Hey, shouldn't you be going to school?
Yes.
And shouldn't you be wearing pants?
- They're still wet. - So?
Use magic to make new ones.
Magic jeans come out all stiff and new, these are broken in.
Maybe I just need to clean the lint tray.
Don't! That's a magic drier.
It is?
It fluffs, it folds and it never loses a sock
but it's been on the fritz lately.
- We're still waiting for the repair man. - When was he supposed to show up?
Er sometime in the afternoon between nineteen sixty:eight and nineteen ninety:eight.
Forget it, I'll just wear clammy jeans.
Hey they're stuck!
Call the repair man! Now!
S01 E13 Jenny's Non-Dream
What are you making?
Sugar cookies.
With bits of liver?
No, sprinkles.
Hey I'm back.
- Did you have fun at Jenny's? - It was amazing.
Last night we had casserole, played Monopoly and then we watched TV.
How will you ever wind down?
It was so much fun to be in a normal house, with a normal family, doing normal things.
Is that why you've never invited Jenny for a sleep:over,
because you think we're weird?
That's a complicated question but the short answer would be yes.
Well that's ridiculous.
We can be as normal as anyone, watch.
I'm mixing by hand, just like a pioneer woman.
Now I want you to invite Jenny over.
How about next Friday. I have my book club...
Jenny is not meeting your brainy friends.
Could I finish my sentence?
I have my book club but I'll cancel it.
Now all you have to do is invite Jenny over.
- What if I forget? - I'll remind you.
And I promise we will be as normal as normal can be.
Tally:ho! Who wants to play miniature polo?
I'll have a talk with her.
So then Jenny's dad landed on Park Place
and to pay the rent he had to borrow money from her little brother.
It was super:funny.
My family can't play board games,
not since the Pictionary incident.
I still can't talk about it.
Well maybe you should hang out a Jenny's house, her family's really nice.
And a little boring, but they love you, you should come over again this Saturday.
That'd be great.
- Why'd you kick me? - I didn't kick you.
That's weird.
So what time should I come over?
What is it?
Oh just a reminder.
Um, y'know I think it's my turn to have you over at my house.
That sounds fun.
You know you don't have to answer right away.
You should know I have these two really weird aunts.
But I like weird. I love weird.
I bask in the glow of weird. I..
You know I think Jenny will fit right in. Aw!
That was me.
Okay, looking normal.
Oh! Gotta get rid of my magic book.
Oh come on!
Stay!
Good book.
Okay.
Now Salem, we need to work on your meow.
Say what!
Your meow. It has to sound real for Jenny, let's hear it.
Okay.
Meow.
Can't you do it more catty?
You mean meow?
- Yeah. - That is so cliché.
Humour me.
There's still something weird about this room.
I know.
There. It was too neat; now it's perfect
and you know Salem? This could be fun.
I'm happy for you Sabrina, you should be able to have friends over.
- Or in other words? - Meow.
Look, I'm plumping pillows all by myself.
I am so impressed.
What smells weird?
- Hilda's cooking. - Oh:no!
Hi kitten. I just made tuna noodle casserole.
What do you think?
I think you're both over done.
Here.
I made a list of possible topics for tonight's dinner conversation.
Now if one doesn't work, move on,
but don't stray from the list.
Hey, I think I know what to talk about.
Towels?
Okay she's here, tense up!
Relax. That's the upstairs door:bell.
Upstairs door:bell?
For the linen closet. We must have guests from the Other Realm.
Can't we just pretend we're not here?
No. What if it's someone important?
Fine, but I still don't understand why our linen closet doesn't have a peep:hole.
- The Spellman residence? - Yes.
I'm here about your drier.
- I'll take you to the laundry room. - Oh thanks.
Aunt Zelda, look! Oh you have...
- Shh! Don't be rude. - Nothing.
He can't stay. He has a tail.
What's wrong with having a tail?
Sabrina you aren't a rumpist are you?
A rumpist? What's a rumpist?
Someone who judges others by their rear ends.
No. Okay not usually.
It's not me I'm worried about, it's Jenny.
Is she a rumpist?
No, but if she sees a repairman with a tail she might get suspicious.
Oh relax.
We'll keep him out of site, he'll fix the drier and be gone before you know it.
It's probably her.
- Do I have to answer it? - Yes.
Hey, you're here.
