This shit was going on...
and I still watched last week's episode of Shameless.
What the fuck were you doing?
- I want you. - You have me.
I want to have sex with you.
Yeah, I got this situation with one of my professors.
Sweetheart? It's my husband.
Her and her hubby have this agreement.
- You know, they're evolved. - This is Lip.
This woman is just tearing me up.
I just can, t shake her.
- Oh. I need a drink. - What's the occasion?
- Cancer. - You're not going to the hospital?
- Where are you going? - Thinking Costa Rica.
What the hell is that?
You moving? - In my dreams.
How much did she have? Enough, I guess.
Breathing, right? Oh, fuck. She's dead.
Aw! Fuck!
- What's in the crate? - How should I know?
You need to be with people who accept you for who you are.
Anywhere south of here is great!
Yeah, we're good for each other. According to N.A., I'm not supposed...
to lean on anyone that I'm deeply attracted to.
Oh, you're hitting it.
Yeah.
Yeah, I've been on the road for five weeks.
What are you like after two months?
Oh, no, you couldn't handle two months.
No groupies on the road to help relieve the stress?
Oh, lots...
but not worth the expense.
- The expense? - Yeah, you know.
Penicillin, amoxicillin, Z-Pak.
I learned that the hard way.
Since when do you smoke?
I only smoke on tour, but I'll quit in a couple of days.
Thanks for coming last night. I wasn't sure you'd show.
I like that last song you ended the set with.
- Was that you? - Chris and me.
It was beautiful.
The lyrics were kind of angry and sad.
What's it called?
Uh, "Betrayal."
Ouch.
Mm-mm. I only wrote the music. Chris wrote the lyrics.
- Really? - Ha-ha.
Lip.
Lover.
Hey.
Hi.
Um...
Your husband's in the corner of the room.
Yes, he is.
Say hi, Theo.
Hello.
What's he doing?
Just waiting for us to finish.
So he can come to bed.
- You don't mind, do you? - Ahh...
I don't know.
We can stop if you want.
Want me to stop?
Tell me to stop.
- Mickey. - Yeah?
It's been, like, an hour.
I gotta go pee.
At least you finally got hard.
We can try some more when I get back, if you got lube or something.
I had an aunt who lives south of Phoenix somewhere.
She had oranges...
and lemon trees growing right in her yard.
She'd make us cookies at the holidays.
Like those Christmas trees with the green icing on top.
And then she'd put those little silver sugar balls on like ornaments.
And she would make dozens of them.
Mail them up to us.
Most of them got broken.
But you can piece them together. They're still good, you know?
You have to go?
Yeah. Fell asleep.
Stay a little longer? Nobody's here, and they wouldn't even care if they were.
I gotta be home before my dad gets up.
I love you.
I love you too.
It rained hard in the night.
Everything smells fresh.
Is the pain back?
- You got enough pills left? - Plenty.
I could walk back to the village.
Central market's like a narco Kmart.
A guy offered me a gallon jug of Propofol for 50 bucks.
I think I'll go for a swim.
- Sharks feed before morning. - Mm. That's what makes it fun.
Come on. Get in here.
Hmm.
- Debs? Kitchen.
Hey. Cup of Noodles? For breakfast?
- No bread, no eggs, no milk, no cereal. - Why are we out of food?
Because nobody's buying any.
- Who's been doing the shopping? - Well, Sammi was.
Well, I'll get to the store today. What about you?
- You get something to eat for breakfast? - I hate breakfast. Coffee.
No sugar either. So where were you last night?
I called. Gus got back from tour.
Husband Gus?
What other Gus is there?
So you guys are back together?
We were never not together.
- He was on tour with his band. - Hmm.
- What is that look? - Nothing.
Gus is back. I went to see the band play a show.
And I spent the night like husbands and wives do.
Mm-hm. So you tell Sean that Gus is back?
Sean is just a good friend.
Hmm. Liam, plate to sink.
- We should see Carl this weekend. Sure.
So does Husband Gus have a car...
or should we ask Good Friend Sean to drive us up to juvie jail again?
Jeez.
There's a Russian prostitute in my kitchen...
talking Diaper Genies and infant diarrhea with my husband.
