You missed another episode of Shameless, and now we gotta take valuable time out
of our show to tell you what the hell you missed.
'Cause you were too damn lazy to get up off your fat assess and watch the damn TV.
We're both consenting adults.
Separated by two decades, a husband and tenure.
- What the fuck was that for? - Making me fall in love with you.
- Hi, there, Fiona. - Holy shit!
I forgot about the swastika.
- Hey, what's your name, again? - Ian.
When Caleb's not here, he's in his sculpture studio.
- You ever let anyone visit your studio? - I would, if anyone cared.
Frank Gallagher, Cancer Concierge.
You got help with the kids?
I have a lead on potential employment for you.
You're setting me up with a dying woman's husband?
He'll need a shoulder to lean on, and then to sleep on.
Ugh. I'm leaving.
Hi. Sorry, I'm late.
Yanis, what're you doing? Hey, put that down
so we can work on our extra-strong friendship! Ah!
Holy shit!
Eviction notice? Are you kidding me?
The house is being sold at auction.
- I do have some savings I could kick in. - No, no, no. It's a Gallagher thing.
You lose the house, it's gonna be somebody else's thing.
- Hurry up! - We're gonna lose it.
One thirty right here. What do you think? Last call?
- We're out. - Sold. You got her.
130,000. Thank you!
It's our crib!
- Not anymore. - Who says?
- State of Illinois. - They can't just take it from us.
I don't have time to explain foreclosure law to you.
Those are the stairs where I broke my arm for the first time.
Yeah, and the second, and the fifth.
This table is where Liam was born.
There's nothing we can do.
Can you keep it down in there?
Copper pipes aren't gonna take out themselves.
While Rome burns, you eat waffles.
You gonna take apart the place, piece by piece?
Scorched earth.
The preferred method of defeated generals
who refused to allow their conquerors the satisfaction.
Of taking a dump?
Copper's two bucks a pound.
Look, we don't have the luxury to sit around and get weepy.
We need a place to live.
Let's see them try to get Nick and I out.
We'll take positions up at the upstairs windows with M16s.
Carl.
Throw Liam at the bottom of the stairs with some grenades.
Think you can pull a pin and throw it?
Strap Chuckie up with some explosives and throw him off the roof.
Do any of that and they'll try you as an adult.
That's big boy prison.
Look, the house is gone.
It's over. We need to move on.
This is all 'cause of the mud people.
What the fuck?
That's what my friends in juvie said.
What? What did I say?
Chuckie, if you want to stay alive, shut up and go to school.
Aw...
Where's Lip at? He'd back me up on this.
I told him we didn't need him. He needs to focus on school.
- Too much? - No. Don't you dare stop.
Oh, my God!
George, Betsy, let's go!
I got 600 bags of fiberglass coming today.
Hold on, I got another call.
Hey, Mark, I'll be on site as soon as I can.
Are you freaking kidding me?
No, no, no! I got it. Jam or honey?
- Jam. Thank you. - Of course.
You gotta eat before you go to the hospital.
Uh, sandwiches, chips and carrots.
And Betsy, I put your cleats in your back pack for soccer.
Hold on, let me check the budget.
Okay, no, no, no. There's too many people in this house.
No! We can't afford two more laborers.
Come on, bus isn't gonna wait.
- All right, bye. - Kisses.
Hey, no fights today, Georgie.
Hey, come here, little one. Bye, babes.
Hey, I'm serious, buddy.
Isn't Debbie great with the kids?
We don't need the teen mom every morning.
She's 18. And it's only a couple of hours.
Um, I'll start cleaning up the dishes, and Betsy's sheets need washing.
- She wet the bed again. - I'll start the laundry.
Don't you have school or something?
Uh, not for a while,
so if you need any help I'm available, Mr. Wexler.
You're a nice girl, but keep your resume handy.
This isn't gonna be a long term gig.
Of course.
Oh, no!
I gotta go.
Well, it looks like an earthquake hit.
Hope we didn't tip off the neighbors.
Don't be late for class.
Yeah, I'm not sure I'm gonna be able
to remember where the room is, after so many blows to my skull.
