Here's what went down last week on Shameless:
Me. A lot.
Ew. Carl.
I handled enough liability claims to know what a six-figure payout looks like.
Bring me a mangled femur.
If you don't have the stones to hobble yourself, find someone who'll do it for you.
You promised to help terrorize my parents in exchange for me giving you stuff.
- A deal's a deal. - How much to stop dating her, $5000?
He's serious? He's gonna pay me not to date your daughter?
How about ten?
Ten grand? You should've held out.
- You lost your virginity? - Does it count if it's rape?
A million guys would kill to be raped by you.
Oh, will you shut up already!
You hear Amy crying?
You're more into babies than me.
- Sorry I care about their well-being. - What about my well-being?
Our bassist plays. He's kind of a genius.
- You asking me on a date? - I'll see you there.
This is my girlfriend, Gigi.
- Your girlfriend? - Fiona is Gus' friend.
Holy shit.
Wakey-wakey.
Come on, buddy. Up and at them.
Morning.
You're in a good mood for a man covered in pigeon shit.
I think I overdid it last night.
Celebrating my last day below the poverty line.
- Win a lottery? - Insurance payoff.
I earned it too.
Broke my femur last winter.
- Tore all... - Yeah, good for you.
Why don't you wait for your limousine somewhere else.
It's hot in here even with the fan on Ans I'm sweaty
My balls are sweaty too
Uh-huh. Go on.
But I am cool with that
Yeah
Because I am cool with you
The "Ballad of Sweaty Balls"?
Yeah, that's the title. I just gotta come up with a bridge.
How are we not sick of each other?
It's only been a week.
- So any day now? - Ha, ha.
Actually, it's been nine days and 12 hours. But who's counting?
- Do you like that? - Oh, yeah.
Hey. - Hi.
Thanks for the ride.
It's weird to see you here...
like I cut you out of a photograph and pasted you here.
Yeah, you know, it's weird for me to see me here.
I'm so glad you came. Come on.
It's, uh... It's nice.
You know, if you like this kind of thing.
Girls are out playing a squash tournament. My parents are cheering.
They're all driving me insane.
I mean, my sisters are cute, but they know it, so you sort of wanna drown them.
My older sister is a programmed robot.
Would jump off a building if my parents told her to.
And my dad... Well, you know my dad.
Oh, yeah, he want his 10 grand back?
Don't hate me because my dad's a douchebag.
As long as I get a break from hauling rocks, douchebaggery is not a problem.
Hey, what's up, yo?
How's your day looking?
I was thinking I should go on the pill.
So you're gonna be...
Since things are over with Matty, I figure it's best to be prepared...
for next time, don't you?
Yeah, but there's more than pregnancy to worry about.
- How about we stick to condoms? - Only 82 percent effective.
- I should use the pill as a backup. - Okay.
I'll make an appointment at Planned Parenthood.
- I gotta run. - Like you need to be somewhere.
- While you're sitting, I'll be at my job. - What job?
Please eat more than just a Pop Tart.
I got hired at the fruit market.
You said that because she handed you a fruit.
What would you even do there? You can't even walk.
Uh, morning. Everybody...
this is Gus.
We got in late last night and, well, you're meeting him now.
That's, uh, Debbie, Carl and Liam. Hi.
Who are you again? He's with Fiona.
She mentioned him 20 times.
Boyfriend and girlfriend, or just fuck buddies?
Welcome to my family.
Lou.
Oh, no, no, no. I do business at the office, Frank, not in my house.
Just tell me if my insurance check came in.
- For your leg? - What the hell else would I mean?
- Yeah, it's in. - How much?
Hundred and 21 grand.
Sweet mother of Jesus.
A hundred and twenty-one thousand dollars. I'm gonna rebuild my brewery.
What's that smell?
It's pigeon shit.
I'll go out on a limb and say that you celebrated last night...
then you blacked out.
And your point?
Check came in, okay?