So are you and Kev...?
- Giving it another try. - That's great.
Yeah.
- Is that a hickey? - Yeah.
- What? - Are those teeth marks?
Tell that boy no teeth. Just lip and suction.
Did you have the talk?
- The talk? - Birds and bees, his thing, her thing.
She's on the pill.
No shit.
- Mm-hm. Svetlana's still at your house?
Just until we get another bed to put in the apartment above the Alibi.
She's gonna help with the twins instead of paying rent.
She's great with kids.
- Don't you have school? - Yeah, but this is more fun.
Shit, go. Go. Go.
- Food. Today. - I promise. Go.
Oh, can you take Liam to Head Start on your way?
Like I've done every day for the last four months? I think I can handle that.
Oh, and I'll be sure to pick Liam up after school like I always do too. Come on.
- So sleepy. - Come on, Liam!
The pill at 13?
- Fourteen. She's almost 15. - Really?
- Well, I guess she should. I started at 11. - Eleven?
Yeah. Developed early.
Boys started sniffing around when I was 10. Grown men by the time I was 11.
Mom had to beat them off with a claw hammer.
The deacons at the church were the worst. Nothing but hands.
Kevin fucked a bunch of coeds at Lip's college.
Jesus. A bunch?
He doesn't know the number exactly, but double digits.
And Svetlana. Mouth only, but still.
For Svetlana or the coeds?
Svetlana. The coeds were the whole 15 inches.
Double digits. That's an awful lot of need.
This morning I woke up thinking:
What are the chances he didn't pick up one of those nasty bugs?
I mean, the man has gotta be a human Petri dish.
- Ian split again. - Mm.
Thought the army had him.
Got out, took off with Monica. He needs to be on his meds.
Not like Monica will help with that. She never stayed on hers.
Glad you and Kevin are back together.
Yeah, me too.
Hey. Thank you.
Thanks.
I'm starving. You starving?
- Yeah, I could eat. - Let's get some great, big steaks...
and baked potatoes with everything on it.
I bet they have a salad bar.
Get some blue cheese...
and pie.
Truckers are very serious about really good pie.
Well, I don't have any money. - What?
- No. - The army didn't give you any cash...
- ... before they let you out? - No.
Fucking assholes.
They arrest you on some bullshit charge and then just toss you out without a dime?
No back pay? Nothing?
Ah. No worries. I got money.
Go on and get us a table.
Yeah. Go on in.
Really. Go on. Go on.
See if they have those jalapeño poppers.
I love those!
You know what I mean? All that?
I could not have done that.
Hey.
I walked into town.
How about I whip us up some scrambled eggs and gallo pinto?
Oh, I got some of those great coffee beans from the old woman...
on the road.
Uh... No thanks. Not hungry.
You gotta eat.
Keep up your strength.
How about some avocado on bread?
It's loaded with vitamins...
and healthy fats.
Not hungry.
Mm. Oh, my. What's that?
That is nature.
Because you were standing over there stark naked.
Let's go get drunk.
- Buy a gun. - A gun?
Yeah.
- A gun? - Mm-hm.
A really big gun.
- You coming? - Absolutely.
Oh, my God.
Oh, great. Thanks. Fantastic.
Do you have any caramel sauce? I love caramel sauce on apple pie.
- Do you want anything else? - I don't think I can finish all this.
They have cheeseburgers too.
Hey, you can pay for all this, right?
Yeah, sure.
Okay, so I'm not gonna have to sneak out the back window like when I was little?
Really? I don't remember that.
Frank broke open the bathroom window.
When I tried to climb out, I ripped my pants on the glass.
Wow. How old were you?
Uh... Six. Maybe 7.
God.
We had a lot of good times back then, didn't we?
Hey, what were you doing with that trucker to get money?
I saw you walking with him.
- I thought maybe you were gonna... - Gonna what?
I don't know. Do...
something, but you weren't gone for very long.
Ha! What kind of girl do you take me for?
I don't know.
But you did get money.
- I sold him something. - What?
Nothing very important. And it got us a lot of great food, right?
Your boyfriend?
Again?
Fuck him.
Done.
What?
You are so beautiful.