You put Atlas Shrugged on the top shelf? In hardcover?
Did Ayn Rand hurt your poor little skull?
Yeah, I'm pretty sure she gave me a contusion.
You should read it. She's got some interesting things to say.
No, thanks. Every libertarian was born on third base and thinks he hit a triple.
All right.
What about Klimt, then?
I got it for you. Those paintings I mentioned.
Prepare to have your mind blown.
Yep. I'll... I'll check it out.
What?
Nah, nothing.
Theo's going out of town for work.
Can you keep me company tonight?
Lord Jesus, thank you for bringing us together to study your word
and bask in your glory. Amen!
Amen!
Who else would like to show the Lord his gratitude?
Right here, Carol.
Lord, please let my baby girls grow up to have wicked backhands
and 120-mile-per-hour serves.
This is Bible study, Kevin.
We're here to praise Jesus, not ask him for favors.
Right, right. I'm sorry. Can I just do one more? Real quick?
Jesus, please help Yanis rest in peace.
So I can get some rest and not have panic attacks
and not soil my pants.
- Is that everybody? - Yes.
Well, I'll see you next weekend. There's coffee and muffins in the kitchen.
They're a day old but no mold. I checked. Praise Jesus.
Oh, and don't forget, we still need a volunteer to host
the foster child we're receiving this morning.
Thank you for coming.
- We'll take him. - What?
Bless you, Kevin.
He's on his way from Myanmar to a dairy farm in Wisconsin.
It's only for a couple of days.
Oh, this is... Praise Jesus! Thank you!
- What the hell are you doing? - It's a kid in need.
If I do God a solid, he'll do me one. Eye for an eye.
That is not what eye for an eye means.
How do you know what the Good Book means?
You were doing your nails the whole time.
Forget that barbecued Greek. It wasn't your fault.
Of course it was. What are you talking about, V?
If it wasn't for me, Yanis would still be alive.
Please, baby.
Jesus!
If I go through with getting a new crib, it better be sick.
We can't pay any more than we already were.
We were barely making ends meet as it was.
Why you acting like we ain't got no lettuce?
Lettuce'?
The Benjamins. Cash money.
Say the word, and I'll make it rain up in here.
I told you, I'm not taking your dirty money.
Must be wonderful living in your little fantasy world
where unicorns slide down magical rainbows,
and everybody on the South Side gets by on the up and up.
What do you think this neighborhood runs on?
It ain't donuts.
Without heroes like Carl here driving our shadow economy,
we would've gone the way of the dodo years ago.
Hey, can I get a relocation advance?
Thank you.
YO! What the hell?
I didn't realize the house was still occupied.
Oh, shit. You're the new owners?
We're just here to take a few measurements.
For the kids' beds, tile for the bathroom.
We're in the process of moving out, but been here since before I was born.
It's a lot of stuff to get together.
Contractors aren't coming till next week. If you want to take your time.
Thanks. That's really nice of you.
Hey. You ever seen what a machete can do to the human body?
He's kidding.
Let's get to school, huh? Come on. I'll drop off Liam.
We'll just go up and look at the bedrooms.
- I get the biggest one. - No way, I do.
- You all right? - It's the hormones.
I'm trying not to think about it,
but it's hard losing the house you've lived in your whole life—
It's just a pile of wood and plaster.
- I called you. We had a family meeting. - I had work.
- You got a job? - Yeah.
I have to support my family.
And to answer your next question, yes, I'm still going to school.
I'm responsible like that.
I'm gonna find us a new place.
So? It's not like me and my baby will be welcome there.
It's not out of your womb yet. You can still stay under my roof.
Splitting hairs, aren't you?
It's my job to tell you when you're making a huge mistake.
Don't listen to that baby killer.
Shut up, Frank.
I am way past when any doctor would do an abortion anyway,
so just save it, Fiona.
There are other options. Adoption?
You'd give away a Gallagher?
For free? Shame on you.
Just answer your phone when I call, will ya?
Pay no attention to your homicidal sister.
- Coffee? - Can't. It's bad for the baby.
No, for me.
We have to speed things up.
You've gotta convince the dying mom that they need you full-time.
