.
She's right, so let's get this started.
Stupe, will you bring out the map, please?
"Stand in prayer."
You go too far, Lapithos!
Aah!
Ty, little help?
No, I wouldn't want to show...
special treatment.
This isn't like the standing in prayer thing.
That's my snack for later.
I don't agree... because I would never agree with this cur...
but I don't disagree.
Why don't you just get the pomegranate?
Come on. It's right at your feet.
- Stupe! - What?
I'm getting the map!
I can't believe how much moving around is happening!
We better head home before Minos
finds out we escaped.
He is not the most stable person I've ever met.
What's wrong?
You love being mounted,
usually in ways I find disturbing.
I'm feeling a strange feeling,
an odd displeasure caused by a lack of fulfillment.
Like a climax I didn't get to have,
almost some kind of anti-climax!
You're... disappointed we escaped?
What part of it did you not understand?
I wanted to do the labyrinth the way
that it was meant to be done...
at great peril to my head and testicles.
I don't believe this.
I save you from the death maze,
you're mad I didn't let you play in it longer.
That's right!
Son, I'm thousands of years old.
Everything you think is thrilling is
old hat to me,
and before you ask, yes, even romancing an old hat.
Was not gonna ask.
The reason I came to this party was to feel alive,
meet a Minotaur, get the old heart racing.
I hear he's got huge horns.
I mean, horns for days.
The reason I came is because you
can't be trusted to look after yourself...
at a party, in a maze, even in an open field
with nothing for miles.
See?
I don't know how it got so tangled!
I thought you came because you enjoy
spending time with me.
How can I enjoy spending time
with someone whose idea of fun involves
their own reckless demise?
Perhaps by respecting what I enjoy.
Well, if you can't do that, I'll go have fun
the way I like... fearlessly, open-minded,
and all lubed up.
Boy.
Something weird is going on with you, Tyrannis,
and I've been at war for far too long not
to be impulsively aggressive!
This is why we never get anywhere with peace talks.
You're impossible!
Now I gotta get my dagger, too.
No! No daggers!
If we're going to do this, we need to establish trust!
Watch this!
And why did you do that again?
Trust. You trusted that I wouldn't hit
you with this knife,
and that's why you didn't flinch.
Right. That is the reason.
Now can everyone please stop dropping things
and throwing knives so we can get on with it?
Look. He attacked us to build an extension of his palace,
and that's just the beginning.
The extension he built was garish and offensive!
Dad? Dad!
Dad! Dad!
Dad? Dad!
Unh!
Hear that? That's his "I forgot to eat breakfast
and it's too late for lunch, so I'm really hungry" roar!
Still having fun?
I'd say 6 out of 10?
I don't believe it.
You don't even get it now that we're both going to die?
Son, as I said, I never asked you
to keep me safe.
Why can't you respect what I want?
What about what I want?
I wasn't trying to keep you safe for you.
I'm not ready for you to die.
You're my dad!
It's irresponsible for you to be
so cavalier with your life when...
I can't believe I'm saying this... you have a family
who wants you in their lives as long as possible.
Son. I'm so moved.
And here I thought you were just a top-notch party pooper,
which I respected, by the way!
I'm sorry for getting you into this,
though, to be clear, I'm not sorry
for sleeping with that virgin.
He had no teeth. I mean, zero.
Wow.
What a touching moment between two people
who are about to be torn apart by my Minotaur!
Thank you.
Minotauuuuuuur!
Aah!
What is it, now?
Well, I don't know.
He's objectively terrifying, but I can't help feel
I got oversold on the size of the horns.
I don't know, man.
I don't think these guys need peace.
You know what actually might be perfect for them is war.
That's not what we're here for.
You promised. Plus, I need your help.
I've got a bogie in my nose, and if I can't reach it,
you're gonna have to get it out!
I only did that
because of the abduction of our Lapithion women!
Melissa isn't "your" woman.
She's "a" woman, and she moved to Pandosia
because she likes the sunsets more!
You have got to be kidding me!
There's a little more in there.
Can we move this along?
She likes the sunsets, does she?
I suppose it's the same deal with our sheep?
Again, Begonia isn't "your" sheep.
She's "a" sheep, and, no, it's not the sunsets.
We are in love!
These guys are nuts.
Please can't we just let them fight this border war
until both sides completely die out?
No! You have to make them agree to my proposal.
Also, I really have to pee, so unless you want to find
a way to solve that for me, too...
