( upbeat rock theme playing )
I just love that new Other Realm Grocery.
Yeah. If there are more than three people in line,
they just clone the cashier.
What'd you bring us?
Honey Frosted Fruity Cocoa Sugar Clumps.
Made with real candy.
But I asked for something sweet.
And for you: Bubble gum?
So this is all part of a nutritious breakfast.
SALEM: I don't believe it.
Send in just 500 box tops
and get a genuine replica of the Epsilon III, free.
Will anyone join me in saying, "Who cares?"
The Epsilon III was the first spaceship ever used
in an Other Realm Earth landing.
I must have that spaceship.
Well, it'll take 500 boxes, and you're a cat without a job.
Then I'd better start crunching.
I've never had Other Realm gum before.
This grape is pretty good.
But it can be pretty loud.
[CRASHING]
It also comes in berry. What?
It also comes in berry! What?!
Teenagers today just don't listen.
What?
( upbeat rock theme playing )
Let me get that spot.
( upbeat rock theme playing )
So have you come up with any suggestions
on how to spend the money the alumni board donated?
How about a candy machine in the cafeteria?
We already have one.
Well, I'm good then.
I suggested a poetry bash.
We could have an after-school coffee shop
where kids can come read their poetry,
and we could have famous poets come read their work.
Cool. So they're not all dead?
If they can build a replica of the Epsilon III,
you'd think they could make scissors a cat could use.
Salem, I need your help with a bow.
Where did all this cereal come from?
The good things in nature?
Okay. I kind of told the manufacturers
I found a rat in one of their boxes,
and they sent me ten free ones.
What? Salem, no more lies.
Yes'm.
Salem, these just came for you.
"Hope this fulfills your dying friend's
last wish for cereal."
Wasn't one of you coughing up blood
and craving sw--
Oh, forget it.
Didn't we agree not to exchange gifts
for Pearl Harbor Day?
It's for Willard.
It's a leather detention slip holder.
It's almost our two-month anniversary.
Wow. It's so great that you two
have stayed together for two whole months.
I know.
You know, there's a sweet, kind, intellectual side to Willard,
that he almost never shows.
Yeah. Usually he's just a big jackass.
You know, Sabrina, I've been working on a poem.
How sweet. Can I hear it?
Sure.
( clears throat )
Two showers dripped in a yellow locker room.
And sorry I could not bathe in style,
I looked at one as far as I could
to where it disappeared in the moldy tile.
So it's not a love poem.
Okay. Attention, everybody.
( clears throat )
Your suggestions on how to spend the alumni money
were surpassed in their dullness
only by their lack of grammatical accuracy.
In fact, the only one that had any merit was the suggestion
that we buy a new throne for the homecoming queen
submitted by the homecoming queen.
Milady.
Milord.
M'lunch.
Unfortunately, the other member of the committee
liked "poetry bash," submitted by Sabrina Spellman.
So there will be a brief campaign,
and you students will vote.
Great.
How will you lose?
Oh, let me count the ways.
( driving rock theme playing )
( inaudible )
Hilda?
Yeah. We're out of cereal.
I'm gonna need you to pose for the botulism picture.
What you doing?
I'm trying to find a potion
that will make Zelda realize how awful Willard really is.
Then she'll break up with him, and he can get back
to the painful, but necessary task of getting over me.
I know a little Other Realm candy shop that sells
the best annoyance-amplifying sweets around.
That's perfect.
Zelda eats a chocolate,
and all of Willard's already annoying qualities
will be amplified.
Where's the phone number?
It's yours.
I know a cat who needs cereal.
Yes. I'd like to order a one-pound box of your
annoyance-amplifier chocolates. Yeah.
I'll take, uh, some, "His voice makes my skin crawl,"
and, uh, give me four of, uh,
"He dresses like a polka bandleader."
Throw in a couple, "He smells like feet."
You got that?
Okay, and you do deliver, right?
Oh, that long, huh?
That was awkward.
We used to date.
( upbeat rock theme playing )
"Throne."
( chuckles )
"Throne."
"Mr. Kraft is a golf ball."