Well, Mrs. Wexler already loves me.
So, convince the husband.
I've been busting my ass trying to prove to Mr. Wexler that I'd be a great wife,
and he just doesn't want me there.
That's because you're not being a great wife, you're being a great nanny.
Nobody wants to fuck Mary Poppins.
What am I supposed to do?
See to his needs. All his needs.
But I've tried sexy before. It's never worked.
And that was before I had cankles.
Nonsense. You're glowing.
And remember what my mother said, "A hole's a hole."
A guy doesn't really care who's attached to it.
Sounds like Grammy.
Besides, you think after a day of radiation,
cancer girl's getting on her knees?
She hasn't given it up for months.
The husband would probably blow his wad if you shake his hand.
- What happened to the wall? - Mind your own business.
You smell like a toilet.
Beat it, brat.
Mom!
What time does this soon-to-be-widower get home?
Late afternoon.
Okay, when the family's away, you take care of your man.
I guarantee ya, he'll move you into the guest room in no time.
What about Mrs. Wexler?
- Where is she now? - Hospital.
All right, I'll make sure she's not home to cock block you.
Here.
Yeah.
There you go.
Thatta girl.
Hey, what's up, girl? How's that new bike handle?
Smooth, unlike you.
Please. That's not the only thing you'd enjoy riding.
Do you have a straight-up brain injury?
Damn, nice lock. Did NASA design that?
Kryptonite Kryptolock.
- Hey, yo, it's on. She's meeting us. - Tight.
Hey, don't get too jealous. Real estate agent.
What do you need a real estate agent for?
Me and Nick, getting our own crib.
When you get tired of crashing with Daddy, just give me a ring.
I always got room for my number one boo thang.
We're here! Come on in, boys. Come on.
Just tell me which one is ours so I can stick him in front of the TV.
Well, the good Lord gave us a few more refugees than we expected.
Well, that's the good Lord's problem.
I'm sure he'll figure something out, him being all-powerful and shit. Kev!
Girl, I'm taking in three myself.
Stop bitching and show some Christian charity.
Does it look like I have an extra five beds?
Beds? They've been living in the jungle off of insects and tree bark.
They'll be happy with a roof over their head and a can of Spam.
- Kevin Ball, get your ass down here! - It's okay.
- Who are they? - Damn refugee kids.
Thought you said they were from Miami.
- Myanmar. - Myan... What?
It's in Asia.
You know, there's too many damn countries in Asia.
They should just make it one country.
It's okay, boys. It's just a car. It's okay.
Loud sounds spook them. Quick movements, too, so go slow.
Were they altar boys or something?
They weren't fondled, they were forced to fight.
Civil war. Can you imagine?
Handed a gun and made to kill practically just out of diapers?
Thank goodness we got them out.
I didn't sign up for four-foot mercenaries with PTSD.
Mama trying to dump the whole litter on us.
- That's a great idea. - Kevin.
I can get all my karma points out at once.
Oh, hell, no.
Let me get one of those.
I don't recall "texting" being one of the requirements of your job.
I told the staff I had to come to the office to "run the numbers."
What does that mean?
No idea, it sounded managerial.
Didn't want them to see me doing personal stuff.
I'm your boss. Aren't you supposed to try to keep that shit from me, too?
All the houses at our price point are, like, condemned.
Didn't realize what a palace I lived in.
What time are we picking Will up?
Oh, I think you've got enough on your plate already.
No, no, it's important to me.
What do you have planned for him?
I was thinking go-karts and then laser tag. And maybe hit an arcade.
Is that too much?
I only have him with me a few days,
I feel like I have to make it the best time he's ever had.
As long as he's with you, Will's gonna have a blast.
There you go.
But if you can scrape together enough for Six Flags,
he might just tell you he loves you.
Buying his love's not beneath me.
Hey, Debs, what's up?
Fiona, the sheriffs are here! They're kicking us out!
- What? - They're putting everything on the street!
Shit. I'm on my way.
Hey! That's not yours!
Hey! Get off that. That's our stuff!
What the fuck?
Uh, what room's Erica Wexler in?
Whoa! You're not Mr. Jorgensen. I'm in the wrong room.
