King Tyrannis. A messenger
from the seaside city of Messenia.
Well, it's about time.
I demand to know what the Messenians
are planning to do about the smell.
Smell? We in Messenia
just wanted to know if Krapopolis
would like to barter for some of our
fresh, nutritious squid.
Everybody knows you guys
forgot Poseidon's birthday
and he punished you by making it rain squid.
We're downwind of you!
Hey, who cares why we have so much squid?
All you need to know is the first 30,000 are free.
What can I put you down for?
Stupendous, would you please
bodily drag this man out in a dramatic fashion? Next!
Please! They force us to eat what we don't sell!
King Tyrannis. My name is Angelioforos.
An-Angeli...?
Angelioforos.
What a beautiful name.
Thank you! It means "message-bearer."
A little less beautiful, knowing that.
Well, that's OK!
Not really here to talk about the name.
Led with it. I come from afar,
bearing not just a message,
but an invitation... and a gift!
Ooh. Is the basket edible?
Has that ever stopped you before?
It's made of fig brittle
because it's as sweet
as our princess, Lycosa,
who seeks true love.
So, edible.
Yeah, sure, you could eat it.
Anyway, Princess Lycosa, who I just mentioned,
is sending messengers such as myself
to the most eligible bachelors in all the land.
And I'm one of them.
This sounds like a scam.
All of the land?
And you sound jealous that a beautiful woman
isn't asking you to compete for her love.
Where did you get "beautiful"?
He just said "sweet."
You have no idea what she looks like.
Do you have a picture of this princess?
There is no artist
who could adequately capture her beauty.
Wow, that sounds very beautiful.
She invites you to her palace
on the Paradise Peninsula.
Paradise Peninsula!
You heard of this place?
Yes! Just now.
It's a peninsula and a paradise
and you can find true love there.
"Thanks but no thanks."
Whoa, that's good. Can I use it?
Go nuts. Thanks!
But no, thanks.
Tell the princess I said
"Thanks and, yes, thanks."
Nah, that didn't work. Just tell her I'm in.
Ty, even if "love" were a real thing
and not a series of chemical brain-crotch reactions,
which it is, what are the odds you could possibly
love some stranger? So cynical.
Smart people often are.
I think you can be smart
and believe in love.
And fate. And fairy tales...
Fairies are real and I have the
fairy squishing stains to prove it.
You got any more gift baskets?
You ate the whole thing?
There was a mug and some souvenir
Lycosa magnets in there.
You're welcome! But thank you.
No thank you!
Whoo!
Which toga makes me look sexier:
the one with the slit all the way up my thigh
or the one with the slit all the way up my butt?
I don't get fashion, but I do get convenience.
Butt slip.
I think so, too.
Why leave something to the imagination
when you've got an absolute shelf?
You guys seriously don't think this is weird?
What's the big deal? We all got butts.
Not the butt talk!
A creepy man from a distant land
arrived with a gift basket,
and now our brother is inexplicably
racing to compete for a stranger's love.
Welcome to the modern era, Hippo,
where a man can compete for a woman's love,
even if it makes you uncomfortable.
It doesn't make me uncomfortable.
It feels like a trap.
Why would the love of my life want to trap me?
The love of your life?
You don't even know what she looks like!
It's not just about looks, Hippo! Shame.
He's being weird, right?
Der than usual?
I don't know. He's a pretty stupid man.
But I mean... it's a trap.
I like traps. You get to
fight your way out of 'em.
It's a change of pace.
See this palace? I'd like to keep it.
As in, I'd like to come back from
my journey, and not find
the whole thing in ashes.
I wouldn't waste the strength it took
to conjure the very weak fireball that would require.
We won't be away long.
Just try not to make any of your classic messes.
Well, I can't promise that.
I eat a lot of fruit.
Just don't touch anything,
don't break anything, and at least
don't fundamentally alter the character of Krapopolis.
You've made your point.
Go, will you? I can see
your whole bottom in that outfit.
That reminds me. No naked stuff in here!
Does he honestly think we can't handle
a few hours alone with his stupid little city?
This is more like it.
Good God, I thought he'd never leave.
I still haven't!
Can you just try to explain to me
one last time why you're in love with this person?
There're no explanations for love, Hippo.
Yeah, there are. Like, "I like the way
she acts," "I like the things she says,"
"I literally have met her
or at least know what she looks like."
So superficial! Come on. Help me out here.
I'm gonna need a good hook for Lycosa.
A net would be easier.
A metaphorical hook.
To set me apart from other suitors.
Now, do I lead with the fact that I'm
king of a city that will change
the course of human civilization?
Or, do I assume that's implied,
and lead with a joke?
I have a hard time believing
you're gonna have a lot of competition, Ty.
Unless it is some kind of spell... in which case
jokes are the last thing you're gonna have to worry about.