Why don't you just agree to this
and stop fighting?
Because that would be cowardly.
I don't think it's cowardly.
Of course it's cowardly.
What's more cowardly than not fighting
your worst enemy?
I don't understand.
Think of it like a truce.
Stupendous, you're the most
aggressive warrior in the world.
Would you ever agree to a "non-aggression pact"
with the understanding that saying you would is
saying you're a coward?
- It doesn't mean that. - Yes, it does.
I don't just have to pee.
Yes, I would agree to a non-aggression pact.
Well, if Stupendous would be willing
to humiliate herself like this...
We apologize and get over it.
Gotcha!
- I said, I gotcha! - What?
You're supposed to be glued to the throne!
You can't glue someone to a throne.
That was honey!
I can't believe this!
I threw a knife really close to your head, you know.
I know! That was insane!
I was frozen with terror, but it worked out perfect!
It was my job to make sure
you used the bait glue!
And you were in on it, too?
No!
Ha ha ha! What?
This is it. We can't outrun him anymore.
Perhaps I shouldn't have had so much wine
back at the maze.
Aah!
Enough running. I wanna see bloodshed!
It's the only thing that keeps me from being alone
with my divorced thoughts!
Honestly, what are you good for if you can't catch
a little merman and his old dad?
You might as well not even be here!
Minotaurrrrr!
Don't you speak to me in that tone.
Mino-taur!
Yes, I know you miss your mom.
May I remind you, she left me!
Hippocampus, whispering: my god. I have an idea, Dad.
- Look at them. - I know.
They're both sensationally hot,
but zero chemistry, I'm afraid.
No. I mean, look at them fighting.
They're just a father and son with father-son problems!
Hey, Minotaur! - Rawwr!
I wanna say something
misunderstood son to misunderstood son.
What are you doing? Eat them!
Hippo, I'm no expert, but isn't running
in fear usually a bit more active?
More fearful screaming?
Listen, I know a thing or two about having
a father who doesn't think about consequences.
Hell, that's why you and me even exist,
but we're never gonna change them.
They love us but sometimes can't see
how their actions affect us.
- Minotaur. - Don't listen to him.
This is great for both of us!
You love eating virgins.
Minotaur, Minotaur.
You haven't liked eating virgins
since you were 3?
Minotaurrrrr!
What? I know plenty of your friends.
Minotaur.
Of course I can name one.
Like. I wanna say... Delby?
I can't believe you played
so fast and loose with an actual peace treaty.
I thought you were so into peace!
I'm into peace. I'm not that into peace.
Are you worried that two kings
with an endless appetite for bloodshed
are allies against you now?
What are you still doing here?
I'm just trying to be part of the gang!
Go clean the honey off of my throne!
Don't worry, bro.
If they attack us, I'll take care of them.
I know you will.
It's nice to just have fun sometimes.
Who stole all my honey?
The guy next to the honey bucket
cleaning all the honey off that big chair!
Honey thief! We have come for revenge!
I'm releasing my sweet bees!
Aah!
Classic Beekeeper!
This probably goes down in, like,
top 5 best Beekeeper moments ever.
Aah!
This prank just keeps on giving.
He's... he's getting stung.
Aah!
He's really suffering.
Aah!
- Minotaur! - OK. I see your point.
Sometimes I don't think about what you want.
Your mom used to say the same thing.
Minotaur.
Wow, son.
You really brought them back together.
You horse-kick that cow man freak
- as hard as you can. - But...
Just do it!
Unh!
Agh!
That tender father-son stuff was working!
Why would you kick both of us in the crotch?
So you'd chase us!
Ha ha ha! Yes! That's the spirit!
Rawwrr!
Rawwrrrrr!
Minotaur...
That was exhilarating!
You know what? I see the appeal.
Well, spectacular
because there's a toothless ex-virgin waiting
for us in the piranha jacuzzi!
I mean this in all sincerity.
You go have fun.
Enjoy, sweetie.
All-powerful god of time,
but it still takes an hour and a half to get a table.
Chronos, you were absolutely right.
This is delicious.
Way better than that... what did you call it?
Hot dog? - Told you.
So where are we having dessert?
It looks delicious.
- What is this called? - Baked Alaska.
I don't understand either of those words.
Iceberg right ahead!
Ooh! Ha ha! It's about to start.
Dinner and a show!
You spoil me.
Did you get any of that?
Bento!
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