- God, I hate Fashion Week. Excuse me.
Person who looks like a person coming through.
Really?
Usually I'm the best-dressed one here.
I'm the "Where'd you get that jacket" guy?
But this week I'm the "Why'd you get that jacket" guy?
- Best dressed? Only 'cause they make me wear this.
I'm actually a style maven.
Turned my bathroom into a second closet.
Now I use the toilet downstairs at the Burger King.
- Are you eating a turkey leg or is that
what a regular chicken leg looks like in your hand?
- Had a lunch date at Medieval Times.
If that wasn't bad enough, the guy was very rude to our wench.
- So getting back out there isn't going great.
- It's these day dates.
The only men free in the middle of the day
are midlife-crisis divorcees, single dads,
and late-in-life college students.
- I'm standing right here.
- You're cool. Where'd you get that jacket?
- And I'm back.
- You got to hang in there, Judge.
Dating in the real world is tough.
It's certainly not a fairy tale.
- Aren't you dating a prince? - He's a duke.
But it's nothing like the stories.
His stepmother is lovely
and not at all threatened by his good looks —
even though my man is fair as hell.
- I know dating now is just apps and DMs,
but sometimes I wish there was a little more magic
to the process.
- Like a mysterious man comes knocking at your window,
and he's wet and handsome and right there?
- He's good-looking. Let him in.
- Thank you.
You won't believe how hard it is to get people
to let a strange man climb through their window
in this city.
- With that hat, I thought you were about to dance.
- My name is Martini, like the drink.
- My names's Abby, like where nuns live.
You know, there's something about you
that weirdly feels like we've...
Have we met before?
- Oh. Paparazzi. They found me. Got to go.
- Is that fairy tale enough for you?
He even left a slipper.
- Doesn't count. It's not glass.
Oh! Guess it was.
- Well, well, well. Look what the cat...
threw up on.
- Every dry cleaner in town is booked for Fashion Week.
Where are you taking your laundry?
- These are lesser jackets.
I'm donating them to the charity in the cafeteria.
- Wow. You're helping total strangers instead of me, huh?
Huh. See if I ever do you a favor again.
- Let's go over the definition of "again" and possibly "favor."
- You. You're my lawyer. Who are you wearing?
Don't answer that. I already know, and I love it.
Did we win? - Win?
Walking into this building sort of takes winning off the table.
It must be Erika Ellis. How did you get out of holding?
- You answered that yourself.
I'm Erika Ellis, editor of Better Than Youmagazine.
- Magazine? Well, on behalf of everyone here,
thank you for defeating the Internet.
- Mm.
- Forgive me if I'm not impressed.
- Dan, what's the deal with your dry —
- Away.
- Okay. Now I'm impressed.
Been trying to get people to leave me alone for years.
You do it with two syllables. Show me your ways.
- You get these ludicrous charges dropped,
and I'll teach you everything I know.
- Winning's gonna be tough.
I mean, you're not what lawyers
or humanity would call a sympathetic figure.
And unfortunately, the judge, she's a person.
- The People vs. Erika Ellis.
- Your Honor, the defendant is charged
with misdemeanor assault.
Also let the record show — mean.
- Uh, Your Honor, I think assault is a bit too much.
The victim was an exotic bird.
And who hasn't wanted to throw a phone at a peacock?
They just think they're so much better than us.
- Your client has a history of violent outbursts.
She's thrown phones at Davids Beckham, Copperfield,
and Schwimmer. - Two out of anger...
one out of love.
- The defense would like to ask for a continuance
so that I may confer with my client.
- Dan Fielding wants to spend more time with a client?
Sure. Let's get weird. We'll reconvene tomorrow.
- Badges, leather, handcuffs.
Where have you been my whole life?
- Right here, baby.
A date with a deejay?
That at least must have been fun.
- Deejays aren't as much fun during the day.
They're just some guy in a deli yelling,
"Put your burger-flippin' hands in the air!"
- Did you hear that? - I swear I killed that possum.
Unless he was faking it, which would be so him.
- It's just me. I was hiding from the press.