- Mr. Gallagher? - Do I know you? Oh!
- You're the woman who hired my daughter. - That's right.
How's she doing?
Oh, Debbie's a gem.
What are you doing back here?
I work here. I'm a cancer concierge.
A what?
I don't want to keep you—
No, it's fine, I'm waiting for them to call me for my treatment.
How you feeling?
Well, I mean the doctors say there's always a chance I could go into remission,
but honestly, every day I just feel worse and worse.
I see this all the time in my business.
The hospitals and insurance companies tell you
to keep pumping chemicals into your body,
so they can use you as a bottomless cash machine.
If you don't mind my asking, are your affairs in order?
No. Because my husband is convinced I'm going to get better.
That's why he doesn't come to the hospital because when he comes here, reality hits.
It's always the spouses who are in denial.
Oh, thank God, someone who doesn't think that I'm just gonna be back on my feet,
and taking care of my family.
Sadly, if you don't take a turn for the better,
it's your husband who will be left making arrangements when he should be grieving.
You know, I'm fully certified in end-of-life preparations.
I can't afford a specialist.
You think I do this for the money?
There are a lot of jobs a Northwestern grad
could get that pay a heck of a lot more than this.
- You went to Northwestern? - Go, Wildcats.
I'll tell you what, let's use today as a trial run.
No charge.
To be totally honest, I'm happiest when I'm paid in smiles.
- What about your other patient? - He's just a stage two.
Time is a luxury he still has.
You finish up what you're doing here and I'll take you to my casket guy.
He'll find you one so comfy, you'll wanna stay in it forever.
Just a little industry humor for you.
You sleep well at night?
After a long day of kicking people out on the street?
Okay. Hey!
- Fiona! - Finally. You call Lip?
Ian and Carl, too. They're on their way.
Thanks, Debs.
I'm still a Gallagher.
Hey, we got permission to stay in the house till next week.
- From the bank? - No, the new owners.
Bank owns the place till the inspection's done.
Bank wants you gone.
You can't just throw us out with no warning!
- You get an eviction notice? - Yeah.
That was your warning.
Motherfucker.
What are we going to do with all this stuff?
This is everything we have.
- I'm gonna get some boxes. Be right back. - What is going on?
We're getting evicted.
This one seems fine.
Absolutely not.
What's wrong with it?
I will not allow you to be buried in a pine box.
The insects'll be munching down on you the second you hit the dirt.
Well, I'm gonna be dead. I'm not gonna know the difference.
No.
You need stainless steel or mahogany.
Oh, yeah.
Here we go, the Escalade of coffins.
If you gotta go, go in style.
When you're being lowered into the ground, you want your loved ones to find solace
in the knowledge that you're resting comfortably.
It's not for you. It's for them.
Wanna take it for a spin?
- Get in there? - Yeah.
Wait.
It's roomy. Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah. Very comfortable.
Hop in.
You see, it's the attention to detail that makes all the difference.
Look at this! You know what I think this is?
This is imported silk.
- You may be right. - Mmm-hmm. Oh.
Oh, this is like a bed of roses.
What's the verdict?
Well, we considered the basic model
but I think we're gonna go with the Eternity Elite.
Wonderful.
On second thought,
maybe we should take another look at the no-frills model. You know...
I mean, the workmanship is, um...
It's substandard. Nope, it's not going to work.
So, all we need is your credit card, dear.
- Now, aren't you comfortable? - This is amazing.
Look at this workmanship. It's a good color on you, too.
That's all the boxes.
Ian and I'll go get the dryer.
I already got it.
You're gonna start moving your stuff over to our place.
Boxes inside, furniture in the yard.
Thanks, Kev.
You can leave your stuff there as long as you need to.
Or at least until it rains.
Hey! Make yourselves useful!
No "I don't speak English" bullshit.
You two get the table, you guys get the boxes.
Get it! Move.
YO.
Need a place to crash tonight?
Looks like it, huh?
Well, if you wanna stay in my dorm room,
I promise I'll let you clean up as much puke as you want.
Don't you need the place to have sex with your old lady?
And I mean that literally.
