Those fingers in my head
That sly, come-hither stare
That strips my conscience bare
It's witchcraft
- Salem, did I hear you singing? - No, I was just...
It's okay. I came in 'cause it sounded good.
Oh come on, enough. Ya think?
Yeah. I just wanted a front row seat.
- Me too. - Right behind you.
Well, well, well. Ol' yellow eyes,
you've still got it.
Hit it cat.
And I've got no defense for it
The heat is too intense for it
What good would common sense For it do...
Hairball!
Saboor Mughal ::: www.subscene.com S01 E18 Sweet Charity
It's an interesting theory Jenny
but I don't think there's a force field around this table.
Then why isn't anyone signing up to adopt a Grandparent?
Do you think it's clear that these adoptions are not legally binding?
- Hi guys. - Libby.
can I sign you up for the Adopt-a-Grandparent programme?
Actually I came over here to tell you guys
about my new community service,
it's the Adopt-a-life programme. May I sign you up?
Don't answer, it's a trick question.
See ya freak,
Frizzy freak.
Frizzy! These happen to be curls!
Let it go Jenny, take the high road.
What's going on?
Some foreign exchange students are sitting at our table.
Deport them.
What's with your socks,
did you get dressed in the dark this morning?
No, I...
How did this happen?
Quick, switch socks with each other.
- What! - I need a trend
and I need it now.
Hey Harvey, over here. We need you to sign up.
I did, on my way in.
Yes but nobody else has, so could you do it again
and do it loudly?
All right.
Sure, I'd love to adopt a Grandparent.
Old people are so much fun,
they know tones of stuff...
and sometimes they give you money
Shhhh! Don't go there!
Well at least we've filled the sign up sheet.
Yeah, but it's all Harvey and...
Mighty Mouse!
So then my dance instructor said...
Hey! Look at her.
She matches.
- What ya making? - Hair soup.
I thought long tresses would look nice for a change.
Hmm, it tastes really wavy.
Sorry I'm late.
It took longer at the book store than I expected.
- Did you get me 'Cat Fancy'? - Yes.
And Salem, here's your 'New Republic'
Thanks.
I hate the politics
but Brustien on the theatre is a revaluation.
Why do you keep smiling?
- I do not. - Yes you do.
- Do not. - Fine, don't tell me.
I can always twist your arm.
Aw! Cut it out! Oh you!
Aw! You're pulling my ear!
Let go of my arm!
Let go of my ear!
Enough okay, I'll tell you.
I met a guy at the book store.
Oh really? What was his pick up line?
He didn't have one.
He mistook me for an employee
and asked me if we carried any books
on how to meet intelligent women.
Do you think you'll see him again?
He took my number
but it wasn't a pick up.
Soups on!
- D'ya want some? - Just a smidgen bowl.
How about you Zelda? It's hair soup.
No thanks, I just got mine cut.
I'll get it!
Hello?
Oh yuck, there's a hair in my hair soup.
Of course I remember you, Rick.
No, I'm still here.
- What's she smiling about? - A boy.
Hold on Rick, I'm going to grab the cordless.
You were saying?
D'you want some hair soup?
It's really thick and luxurious.
No thanks, I'm on my way to the Senior Center
but I should probably bring them something.
Chewy caramels, that's perfect.
This is already better
than visiting my real Grandparents,
I don't have to take my ear rings out.
How do we know which one to chose?
I see mine.
- Hi. - Hi.
This is kind of awkward
but would you like to be my Grandmother?
Of course, that'd be lovely.
But before I start bragging about you
I need to know your name.
I'm Sabrina, and what's yours?
- You can call me Nana. - Great.
An awkward silence,
it's like we really are family.
Here, how about looking at my scrap book?
Wow! Awesome photo of Elija Wood.
Oh he's my little honey.
- You know him? - Noah Wyle introduced us.
You know Noah Whyle!
Only through Christian Slater.
I love Christian Slater. How do you know these people?
Well when you get to be my age you know just about everybody.
Howard.
Did you come to adopt a Grandparent?
No. I'm here to take a photo for the school paper.
We're doing an article on community service,
it's called 'Westbridge Cares'
But apperantly not that much.
I'll go set up.
Excellent timing.
A photo will be great publicity for the programme.
Yeah, I only wish we could have got'n someone cool to be here.