That's "goof ball."
KRAFT: "Throne."
So I guess your coalition
of freaks and nerds never materialized.
Well, don't you worry. They will.
This is all my fault.
My poetry stunk.
No, no, no. No, no, no.
No, this is all your fault.
You bought all those votes.
I bought them fair and square.
You know, why don't you surprise us all by changing,
and doing something good and kind for once?
Why mess with success?
I think Zelda is meeting Willard this afternoon,
so I just have to get her to eat a couple of these
before she sees him.
Yeah, yeah.
When it gets here,
can I store my Epsilon III in the garage?
Salem, something arrived for you from the Other Realm.
Once again, you owe me the tip money.
Finally, my ship has come in.
Well, I'm off to join Willard at the homecoming pep rally.
Oh, that reminds me.
He came by earlier to drop off your anniversary gift.
Oh, Willie...
Oh, he knows I love chocolates.
Oh, I can't wait to thank him.
No, don't. I wasn't suppose to give it to you
until the actual day of your anniversary.
I guess I should wait till our actual anniversary
to eat them then.
No, don't.
Why deny yourself? Have some.
Take a few for the road.
Well, what's the harm?
And I did miss lunch.
And nougat is an excellent source of potassium.
SALEM: This can't be it.
I can't pick up women in this.
Who does Libby think she is?
Maybe it inflates.
Sabrina, flip that switch.
She only cares about one person: Libby.
Flip it. I know Aunt Zelda says
you shouldn't change a person,
but I would pay money to change Libby.
In the name of all that is dear
in this world, flip the switch.
Fine.
We're inside the ship. We're inside the ship!
Get us out of the ship. Get us out of the ship!
Where's the stupid hatch on this thing?
( beeping )
SABRINA: We're shrinking. We're shrinking!
( engine starts )
Liftoff.
We have liftoff.
( screams )
Yee-haw! Rev it up.
Let's see what this baby can do.
Oh, I hate driving stick.
Libby.
Hi. Sorry to just drop in like this,
but Sabrina left school
before they announced the winner of the campaign.
Oh, she won and you wanted to congratulate her?
No, sadly.
She lost, and I thought I should be
the one to tell her.
How thoughtful. I'll see if she's here.
Sabrina, your friend Leona Helmsley is here.
Oh, that was close.
If we survive this, someone's gotta tell her
that she's got mustard on her cheek.
Mm?
Excuse me.
I'm kind of in a rush here.
Mayday! Mayday!
Nostril at 12 o'clock.
It's flared!
Ah!
( coughs )
HILDA: Libby, can I get you a Kleenex?
Or a fire extinguisher?
Can we go again? Huh? Huh? Can we? Huh?
What happened?
Well, we flew up Libby's nose
and apparently crashed in her brain.
Oh, and I was afraid something unusual happened.
Let's go out and play.
Last one to the cerebellum eats gray matter.
Perfect. Heh.
No Sabrina, and a bug flies up my nose.
As always, it's been a lovely afternoon at the Spellman house.
Next time call first.
Give us a chance to move.
( dramatic orchestral theme playing )
Will you take a gander at these synapses?
Hey, look. There's Libby's eye.
It's the window to whatever she has instead of a soul.
Oh, no. She's leaving.
We gotta get out of here.
Hey! SALEM: I just remembered.
Magic can't be transmitted
by a witch from inside a mortal brain.
How do you know that? I saw a special about this
on the Witches' Discovery Channel.
So witches get stuck in mortal brains a lot?
Not as much as the witch media hypes it,
but it does happen.
Oh, Mrs. Quick.
Have you seen Willard?
Oh, no, but, uh, just follow the sound
of unwarranted hostility
and you're sure to find him.
( dramatic theme playing )
Oh, Zelda.
( tinny ): How wonderful to see you.
Are you ready for the rally?
I'm glad we arrived in Libby's brain early.
We got really good seats.
Look at this. I found a radio in the spaceship.
Maybe we could call someone for help.
Do you think Mighty Mouse is free?
Oh, what am I saying?
It'll only do us some good if someone has the receiver.