Helene's 40.
Yeah, I'll stop by after the barbecue. Bunch of the firemen are throwing it.
Hey, you banging one of them?
Why do you think I'm going?
What is it with you gay guys? Everything is a straight shot to sex.
Even burgers and frisbee.
Well, why waste time? I've never done it at a barbecue before.
Dugout a couple of times, alley way, just about everywhere in basic training.
Oh. Gave an all-new definition to the term "mess hall," huh?
Hey, listen, when you're done getting your gay on,
this'll get you in the dorm room, all right?
I found Liam's markers. What are these boxes?
Uh, my clothes.
Dishes.
We are so organized for a homeless family.
Homeless? What happened to that two grand you got from Gus' ring?
I can't use that. I gotta get the ring back.
Well, you know you always have our place if you need it.
Looks like your inn is all booked up.
Just say the word, I'll kick those refugee kids' asses to the curb.
- It's okay, I don't need a place. - Debbie, if these—
I'm gonna get the family I work for to let me stay.
I can take Carl.
Yeah, you can. All eight inches.
I'm pimping like that. Feel me?
Pimping? I changed your diaper,
so I know your little pudding pop ain't never been chocolate.
I'm getting tired of this little minstrel act.
You think corn rows make you black?
Four hundred years of oppression makes you black.
And if you keep up with this wigger bullshit,
I'm gonna reverse George Zimmerman your ass.
Feel me?
I gotta go get Will.
- Oh, shit! All the craziness, I forgot. - Yeah, you can stay at my apartment.
That could work.
It might be a little tight but I think we could fit everyone.
Everyone?
It sounded like Carl and Debs have themselves covered.
Debbie won't listen to me but Carl will. He didn't know you were gonna invite us.
Well, I didn't. I invited you.
What are you saying? My family can't come?
Well, Liam's okay.
- Will's staying with me, Fiona. - So?
So, if my ex finds out Carl was, too, she'd never let Will come again.
Why?
Because he acts like he's the black El Chapo.
Listen, I know you have problems. I want to help.
But when it comes to my son, I have to draw a line.
Why are you being an asshole?
You're acting like Carl's riding a tricycle.
He served time. He's carrying a piece.
He's not gonna let you tell him where to go.
How do you think we've made it all these years?
Every time we got torn apart, beaten down? It's by staying a family, no matter what.
Did you hear anything I just said?
- I gotta get my son. - Great, thank you.
I'm gonna be sleeping on the street with my family.
A bar? I thought you said the next stop was vital.
It is.
I'm tired. I would like to go home.
Too much to discuss. Can't afford distractions.
Coffee for my client. Wake her up.
Espresso, latte, cappuccino?
Whatever happened to just plain old American Joe?
Beer for me.
Mariah Smoked Porter, Lagunitas IPA, Goose Island lPA—
The fuck's an IPA? Just pick a winner.
Do you mind if I smoke?
Okay.
You look surprised.
Didn't take you for a stoner.
No, this is state-sanctioned pain relief.
So, what's so important you have to discuss?
Okay. We booked the coffin, time to talk about the day people see you in it.
- Have you picked out an outfit? - No.
I hadn't really thought about it. Something like this, maybe.
Why?
You're a fine looking piece of tail.
Thanks.
Your viewing is the last time people are gonna see you.
Wear something short.
Have every guy in there wishing he could hop into the casket
and mount your corpse.
You're not subtle, are you?
- You want me to lie? - No.
What else is on your mind?
That depends. Wanna go out with a bang?
If you're coming on to me, I'm just... I'm gonna stop you right there.
There are ways other than sex to remember what it's like to be alive.
Go on.
The greatest pain reliever there is, coke.
I know, snorting a line the first time sounds scary.
But don't die with anything left on your bucket list—
No. My first time wasn't scary.
- You've done it before? - Mmm.
Yes. It was a present from my boyfriend on my 16th birthday.
Certainly made it sweet.
Hmm.
Heroin then.
Black tar or china white?
I feel like I've misjudged you.
Hey. I think this is it.
Thanks. We can take it from here.
All right.
Why does this shit always happen to us?