But I fell asleep on what I thought was a pillow
and now know is a possum.
- Now I recognize you.
You're Martini Toddwallis, the famous British fashion designer.
- You probably know me from my revolutionary concept show,
"Anything Can Be Pants."
- You know, I've always had an idea for a shirt that's pizza
so when you spill pizza on it, no one's the wiser.
- That's incredible.
Not the idea, but what your — your mouth is doing.
- You mean smiling?
- I don't see a lot of that in my line of work.
You're different than most girls I know.
You're — You're upbeat. You make eye contact.
You haven't snorted any cocaine this entire conversation.
- I'll snort — when something's really funny.
Have you seen that commercial
where the guy stops us from turning into our parents?
- It's so real.
- You'reso real.
Would you like to have dinner with me tonight?
- She'd love to.
- Till then.
- Why did you say yes for me?
- Because I was worried you'd say no.
And this guy's into you.
- I mean, he ischarming and cute.
But it just feels like we're from two different worlds.
He's from high fashion, and I'm from "hi" fashion.
- Well, that's what makes it so exciting.
Take me and the duke. I never owned a castle.
He owns so many, one of them is just mazes.
- Doesn't he figure them out?
- I said my man was fair as hell, not smart as hell.
- What's that? - It's my dry cleaning.
I need help, and I know you have a hook-up.
Everyone's heard you brag about that dry cleaner you got off
for using federally banned chemicals, which he still uses.
And that's why he's so good. - That's why he so good.
- Why would I do this?
- Do it or I'll haunt you.
I'll sleep outside your apartment.
You think I won't?
Does this look like a woman with anything left to lose?
- All right. Fine. I'll do it. Just get out of here.
I have a meeting with a client
who could actually do something for me.
- Oh, my.
You do need my help.
Trying to enjoy a quiet moment alone,
and that hussy throws her sweat-soaked pantyhose at you.
- Story of my life. Damn this likable face.
But I've got great news for us.
I dug up some dirt on the peacock.
It has priors.
It bit three NBC executives
for using its likeness without consent.
- You do good work.
Okay. Here's a taste.
You want to be left alone?
- What? I've worn sunglasses before.
- You've put on sunglasses, but you've never wornthem.
They're the same tint as my shih tzu's Escalade.
- No.
Wow! - Mm-hmm.
You've closed up a whole new world for me!
- You win my case
and I'll show you the city's invite-only subway
and a secret Billy Joel concert with no between-song patter.
- It's all I want.
- You stick with me,
you'll never have to deal with another person
in this city again.
- Hey, doll, I'm running the Dress to Progress table.
We donate clothing to former convicts.
Is this your —
Okay. Terrific.
- Damn it. Olivia's dry cleaning.
- Oh, I think that's the wrong —
Hello. I need to get in there.
It'll just take a second.
I don't get it.
Models are known for walking, yet none of you move.
- Anyone named Chloe, I need you in the cafeteria now.
- How did you do that?
- Hold on. Someone's talking to me.
- Oh, my God. It's the headset.
- He's like a New York 7. Manitoba 12.
- So, would you rather live in the clouds or under the sea?
- Ooh. Can I vote land?
- I always dream about dressing mermaids.
I've always hated legs. They're just so redundant.
Let's do one at the same time. - Okay.
If you could go back to any historical time period,
when would you go?
- Dinosaurs. - Dinosaurs.
- If you could invite anyone to a dinner party,
who would it be?
- Dinosaurs. - Dinosaurs.
- Back-to-back matches!
Let's eat to that.
Oh.
You wanted to do the romantic feed-each-other thing.
I'll get you on the next one.
You know, this is the most fun I've had on a date
in a long time. - Yeah. Me too.
Actually, I've never had a date in a-a, uh...
W-What do you call this?
- A cafeteria? - Oh.
Sounds like a disease that cafes get.
Your world is so fascinating.
- So is yours.
You know, ever since the pizza shirt,
I came up with lasagna sweater and spaghetti socks.
I'm telling you, this messy-eater market is huge.