The receiver's probably still in the box of cereal.
Help! Somebody!
Anybody!
( breaking up ): Help! Help!
Hello? Hello? Aunt Hilda?
It's Sabrina. Salem and I are in Libby's brain.
I would have picked Aruba, but okay.
No, we're trapped.
We were in Salem's toy spaceship and we flew up her nose.
If there had been boogers involved,
we wouldn't be having this conversation.
I can't use magic to penetrate a mortal's brain.
I just saw something about this
on the Witches' Discovery Channel.
Wasn't that a good show?
Now aren't you glad we got cable?
Yeah, but the Sci-fi Channel's a rip-off.
Hey, I'm in a brain here.
Aunt Hilda, what are we gonna do?
I suggest we send out for dim sum.
Don't worry, Sabrina. I'll get one of Zelda's books
on the mortal brain.
Good thing we ordered that Time-Life series.
Don't go anywhere.
Where are we gonna go,
a day trip through the gallbladder?
Hi, honey, I'd love to stay here with you,
but, uh, I've gotta give my speech.
Wish me luck.
ZELDA: Try not to throw up.
Try not to throw up!
Harvey,
if thee worships at mine feet,
thine will buy thee a hoagie.
Have you seen Sabrina?
I stopped by her house to console her
after that horrible defeat.
She was wearing a housecoat and eating Cheez Doodles.
I had to look away.
I don't even own a housecoat.
We have Cheez Doodles?
LIBBY: Is that new cologne?
Hey! I am the only one allowed to smell Harvey!
My fault.
My aftershave gives my mom a headache too.
I got it free when I bought tires.
"...trapped in belly button,
bile duct..."
Here we go. "Brain."
Uh, breaker, breaker.
This is Kitchen Mama calling.
What do you want your handle to be?
( annoyed ): Aunt Hilda.
Okay. Aunt Hilda,
I found a way for you to get out,
and it's so easy.
How?
You just go out the way you came in.
You have to make Libby sneeze.
How? I have no idea,
but it's gotta be easier than the other option:
kicking a hole through her temples.
Thanks. Even though we're basically doomed
you've been a big help.
Well, I'll keep looking.
And, um, speaking of looking,
have you seen, uh, Zelda and Willard anywhere?
Hello?
Okay.
How can we make Libby sneeze?
Pepper?
I bet dim sum has pepper in it.
Let's think, okay?
We're in her brain,
and the brain controls everything a person does,
so maybe if we just stimulate
the right part of the brain tissue,
we can make her sneeze!
Gross, gross, gross.
Or kill her.
Did we do anything to her?
Everything seems A-okay.
( tribal drum theme playing )
Ew. Ugh!
( students applauding )
So as you can see,
the alumni money was well spent.
And now,
the girl who puts
the cheer in leader,
the pep in rally...
ZELDA: Lordy, love a duck, what's he wearing?
...your queen and mine, Libby Chessler.
( applause )
Why is he allowed to live?
Ugh. I'm not touching anything until I hear from Aunt Hilda.
Then you'll want to avoid...
Whoa!
...that veiny thing.
Help! I'm blind!
What's the matter, Libby? You don't like your new throne?
ZELDA: Dear Willard, I'm breaking up with you
because you dress like an imbecile.
No. Too harsh.
Dear Willard, you repulse me.
Stick it back.
Ugh. I'm trying.
Gross, gross, gross.
Thank you. Ah!
I'll never bear false witness against Fluffy again.
Oh, no. Libby's dimming.
( students laughing )
Miss Chessler,
are you mocking the noble institution of homecoming?
Sabrina, you might wanna try again with the slimy thing.
If we get out of this alive,
you're never having cereal again.
Hey. Miss Chessler.
Hey!
You go, girl.
Left! Try left!
SALEM: Too far.
Mayday! Mayday, Kitchen Mama!
Okay. I think I found something.
Hurry! Libby won't stop slapping Mr. Kraft.
Really?
You moved it too far.
Now she's kissing him again.
Okay. Here's what you have to do.
Find the main synapse.