- Again and again? - And again and again and again.
I used to tell myself that was just life with Frank and Monica.
Nothing ever changes, does it?
You know, why don't I stick around?
Help make sure everything gets taken care of.
Nah. It's okay.
Kev's gonna take me to the Alibi,
see if we can get Svetlana to let us stay in the room upstairs.
What about Liam?
I'll grab him from Head Start.
There's no point even talking to Debbie anymore.
You cam fierce her, H.
You sound like Sean.
It's annoying.
Ah, who knows, she can make a great mom.
- She helped raise Liam. - She's too young.
Yeah, but everyone's getting older.
Everyone's getting on with their own lives.
The up side is,
now you can spend less time worrying about everyone else,
spend more time thinking about yourself.
You vacuum out the fetus yet?
- I had to cancel my appointment. - What?
We lost the house, I got tied up.
It's not like I'm having second thoughts.
We're locking up the house.
Can you give me a minute first?
Sure.
Welcome to your new crib, man.
Tight.
- Long day at work? - What are you doing here?
I used the spare key from under the flower pot.
I brought some groceries. Mrs. Wexler asked me.
Fine. Whatever.
I just wanna get out of these clothes and relax.
Great idea.
Well, now that I'm here, maybe I could be of some use.
Nah. Kids won't be home for another hour.
I wasn't talking about the kids.
Uh, I fixed you a drink.
This damn city inspector should give us the go-ahead on the attic.
Whoa, hey!
Uh, what are you doing?
I was helping you relax. I could draw you a bath.
I'll... See you tomorrow, Donna.
Donna?
I used to be a groupie.
I followed bands all around the country.
Sounds memorable.
What I remember of it.
My bucket list was crossed off before I was old enough to buy a wine cooler.
Well, perhaps I can help you expand it.
I have something of a sordid history myself.
No. Not like mine.
You're talking to a Ph.D. in the debaucherous arts.
Have you ever
snorted PCP off a man's penis?
Would you judge me if I had?
Have you ever woken up naked in the street with no idea how you got there?
That's called Tuesday. That all you got?
Have you ever been used as a rotisserie by two members of Guns N' Roses?
I have no idea what that means,
but I'm enjoying trying to picture it.
It would've been more than two but Axl couldn't get it up.
Why on Earth did you leave it behind?
Because, I decided to try something even wilder.
Freebasing?
Family. Husband, kids.
That's a real high wire act.
But with the best high you could ask for.
So, no regrets?
One.
Melissa Etheridge.
Yeah, I heard one of her songs once.
Felt like Satan was hate-fucking my ear drums.
She was so luminous with long hair, and this raspy voice.
- You visited the Island of Lesbos? - No, no. It was more than a visit.
But she dumped me.
I broke the cardinal rule, never fall for the singer.
And I can't... I cannot shut up, because I'm so stoned.
You sure I can't interest you in a bathroom quickie?
I'm not that stoned.
Excuse me, I'm waiting for an appointment.
No. Wait no more, baby. Dope pad.
Shit, you guys, got Jacuzzis up in here?
You're Carl Gallagher?
Yeah, that's right.
Don't get too juiced up, I only go for sisters.
You accept hundreds?
You don't look like the trust fund kids I normally work with. Are you a rapper?
Yeah, that's right. They call me White Chocolate.
Well, you would need a parent to co-sign.
Even then I'm afraid that you would never make board approval.
What? Black folk money ain't no good here?
I don't follow.
Nah, you don't. You ain't got no idea who I am.
You gotta go through 400 years of oppression to know who I am.
Shit, we don't wanna stay in crackerville anyway.
Let's get it, Nick.
Good luck, Mr. Chocolate.
- Hey. - Hey.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna punch you. Can I come in?
No, I'm in a relationship.
I don't want sex. Just a photo of your wall.
- The painting I made? - Look, I'm kind of in a rush.
Well, I need it for art class. "Exploring the Female Form."
Okay, yeah. Just... Yeah.
So, are you still fucking that professor?
Yeah.
I'm seeing someone. Josh Phelps, math prodigy.
He goes down on me for hours.
Instead of the alphabet, he licks the number for pi.
