Wanna know what happened on Shameless last year?
- Brothers, jails, drugs... - I came out.
- He came out. Yes. - ... the hospital.
Fiona! He's not breathing!
Oh, my God. He got into my coke.
You have the right to remain silent.
I'm not guilty!
Liam almost died!
How do you plead? - I'm guilty.
You will be under house arrest until further notice.
- My liver is finally giving out. - Want me to steal one?
I'm not ready to punch my ticket yet.
We're not a match.
- Even my own daughter isn't a match. - Daughter?
This is Amy and that's Jemma.
The nurses left me like we know what the fuck we're doing.
I'm not a little girl. I'm ready.
- Does this make you cray? - Uh...
You're too young.
Oh, my God.
- Where the hell were you? - The Army.
- Why did you even go there? - Relationship issues.
Sick of living a lie?
I just want everybody here to know I'm fucking gay.
All right. - You happy now?
College is a lot harder than it looks. You actually have to apply yourself.
Who exactly is Amanda? My roommate's ex-girlfriend...
tried to blow me in my sleep. She buys me shit.
Sounds like a keeper.
No more bullshit about baby. You help.
It's after 5. How can...? - Leave me alone!
It could be bipolar disease like our mom. He may have to be hospitalized.
No fucking way. He's staying with me.
Fiona never came home.
- She violated probation. - I fucked up.
It is my honor to declare you man and wife.
I need everybody to move. - He's getting a liver.
Mrs. Gallagher?
We're married?
- Let me see my father, you bitch! - No!
You're camping in my yard?
The vacant lot next to your yard.
Get your stuff. You're out.
Twenty-three. Can't be about how much they screwed us up.
- Sounds kind of like AA. - Attendance is a condition of my parole.
- Let's go. You're gonna be late for work. - Thanks.
- Are you gonna go inside? - No.
I'm alive, motherfucker!
- Sheils. - Hmm?
What's he doing in our bed?
Who?
Him. His pecker's been poking me in the back.
Oh.
Sammi picked up some guy at the Alibi last night...
and kicked Chuckie out of her trailer.
Karen's room.
I tucked him in there.
He must have crawled in in the middle of the night.
Well, he's gotta uncrawl.
Ow.
Chuckie, why didn't you stay in Karen's room?
I had a bad dream.
Well, you might as well get up and get ready for school.
And you, mister, meds and vitals.
I can't. I gotta work on my project. Busy.
Frank. Meds and vitals now.
Why are they tearing it down? - Asbestos.
All right, I'm leaving. I've seen enough.
Give me a ride home at the back of that thing.
Can't. Gotta run an errand then school.
- I'm not. - It's the last day. You have to go.
So I can figure out I flunked sixth grade again?
I'll do that next year. Come on, give me a ride.
You can't fit on my bike with that giant gimp leg.
These crutches are killing my wrists. I can't even jack off well.
You should have thought about that before you busted up your ankle.
See you.
Looks pretty good, huh?
It's perfect.
Except for one thing.
What?
- Uh-oh. - Mm-hm.
Looks like we're stuck in here forever.
- Yeah. - Because we're trapped.
No way out. Yeah. That's right, we're trapped.
We're never gonna see any one at Patsy's Pies ever again.
Liam, this is our new home now.
Okay.
I'm gonna get the ladder. Mm-hm.
Don't twist an ankle.
Please.
Shall we? Ah!
- I'm okay. - Impressive.
Thank you. Impressive.
Thank you.
You ready to fill this sucker, Liam?
Yes.
Right on. Here you go.
All right. Attached this end to the fire hydrant.
How are we gonna open the valve?
Gallagher ingenuity.
- You got one of those lying around? - You don't? Come on.
Okay.
All right. Liam, step aside. Screw it here.
- You wanna help? - Mm-hm.
All right. Yeah. Watch your fingers.
Here it comes.
- No, no, no. Come on, I'm your fucking boss. - Yes.
Oh, no, no. I may not have hired you, but I sure as hell can fire you.
- No. No. No. - Yeah.
- All right, give me that. Give me that. - No.
Headshot. No!
- Oh, God! Oh, my God. - Come on.
Get him.
Boom, I say, boom!