You showed up at this time yesterday to sign for it.
No, you told me it was coming in on Tuesday.
I wrote it down.
And it is Wednesday.
What happened to Tuesday?
I never black out for a whole day unless I'm smoking crack.
We opened you an account at Dorset Bank.
Okay? Full balance was deposited yesterday by wire.
Do you promise you're not messing with me?
Goodbye, Frank.
I'd kiss you, Lou.
Only neither of us would enjoy that.
Yes.
Yeah, great. Just, uh, put it on the couch.
- What's that? - They found my suitcase.
- Suitcase? - For my trip.
Trip?
Oh, right, forgot.
Are you waiting for a tip or something?
Because I'm sure you guys lost the baggage.
That means go, goodbye, thank you. Holy fuck.
Nice suitcase. Mr. Shang.
Somebody rings the doorbell, tells me he's with an airline...
and hands me somebody's shit. Ass clown.
Switched the last two numbers. He'll be back for it.
He'll be shit out of luck, won't he? Think this will fit? Kind of sexy.
Case, shirts, socks.
Lisinopril? Shall we Google it? See what it does?
No, give me some and I'll let you know.
- Gonna wash it down with a beer. Want one? - Yeah, fuck it.
See what you have to understand is...
they're not identical twins, they're whatever it is when you're not identical.
Separate individuals.
Like when I serve them grapes.
They're a choking hazard.
That's why I cut them this way...
and once, that way. Amy loves them.
Goes crazy for them. But Jemma? Gives her diarrhea.
Separate individuals.
That's Amy waking up first. Excuse me.
Hey, would you please stop torturing the girl? She's been babysitting since she was 14.
- Why can't Fiona do it, or your mom? - Fiona is working, mama is playing bingo.
We haven't been on a date since they were born.
I need to get dressed up and be sexy for my man.
And, baby, I need to get laid.
Maybe we can get a motel room.
- That sounds great and all but... - But what?
I just... I don't feel comfortable leaving the girls with a complete stranger.
Maybe in a couple of months or something.
Louise, thank you for coming by. Tonight isn't gonna work out.
Baby, I'm sorry, it's just... - No.
You don't wanna go on a date?
- You can stay and feed Jemma grapes. - Not Jemma. Amy.
Babysit them until they're 18, I don't give a shit. I'll go on date night by myself.
You like it? - This your parents' room?
Before they're back, let's have sex on their bed.
Game.
Vagina sex.
That's like... That's kind of a big deal for you, right? I mean, what changed?
You're such a commitment-phobe.
Oh, no, no, I'm just... I'm just curious.
I wrote on Facebook that I was saving myself for my future husband...
but no one thought it was romantic.
Not if I'm gonna tell them that I've been fucked in the ass and blown guys...
had them jerk off in my face.
- You put that on Facebook? - Try not to freak out, but I like you.
We're not gonna get married or anything, right? So you're good practice.
Tiny Tim, what's up?
Yo, I'm supposed to work with you guys.
Work my johnson.
G-Dogg around?
What about G?
He said I could help out.
That's what I'm talking about.
- What's up? - Put those on, man.
Khakis and Docksiders?
White people, they be coming from downtown driving their Lexus and whatnot.
They're afraid to stop.
They be talking our money to the fucking Polacks on 18th.
I need a kid they ain't afraid of.
You know, little white boy on crutches and shit. Ha, ha.
You're like a greeter at Walmart. You feel me?
Hey, look, put that shit on, son.
If you see a cracker buying crack, your ass better jump.
Do you hear me?
Sir, would you like more coffee?
Oh, well, thank you, ma'am.
You want sugar in that?
Well, if it's too hot, I could blow on it.
- Oh, you know what's weird? - Hmm?
Sitting in a family diner with an erection.
I'll keep that image in mind while I'm clearing plates of fried eggs.
If he's gonna enjoy our air-conditioning, he's gotta order more than an English muffin.