It should be the, uh, large, dangling, dripping thing
right over your head.
It's large, it's dangling...
Yeah. That's it. Okay.
Now run it through your own brain.
Then you will be able to control Libby's thoughts and actions.
How's it working?
Salem, it looks like we might never leave here.
Libby is twitching like a Central Park squirrel.
You have to do it.
Ugh. I'll wash, but I'll never be clean.
( synapse buzzing )
Did it work?
Did what work?
Uh, my attempt to show
how the world would be
if there were no homecoming queens.
What, the whole world would start hitting me?
Libby, they're waiting for your speech.
I think you've got to walk for the girl.
( synapse whirring )
Reunited with my love.
How about a little kissy-poo, hm?
( kissing noises )
Get away from me!
Ew!
Okay. Speech time.
Make it a good one.
I just realized something.
...realized something.
I hope you've got somewhere to go from there.
( synapse buzzes )
I just realized that I can make Libby
say anything I want.
I can make her admit that she bought the election
and that we should be having a poetry bash
instead of a new homecoming throne.
I can change her.
HILDA: Sabrina, did you make Libby sneeze yet?
Sneeze, schmeeze. I got more important things to do.
( synapse buzzes )
I wanna thank everyone who voted for me.
It's really an honor.
But the alumni money really should have gone to...
( dramatic theme playing )
Do it.
Say it and let's go home.
What are you waiting for?
( synapse gurgles )
I can't.
The change has to come from inside Libby.
We are inside Libby.
We won't be forever.
I'd just be manipulating her.
We can't change her for good unless she wants to change.
I know it's hard to do the right thing, Libby,
but we're with you.
( synapse buzzes )
Libby, you were about to make
a grand and generous gesture.
( scoffs )
I don't think so.
Okay. I know you're sad that you can't change Libby,
but I have worse news.
I have to go to the bathroom.
Let's make the girl sneeze.
I have an idea.
I'm betting that this leads to the sinuses.
And I hope that leads to a point.
Well, if we can just put an irritant into the sinuses,
maybe we can make Libby sneeze.
And since many people are allergic to...
No!
As your queen,
I promise to be...
beautiful.
( sniffles )
No! Gross, gross, gross.
She's gonna blow!
To the ship.
Ah-choo!
We're out. We're in the gym.
( both screaming )
There goes my knee.
If that's anything like a hairball,
he should eat some grass.
Bring it right up.
Shh!
Gmp.
I think I swallowed my gum.
Was I chewing gum?
Sabrina, where have you been?
I heard you were boycotting.
No, I just had to bring my cat to Libby's brain.
I mean the vet. Pfft.
Gotta go.
ZELDA: Go away, Willard.
KRAFT: But, Zelda...
Oh, this is sweet.
You are the most annoying man
I have ever met in my entire life.
I never want to hear you, see you,
or in any way sense you, ever again.
KRAFT: Okay.
I am getting the feeling that you are upset.
Oh!
Look. At least let me give you
our anniversary present.
But you already gave me one, remember? The chocolates.
You gave them to Hilda, and Hilda ga--
Hilda gave them to me.
Gotta go.
Be careful with that.
It-- It was on sale.
Can't return it.
Why is everyone looking at me
like I'm a weirdo?
I'm telling you, the throne made me do those things.
It's evil!
And it's poorly upholstered.
Take it away.
Well, I guess this means
you can have your poetry bash after all.
Libby's the same mean person,
but things still worked out.
Well, this is great,
'cause I wrote a new poem.
Oh, and I'd love to hear it.
( clears throat )
Popcorn dance--
( fire alarm ringing )
Oh, uh, single file.
Grab a buddy.
We've never had a fire drill after school.
( upbeat rock theme playing )
...where the women come and go,
talking of early-bird specials at Coco's.
O Westbridge, you tempt me
with your soft spring mornings,
your grease-saturated clam cakes,
your bread-crumb coatings...
Through love's torturous path I have wandered,
only to find the happiness
I have longed for.
I have laid bare my heart...
STUDENT: Oh! Hey.
I saw that!
Good arm, Miss Angelou.