You too. It's a great house.
Come on in, I'll er give you the grand tour.
Okay here's a bunch of stuff we own.
All very normal.
Okay let's go and see if dinners ready.
Well it's kinda misleading to call that the grand tour.
..From the hand:towel to the guest:towel, the beach:towel to the bath:sheet.
Towels have helped make our nation great.
Towels.
Okay let's talk about something else.
Oh! The collapse of the economy on the Isle of Mann.
Hilda, would you help me clear the table?
- I will too. - No! No.
You're our guest.
- What's going on? - I've found your problem.
You've got a Lint:Gremlin growing in your drier.
Did you get rid of him?
No but I got a piece of him.
Well find the rest.
Please and be quick about it, our niece has a mortal over.
Oh a mortal. I'd tuck in my tail but it tickles.
- So is everything okay? - As okay as apple:pie.
Wow, it's beautiful.
It couldn't be better... unless there's ice:cream.
There is.
- In the freezer. - Well I'll get it.
My parents forced manners on me, I might as well use them.
I think everything's going really well.
Except for the Lint:Gremlin that's escaped from the drier
and is now running around the house.
He got out!
Jenny!
- Are you okay! - No! I just saw the hugest spider.
Spider. That's great.
You know because spiders eat other bugs.
Hey, er how about we, er look for that ice:cream.
Yep.
Wow you've got lots of flavours.
Er, it's all none:fat.
Okay let's go up to my room.
Hey let's race. Look, you're winning.
Who is that?
Irwin, Velia, What are you doing here?
Our book club was cancelled tonight. Didn't you get my E:mail?
No.
We had to drop our AOL account
because a certain person couldn't stay out of the chat rooms.
Where else can I be judged by how I think and not by how I look?
I'm sure it's very difficult being a brain in a jar but you can't come in.
But the taxi wont be back for two hours.
Sorry. Think warm thoughts, good bye.
Oh Hilda we can't just leave them outside, they'll get brain freeze.
I thought we were going for normal?
Oh the girls are upstairs,
we'll take the brains in the dining room and Sabrina will never know.
Come on in.
Yea!
Okay but I would just like to point out that I am against this.
Oh, pardon my finger.
One:one:thousand. Two:one:thousand. Three..
That's less than two miles away.
Yeah. We get a surprising amount of lightning around here.
This is such a great place.
I mean how many people have their own turret?
I don't know, me and Repunsel?
There's a totally gothic feel to this place,
like anything could happen.
Could... but doesn't.
Too bad, that's like my dream.
Hey I got an idea. Wanna tell each other secrets?
Secrets?
I'll go first okay.
Ever since I read 'The Lion, the Witch and the wardrobe'
I've believed in other realms.
Like the way Edmond pushes past the coats and falls into Narnia.
I think that could happen if we could just find the door.
Wouldn't that be amazing?
Yeah.
Okay, now it's your turn to tell me your secret.
Well I don't really have any secrets.
I mean you know me,I'm an open book.
Come on, everyone has secrets.
Actually um..
do have a secret. I'd really like to tell you but it's:it's kinda hard.
Well Sabrina you can tell me anything. I promise I won't think it's strange.
Okay, well the truth is, Jenny, I'm a..
Really messy person.
- What? - Total slob.
You're messy? That's your big secret?
Yes, shhh!
What was that?
I'd better go check. You stay here and..
You stay here.
Salem guard my door so Jenny doesn't go anywhere, okay?
Hey dogs guard. Cats watch...
and judge.
Velia! That was totally un:called for.
Oh my left lobe.
What's going on here?
We were discussing the shipping news and Velia got upset.
She telekinetically pushed me off the table.
That book did not deserve a Pulitzer prize.
Please, if Wendy Wasserstien can win one..
Excuse me! I thought you cancelled your book club?
Hey! Hey! Come back here with that.
He's got my pie! You little Lint:ball, gimme my pie.
This is insane!
I knew this wouldn't work. Here.
I've got to go and tell Jenny that I feel sick and she's got to go home.
We'd better get you back into some vital fluids.
Whatever you do, don't put me in with her.
Please!
Sabrina?
Hey kitty, do you know where the linen closet is?
I know it's snooping
but all that talk about towels made me wanna check theirs out.
Meow!
- I found it. - Meow!
What's up Salem?