How did you get so wet?
- Don't you gotta go? - I do.
In fact, I gotta go take my son to school. Come on, I gotta get Will.
- All right, tell him I say hi. - I will.
I'll see you for dinner. All right. Okay.
That's right!
We get it, moron. School's out.
You're not even packed?
You look cute.
It's summer.
- You have a suitcase? - It's right there.
- Louis Vuitton? - No, it's, uh, Gucci.
- What are you doing? - Filling out an application to be RA in the fall.
Really? Resident asshole.
Why not? Free room and board, all the beer I can confiscate.
You could stay with me at my off-campus apartment.
My dad's paying. That makes it free.
You mean like live together?
Isn't that what we've been doing?
Yeah, but you got your own dorm room.
I'm gonna miss my plane.
Look, uh, have a good summer, man, yeah?
You too, dude.
It's been real.
Yeah, let's get out of here.
It's the only one I could find in all that crap in the yard.
Ah. Put it in the window.
You want scrambled or fried?
I like those puffy eggs you make.
- Hey, Nika, we got baked eggs today. - Okay.
Food is food. All the same to me. Come on.
- Why's the baby crying? - Look at you.
Phew. Diaper full of poop.
Is that what happened?
You don't want him covered in baby shit on his first day at work.
We have baked eggs in the oven.
Hey, moron, truck ready?
Yup.
Stare any longer I chop your dicks off.
Time to go play nicey-nice with surrogates.
Meet them at the ultrasound.
- They still think you're a teacher? - Wheels on the bus go round and round.
Amazing what people with money will pay for.
After ultrasound I go to open rub-and-tug.
- Feed Yev breakfast then go to grocery store. - Got it.
Hey, Patel hit one of the girls yesterday, left without pay.
- Dry-cleaner Patel? - Uh-huh.
I'll take care of it.
Let's go.
No. No, no. No guns.
Look... No hardware.
It's not that kind ofjob.
We're respectable now. Remember?
I don't even want this.
I'll meet you at the place later, okay?
- I'll be there. - You better be.
- What the hell? I'm in here. - Gotta pee bad.
What's the point? Nothing's happening anyway.
Are you taking the medications?
Yes!
What are those for?
Antirejection, ulcers, hypertension...
high blood pressure, depression, headaches, diuretic...
and apparently I need one for constipation now too.
A lot of pee.
Held it all night.
Are you weighing yourself? I don't hear the scale.
I hear the scale now.
One-55.
It says 147.
One-55.
You lie to your notebook?
Your grandmother doesn't need to know I've lost weight.
Blood pressure. - Oh, Jesus!
Why can't you girls just make this easy for me just once?
Girl, here, give me that thing. Here.
Mama, stop. I'm not a cow.
Look, you've got to grab this tit and you've got to massage it...
- ... till you get the milk ducts flowing, girl. - I know how to do it. Stop.
How are my four favorite ladies doing and my little man?
Well, I got them big brown flying saucers working.
That's right, Dominique, our job here is done.
- Bye-bye, D. - Say bye-bye.
- Bye-bye, D. - Bye-bye.
Ow! Amy, you're biting me again.
What are you doing? Do not hit our daughter. It's just a nipple.
Just a nipple? Let's see how you like it?
Ow! What are you doing?
- Now look what you did? - What I did?
You're the one titty twisting and moving her all around.
- Shh! - Don't shush me.
Your turn. Hi, Jemma.
Here we go, baby.
We're gonna be good. Let's try it, okay?
You're gonna do better than your sister?
You okay? She hit you? Mommy hit you? Okay, you can...
- Ow! Now she's biting me. - Hey.
- I'm done. No more breastfeeding. - What are you talking about?
I'm done. The milk bar is closed. We can go to formula.
No. No, no, no. Absolutely not. We are not doing formula.
They will grow up with asthma and be short and have no friends.
Kids in this neighborhood are raised on Kool-Aid and powdered milk.
Formula is a step up.
Jemma hasn't pooped in five days. Formula will make it worse.
Oh, God, I am so sick of this. It's baby this and baby that.
You get to go to work all day and I'm stuck here with whiny and screamy.
Look, just... Here.
It's driving me crazy.