- Thanks a lot! - You know what I mean,
someone others follow.
Like Libby the lord high empress of Westbridge?
I thought she was sophomore class president?
Libby would never show her face here.
Maybe we could fake it.
My dad says that Russia's on their third Boris Yeltzin.
Oh come on, you can't fake a person.
Of course you can't!
Gotta go.
This is the worst thing I've ever had to do.
- Alright, I'm here. - Libby.
What are you doing at the Senior Center?
I thought I'd drop by and improve your image.
You're gonna help us?
Look, I know I'm completely shallow and self absorbed
but every now and then I think of others.
All set. If you could stand together.
No problem.
How's this?
- You mean next to you! - Sure.
Smile.
Now put that on the front page and remember,
old people are the coolest.
You can quote me on that.
I will, thanks Libby.
What a scoop.
Now that the reporters gone
I guess I'll go too.
Bye.
Did you see that? Libby treated me like a human.
I'm glad we took a picture because
Sabrina's gonna think we pulled a Yeltzin.
Hey, what's up?
Libby was just here.
No?
Well that aughta get kids involved.
Sabrina look, the Senior Center photo made the front page.
Cool! Has Libby seen this?
What is this?
A photo of you standing next to Jenny.
Oh, I would not. This is a fake,
they must have put my face on someone else's body.
And not a very good one.
Then it quotes you as saying 'Old people are the coolest'
No, cheerleaders are the coolest.
Harvey, you were at the Senior Center.
You didn't see me there right?
Libby, you did a good thing. Deal with it.
I've been framed.
What's with her? How can she not remember?
Isn't it obvious?
Libby has multiple personalities
and we finally met the nice one.
And today we are going to be studying sight
and there's more to this subject than meets the eye.
- Mr. Pool! - Er yeah?
Before you begin I'd like to make an announcement to the class
regarding the front page of the school newspaper.
Oh, y'know what? I noticed that myself
and may I say I was proud to have all three
outstanding citizens in my class.
Libby, Harvey, Jenny,
you are the hope of America.
Now let's hear it for these everyday hero's, huh?
Now er what was it you wanted to say Libby?
Nothing.
Ah, we'll be at the Senior Center again today
if anyone else wants to join us.
Us? I don't recall seeing you there Sabrina.
Hey!
Hi.
I see the hair spell kicked in.
I probably shouldn't have had that second bowl of hair soup
but I thought mutton chops would be nice for a change.
You look like Greg Allman.
I'll take that as a compliment.
So how was your date with Rick?
Oh, not so good.
I'm starting to feel really weird
about the age difference.
I mean normally I don't care about these things
but Rick keeps bringing up stuff that makes me feel old.
- Like what? - Oh he keeps talking
about how he can't wait for the turn of the century.
Big deal, I've done that five times.
Oh, and it's always the same.
I've partied like it was sixteen ninety-nine, seventeen ninety-nine, eighteen ninety-nine,
this time I'm staying home.
Exactly.
I think I'm going to brake off our relationship.
Oh you haven't even given him a chance.
You grow a little facial hair
and suddenly you're on his side.
Hey look at me,
I'm a hippie cat.
Try some fudge, Pete Sampras sent it to me.
And who sent you the turtles? Chris O'Donnell?
No.
Leonardo DiCaprio.
Mmm! Then I'll have one of these.
Oh, excuse me I'll be right back.
Hey guys, where are you going?
You've gotta pick out a grandparent while they last.
No thanks. We only came because we thought Libby would be here.
And she's not, so we're going.
But you can't go, we need people and
maybe Libby'll come.
In fact I'm sure Libby'll come.
Oh, I think I see her in the hall now.
Oh man, not again.
Oh, stupid Libby!
Hi guys.
- Libby! - You made it!
Sabrina told me you were thinking of taking off?
No!
Old people are the coolest.
You got that right. Oh hey, there's Jenny.
Hi Jenny, how's it going?
Good.
Nana,
Sabrina had to run out for a minute
so she asked me to take over.
I'm Libby.
A pleasure to meet you. Turtle?
Mr. Berry, are you sure you want to do that?
I admit leaving my king unprotected
is a somewhat risky strategy
but er, I think I know what I'm doing.
You beat me ten times in a row,
I'm not going to argue with you.
Hey, checkmate!
How about that?
It's time for a victory soda.