All right. Maybe a magic trick, then?
What the hell?
The audacity of that son of ours,
thinking we'd ruin his little city!
What is there even to ruin?
What did he think we were going to do?
Invite all neighboring cities to a no-holds-barred,
no-loads-refused orgy the second he left?
We waited at least 5 minutes.
Let the depravity commence!
Where is everybody?
You know I'm not picky, but usually,
we attract a lot more
and better-looking playthings than these.
Don't worry. I just like to watch.
I only got here so fast because I flew.
The roads leading to Krapopolis
from most major cities are pretty rough.
Well, who knows how long we have
before who's-their-faces get back?
Looks like it's Deliria to the rescue once again.
What was that? I just enchanted some carts.
They'll stop at all the nearby cities
and ferry more sex freaks here
at regular, speedy intervals.
What are we supposed to do with these two? Talk?
I already made love to those
while you were fixing the roads.
Watching is for the birds.
Ha ha ha. Flip-flap!
Welcome to Lycosa's Palace,
where you'll be competing for a chance at love.
I'm Don Who Smiles.
And I'm Tia Who Smiles.
And we're a married couple.
OK. Is that important?
We're here to find out which of you
lucky suitors will get
all of your physical and emotional needs met by
meeting, falling in love with,
and marrying beautiful Princess Lycosa.
Are you rich or something?
Well, I'm a king.
OK, yeah. That explains it.
'Cause at first, I was like, "What?"
Because... you know. Yes, no, I get it.
Because look at you. And look at me.
Yeah, yeah. Right. I mean, when you
put us next to each other like this...
OK. Are you also a king?
I'm more of a handsome guy
who just "hangs out." In fact, it's unclear
how I pay for goods and services.
I'm Cork, and my deal is a wheel.
In that I'm a wheel-maker.
Axle me anything!
Well, not anything.
Only about wheels, technically.
I guess I... spoke too soon! Ha ha!
Boo! Terrible!
And what about you?
Me? I'm Tod.
I'm a suitor you'll see
right now for a few seconds
and then never again for some reason.
There she is!
All right. I got it! I figured it out.
Yay, good for you.
The flowers in the gift basket!
You want to tell me about it?
Some kind of pollen or poison or pheromones.
When he sniffed the flowers, they made him fall in love!
Yeah, but I ate all those flowers
and I'm not in love.
Yeah.
Unless the effects kick in slower when it's
ingested instead of inhaled.
All right, now, don't be alarmed.
This is a pretty incredible illusion,
so, no hitting if you can help it.
I'm Stupendous. Rhymes with tremendous.
Warrior, demigod, sex volcano, bed destroyer.
Stupe, what are you doing?
Winning the hand of the most gorgeous woman
I've ever seen in my entire life.
And you are...? Hippocampus,
half-brother to not one but two idiots, apparently,
and therefore also competing for your hand, I guess?
That's what I was gonna say!
No wonder the sky is grey.
The gods put all the color in your eyes.
Silly! The sky is blue today.
It's sometimes grey, and I'm talking
about those times!
Excuse me. Mind if I steal her away?
Actually, I do. I was about to
regale the good lady with tales of... aah!
He had someplace to be.
What do you say we get out of here
and I overwhelm you
with feminine power?
Lady Lycosa, King Tyrannis again.
I got your gift basket that you sent
to me specifically, and not to my siblings.
I'm a king. It's why I said "King Tyrannis."
You two are siblings. Half, yes.
But again, I'm the one who was invited
and I'm the one you're going to marry.
You can marry her after she and I
have a lifetime of happiness
and die in each other's arms.
You're here to steal her away.
I'm here to steal you away.
You two need to snap out of it!
Snap out of what, falling in love?
Neither of you can be in love with Lycosa.
You didn't even want to come here!
Yeah, you got a head start, you're welcome.
But do you seriously think she'd pick you
when she could have all of this... and this...
and this... and this... and this... and...
I'm not competing with either of you!
Yeah, OK.
We're on to your strategy, Hippocampus.
Strategy? What strategy?
You're both being mind controlled!
There it is. Yep.
No, you actually are!
Something in the gift basket. Remember?
Wow, cool. Well, you know what?
I'm in love with her. She makes me want to be
a better person... a better king.
She makes me want to kill more enemies
but, you know, with honor.
She makes me want to design
a wheel that spins forever.
Sorry. I'm Cork, from earlier. The wheel-maker.
Family discussion, Cork!
This isn't a group conversation!
Get the hell out of here, Cork!
Not sure if it's weirder to do it
with a human that was formerly a goat
or the other way around. Better try both.
Darling,
another smashing success.
Ty should let us run the city more often.
Look how happy everyone is. Smiles all around.
These events usually have at least one crying couple
discussing non-monogamy.