I'll make him have pancakes.
Look at you. You're glowing, girl.
Must be all that good sex.
Best part is there's no drama.
Which usually just means I'm bored, but instead I think I'm just happy.
Well, we're glad for you.
Let us know how week two goes.
I, um...
I made, uh... I opened an account here yesterday. Name's Frank Gallagher.
- Security. - Mr. Gallagher.
I'll take this, Lindsay, thank you. We're fine.
Uh, can I get you anything? Coffee?
- Danish? - No. What kind of Danish?
Here. Sit. Here you go.
So, uh, where did we leave off?
Our, uh, premium of money market is at 1.65.
But say we pair you with a financial manager.
Personalize your portfolio, focus on your long-term financial goals.
- Your plan for retirement. - I wanna make a withdrawal.
- What? - My money, I wanna get it.
- We don't have it. - How's that?
You... You withdrew it yesterday.
We had to send out to that other branch for those hundreds.
It's not every day someone wants $121,000 in cash.
- I got all of it? - Yes.
But if you leave a portion of your settlement with us to invest...
Did I happen to say where I was going when I left here?
No.
I say anything at all?
Just that you were going to celebrate.
I take it you had fun.
Debbie, how was your party? Ellie's cousin told us about it.
- It was fun. - Maybe not so fun for the boy you raped.
Never heard of that. A girl who had to rape a boy to get laid.
How does that work? Ha, ha.
Get off me! Get off me!
Hey, whoa, whoa. Hey, whoa. Get off.
Hey. Hey, hey. Whoa, hey. Cut it.
- Come on, four-on-one, that's not cool. - None of your business.
Why don't you find four other girls to fight? I'll let you tear each other's eyes out.
Otherwise, beat it.
Rapist bitch.
That... That was the nicest thing anyone's ever done for me.
- You okay? - Yeah.
Look, I saw you throw the first punch.
If you're gonna start a four-on-one, better pick up some moves.
Because that was pathetic.
Wait. What's Reflex Athletics?
What are you working on?
A video game.
I write music for video games.
You didn't tell me that. That's cool.
You want cool? Okay. Well, uh, this game is called "Ham Scramble."
It's for ages 4 and up.
And you have to smash as many little pigs as possible with a big purple hammer.
What music goes with that?
Oh, I'm creating a moving string motif as a reminder of our own mortality.
It plays every time one green pig gets crushed.
- The pigs are green? - They are.
- I mentioned that I'm falling in love with you? - No.
Uh, thank you.
It's just... I wasn't gonna say anything.
A thought that I had.
Go away now, it's awkward. Go now.
More coffee, please.
Thanks.
- Hi. - Whatever time you get off work tonight...
you're going dancing.
If you have other plans, you're gonna cancel.
- Anything else? - You can't bring your new boyfriend.
- Okay. - It's not negotiable so don't try it.
I need to get dressed up like a sex object and be objectified...
not be the third wheel to you and your new squeeze.
In fact, I don't even wanna hear about him.
Not how great he is, how many times an hour you bang it out.
I'm going through a sex famine over here.
- Do you know what he just told me? - What did I just say?
That he's falling in love with me.
- Damn. - We've only been seeing each other a week.
- You didn't say it back, did you? - No.
Good girl. But I'm like freaking out. I mean, I'm...
I'm standing by the register and I'm like tingling.
Hello?
Oh, hell yeah. There he is.
I always took you for a nickel-and-diming cheapskate, Frank.
But last night, you restored my faith in humanity.
Raise them up to Frank.
Take it I bought a few rounds last night.
Practically bought the bar, Frank, and not the cheap stuff.
Nothing out of plastic bottles.
What did I spend?
Couple of grand maybe?
Couple of grand. Jesus, fuck.
You happen to see where I was going when I left here?
I was passed out by then, Frank.
- Damn, sounds like I missed a good time. - Yeah. Yeah.
What's wrong, Frank?