I'm done.
I need some air.
What just happened?
Hey, sunshine. Liam and I are meeting Ian, you wanna come for a run with us?
No, I don't wanna go for a run. I can't. I won't be able to for another 18 years.
Not that I even went for a run, but if I wanted to, these milk jugs will give me black eyes.
Rough morning?
I am covered in puke and piss and vomit.
The other day I rubbed my eye...
and I realized that there was baby poop underneath my fingernail.
I want my boobs back.
I want my life back. I want my husband back.
You haven't gotten laid lately, have you?
You're one to talk. You even fuck Sean yet?
No, just friends.
Too gun shy after going to jail. What's your excuse?
I'm too tired. Kev's too tired. One kid is screaming, the other one is colicky.
I don't know what colicky is, but everybody says it.
Go home, take a shower, put on something slinky, and seduce your man.
A little sex is gonna put everything into perspective.
Ugh, I'm not in the mood.
Fine. I will go home and fuck my husband.
Maybe with a little more enthusiasm?
Sure you don't wanna take my Beemer for the summer?
What, park it in my neighborhood? Not unless you want it fully stripped.
Too much of a commitment, huh?
Off-campus apartment, car.
I got you something.
Thank you.
It's a watch.
Fossil. They tried to get me to engrave something queer like "until the end of time."
Wanna make every second count?
Are you gonna date other people over the summer?
Don't know. You?
I don't know.
I guess it's settled, then.
Guess so.
Bye.
- Here. - Oh.
Thank you, Frank.
I need a clamp or something.
Look at you.
You've done a wonderful job maintaining your weight, Frank.
Yeah, a regular blimp.
How are your headaches?
You can't feel a person's headache by touching his head.
True.
How's the depression?
The doctor says exercise could help.
- Sheils. Sheils, stop. - And I could do really...
Every morning, okay?
- Okay. - That's what I need.
I made breakfast.
No. Do we have any bacon?
I need it for my project.
No, just French toast. Would that work?
Uh, I'm not hungry.
Are you experiencing a loss of appetite?
- No. I'm... Christ. - Oh.
What happened to that socket wrench?
Frank, what...?
- What is this secret project of yours? - Well, it wouldn't be a secret if I told you.
I like French toast.
Uh, well, you know what?
I bet your mom is home making breakfast. Why don't you go see?
Morning, Dad.
Want me to go get your medications?
Oh, he did that ages ago.
I could help with your blood pressure, take your temperature.
Done and done by those who didn't have a man in our trailer and kick their son out.
That's Rinaldo.
I left him alone in the RV to do his morning constitutional.
Come in.
Dad, come say hi.
- Hey, babe. - Heh.
- Dad, you know Rinaldo. - Frank.
Hey.
- We don't have enough food for your friend. - Oh, it's all right. I'll just take java.
You can have some of mine.
Are you my father? - Don't think so, kiddo.
Frank. Frank.
You have got to do something about your daughter.
She is dying for parental boundaries.
Dad, can you take your grandson to school today?
Uh, can't. Work.
I could come down and help you...
I guess Rinaldo and me will have to find something else to do then.
Oh.
Uh, hello?
Um, hi. Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Um, I know that you're acting out your father issues...
by dying your hair with that trashy peroxide...
and dry-humping that man on my couch...
but I don't think it's nice to expose your child to this behavior.
You're not my mother.
My Hummel.
I could go for a hummer.
No, it's a Hummel, not a hummer.
You know how expensive this was?
Aha. Let's see.
You know what? Why don't we, um...?
Why don't I just, uh, take you to school?
A yoga studio in this neighborhood?
Probably just a front for some drug-laundering operation.
Hey, did you have a chance to call that doctor?
Which one?
From the clinic.
No, no. I'm good.
Well, probably the best time to go, when you're feeling good.
Why is that?
Just to have a plan of action for when things aren't so good again.
Just a one-time thing.
Don't you wanna have a doctor tell you that? Just give you some meds, do a few tests.
Look, I don't have what Mom has.
I know. It just seems similar.
Mood swings, depression.
Too much coke down at the club. I mean, that shit makes you crazy.
Highs and lows.
I've cut way back.