And the citizens are loving
that connected cart system you made
to get to and from the orgy.
It's transit for the public but it's sexual.
There must be a joke there somewhere,
perhaps some sort of word play... public...
I need a congratulatory drink!
- What is that? - A smoothie.
- A who-thie? - Buncha fruit
and milks and stuff all mixed up.
Cost me my firstborn, but I'm going to have
one of these every day now.
Next-born's first if the first one's gone. Am I right?
I can really poop 'em out.
Sounds delicious.
Offspring or smoothies?
Well, why not start with the smoothies.
Yeah, the fellas from Myra brought 'em.
Myra, the city full of legal scholars?
I didn't know they made the journey.
How wonderful! Did they use...
public sex transit?
No, that's no good.
Hrrrk! Hcccck!
Hcccck transit?
I like the thought behind it, but I'm not
too convinced it'll catch on. I beg your pardon?
Is he speaking fly?
I believe he's thinking...
about what he's going to say next.
I see. He's choking.
He's ugly but not let-him-die ugly, correct?
right.
I say, is anyone here a doctor?
I'm a doctor! Doctor over here!
Aah! Aah! Aah! Aah!
Thanks! Yeah, still working out
the whole "smooth" part, I guess.
When did we get so many doctors?
I suppose putting out an open call
to horned-up perverts leads to droves of doctors
and other abnormally skilled or talented folks.
This orgy may be the best thing to ever happen to this city.
Then let's keep this party going!
Suitors! We're ready
for our next wreath ceremony.
Lycosa, when you're ready.
OK, first. Musculus,
I felt a real connection with you.
I think I can be myself around you.
Will you accept this wreath?
Thank you, Lycosa.
I'm the hottest here!
Cork the wheel-maker, I also felt
a real connection with you.
I like how you can be yourself around me.
You "spoke" right to my heart.
You already used that one!
He already used that one!
Gentlemen, these will be
the last two wreaths of the night.
When you're ready. Tyrannis and Stupendous,
will you both accept my wreath?
That's it. I'm pulling you out of this
before you both get hurt. Hurt?
Did you hear her? We're in!
Yeah, bro, don't be a sore loser.
The princess will now decide
who'll move on to the best part...
one-on-one alone time with the princess.
Alone time? OK, that's gotta be
when two thugs senselessly beat and rob you.
Shh! Beautiful ceremony happening!
Hippo, you've been looking around all day
for proof that something is wrong,
and you haven't found it. What does that tell you?
That I need to keep looking.
If I do find proof, will you two leave with me?
If we say yes, will you go away?
I'll take that deal!
Cork... thank you for sharing your story
about becoming a wheel-maker because your entire family
was crushed by a wagon you were driving
and you didn't want to let that define you.
Unfortunately, our time together
has rolled to a stop.
I still love Lycosa.
But don't worry, world.
You haven't seen the last of me.
Cork, the exit is this way.
But this is the way we came in.
Yeah, well, there's an exit interview.
We're hoping you have a few more tears left in those ducts.
I could probably squeeze out a few.
Aah!
They're killing the contestants.
They're killing the contestants! Aah!
I can't just leave this here.
When do you ever find free bones?
Tell me, does the city seem different to you?
How do you mean? I mean, when did we get
a store that only sells
old things people no longer want?
Those old things are new things
called antiques and vintage clothing.
All the latest residents go crazy for them.
That woman. What is she running from?
No, she's a jogger.
Running is no longer a form of self-preservation
but rather a way to stay in shape between orgies.
That's what orgies used to be for.
Shlub, darling, what's bothering you?
Remember when Ty told us not to touch anything,
not to fundamentally alter the character of the city?
Vaguely. Why?
Is there a way that somehow matters?
It's not like it could hurt him in any way.
Man, things are so much better
than when Tyrannis was king.
I literally cannot stop eating these artisanal grapes.
What makes them artisanal again?
No idea, but I'm sure as heck
never going back to eating
those gross, normal grapes we had under King Ty.
What? Did they say something relevant?
I don't listen to peasants.
Stupe, when I'm marrying somebody,
I'm also marrying their family.
Tell me a little bit about yours.
Well, my brother's a real piece of work.
Hey! What...? Time to go!
Hippo, we're not interested
in your psychological games.
Games? No games. Murder!
They're luring people with the promise of love
and then killing them. There's a kill room!
Kill room? Do you mean the gifting suite?
We're getting out of here
right... after I marry Lycosa.
So, it's not a trap anymore?
It is a trap, it is mind control,
and they are killing everybody,
but none of that matters anymore.
I am madly in love.
There we go.
There we go, indeed.
The spider part I had not figured out.
It all makes sense!
This entire place is the lair of that thing,
except instead of webs, it uses pheromones
to make us want to stay.
I mean, in addition to webs.
And Lycosa is trying to keep it
from eating the people she loves!