Jenny just got sent to the Other Realm.
- You're kidding! - No, and I'm glad.
Now everything can go back to normal.
Jenny?
JENNY!
JENNY?
JENNY, WHERE ARE YOU?
Sabrina what's all the shouting? Are you all right?
No. I think Jenny got sent to the Other Realm.
Oh no, I'm sure she didn't.
But Salem saw her go in the closet and shut the door.
Oh. Then I guess she did.
Hello?
Is anyone here?
Wow! Am I in Narnia?
Who are you?
'Skippy the Overlord's Underling' Cool.
Can you talk?
Oh you have a frog in your throat.
Where am I?
Limbo? I'm in Limbo?
Then I was right.
There is another realm and it's in Sabrina's linen closet.
Well I wonder if Sabrina knows about this?
Man, she was holding out on me.
Well is there anyone else here I could speak to?
I mean somebody who can talk?
Oh no offence, I'm just not very good at charades.
Nine thousand, nine hundred and ninety:five.
Nine thousand, nine hundred and ninety:six.
Nine thousand, nine hundred and ninety:seven.
Nine thousand, nine hundred and ninety:eight.
Nine thousand, nine hundred and ninety:nine.
It's all I can do.
Wow awesome!
Oh thanks.
I've never seen a place like this before.
It's called a gym. Who are you?
Jenny. Who are you?
Who am I? You're joking right?
No. Should I recognise you?
Yes. I am Drell, head of the Witches Council.
You're a witch?
Yeah, aren't you?
No, I'm a mortal.
Y:You're a mortal? Really? That's funny.
It is? Why?
Because now I have to turn you into a grasshopper.
Skippy man, where do you pick up these strays?
Don't look so sad.
You know you can't have a mortal, you didn't feed the last one.
I don't see Jenny anywhere.
I thought you said she might be in Limbo?
Well she's not.
But don't worry, everything will be fine.
How can you say that?
Because sometimes, when things get tough, denial is all we have.
Oh hey! There's Skippy.
Help us? We're looking for a girl named Jenny.
He's seen her. Let's go.
Wait! When in Limbo, you have to limbo.
I don't see Jenny.
Good, 'cause I see Drell.
Oh hi ladies. Glad you didn't catch me doing anything silly.
Er, actually we were just looking for someone.
But she doesn't seem to be here so we're sorry to disturb you.
Wait! Maybe I er have seen her. Is her name Jenny?
- Yes. - Does she have green eyes?
- Yeah. - Is she a vegetarian?
Yeah.
Does she have a segmented body and ears on her thorax?
- No. - Wanna bet?
Oh dear.
Jenny? What did you do to her!
I turned her into a grasshopper.
Why?
Ah it's either that or a katydid
Well you're going to turn her back right? I mean..
you're not going to leave her like that?
Wrong!
The rules are very clear on what happens to mortals who cross over into this realm,
and as you know, rules are rules.
What rules? I wanna see these rules.
Oh Rule:bearer!
Hear ye, hear ye. The rules of the realm.
Rule number one: No spitting.
Rule number two: All giants must wipe their feet before entering the..
Okay just skip to the part about mortals.
Rule number seven hundred and fourteen: Any mortal who passes into this realm
shall be transformed into a creepy crawly thing.
That's the rule.
Here's your friend. The jar is yours to keep.
I can't believe this. Aunt Zelda?
Oh honey don't cry.
But poor Jenny.
Er no really, don't cry.
Rule number five hundred and fifty:five: No blubbering.
- Look I just want to be alone. - Oh Sabrina!
Let her go.
They need to redefine their friendship.
Oh Jenny, what have I done?
Your parents are going to be so mad at me.
I can't believe I dragged you into my weirdness.
Look, just so you know, I really did want to tell you my secret.
Which, I guess at this point, is obvious.
Surprise, I'm a witch,
but it's not as much fun as you'd think.
I mean all I wanted to do was spend one normal night at my house.
You know, one night to have a sleep:over,
eat a little pop:corn, play some board:games.
Was that so much to ask?
I'll take that chirp as a yes.
And anyway, I just wanted to say I'm sorry.
Huh sorry, how lame is that, I mean you're a grasshopper.
Sorry isn't enough.
You know, I know this won't make it up to you but..
Jenny, d'ya wanna leaf?
Oh excuse me, I didn't know you were in here.