Good. Good.
Odds are one of us is gonna get it, right?
It's not our fault. Just fucking genetics Russian roulette.
Yeah, I'm betting it'll be Carl. Race you to the lamppost.
Uh, excuse me. May I give you one of these?
Uh, no, thank you. I already accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior.
Try three houses down. They're Muslim.
- Good job, Debs. - Yeah.
We said a dollar, right?
Yeah, if I were still 5 years old. Ten bucks, cough it up.
All right.
For this amount, I'm gonna need your help tonight.
Can't. Family dinner at Fiona's restaurant. Lip finished his first year of college.
Hey.
- I'll be there. - I don't think you're invited.
Do you know if we have any bacon at home?
Maybe.
What are you doing down there?
You'll know soon enough.
Meet me in the park later. We'll go to the restaurant together.
No. Daddy, you caught me.
Am I in trouble?
Hey, baby. Feeling better?
Shower did me good. What you doing?
Just online before I have to go to work.
I got something better you can do before you go to work.
Oh, uh, Ben's mommy responded to my question.
- What? - Yeah, I'm in a Mommy-and-Me chat room.
I'm asking these women how to get the twins to stop biting your nipples.
I know how. Feed them formula.
It says here that if you rub your nipples with a loofah 20 minutes a day...
- ... it'll toughen them up. - Kev.
I'm gonna ask how to get Jemma to start pooping.
Kevin Ball.
- Yeah, what? - Put the computer down right now.
Yes, ma'am.
Wait. Wait, wait...
You hear Amy crying?
- She'll calm herself. - Are you sure?
Yeah. I read it in a Mommy-and-Me chat room.
- Are you fucking with me? - A little.
But I'd like to fuck with you more.
Mm. Oh.
Yes, please.
- What you doing? - What?
You're not even getting hard.
- I don't know what's wrong with me. - You're more into babies than you are to me.
No, it's not true.
If they were sucking your dick, you'd be into it.
Jesus, V. Do not talk about our angels like that.
You'd rather be on a website than let me suck your dick?
Ugh. I'm... I'm sorry that I care about their well-being.
What about my well-being?
Look, we had two babies. Life is different now.
I'll show you different.
What are you doing?
I'm gonna work at the Alibi.
You can stay here.
- What? - Good luck taking care of your babies.
And we need formula.
Hey, careful with those Barcaloungers.
You've got it.
Looks like you have everything under control.
- Yes, ma'am. - We're gonna head to the Bridgeport house.
It shouldn't take much longer. We'll meet you there.
- You will be careful with the piano. - Absolutely.
Hey, just tie those down. We don't want them moving around.
Bye, little guy.
Debs, Carl, what's going on?
- Here, you stupid bitches. - Well, how was your last day at school, Debs?
- Is there anything you wanna talk about? - No.
Yo, fuckwad.
Hey. What's going on, Stumpy?
- Got some new piercings. - Yeah, I can see that.
I picked up some herb for our guys. You wanna come?
Uh...
Yeah, sure. I'm just gonna be over there if you need anything, okay?
- Look who I found trolling the streets. - Yup.
Oh, there he is. There he is. Lip.
Heard you been up at college or some shit.
Yeah, yeah. I've been over there a while. What's going on with you guys?
- Shit, same new crowd. - Yeah.
Did you bang a bunch of coeds up at school?
Yeah, sure. Hey, you still at your dad's, uh, chop shop?
When he gets the work. Towel heads getting most of the scrap.
Stumpy knocked up Gloria Hugh.
- No shit. - Squirted a kid out like two months ago.
Ain't convinced it's mine, though. I'm saving up to get one of those DNA tests.
Right.
Look at that fancy watch. Ooh.
They giving those out up at college?
No, no. I swiped it from a kid's dorm room.
Rich prick's fault for leaving his door unlocked.
Oh, look at this pretty lady.
Some dust my uncle scored for me.
- You could put that shit on the weed. - Holding out on us.
I gotta split, all right?
No, no. Come on.
It's good. Did some at Lauren Chamber's party.
No, I'll hang later. I haven't been home yet.
All right, pussy. See you later.
Hook that shit up, Stump.
Here's your check.