Searching the deepest recesses of my memory...
looking for a clue to the whereabouts...
of a lost fucking fortune.
You misplaced a 20, did you? Ha, ha.
- Try checking your pockets. - Right.
Like I'm not gonna realize I'm...
Hold on.
Holy shit, that says Porsche.
You stole a Porsche?
I might have bought one.
Is this where you learned to fight?
No. I learned in juvie.
After I got raped three or four times, I figured I should pick up a few moves.
- Really? - No.
I wanna learn how to fight. I thought maybe you could train me.
What? Like Karate Kid? Wax on.
This is Chicago. You wanna fight, punch the other girl in the tit.
- Wanna box, take a class. - I can't afford a class.
They'll give you a trial class for free.
Ask at the desk.
Tiny Tim, you up.
Welcome to 14th and Main, I'll be your server. What will you be having?
- The fuck you give him? - What?
Man gave you a 20, that's a quarter gram.
You gave up a teener, that's 1.5.
Now you owe me a hundred bucks.
- What? - Out here, niggas get shot for this shit.
So you better find a way to get me paid.
Jesus. Kermit, what are you doing back there?
Resting. Oh, what a night, huh?
You were with me last night?
You don't remember?
What happened after The Alibi? Leave out nothing.
Well, you bought this car from Bobby Faring.
Sixty grand and change.
Sixty. Fuck.
Leaves 61 minus The Alibi, call it 59.
And then you bought crack...
and I didn't want any, so you did it all.
And we drove to Chinatown for dim sum.
Oh, you made it. Yeah.
Thanks for having me. It's nice to see you. Hey.
You have my 10 grand, right? No? Okay.
Let's just call it 4 percent interest.
- Jason. - So, what would that be?
This is adorable Marsha and her nanny, Yohania.
Adorable Wendy and her nanny Thais. Everyone, this is Lip.
- Guys. - You hungry?
- Yohania can make you a quesadilla. - Oh, no, no, I'm okay. Thank you though.
They...? They each have a nanny?
Yes. I know you want a quesadilla. You said you were starving.
Well, Yohania, she's got enough to do.
- She's not a slave. She's a nanny. - Right.
Dad, are you locking the wine fridge because Lip is here?
- Please, don't pick a fight. - Well, he never locks it.
You said douchebaggery would not be a problem.
Well, if you met my dad, you really wouldn't sweat it.
- I'll make us cocktails. - Right.
Now, this is what I'm talking about.
Drink and dancing, guys looking at my ass. Do you some good too.
- What do you want? Vodka soda? - Vodka vodka.
Oh! Yes, sir.
Two vodka soda.
No, no, no. Keep doing that.
- Hey, this is yours. - Would you mind if we left like right now?
And don't pretend like you give a shit. I saw you texting.
We just got here.
Hey.
- What happened? - I'm not proud of it.
- Okay. - I was on the dance floor with this guy.
We started getting friction going and I had an orgasm.
Thought I should get out before he started getting any ideas.
- Wait, you had an... - That's how horny and lonely I've been.
Like a dog humping a lamppost. Kev giving all his love to those babies.
Did I just cheat on Kev?
It wasn't intentional, right?
I didn't go on the floor thinking it was gonna happen.
But once the grinding started... Yeah, that shit was intentional.
So we had dim sum. Then what?
I had so many pork buns, I had to nap in the car.
- You again? - No, we're not eating.
- We're just checking the... - Ready for more?
This way.
Gambling. Goddamn it.
Do you think you lost money?
Well, what do you think? Since I woke up with nothing...
That table, $1000 limit.
No, thank you. Your friend...
is expert at Pai Gow.
Very aggressive.
Almost lost everything...
then doubled his money.
Left with three ladies.
Very lucky guy.
You hear that? You doubled your money.
- I say where I was going? - No.
- Hey. - Hey.
Thought you were hanging out with your friend.
I wanted to see you.
Well...