You are a beautiful, beautiful man.
I did fucking good making you.
Two patty melts, one with fries, one with slaw and a cheeseburger plate medium.
Here you go.
Here, ma'am. I'll be right back with your check.
Need something?
Gus is back.
How did it go?
- We talked a bit, caught up. - The tour. Was it a success?
Oh, yeah.
Part of it got canceled, but he said it went okay anyway.
Good. That's good.
Will get to Pittsburgh okay?
Yeah.
- Yeah. - So he's settling in okay?
Yeah, he seemed fine.
I just wanted you to know that Gus was back.
Thanks. That's good to know.
Table eight.
Hey. Welcome to Patsy's.
I'll give you a second. Do you know what you might want to drink?
Hey, what you doing?
Hiding.
- Muff? - She's officially gone psycho.
She's threatening to throw all my clothes into a pile in the alley and set them on fire.
Preferably with me still wearing some of them.
Did you call campus security?
It's kind of sweet, really.
No one's ever been homicidally obsessed with me before.
It's kind of a turn on.
Unless she actually does it. Getting burned to death, that has to suck.
You spent the night over at Mrs. Robinson's again?
That's gotta be against a few faculty rules.
Well, we're both consenting adults.
Separated by two decades, numerous advanced degrees, several published works...
a husband in tenure.
Okay. You can stay here till Muff chills out, or runs out of matches, okay?
I won't be back till after lunch.
Okay, thanks.
Bye.
- I used condoms. - On your tongue?
- Mr. Ball. - Here.
- Wait, wait. You don't have to come. - Oh, you better believe I'm coming.
- What seems to be the problem? - My husband's a slut.
Vee, that's a little harsh.
He slept with a bunch of girls. I wanna make sure he doesn't have diseases.
Ahem. How many sexual partners have you had in the last 12 months?
You want names? Because I didn't catch many names.
Just a number will do.
Uh...
- Frontal and anal? - Anal?
Yeah, you'd be surprised how many coeds want it up the butt.
Think it preserves their virginity. They call it the poop-hole loophole.
- Damn, Kev. - It's a really big school, Vee.
Ball park? More than X, less than Y?
- Is that math? I really... - How about best guess?
Uh...
- Twenty-two, 23, give or take five or six. - What?
I was the Rape Walker.
I had lots of opportunities.
Oops, huh?
Pregnancy test, morning after pill.
Oh, right. Oops.
How old are you?
- Old enough. - Yeah. I can see that.
Big fella, huh?
What?
Magnums?
Ah. Ribbed.
Good choice.
Your daughter is very beautiful.
- What? - Your daughter.
You know where I can buy a gun?
What kind of gun?
One with bullets.
A pistol, shotgun, semi-automatic?
A sword rifle? Machine gun?
Pistol should do it.
You see the skinny Brazilian with the Neymar jersey?
He is your man.
He slept with half the school.
- You threw him out? - I didn't throw him out.
- I left. - Same difference.
Nurse gave him the biggest damn shot I've ever seen.
Asked if I'd been vaccinated for HPV.
Big handsome man like that. Good in bed.
You bet other women are gonna try to jump his bones.
- Mm-hm. - Shut up, Billy. Nobody asked you.
Not women, girls.
A lot of girls got Daddy issues.
Now, he's one hell of a daddy. Whew.
- Could you stop doing that? - Ha-ha. What?
- Acting all-knowing about my husband. - If the shoe fits.
You don't have to rub my nose in it.
You never let a good-earning, good-looking man like Kev off a leash.
Unless you're ready for him to run wild, sniffing after every bitch.
I didn't know he was gonna round up half of Delta Delta Slut for a dip-the-stick marathon.
A thirsty man coming out the desert is bound to take a drink.
- Now I'm a damn desert? - A man only has one camel for many years.
That camel run off, he gonna take a few other rides for a spin...
before he decides which one he's gonna drive off the lot.
That was, like, 15 different insulting metaphors all mashed up...
into one incredibly nasty sentence.
So your man likes lemons?
Make yourself some lemonade.
- What the hell is that supposed to mean? - Dress up like a girl. That's what he likes.
Go to one of those Forever 15 stores in the mall.