Be right back to take your order.
We're gonna have your food right out.
- Hey, Angela. - Hi, Fiona.
- You know what you want? - I do.
I'll take the blueberry pie this time.
- You got it. Cup of coffee? - Yup.
How's life? Been seeing anybody?
- No. I'm boring these days. - Doubt that.
Can you get Angela coffee and slice of blueberry?
Yes, Miss Fiona.
Adam, I swear I ordered it.
It's on the check. Chicken parmesan.
- Come on. The customer's already so pissed. - Have my chicken parm.
- Can you make another one fast? - Thank you, thank you, thank you.
That chick Angela just asked me how much you make here.
- I don't know what her deal is. - I do. She wants some Fiona pie.
Is everybody okay?
Melinda's sexually harassing me.
- Well, I'll spank her later. - Her? What about me?
Uh, guys from Jezebel came in, they asked for you. Table 13.
Oh, goody. Well, if you won't spank me maybe their lead singer will.
Here you go. Cheeseburger, spaghetti and meatballs for the gentleman.
I'll get you another iced tea. Okay, thank you.
- Left you a hundred bucks again? - Yeah.
God, send her to my station at least once.
Hi, guys. Hey, Fiona.
- Hey, darling. - Leftover pie?
- Thank you very much. - You are so welcome.
- Can you stare a little harder? - Get back to work.
Hello?
Oh, God!
Damn it!
What kind of a woman has sex in another woman's living room?
For God's sakes.
Oh, no, she...
Didn't!
My sex toys?
Aah!
Frank!
- Frank. - I told you I'm not ready to share my project.
It's not about your project.
It's about Sammi.
Ever since you got better, she is really acting out.
A grown woman can do what she likes.
Well, she has real issues.
I mean, if you don't start playing daddy, things are only gonna get worse.
Busy. Got a lot of work.
Well, Frank, if you're not gonna do anything about it...
then I don't want her and that Chuckie thing in my house anymore.
Well, fine.
Whatever.
Really? That's it?
Sure.
What do I care?
Oh, well, good. I'm glad we had this talk.
What's going on, Ian? How you doing?
Hey, Kev. What's up?
Looking for something to get Jemma to go poop.
Oh, hey, Liam. Hey, uh...
whatever your name is. You got any suggestions?
Pureed pears and glycerin suppository worked for this guy. Diaper aisle.
Thanks, man.
Hey, let me ask you something. You still breastfeed?
I mean, well, not you. I mean, Svetlana.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's into it.
It's, uh, good for the baby's immune system.
- I knew it. - Plus it's free, right?
I forgot that argument.
- Hey, you cool with this dude cruising you? - Yeah, I'm fine.
Let me know if you want me to rough him up.
Okay.
- About time. - Fuck you. I didn't know she had a piano.
You know the deal, you've got five minutes to look.
It's a three-bedroom, some den thing.
It's a 60615 zip code. It's good shit.
How much for the Barcaloungers?
I gotta do this again? It's not a fucking antique road show.
Bid on the whole thing or nothing at all.
Shit. I like Barcaloungers.
Buy the truck and get your Barcaloungers.
You want me to stand here selling each piece for 5 bucks like a yard sale?
- Give you 4 grand for the lot. - Four.
- I'll give you 4500. - Anyone else?
Five grand.
Five thousand three hundred.
I want those Barcaloungers.
Yeah, we know.
No, I'm out.
Yeah, me too.
Sold to the man with the Barcalounger fetish.
- It's all there? - It's there.
All right.
Need a ride?
You're late.
The grocery store was busy.
Come on, V. Free pour like Kev does.
That's why the bar's losing money.
Yum, it tastes just like tonic water.
- Lip. - Hey, V.
Hello, Tommy. Hey, Lip.
Sammi.
When did Sammi start hanging out at the Alibi?
That girl is hornier than a three-peckered billy goat.
- Stop it. - Sammi.
- What brings you here? - I came to get details about the job.
Yeah? What job is that? Get college a beer here, will you?
- Demoing, still doing that? - Yup. About to start a big cleanup.
They knocked over Sunny Days on Halsted.
Great. I'm in.
Like hell you are.