Libby!
Yeah Harvey?
Can I... get you a soda?
Sure, I'd love a Ginger-Ale.
Harvey.
You must have been super-thirsty
if you couldn't wait for me to bring it back. Here you go.
- What's this? - It's your soda.
Ginger-Ale,
what kind of freak drink is that?
I only drink diet.
But you asked for this.
No I didn't. Now move, I'll get my own soda.
Y'know, I think I liked your other personality better...
Even if she does pick her nose.
Here, I've got another soda, do you want it?
I never turn down a free drink.
Harvey, where's my soda?
You said you didn't want it.
When?
You called it a freak drink.
I would not!.....
Yes I would. Gotta go.
Urgh! Stupid old peoples soda machine!
Sorry sir, I need the phone.
If you have a problem with that my name is Libby. Shut the door!
Finally!
Hi Libby, you made it.
This stupid machine gave me Ginger-Ale.
- I wont drink this. - I will. Thanks.
All right, I'm here!
Isn't anyone gonna say hi?
- We already did. - When you first came in.
I did just come in.
This isn't funny anymore.
And what are you doing with that old lady?
That's the way the programme works.
You select a grandparent and spend some time with them.
- What's the catch? - There isn't a catch,
ou get the satisfaction of doing something nice for someone.
Libby. Libby.
I guess I'll go with her since she already seems to know me.
Isn't it great. Look, everyone has someone.
I know, it's working better than I ever imagined.
- And it's all thanks to Libby. - Libby?
You know, deep down she's a really good person.
I wouldn't go that far. I mean,
I'm sure Libby can be nice on rare occasions when
I'm not around
but most of the time Libby's just... Libby.
Oh Sabrina, if only you could have seen
the way she waved at me.
But I did, it was like this.
You are not!
I'm the worlds biggest Johnny Depp fan.
Hey, what's up?
May we help you?
I just wanted to talk to Nana.
Oh I'm afraid that's impossible.
She's my Nana now.
- Aunt Hilda, have you got a sec? - Yeah.
I have a problem.
I'm yours,
I always have time for girl talk.
This isn't about boys, this is about Libby.
Is she being mean again?
No, she's being nice but it's just as bad.
You see, Jenny and I started this adopt-a-Grandparent programme.
And then Libby got involved
and now she's queen of the Senior Center.
Why does she always have to win?
Sabrina, charities not a contest.
It sounds like when Libby wins, everybody wins.
Not me, I lost!
She stole my adopted grandmother.
Well then why don't you get a new one?
Because all the good ones are taken.
Just wait, people get old all the time
and remember, virtue is it's own reward.
Thanks for the advice.
Now can I give you some?
Get some tattoos, you'll work forever.
It's not fair, she was mine first.
Not that I don't enjoy
getting to know you Mrs. Hartle.
So, James Michener's, 'Hawaii'
Now what's this about?
You make it sound like so much fun Mr. Berry.
Why did they call it the depression?
Not everybody liked apples as much as I did.
So tell me more about Ethan Hawke.
Oh, he's a nice boy.
- Does he ever come to visit? - when I call him.
Well, what are you waiting for?
'Toys made from Taro root'
Isn't that fascinating?
I'll read on.
Hi Sabrina. I was just getting some sodas for me and Nana.
That's nice, I'm going home.
So soon, why?
Well I've been here two hours and Mrs. Hartle woke up
just long enough to tell me why foreigners are ruining this country
and then she went back to sleep.
Oh too bad.
Nana and I are having the best time.
In fact I think this project
may turn out to be very rewarding.
I should thank you for that, Sabrina.
You're thanking me?
Well I'd better go back in now,
I don't want to keep my Nana waiting.
Would you innitial here sir?
Thank you,
and it's Ma'am.
- Who was that? - More flowers.
Huh, Rick is not giving up easily.
He is one determined young man...
but not so young as to make a relationship impossible.
They are beautiful aren't they?
Zeldy, do what you want but er,
my female intuition tells me
you still like this guy and if that's true
you shouldn't let age get in the way.
You're as young as you feel.
I'm six hundred and twelve, do I look it?
Well, the beard makes you look older
but you might be right.
There's a lot of stuff about Rick I like and
maybe he'll mature.
I think I'll call him.
Oh and Hilda, thank's for caring.
That's what sisters are for.