Buy yourself some cheap little girl college clothes.
Make your man happy.
Yeah, perfect.
Yeah, we're here.
Thank you. Oh.
Bye, Mark.
Yeah, we're here.
Where are we?
Home.
Oh, good. He's back!
- He's here. - Who's here?
Walter.
Walter!
Oh.
Mm.
- I missed you. Who's this?
This is my son.
Walter.
This is my son.
Ian.
Ian, this is the fantastic...
fabulous...
incredible Walter.
Hey.
Yeah.
You wanna hear from...?
Honestly? Yeah, I'm sick of this shit.
Yeah.
I know. It feels like the same thing.
I'm hearing you say the same thing over and over again...
so I don't need...
Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Yes. Bye.
Jesus Christ.
How you doing?
Fine.
Who were you talking to?
You wanna talk about it?
We could grab a cup of coffee.
And why would I wanna do that?
Because we're friends? Figured you might need someone to talk to.
- We're not friends. - Of course we are.
You should be getting home. Your husband will be worried about you.
Hey. - Hi.
Muff still threatening arson?
Yeah.
I ordered a pizza.
It's kind of cold now. I thought you'd be back a couple hours ago.
- I can go heat it up in the lounge microwave. - No, no, it's cool. I like it cold.
Another trip to the cougar cage?
No. No, the physics lab.
My phonon spectra of crystals project is due Friday.
Does she make you happy, or is it just about the sex?
Just the sex, mostly.
Is she better at it than I am?
No, just, um...
more practice, I guess.
Lots more, if what I hear is true.
She do stuff that I should probably know how to do?
Anything you'd like to teach me?
Cold pizza sucks. I'm gonna go warm this up.
Oh, my God.
Hey, Liam, what you watching?
Jesus. What the hell is this?
Come on. It's after 10. It's time for bed.
Debbie!
Debs!
Come on.
Debs, you can't just leave Liam sitting in front of the TV.
He was watching, like, The Walking Dead or something. Jesus.
Oh, fuck.
- Sorry. What the hell is going on?
- Liam, go to bed. - What are you doing?
- I knocked. - We weren't doing anything.
- Why is Derek in his underwear? - He's spending the night.
- No, he is not. - Yes, he is.
- No, I'm not. - What do you mean?
My dad will kill me, okay?
I'll see you at school tomorrow. I'm sorry, Miss Gallagher.
- Don't embarrass me like that. - Embarrass you? Hey.
Go. Brush your teeth now.
You can't have a boy in your bed.
Why not? You do.
- I'm a grown-up. - I'm pregnant.
No, you're not.
Are you sure?
Maybe.
- Well, you're getting an abortion tomorrow. - No.
- Yes. - I love him.
- You don't. - We're gonna get married.
- No. - Derek's mom got pregnant...
when she was six months older than me. Been together 20 years.
- What are you talking about? - I love him! And we're gonna get married!
- We're gonna have babies and be happy! - Oh, for fuck's sake, Deb.
Why won't you ever let me be happy?
- Talk dirty to me. - Dirty little bitch.
Aah! Can you...? Can you do it in Spanish?
- Oh, you dirty, dirty little bitch. - Oh, God!
- Oh, yeah! Oh! Oh! - Aah! Haah!
Oh, God.
Hey, where did you put the gun?
It's in there.
That big pot.
Oh.
- Hey, be careful with that. It's loaded. - Eh.
My dad taught me how to shoot.
Frank.
Ah... Jesus.
Holy fuck, what a rush. Do you want a go?
- Christ. No. - Okay.
Oh, fuck! Stop that! Come on, give it to me.
- No! Frank, don't! No! - You're being... Let go.
Jesus.
Your arm.
Oh. It's okay.
It's okay.
I'm sorry.
I didn't.
That's okay.
You know what?
- You're so good. Yeah?
Oh, yeah.
Oh, are we gonna slow dance?
Oh. Shh.
Hey.
What are you doing out here?
Oh, just...
looking at the stars.
Come on back in.
You know, you can never see this many stars in Chicago.
There's too many lights from the city.
Crowds all the stars out of the sky.
Yeah.
This is beautiful.
You like Walter?