- Well, you promised me a job. - Yeah? How drunk was I?
I need the money for school, okay?
I don't hire college pussies like you.
Try the Gap on Michigan.
Too late in the summer to get another job. We had a deal.
- You're an idiot. I'm just busting your balls. - Fuck you.
First day at work, you'll be crying like a baby begging to go home by lunch.
Yeah, we'll see.
Write your blood type on your boots for when you sever a limb.
Boots? I was gonna wear flip-flops.
I'm gonna enjoy fucking with you all summer.
Welcome home, Lip.
Thanks, V.
Flip-flop.
How do you not have any tattoos?
- I don't believe you for a second. - Well, it's true.
Maybe I'll let you do a full body scan sometime.
Come see our show tonight, huh?
Ah, wish I could. I turn into a pumpkin at 9.
What if I come by after my gig?
You text me. If you're feeling randy.
Heh. Okay.
Girl, Davis is all over you.
The dude is fire.
And that accent? Ugh. Falls in the bad-choice category.
I should know.
God, you scared me.
That's for you.
- Thanks, Fiona. - See you, Fiona.
Bye, guys. Take care.
Maybe I'll see you later, huh?
- Mm. "Maybe I'll see you later." - "Maybe I'll see you later."
Did he leave a good tip?
He only gave you the tip? He didn't stick the whole thing in?
Careful. He's a musician. Never know where that tip's been.
Oh. You jealous, Sean?
- Who's coming? I'm heading to the meeting. - I'm coming.
- No, I can't. Working double. - Fiona?
Uh, no, family's coming in for dinner. I'm gonna stick around, wait on them.
Well, I'll be back later to say hi and meet Lip.
Okay, great.
Hey.
Why did you wanna meet here?
Get me some of those woodchips, would you? Put them in here.
- For your work project? - Yeah.
Why can't you do this yourself?
Grown man digging at the feet of kids looks a little pervy, don't you think?
This is gonna cost you more money.
What you got?
That's good.
Come on, we're gonna be late for dinner.
Thank you.
Okay.
See, Chuckie, it's not that I don't want you at my house anymore, or your mom...
it's just that, look, this is where you belong. This is your house.
And you're welcome to come and visit sometimes...
but you have to call first, okay?
You have to ask your mom and call first.
And sometimes I'll say yes and sometimes I'll say no.
But that's just how families work.
See, there's boundaries that aren't to be crossed...
and somehow your mother just never learned that.
But that's the good news...
is I'm here to teach you.
But what if Mom brings home another man from the bar?
You just put a pillow over your head and wait for her to be finished.
Okay. Bye, Chuckie.
Chuckie, why don't you just lock the door?
Chuckie.
Lock the goddamn door.
Jesus.
Cheers. - Hey.
And to Lip's first year of college. May you all follow in his footsteps.
- To Lip. - Cheers. Thank you, guys.
Frank.
- To Lip. - You're sure you should be drinking, Frank?
Think a brand-new untainted liver is gonna stop him?
After extensive research and weeks of testing...
I have determined my liver can support one beer a day. I am now a cheap date.
Buzzed already.
Like an anemic 10-year-old girl.
Who's ready for pie?
I wanna taste cherry pie.
Any more of that Salisbury steak?
Yeah, if I pay for it.
Tell you what, get me an order, we'll call it even.
- Call what even? - Her trying to kill my son with cocaine.
Douchebag. Why would you say that? Why are you even here?
- Just don't. I'll just get him some more. - To go. I gotta get back to work.
I don't want pie. What's going on with you?
First, you're stabbing dolls, now you're mopey.
Holly and Ellie aren't talking to me. It's like I'm invisible.
I hate it when teenage skanks do that. What do you mean?
Same thing happened to me with Heidi Mitchell and Donna Alexandra.
Me too. Leah March and Jean Cole.
Really? Why?
Who knows? Jealousy, periody.
Two weeks later, they started talking to me again like nothing happened.
Same with Heidi and Donna.
It's not fair. You don't get to do that.
I'm never being friends with Holly and Ellie again. Screw those bitches.
- Screw those bitches. - Screw those bitches.
- Sounds like you're having fun here. - Hi.
What's up, man? Hey, Sean.