- You know, I have to admit, ever since I made the world
forget everything we know about pants,
I've been cursed with terrible designer's block.
It's like having to lift a thousand-pound weight
with my mind and my mind doesn't have hands.
- Oh, no. They're back.
I got you.
- Hey, hey, hey. Chalamet went thataway.
- You saved me. - Oh.
How can I... ever repay you?
- I think this is the part where we...
- Mm!
Ooh.
Ahh.
Sigh.
- Did you just say "sigh"?
- Mm-hmm.
- Oh, my God! You had sex.
- I did!
I did. It really was like a fairy tale.
It was magical. He made my dry spell disappear.
- Knock, knock. I brought you flowers.
Is that right?
I've never dated a girl like you.
I just assumed you didn't want a pack of cigarettes.
- Martini, last night was — - Incredible.
You gave me the mind hands to lift
the thousand-pound weight of my designer's block.
- You cracked your designer's block because of me?
Does that make me a muse?
So, what did I inspire?
- A total reimagination... of your robe.
You're better than this plain black frock, Abby!
Would you do me the honor of being the future of fashion?
- I'd love to.
I do have some modeling experience.
You know those "before" pictures at the orthodontist?
Those don't just happen.
- Thank you, my muse.
- Doesn't this seem a little weird to you?
The day after a fling usually involves breakfast in bed
and finding your bra.
But this guy wants to make new clothes for you
so you can save his career.
- I'm an inspiration, and it's romantic!
He's my Prince Charming, and he's building me a ball gown —
for work.
- Call me old-fashioned,
but I think that's the job for the birds and the rats.
Wyatt, you got something from Amazon Prime.
- Ooh. That was quick. Check it out, Gurgs.
The solution to all my problems.
They listen to people in headsets.
Jean-Paul needs you on 12.
Have either of you seen Olivia?
This dry cleaning represents the last favor
I ever have to do for anyone, thanks to these babies!
- I haven't seen Olivia,
but I am seeing a lot of people dressed like her.
Maybe she's a trendsetter.
- Or... I accidentally donated her dry cleaning to charity
and I'm holding what I assume is the clothes of a dead lady.
- You're gonna meet that lady
when Olivia finds out you lost her clothes,
'cause she's gonna murder you.
And it looks like she's been practicing.
- Hey, Olivia.
Y-You got some coat on your blood.
- An animal-rights activist threw paint on me.
Tell me those are my clothes. - Oh, yes.
Y— And you owe me $87.50.
- Judge, court's about to start. Why aren't you dressed?
- I was about to put on Martini's design,
which is fabulous — I think. I don't know.
Maybe you could tell me why it's good.
- Mm. I get it.
It's hard for normies to appreciate high couture.
That man does not like you.
- It's bad, right? Why would he do this?
Maybe he's nota prince.
Is he still a frog?
But I kissed him. I reallykissed him.
- This isn't a fairy tale anymore.
If it is, it's one of those weird German ones
where you're gonna be baked into a pie
and I'm gonna have to eat you
'cause the troll turned me into a goat.
- Good news. Erika Ellis is in the courtroom.
W-Why aren't you dressed?
- Marty, there's something I need to tell you.
- I need to tell you something first.
Tonight you're not just rescuing my career.
You're... You're rescuing my soul.
- Come on, people. It's showtime.
I need you in your looks, serving face and wor-king it!
God, I love this headset.
Uh, hold off on court. The judge isn't even dressed.
- Is that connected to anything?
- Jean-Paul needs me on 12.
- Tell me it's gonna look better on.
- It's gonna look better on. - Okay.
- It does not look better on.
- Oh, G— Is this what you're wearing?
I told you to dress down so we could garner some sympathy.
- Well, these shoes do not exactly match this jacket.
There's nothing more tragic!
What is hedoing here? Give me something to throw!
- Stop. Stop. Just — Just — Come here. Sit down. Sit down.
Do not let that bird get into your head!
Go. Go. Now, look.
We have got this in the bag.
And I know that the prosecution has been afraid of you
ever since — I...
I'd guess the '80s.
- What did you do?