He's nice, right?
I barely met him. How old is he?
I don't know.
Come on. Let's go back in.
It's cold.
Come on.
All right, well, I'm going in.
Are you selling meth?
- What? - I found some in your bag.
You're going through my stuff?
Is that how you got that money?
What's he doing out here?
Shh. Will you keep your voice down?
It's his grandma's old place and Walter keeps an eye on it.
Is he cooking out here?
I looked into that trailer and I saw some stuff.
He takes care of me and I take care of him. We're happy.
Okay?
Hey, the fuck is going on out here?
- We're just talking. - Then shut the fuck up. I'm trying to sleep.
- Okay, we will. - Jesus.
Shh. Stop. - What the fuck you say?
- Jesus. I said fucking Jesus. - No. No.
- Don't eye-fuck me. - No. Come on.
Will that make you hear me?
- No, he's just tired! Come on, babe. - Asshole! Fuck you!
- Get the fuck out of here. - Back off!
Babe. Babe, no, no, no. He's just tired.
We're all just tired.
Go on, babe. Go back to sleep.
Okay?
- Yes. - I'll be right in.
- Fucker. - Right. You go to bed. I'll be right back.
He's just under a lot of stress now, okay?
I mean, most of the time, he's sweet. Really sweet.
Ian? Ian, I'm finally happy.
People like us, we can be happy.
I love him.
And that's the most important thing, to find somebody to love, right?
Who loves you back for who you are.
I want that for you.
- Mom. - I love you.
You are gonna be okay.
We're gonna be okay.
Fuck it.
Hey.
Come on, cupcake.
They were in her bed together, in their underwear.
She asked him to spend the night.
Ian's off his meds. He ran away with our batshit crazy mother.
Carl's doing time in juvie, and now Deb wants to be a contestant on Teenage Mom.
Is she really pregnant?
I don't know.
I don't even think she knows.
Could I possibly be doing a worse job of raising these kids?
Well, Liam isn't smoking crack.
Thanks for coming over. I'm just having a meltdown.
What are friends for?
Is that what we are? Friends?
It's not a bad place to start.
The kids have got to be up in four hours.
You coming home tonight?
I should be here in the morning.
Make sure Deb's not packing a bag to elope and picking out baby names.
You can stay here.
Oh, but your bed sucks.
Never had complaints before.
You shouldn't be reminding your husband how many men have tried out your mattress.
So you'll stay?
I just don't think the kids should get too comfortable with me being around.
Why not?
Because you haven't decided whether you wanna be with me yet.
It doesn't have to be tonight, Fiona.
But soon, okay?
I need to know.
Bianca?
Pain's back?
Your pills. Where are your pills?
Okay. Drink this.
Oh, sorry. Sorry, sorry, sorry.
Okay.
Here.
Okay?
Here.
Another.
- How many have you had so far? - More.
- No, it's too... - Please, please.
Ahh.
I couldn't do it.
I tried.
But I was too afraid.
I thought it would be easy, but I couldn't do it.
It's okay.
Thank you.
For what?
You have made me happy.
I've never been very happy, you know?
Debbie.
Morning.
Are you sure you're pregnant?
Did you...? Did you take a pregnancy test?
We'll go buy one today.
I wanna have a baby.
No. I know that you think that you do, but...
- I know what I want and what I don't want. - No, you don't. You're just a kid.
- I'm not a kid. - Yes, you are.
- It's my decision. - You're just a kid if you're willing...
to make a decision that could ruin your life with a boy you barely know!
You married a guy you barely even know!
Do you even love him?
Or do you still love Jimmy, or maybe Sean?
Or some other cute guy you run into on the street!
Okay, okay.
Hey.
Don't do this.
Please.
Don't have a baby.
It's a mistake.
I know who I love and I know what I want.
Even if you don't.
Kevin, wake up.
You like?
Did you go shopping?
Isn't this what you like?
No.
Yes.
- I mean, what's the right answer? - Is this what they wore?
Those slutty coeds you nailed?
Oh...
No. I mean, I don't... Sort of, I guess.
I mean, they wore a bunch of different kinds of things.
They wore skirts and sweat pants, most of them.