Uh, beer?
I'm falling in love with you too.
Okay.
Is it?
Girl boxers at the gym are in seriously good shape.
Might take weeks to get ripped like that.
You wanna know how to put on some muscle mass, I'm your guy.
Besides, MMA chicks are super-hot.
It must be kind of weird dating a chick who can kick your ass.
- Oh, good morning, baby. - Hey.
- Good morning, Debs. - Hi, V. I was just dropping Liam off.
- See you, Kev. - See you later, Debs.
Yeah, I said I'd watch Liam for a couple of hours.
How was last night? Was it fun?
- It was fine. - Yeah? Sorry I didn't go.
Well, I better go open the bar.
Guys huddled around the door with the shakes.
All right, say bye to mommy.
Say bye to the girls.
- Bye, Mama. - Bye.
Bye, Mama.
- Patsy's. This is Melinda, can I help you? - Hey, uh, it's Fiona.
I'm scheduled for a double today, but I'm just not feeling great.
I was wondering if it's not busy, maybe you don't need me?
And you guys can take my tables.
- Sean, it's Fiona. Says she's not feeling great. - No, no. Don't put Sean on.
You can't make the lunch shift?
No, no. I can, I can. I just...
thought if it wasn't busy... Yeah.
You're off the hook, but I need you for dinner.
Sure. Okay, I'll see you later.
What the fuck?
Good morning.
What are you wearing?
Oh, you mean this?
It's just something I threw on.
What the fuck? Okay.
So your suitcase gave me an idea, right?
So I went to the airport and they even have unclaimed baggage just sitting there.
- Are you wearing mink? - No, it's fake, but it's nice, yes?
No, it's not nice.
I hate to burst your bubbles here, you both look fucking insane.
This is all you got?
We have electric shavers, Jamaican rum...
and this.
That has a hair on it.
- What, you don't want it? - No, I don't...
Touch me with it, I'll knock the teeth out of your head.
I'll knock the teeth out of your... Touch you with this?
What the fuck is wrong with you?
What is wrong with you?
What is wrong with all of you?
I'm warning you, it's not funny.
- I'm not fucking with you. - Take that.
- No way, a Porsche. - Shut the fuck up.
You get the insurance money?
Sammi can't know about this.
Is she around?
No. She says you owe her an RV.
Oh, shit.
- Can I get a hundred bucks? - I don't have it.
You know if I snuck back into the house night before last...
hid something under the floorboards maybe, or in the backyard?
Don't think so.
- Can I take it for a spin? - No.
You have a credit card?
Let me see that.
It says "The Loren."
It's a hotel key.
Can I just tell you how happy I am right now?
Really? Because at the diner yesterday, I thought maybe I went too far.
No.
You make me feel...
- ... sane. - Mm?
And I wanna be around you all the time.
Even when we're not fucking.
I mean, no, we're usually fucking.
But during brief windows of time when we do other things besides fucking...
- ... like eating pancakes with our hands... - You wanna get married?
What?
I mean, my folks met on a Tuesday. Married two days later.
No shit?
Yep, my dad, he was shipping off for Vietnam, asked her, she said yes.
- Are they still together? - Yeah, still are.
I'd marry you.
- Would you? - Is there a reason I shouldn't?
- No, I'm a good choice. - I'm a great choice.
- If it were up to me, I'd do it today. - Right now.
- Marriage in Chicago. - Yup.
All right, open that.
- Well, should we wait till after we're married? - No, it's crap champagne.
All right. Uh, Chicago same-day weddings.
You can get a license at the courthouse, get married in the same building.
"Download application for wedding license." Boom.
Print one?
- What are you waiting for? - All right.
Slow motion.
Hands relaxed, fingers together.
So as you throw the hook, rotate your body...
until your right heel comes off the ground. Go ahead.
Okay, now faster.
What is going on?
I might need to work on my form.
I'm digging the naked clerical work.
All right, so here. We just have to fill these out.