Good pie, dude.
I'm glad you like it. You're Lip?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Hey, I'm Sean.
- Thanks for giving this one a job. - Oh, my pleasure.
It's so good of you to hire a felon.
- This is my father, Frank. - Hey, Frank.
- Salisbury steak, Fiona. - Right here.
That about explain everything? Pretty much. I got some paperwork.
Good to see you all. Nice to meet you, Lip. Nice to meet you.
Was that a little squeeze?
- What? - He just squeezed your arm.
The two of them are like that with each other.
We are not.
Bathroom.
Did he ever go see that doctor?
- No, he refuses. - You should talk to Mickey.
Now, the players in the black and white, they're the White Sox. That's our team.
And the pussies in the gray and blue, they're the Twins.
We hate the Twins.
No, no, no. Not the baby girl twins.
The player Twins.
- Good evening, sir. - Ah, Jehovah's. Not interested.
No, we're not Jehovah's. Everyone keeps thinking that.
Your clothes.
We're from Rothchild Realty. Would you be interested in selling this house?
You wanna buy this dump?
Redfin named this one of the top five up-and-coming neighborhoods in Chicago.
- I gotta get that. - Can we leave our card?
Yeah.
Hey, babe. Hey. How's it going?
Good, good. How's it going over there?
Good. Mom's here if you need her to help.
- Hey, Kev. - Hey. No, no, I got everything under control.
Hey, I wanted to tell you, I talked to a woman in my Mommy-and-Me chat room.
She said I have Madonna-whore complex.
- What? - Yeah. That's why I didn't wanna have sex.
- You're calling me a whore? - He calling you a whore?
I'm not calling you a whore. I mean, you used to be a whore...
which I liked, a lot. Trust me.
But now you're a Madonna. Like the Virgin Mary Madonna.
- He's saying I'm like Madonna. - Like "Vogue" Madonna?
The Virgin Mary. That's why he don't wanna fuck me.
- Why are you telling everybody? - You tell everyone in your chat room.
I don't know them. There's no guarantee that they're even women.
Ooh. I gotta go. I gotta go. See you later.
Is that face what I think it is?
Oh. Is that the face of what I think it is of someone who pooped?
Yes.
Poop, there it is
Yeah. That's my girl.
Oh, my...
That's my girl.
- What are you doing tonight? - Gotta look for an apartment.
The judge isn't gonna let me have Hannah back if I'm still in that shithole motel.
What about you? You're gonna see Davis?
I should.
I need to get laid. Or maybe I shouldn't because I need to get laid.
I don't know.
Knock, knock. You guys dressed?
Yeah, but we'll get undressed if you're coming in.
Is this your family's check?
- Uh, yeah. - Yeah. I don't see any pie on it.
You charge them for it?
Family discount? Come on, you throw most of the pie out at the end of the night.
Especially the peach. Nobody likes the peach.
Don't be talking about my grandma's peach pie.
Heh. Sorry, Grandma Pierce.
Um, it's Grandma Johnson on my mom's side.
And cough up the 12.99.
Your grandma really makes that pie, hmm?
How come I never knew that?
She's dead. It's from Costco. It's frozen.
But you still owe me.
Can I give it to you in trade?
I'll take cash or cash.
Next time I'll consider it stealing.
Won't be a next time.
Good.
Don't be taking advantage of me because we're friends.
Sorry, boss.
Ooh. "Sorry, boss. Sorry, boss." Ha, ha.
You're gonna pay for this. You locked me out.
When did my house become your house?
Since you married my father.
You're a 45-year-old woman.
Your father's house is not your house.
I'm 33. Thirty-three?
Well, you could have fooled me. Whatever, act it then.
Frank, did you see what she did? She crowbarred the new locks off the door.
Sheila said we should respect boundaries.
Are you out of your mind? - Almost finished with my project.
- You wanna see it? - Sure.
Go. Please, go.
You know what? Get out.
Get to your trailer, get out of here.
I am your stepdaughter. This is my house too.
Get out!
- You ready? - Uh-huh.
I give you Frank's Milk of the Gods.
My contribution to mankind, the strongest beer ever made.
Wow.
I'm telling you, I have a new lease on life, Fred.