Why is there a courthouse full of ex-cons wearing my clothes
and I look like Huey Lewis' business manager?
- So, I'll admit that this is partially my fault.
I realize now that there is a downside to absolute power.
You want your $87.50 back?
- What I want is to rip out these shoulder pads
and beat you with them!
- You know what? You didn't have to wear the shoulder pads.
- They make the outfit.
You willmake this up to me.
- All rise. The Honorable Abby Stone presiding —
in an original piece
from the Martini Toddwallis spring 2024 collection,
Anything Can Be a Robe.
- Own it. Own it.
- I'm owning it.
I'm owning it.
- You'll note the feather accents from the finest Italian pigeons,
drawing inspiration from the Grim Reaper's cloak,
hearse drapes, and, of course, Hefty Cinch Saks.
- And I'm the one on trial?
- The People vs. Erika Ellis.
- Counselor, what are you wearing?
- You really want to play that game?
- Fair enough.
- The victim has yet to emotionally recover,
but has bravely agreed to appear today.
- The victim? That thing should be on trial —
and then grilled and put on a salad!
- Calm down.
- Listen. No one talks to me like that.
You were a nobody when I met you.
And that goes double for the big, dumb bird!
- Enough of this.
Order. Order! Ooh. Ooh. Ooh.
Lost it in the folds.
- I think you're molting
and he sees you as a threat.
- Why is it looking at me like that?
Oh! No! No! No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!
- Save the robe!
- All right. Guess I'm tasing a peacock.
- I'd have to imagine this helps my case.
- I'm sorry, Judge.
I feel a little responsible for all this.
- Oh, that's all right, Gurgs.
It's not every day you tase a peacock.
You were bound to hit me a couple t-t-times.
- I meant encouraging you to date Martini.
- Oh, no. That was exciting.
I think it's pretty clear we're not the perfect fit.
- I feel exactly the same way.
Sorry. I was hiding again.
The paparazzi are really out of control now
because everybody loved my look.
- I loved it first.
- Abby, we're from two different worlds.
But I'll never forget the lesson you taught me.
You shouldn't dress a person like a bird
when there's a bird in the room.
- We weren't meant to last.
I guess that's why Disney movies are only 87 minutes long
and mostly singing.
- Till we meet again.
- Guess I'm back on the apps.
After all this, maybe I'll appreciate a lunch date
asking me to "take the Caesar salad to the next level!"
- Suit yourself.
I was gonna introduce you to some hot dummies
at the Vogueparty.
- Like we could get into the Vogueparty.
Can I be your plus-one?
- Our car is downstairs.
I just need to stop at the Apple Store.
- My shih tzu needs a new phone.
We're celebrating my acquittal.
- You didn't kill that peacock, did you?
- Well, I didn't do anything.
- Can I come with you to the Vogueparty?
I know how to vogue, so I'm all set with icebreakers.
- Away.
- Hey, I'm going to that party. I'm a muse!
- Oh, good. Some of my suits are still here.
Look at her up there, styled with a paisley scarf.
Don't worry. We're gonna get you out of here.
- So my very last act in helping another human being
is gonna be stealing from a charity.
Is it morally wrong? Yes.
Are we still gonna do it? Yes.
Don't you worry. I got this covered.
Hi... Tiff.
I'd like you to meet Olivia Moore,
the woman who has made all of these dreams come true
with her incredibly generous donations.
- We were wondering who our mystery hero was.
Everyone, come meet our angel!
- Oh! - You just made this impossible.
There's no way I can ask for my stuff back.
- Congratulations. You've just become a diversion.
- Ms. Moore, do you have any wisdom to impart
as these women start their next chapter?
- Well, what can I say other than you're welcome
for giving you that purple blazer with the gold buttons?
Now, I know that this city can make you redwith anger.
Mm. Now that you're free, well, what you really deserve is...
salmon — not gross pink —
light-orangish-pink, uh, perfectly cooked,
d-double-breasted salmon.
- Secret subway's leaving!
- Before I go, I'd be happy to donate this suit.
- I think these women have been through enough.
- Right.