Lycosa is clearly working for it.
How can you say that? And you claim to love her!
So, you only love her if she
isn't working for the spider?
If she's working for the spider,
I'm sure she's got her reasons.
I don't even care about her reasons.
I love her either way.
You only love her because of pheromones, you said.
We all got the pheromones!
That doesn't change anything. Love is chemical anyway!
It doesn't make a difference
'cause I'm the one who won her heart!
No, you did not. When's that supposed to have happened?
"Won her heart"? In your dreams you won her heart.
Princess Lycosa... Tyrannis. Ha!
Can we talk? I'm worried you're
not here for the right reasons.
What? No.
Hang on. Why are we sliding?
Wait. Lycosa! Wait! I love you!
She's gonna bring him to the spider.
She's gonna feed him to the spider.
One down, one to go.
Stupe, no. Look, we all love her,
but we also know she's gonna kill us.
That's one of her little quirks.
Think for a second. Our love is real.
We know that, and it doesn't matter
that it's part of a feeding strategy
for an enormous monster.
Right... She's not
the only thing I care about.
I also care about Ty...
and you... and my life!
Not in that order. OK...
So, here's the thing. Let's kill that spider.
And then we can sort out which of us
gets to be with Lycosa.
Me! No, me!
All right, all right, first things first.
It's... Sorry.
It's spider-squishing time.
Even the orgy tent has changed.
Don't get me wrong. I love the exposed brick,
but I'm beginning to worry we've changed too much.
You might be right. If Ty gets back and sees
how great we made the city in the improbably short time
he's been gone, he'll be crushed,
which will make him unbearable.
Excuse me. Since King Tyrannis is gone...
hopefully forever... I figured you're the one I should go to
about the new community theater I'm hoping to build.
"Community theater"?
Yeah, but also a cultural center.
You know, like a place to challenge audiences, but also
provide new opportunities for meaningful expression.
We could maybe have some classes that we could charge for...!
This has crossed a line!
What an eyesore.
You're doing great, darling.
Everyone is quite unhappy.
A store that only sells food for dogs?
I don't think so.
Just what we need... more rubble.
But what are we going to do about all the perverts?
They're the source of all this frightful advancement.
I'm afraid the only way to get rid of them
is to end the orgy.
"End the orgy"?
I know, but all good things must come to an end,
so we can have better things,
like no responsibilities
and a son who's not whining at us.
OK, everybody, orgy over!
Stop coupling in delightful and surprising iterations,
and go home.
You're ruining our city.
Yeah! Those doctor perverts
were curing our ailments.
All the perverts were great.
Joshua, please shut up.
All these advancements. You're gonna undo them?
For what? Your son?
No. I am a goddess.
I do things because I feel like it.
My wife!
I'm sorry, Ty. Thank you for sharing your story
about how you could probably do a lot of push-ups
but you can't because of an elbow injury,
but I'm afraid our journey
has been pushed as far as it can.
OK, I'm beginning to think my brother
may have been right that this situation
is not what it seemed, but at the same time...
you're making a mistake.
If you'll just give me a little more time.
We have a connection.
You have to feel it, too. We're in love!
Aah!
Let him go. Really?
It's over, you two. I won.
You're clearly losing right now.
It's an active conversation.
He's mine! That is so nice to hear.
My God. Lycosa's a tongue!
She's a tongue? She's a tongue!
My God. You're part of the spider?
Aah!
But I don't hold it against you.
I still believe we can make this work.
Ty, it's not too late.
Yes, I ate the other suitors, but that was always the plan,
just like it was always the plan to find the love of my life.
And it's you, Ty. It was always you.
I think I was just scared, you know?
I'm scared, too.
Ty, she's gonna eat you!
I know that. But also... awww!
Good. Now hand it over.
Lycosa...
I've decided this relationship is unhealthy.
Aah!
Mom can never know about this.
Yup. Agreed.
Wow. Look. The old palace is still standing.
I guess Mom and Dad didn't burn it to the ground.
Very nicely done, darling.
Wait a minute. Where's the smell of
rotting food and feces?
Oops. Missed a spot.
Mother!
Angelioforos, voice- And that was the end
for the others.
But the ending of one story
is always the beginning of another.
Maybe not always.
Yeah, you know what, I'm gonna say always.
The new story wasn't simple, like a story about a spider
pretending its tongue is a woman to make
a bunch of people fall in love with it
so it can eat them, with the help of a loyal servant.
It was a story about struggle, survival,
the little cruelties that cut so deep,
but it was also a story about kindness and hope
and the strength in all of us to change.
Ultimately,
it was the story of you...
the most beautiful children,
the most beautiful family in the world.
I love you all so much.
OK. Time for dinner!
It's OK, world.
You haven't seen the last of...
Did you get any of that?
Bento.