This liver of mine may only last six or eight years.
I have no control over time anymore, but this...
This will live on.
It's spectacular.
They can try to stop me from drinking...
but they can't stop me from helping others to enjoy the finest brew ever made.
Ooh.
With its woody, bacony flavor...
Frank's Milk of the Gods will redefine...
the way people enjoy their grandest, fermented beverages.
But don't get me wrong...
my intentions are not all altruistic.
If I can only enjoy one beer a day, why not make it 130 proof?
- Can I taste it? - Ho-ho.
It has yet to kiss my lips, my friend.
But the time is upon us.
Let's take our business elsewhere.
To some place more righteous than here.
Beautiful.
"Sell your home at a premium price."
How much could they be offering for in this neighborhood?
Twenty dollar make you holler.
- Hey. - Hey.
- Can we talk to you? - Does no one use a phone anymore?
He's gonna close in five minutes.
Yes, I'm going. I'm going.
Gotta run an errand. You wanna talk, you gotta walk.
Well, how far are you going? I got a ticking time bomb on my ankle.
Just across the alley.
What do you wanna talk about?
Can you get Ian to see that doctor?
He's not sick anymore. He will be.
- You don't know that. - If he's anything like our mother, we do.
- What's this shrink gonna do? - Mental health assessment.
Prescribe his meds.
You said that before. That's the fucked-up part.
- Why are we giving him meds if he's not sick? - It helps the mania not be so crazy.
Yeah, and he won't be depressed for long.
Like last time.
All right, hold up, hold up.
Stay here, all right?
- Yo, brown-ass. - Oh, shit.
Oh, shit is right. You like hitting girls, huh?
Come here.
Aah! What the...? Unh!
Please. I haven't done...
Curry says what?
This is his errand?
You ever hit one of my girls again...
I'm not gonna go so easy on you. Do you hear me?
Good.
Hey, Mrs. Patel, can you jerk your fucking husband off once in a while...
so he doesn't come back to my rub-and-tug ever again?
Let's say Ian gets depressed or manic...
how do we know it's not from living in this ghetto?
- He has signs of bipolar. - Like?
- Recklessness, impulsiveness. - Fast talk and barely sleeping.
- Hypersexuality. - Hypers... You mean horny?
What 17-year-old gay kid isn't horny?
Kev?
Kevin?
You awake?
Yo! Gallagher, you up there?
We got chronic!
Get down here.
Hey.
You awake?
I am now.
I can't sleep.
Again?
Why? You got a problem with that? Huh?
No, I don't need to know. I'm not at all...
You're so tough. Come here, boy.
Wake up. Come on, wake up.
You're going down.
- You are going down, you Army. - Come on, tough guy.
Come here, Army. You're going down.
I wanted him to fail. I thought he'd be overwhelmed.
- And? - Jackass is a better mom than me.
Who's that?
Nobody.
You know what we should do?
Pool party!
What's going on? Go tell your brothers.
We're gonna party up, Gallagher style.
Hey, it's me.
Pool is ready. Bring Will over.
What time is it now?
It's 12:03 a.m.
So it's technically tomorrow.
Yeah. Uh-huh.
My quota resets.
We can drink.
Frank's Milk of the Gods.
All right, Carl, get her!
I've got a day full of rage inside of me.
- Get her! - Take him down.
- Go get him! Debs, get him! - Holly and Nelly must die!
- Aah! - Way to go, yeah.
You guys are cheaters. - Look who's a sore sport.
Look who's madly in love.
You got room for one more?
Ian!
What up? - I got your text.
Where's Mickey? - Hey. I wore him out.
Come on, in the pool. All right, let's go, Will. You ready?
Go, Liam, go!
Okay, Will. - Okay, now, come on.
Come on. Let's go, come on. Go, Liam.
Come on, come on, come on.
- Go! - All right.
You're going down.
Shut up down there! - You shut up! It's summer!
Get him, get him, get him, get him, get him.
All right.
Ow.
What the fuck?
Please don't move.
Huh? Where are my clothes?
We found you like this.
Came out to draw the summer flowers, found you instead.
Oh, Jesus.
Your body, it is so beautiful.
You're perfect.