Turn them in at the courthouse.
"Are you related to applicant A?"
Who's applicant A?
That would be me.
Am I related to you?
I love that they have to ask that.
You're not gonna take my last name, are you? I mean, I'm cool either way, but...
Fender? Fiona Fender? Why not?
- Fiona Fender. - There's actually a P at the front.
Where? Come on.
Seriously. In front of the F. See.
It's silent. Nobody ever reads it right.
- Actually, you know what? You don't have... - No, no, no. I want to, I want to.
Fiona Pfender. That's...
- That's pfucked up. - It's pfucking sexy.
Wait, what time is it?
I gotta be at work at pfive and I can't lose this pjob.
Well, if we are gonna squeeze a wedding in, we have got to get a move on. Come on.
Whoa.
They said I'm paid up till tonight.
Guess your old man's got fancy taste in hotel rooms.
And Chinese prostitutes.
'86 Chateau Lafite Rothschild.
- How much was this? - Twenty-one hundred.
But you order it.
You left your jacket.
I assume, since you're here, I paid in advance.
Through the weekend.
So if you and your boy wanna do some...
Tell me everything that happened when you last saw me.
We were partying.
Just us?
Ans some sentist you met sownstairs in town for the convention.
Oh, yeah, this is great.
Ans the guy that works out front at the hotsogs.
Ans a businessman from sown the hall.
You ans him left together.
Wait, wait, wait.
What kind of businessman?
He left his card.
Diamond.
Diamond Appreciations.
Yeah, it's Frank Gallagher.
I'm looking for... Frank, what a night we had.
Yeah. About that...
I know you're nervous. Lot of money to hand over to a stranger.
How much was it again?
One hundred ans thirteen thousans, but, Frank, trust me.
It was the best investment you couls make.
No, no, no, I never doubted it.
Tell me, how soon do you think...? What are you doing now?
Uh, you wanna come to the office, see for yourself?
Uh, give me that address.
- Have you declared a major, Lip? - Engineering.
Well, you didn't see that coming.
Or micro-robotics. I haven't made up my mind yet.
Dad's an engineer. He invented a line of water-free urinals.
- Oh, really? - I didn't invent the urinals.
I, uh, worked on the sealant cartridge and gasket.
There's a lot of money in urine. It never goes out of fashion.
Right. What are you, uh...? What are you working on now?
Packing materials.
He filed a patent for a biodegradable alternative to Styrofoam.
- What's it made of? - It's a type of fungi.
It smells like mushrooms.
Take any substrate of industrial waste...
like chopped up corn stocks, and you inject it with mycelium and...
Ha, ha. See? It's not very interesting.
You pour it around the object you're packing and it hardens?
That's right.
Becomes a mold of the object.
You know, if you want, I will show you my workshop later.
Sure.
Yeah.
I just realized that we don't have any wedding rings.
It's okay.
I have my grandma's ring, but it's at my mom's house.
Won't we need something for the ceremony?
Oh. Flowers.
Ten bucks for those? Try two.
Oh, look, rubber bands.
There's our wedding rings.
I can make a little corsage, put a flower in your buttonhole.
- Oh. You don't have a buttonhole. - Yeah, I'll just unzip my fly.
- This is stupid, right? - Right.
Unless it's not.
Right.
I gotta be at work in an hour. Shall we just go?
Okay.
Unless we shouldn't.
Gus Pfender and Fiona Gallagher.
Put that someplace safe.
- Are you good with fractions? - Fractions of what?
Like if you have a 16th of an ounce, how many grams will that be?
- You're dealing drugs? - No.
If Fiona found out I was helping you with your drug fraction, she'd have my scalp.
- No one's telling Fiona anything. - Basic overview.
You got flaps, half G's, G's, teeners, 8-balls and ounces.
An ounce is 28 grams, but really, it's 28.35.
An 8-ball is 3.54 and a teener is 1.77.