They wore jeans with those torn knees... Ow.
Hey, you asked.
Vee.
Oh, Vee, honey.
Go away, Kevin!
Oh, come on.
Go away.
I don't want you to dress like anybody else. I want you to dress like you. Veronica clothes.
Babies, Kev.
You better go and hold them.
Babies, Kev.
No.
I know that's where you wanna be, so you better go before they die.
No, I wanna be here with you.
Go get the babies.
Kevin.
We'll go through it together, okay?
Oh, shit. They sure can scream, can't they?
I will be dreaming
In the meantime
The hell am I supposed...
Where's Gus?
He left early.
Will you tell him I came by with some coffees?
We were up kind of late last night.
Hey, Fiona.
If you don't love Gus...
you're gonna have to man up and leave.
He won't do it. He's too nice a guy.
And you...
You know.
Me, what?
You're not.
Shit.
Bianca!
Not today!
- You disappeared last night. - I know.
That was a really shitty thing to do.
I know, I know. I just had something to do, okay?
You just split and left me there.
I waited for two hours.
Listen, I never asked you to come over, okay?
The fuck was that for?
Making me fall in love with you.
I didn't make you do anything.
Yes, you did, because you're so fucking you!
You're not like anybody I know or have ever met or will ever meet. You're just...
Oh, fuck! Aah!
Thank you.
You're not on the schedule today.
What's going on with us?
- Well, you're married. - So?
So you're married.
I think I'm in love with you. And I'm pretty sure you're in love with me too.
- Pretty sure, huh? - Or could be.
- Gus seems like a good guy. - Something is going on with us. We know it.
I don't wanna be that shithead who's sleeping with some nice guy's wife, okay?
- I've been that guy, hiding in the closet. - What if Gus and I split up?
Well, don't do it because of me.
That's the staff.
I gotta let them in.
Hey. Good morning.
It's 7. I gotta open.
You make me happy.
I'm happy when I'm around you.
Happy...
is overrated.
Grow up, Fiona.
Fuck. Hello?
Hello?
Hey, Mick.
The fuck are you?
The fuck you been?
With my mom.
You okay?
I hate the meds.
You gonna make me take them?
You get fucking nuts when you don't.
You gonna wanna be with me even if I don't?
You used to love me.
And now you don't even know who I am.
Shit, I don't know who I am half the time.
You don't owe me anything.
I love you.
The hell does that even mean?
It means we take care of each other.
I don't want you sitting around...
worrying, watching me.
- Waiting for me to do my next crazy shit. - It means thick and thin.
- Good times, bad. Sickness, health. All that. - You gonna marry me?
We gonna go down to the courthouse in some tuxes like a couple old queens?
Fuck you.
No thanks. I've already done that.
The hell is wrong with you?
Too much!
Too much is wrong with me.
That's the problem, isn't it?
Too much is wrong with me.
And you can't do anything about that. You can't change it.
You can't fix me because I'm not broken. I don't need to be fixed, okay? I'm me!
This is it.
This is you breaking up with me.
Yeah.
Really?
Fuck.
Mickey.
Mickey!
Holy shit.
Is that Sammi?
Mickey.
She's got a fucking gun.
Do you think I'm a good person?
Was that a gunshot?
Fuck you!
Oh, you're gonna get fucked!
Fuck you! - Is that Sammi?
You tried to fucking kill me!
Fuck you!
Fuck you too! - Fuck you and your weird-ass kid!
Oh, you're gonna get fucked, you little bitch!
What the hell is going on?
You shoot like a bitch! Oh!
Hi.
- Hey, what is going on? I'm not sure.
Mickey tried to kill Sammi. Sammi's trying to kill Mickey.
And something about her being in a box for a week.
When did you get back?
Couple minutes ago.
How's Monica?
Living with a teenage meth dealer.
Heh. Sounds like Monica.
That can't be good.
Oh, shit.
What happened to your face?
Girl hit me.
You probably deserved it.
Yeah.
There's no such thing as casual sex anymore.
No, I think I'm falling in love with one of my professors.
Woman?
Yeah.
Cool.
That Frank?
Oh, yeah.
She's gone, boys.
She's gone.
Let's do this.
Hey!