Oh wait! Oh! Aw! Don't pull, aw!!
And so the outer ear channels the sound waves to the ear-drum...
which picks up the vibrations....
Then three tiny bones in the middle ear...
carry the movement to the cochleae...
Which is filled with fluid and cells...
with tiny hairs that move
and do you think I can't hear you whispering?
Come on, I've got three tiny bones in my ear.
Now does someone want to tell me what this is all about?
What! Libby's gonna meet Ethan Hawke?
How do you know him?
He's a friend of a friend.
You do a good deed, you get a little back.
What's so funny?
Oh, um...
the word cochleae.
You were laughing at me in class weren't you?
- No, I wasn't. - Yes, you were.
- No, I wasn't. - Oh come on,
I've laughed at enough people to know when I'm being laughed at.
Okay I was,
but just because I never thought you'd be so gullible.
Gullible? D'you wanna tell me what you mean by that?
Quietly.
Let's see, how can I put this nicely?
Oh, I can't.
Nana's whacked!
Look, she doesn't know Pete, she doesn't know Keanu,
she doesn't know Noah and she doesn't know Brad.
Yes she does, I've seen the scrap book.
So have I,
it's all cut outs from magazines
but have you seen any real proof?
She has a Johnny Pneumonic T-shirt.
Look, I fell for it to. I mean who wouldn't...
Until the DiCaprio turtles.
You mean Leonardo didn't make this?
Eat it, let the sugar comfort you.
Then all the time I spent with Nana
has been a total waste.
No, you made a dear old woman happy.
Oh please!
If I could sue, I would.
Look, why don't you just forget about it?
How? It was just announced to the whole class,
which means It will spread to the entire school
which is exactly what I wanted
when I thought I was gonna meet Ethan.
Libby, you're getting all red.
I'm so humiliated.
She's not going to get away with this.
What is that supposed to mean?
After school I'm going to the Senior Center
and rip Nana a new Afghan.
Look, leave her alone. Why don't you take it out on me,
you love doing that.
I wanna talk to you!
Libby, what a pleasant surprise.
Sit down Nana, if that is your real name.
What's wrong, you seem upset.
I am upset. You said I was going to meet Ethan Hawke.
Well... you're not.
So you lied to me.
Oh that's a little harsh.
In my day we called them tall tails.
You have no idea what you have done do you?
Not really.
I'm going to be teased about this for weeks
and then again every time a new Ethan Hawke movie comes out.
I mean my only hope is his career takes a total nose dive,
which means I have to root against him and I really cared.
Sorry.
Sorry's not enough!
You did a number on me.
I hope you're happy you lying, sad, pathetic old woman!
Libby.
Libby, Libby.
I never meant to hurt you.
Ooow! She was mad.
Sabrina, you were right. I thoroughly enjoyed my walk.
Well, a little fresh air always does one good.
So is it just you and me or will Libby be stopping by?
Er, I don't think you'll see her around here again.
She...
made up with her real grandmother.
Oh that's nice. Oh I'll miss her,
she's such a sweet girl.
Nana, you an excellent judge of character.
Hey, do you wanna catch a movie?
Sure, we'll go and see one of your friends
I think Ethan Hawke has a new movie out.
- U-hu, he called. - Oh, what did he say?
He asked all about you.
Hey, where have you been?
Nana and I went to see the new Ethan Hawke movie
and its going to be huge.
Hey, you shaved your beard.
Yeah, the up keep was too much
and the weirdest guys kept coming on to me.
Ha-ha-ha! you're nuts.
- Who's aunt Zelda with? - Rick.
The younger man is back in the picture.
I've got to check this out.
Pardon me.
- Mr. Berry! - Sabrina?
You know each other?
Yes, from the Senior Center.
What a small world.
Sabrina is my niece.
You look too young to be her aunt.
Oh, Rick.
I'll leave you two alone.
Hey Salem, d'you wanna,
What happened to you?
Too much soup. Groom me. Please groom me.
Hey Zelda, did you have some of the tuna, noodle casserole
- I put in the fridge last night? - No. Why?
Somebody took a big chunk out of it.
I'd check with Salem.
Right, Tuna. Well he'll regret that,
- I threw in the left over soup. - You didn't?
Yes. I know it has horrible side effects
but I just hate throwing away food.
Good morning.
What? What?!
Not Salem.