Do you mind if I smoke? It's only bubbles.
Go ahead.
Oh I've been trying to quit but my job is so stressful.
Stress? Tell me about it.
I'm sorry about the rules.
I don't make them up, I only read them and personally I think seven:fourteen stinks.
I mean what is so bad about mortals?
Nothing. Especially Jenny, she was the coolest.
So er, why not find a loop:hole?
- There are loop:holes? - Yeah, don't you know the rule?
- What rule? - I'm off duty but er.
Rule number eight hundred and three: For every rule, there is a loop:hole.
In fact there are more loop:holes than rules.
- So there's a chance I can save Jenny? - Yeah, but not for another five minutes.
I've gotta finish my bubbles.
It's not over yet, listen up.
Mortals without conscious knowledge of the realm may pass in
and out of it freely. Loop:hole!
But Jenny already has conscious knowledge.
So we get rid of the conscious part.
We knock her out?
No. We convince her she's having a dream. Then she can leave.
No she can't
Yes she can. I have it in writing.
Oh tooth:picks!
Sorry. Rules are rules but loop:holes are loop:holes.
Well okay, give it a try.
Hey Sabrina, you're here.
No I'm not and neither are you.
You're having a dre:e:e:a:a:a:m.
It doesn't seem like it.
It seems like you're just making swishy arm motions.
- Help me out here would you? - But you are dreaming Jenny.
Oh look at the size of this fruit.
And now you have to have a test.
A test!
Well what's it on? I haven't studied.
Invertebrate zoo:ology.
Better get to work.
'The cuttlefish and the nautilus, compare and contrast'
But I don't even know what any of these are and my pen? Where's my pen?
Times up! You failed!
But I just started!
You've been working for hours, and now look!
Your dead Grandfather. Come here quick!
Get on this, run to him!
Grandpa! Grandpa!
I'm running as fast as I can but I'm not getting any closer.
That's because it's a dre:e:e:e:a:a:a:m.
Well maybe it is a dream.
But there's still something missing.
What?
Jack Wagner. He's in all my dreams.
There he is.
Jack! You made it.
- Well where am I? - In my dream.
This all seems so real.
Well I'm a pretty visual person.
Like remember the time you rescued me from the evil King Herbert
and we got married at Stonehenge?
No, not really.
But how could you forget? You promised to love me for ever and ever.
Jenny, get a grip. Bye Jack.
Don't go Jack! Don't go!
You could try running after him.
Oh that never gets me anywhere.
I don't like this dream anymore, I wanna wake up.
If you wanna wake up, you have to go to sleep.
That makes no sense.
Well that's because it's a dre:e:e:e:e:a:a:a:a:m.
Maybe I do need a nap.
You're very sleepy
Very sleepy.
It worked.
WAKE UP!
Shh! (Whispering) Rule number forty:two: Let sleeping mortals lie.
Too bad Drell. Looks like I win this round.
Ha!
You tiny little witches are so annoying.
I tell you what, next week you can go to Jenny's house.
- Do you know what I regret? - What?
Not getting Jack Wagner's autograph.
Okay, now gently put her on the bed.
Yes! We did it.
That was close.
See? Everything turned out fine.
At last! Marvin Gardens is mine.
It's just luck.
You know having a brain doesn't help at all in this game.
Linty, did you eat my pie?
Yep! It's just another normal night at the Spellman's
- Morning. - Morning.
Did you sleep okay?
Like a rock except I had the freakiest dream last night and you were in it.
Really?
I went to another dimension and a giant witch named Drell turned me into a grasshopper.
Sounds scary?
Yeah, but fortunately Jack Wagner saved me.
Jack Wagner saved you?
You're sure I didn't save you?
I don't think so but it was fun.
I wish bizarre stuff like that could happen all the time.
Yeah but then again you might not appreciate it as much as you think.
Rule number fifty:six:
All witches must eat their carrots.
Rule number fifty:seven:
Bats may not be kept as pets.
Rule number fifty:eight:
Not using double negatives will be disallowed.
Rule number fifty:nine:
All children under ten must be accompanied by monkeys.
Rule number sixty:
No switching channels between programmes.
Rule number sixty:one:
All rules must have a beginning, a middle and an end, except..
Is that it? I don't get that one.
** Saboor Mughal ** www.subscene.com