But the dealers round down, so they pocket the extra.35. You following?
I might need to write this down.
I so.
Holy fuck.
Totally.
What...? What do we do now?
I think I just hand this to him to sign.
Holy fuck.
Uh, I'm looking for Diamond Appreciations. Clearly, I'm in the wrong place.
Maybe there's an office upstairs or...
Frank.
"Buddy?"
Now, I understand. This was personal for you.
This is your son?
Yeah.
What's your name, my friend? - Carl.
Whatever the prognosis is for your leg, Carl, do not despair.
It's no big deal.
Brave boy.
I'm Buddy Diamond. I founded this organization.
Hold on, your name is Diamond?
Come this way.
Fuck.
Whoa.
As you know, most insurance plans have a cap...
on what they'll pay for prosthetic limbs.
But thanks to you, these homeless children will live normal lives.
Play in the schoolyard, ride bikes, run for the sheer joy of it.
Kids, this is the man I told you about.
This is why you have legs.
Oh, thanks.
Such a... Such a noble enterprise.
It's wonderful what you're doing for these kids.
I am so moved by it.
- I knew you would be. - But I need the money back.
- What? - There's been a mistake and it's regrettable.
And while I would prefer cash, I'll take a check.
The money's been spent.
- That's what I brought you to see. - No, I need that money back.
It's not possible. Frank, you paid for half a dozen prosthetics...
including this beauty here with silicone skin.
It goes for $60,000.
One leg, 60 grand?
Hey. Hey. That doesn't belong to you.
No, no. That's my leg. Give it back.
This is not your leg. I paid for... It's my leg.
No, listen, it...
No, no. I paid for the damn leg. Give me my leg.
It's all the money I've got. - Give me my leg.
This is my insurance settlement.
I gotta get my money back.
You work out a lot.
Yeah. Pro-boxers train four to six hours a day.
Are you pro?
No, but I came in third last year in All-City.
How'd you get into boxing?
When I was 10, my dad beat my mom up really bad.
I wanted to be able defend her, so I started training.
Really?
No.
You gonna stick with it?
Think so.
All that money.
All that fucking money, wasted.
On child amputees, for Christ's sake.
There's a lesson here, son.
Charity is accepting help from others.
Not the other way around.
Okay.
And taking prescription medications while drinking...
and then smoking pot, and then smoking crack...
- ... can lead to questionable decisions. - Can we get out of here?
Gotta get that image out of my head of that girl hopping after me.
Hop, hop, hop.
At least you still got the car.
And half a bottle of massively overpriced wine.
It's that guy. Let's go.
Dad? - Hmm?
- You know them? - Who?
Unh! Jesus Christ.
Get off him. What the fuck?
I gave the leg back. What leg?
The... Okay, whoa, halt.
What is this about again?
Demitri, he works with us.
You ran him over with this Porsche two nights ago.
- Oh, jeez. - He's in the hospital, full body cast.
- They're calling the cops. - Wait, come on. We can work this out.
- You pay his medical bills? - Of course.
Eventually. I'm a little tight on cash now.
Call. Okay, stop.
My car. My sweet car. Huh?
- What about that? - It's fucked up from where you hit Demitri.
No. Come... A little paint and some Bondo, it's good as new.
What do you say?
Table seven's ready to order and table five needs a salad.
Oh, shit. Sorry.
You okay? I know you're not feeling well.
Upset stomach. I'm feeling better.
- I'll get table seven for you. - Thanks.
You wanted soda. Coming up.
- Hey. - Hey.
- How's it going? - Good.
Come here, you old dog.
Tell your boyfriend to cut it out or they're gonna have to go.
Sorry.
Okay, rockers, you can't just be sitting...
Here comes the bride All sresses in white
I'm sorry.
Ladies and gentlemen...
our bass player went off and got married today to this beautiful woman.
This is their honeymoon, so we're gonna make a bit of noise.
Please welcome the newlyweds, Gus and Fiona.
Okay, this is an electric car...
that folds into itself so it can fit and park in tight spaces.
- That's nice. - Yeah.
The wheels, they turn separately so you can rotate and stay in one spot.
Guess where the motor is.
Well, it's not in the back, right? And...
- Does it have airbags? - Yup.
Well, it's not in the front either.
Wait, are the engines in the wheels?
Yes. There's one in each wheel.
That's very fucking cool.
- We're out by the pool drinking cocktails. - Yeah, I'll be there in a minute, okay?
Okay. Now, this...
This was an attempt to make a plastic film that's electrically active.
I still haven't gotten it to work yet.
Are you guys actually bonding? I'm not sure I'm comfortable with that.
We're only doing it to annoy you. Okay, come. Check this out.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Just one.
- You still have to heat and treat it, right? - To kill spores, dry it out.
Now, despite my daughters giving me shit, it does not smell like mushrooms.
It is, however...
a good hiding place.
Oh, shit.
I assume, as a young delinquent, you smoke pot.
Mm-hm. Yeah, when I'm not shooting smack.
- What courses are you taking? - Thermodynamics.
You know, I really wanna get into the aerospace engineering program at school.
What are you doing this summer?
Construction demo in Chicago.
You know, I'm pretty much just hauling cement in a wheelbarrow.
Why?
Because it's a job.
Next time, I'll get you a paid internship.
You know you're headed for a serious career, right?
Here you go. Thank you.
- Thank you so much. - Sure.
- Congrats. - Yeah.
A beer for my husband.
Hey, go on home. We got this.
But I've got three tables, and the tips right now are so good.
Now I got why you wanted the shift covered.
From now on, any time you get married, take the day.
It's not a joke?
Fiona Pfender, pleased to meet you.
- When you go for it, you really go for it. - It's crazy, right? I don't know, it seems right.
He's great. We're really happy for you. Hey.
- Yeah, sure we are. - Hey.
Just don't lie about it next time, okay?
Don't be such a dick.
Hey. Hey.
Are you coming home tonight? Everything okay?
Fine. Just wanted to let you know I am not going on the pill.
Why not? I looked it up.
Reduces muscle mass, affects mood and water retention.
Not a good idea now that I'm training.
Training for what?
I'll tell you later. Are you at work?
Yeah.
- Today was... - What?
I'll be home in the morning, okay? Can you watch Liam, tell him I love him?
Yeah, absolutely. Bye.
Bye.
The fuck is this?
It's more suitcases. Got dress shirts, shoes, sweaters...
Wait, you went back to the airport? - Yeah. Why not?
It's fucking risky is why not.
Most of this ain't worth shit. Old clothes and hair dryers.
Hair dryers, yeah. We got toiletries over here, okay?
Are you listening to me? There's better ways to make money, man.
Fuck.
Why are you putting everything on the porch?
Why are there boots in the sneakers pile?
We gotta keep this organized, okay?
And where are the belts?
Thought I put them there. Obviously, they've been moved.
Your boyfriend's losing his shit.
Mickey, help me keep this organized, okay?
- Hey. - Oh, hey, babe.
- Hey. - What, did you work a double?
Paco got sick. How was your day?
Oh, my gosh.
So Amy looks up at me and says "Da."
Can you believe that? My little baby girl. She's halfway to "Dada."
Last night, I had an orgasm with a stranger on the dance floor.
- You had an orgasm? - Grinding on the dance floor.
But... But not like a...
Not like a real orgasm. You mean, like you just had a good time.
No, I mean a real orgasm with another man.
It didn't even take a whole song. That's how horny I am.
Used to be I could dry hump for 45 minutes before getting off, now it's two grinds.
You know what that orgasm was?
That was a cry for help from my coochie, saying things ain't right at home.
I'll clean up.
Oh, okay.
Teener, 1.7.
Flap,25.
8-ball, 2.5?
Shit.