His room's upstairs. We basically live together.
All right, look, I don't wanna be rude,
but I got a paper due in Cognitive Robotics.
So, I gotta hit the shower, then the library so...
Take your shower, I'll be gone by the time you're back.
Okay.
You look good, Amanda.
Yo, screw that real estate granny. We'll get ourselves a hotel suite.
- What? - "White Chocolate."
Tight name, right?
Well, it never fails. Gallagher crisis. Frank's drunk and high.
Yeah. Well, it's a good thing, too, because he's our only customer.
Please tell me that somebody else came in?
Lenny. To read meter.
Damn it.
What?
On, Right. Um...
Look, Fiona got kicked out of her house.
So she's gonna be moving upstairs with you.
I rent. I have contract. It's my apartment to share, not yours.
- We don't take up much room. - No.
It would only be for a couple of days.
No.
You're a mom, you know what it's like to take care of someone.
I just wanna make sure my family's okay.
So get motel.
- That adds up. - I get you massage job.
You're too good for it? I understand.
You don't realize God gave you ATM machine between your legs.
When I do massage, it's because I have to. No money, 5000 miles from home.
I start, I was here. I work hard, now I am here.
This is how America works.
Soon, when I open my own Quiznos submarine store, I will be here.
You, you think you're here. But you're not.
You are here.
And girls who are here must do things that other girls would not do.
Hey, Red. Come on over.
- Help yourself. - Thanks.
See those two kids right there playing football?
Those are mine. It's Charlie and Wes.
Where've you been?
I got held up.
You ever pitch?
Usually. But I'm open, depending on what you're into.
- Where are we doing this? - Follow me.
Wait. We're actually playing soft ball?
Yeah. What'd you think?
Zach usually starts on the mound,
but if he's had too many Coronas, his stuff is shit.
You cover second.
What? You play, right?
Oh, sure, I play.
We'll need all the help we can get.
If we lose to the fags in blue, we'll never hear the end of it.
Who?
The gay COPS-
You have the right to remain silent
while we run the score up on your sorry asses.
Tony?
When did you come out?
Oh, your sister turned me gay.
Oh, wow.
Oh, my God! I'm so sorry.
- What the— - I didn't even know you were in here.
Not like it's anything I haven't seen before, though.
Why are you still here?
You take on so much for your family. But who's looking after you?
- My wife. - Yeah, for now.
I'm not just here for the kids, Mr. Wexler. I'm here for you, too.
I don't even know what that means.
She's dying.
Just because you don't want to admit it doesn't mean it's not happening.
Dierdre has night terrors,
Betsy keeps wetting the bed and George keeps getting into fistfights at school.
But at least they're facing reality. You're too scared to even do that.
You need groceries, and laundry, and meals.
You need me.
Your kids need me. And not just in the mornings.
So just man up and admit it.
Hey, excuse me. Can you tell me where the books on robotics are?
- Let me check. - Thanks.
Yo, where'd you get that?
Some girl tweeted it. Nice bit of MILF trim, though, huh?
One out.
Come on, one out. Look alive, boys, look alive!
Look alive, baby! One, two or three!
Two! Two!
You were blocking the baseline!
What the fuck's your problem?
Fuck 'em.
Who the shit...
Fuck this guy!
I'm gonna fuck you up.
Hey, don't worry, I'll get you a new bike with more cool shit on it.
Give me my gun.
Yo, you don't even know who took your bike?
Oh, didn't realize taking a five-hour break
was one of the perks of your job.
I got evicted.
That a good one. I should use that excuse.
Wait, really?
Your cousin still a super?
- Why? - He got any apartments open?
Yeah, but they're not rentals, and given that you work here,
I'm guessing you can't afford to buy.
Well, is there one that we could crash in before it's sold? We'd be quiet and clean.
What do I get in return?
You get to keep your job.
Seriously? You'd fire me?
No. But I'd really appreciate it.
I could give two craps about you.
But I like your little brother. He's a cute kid.
I don't want him living on the street just 'cause his older sister's a fuck-up.
I will call my cousin.
Thanks.
We're gonna have a place. Yeah!
Hey, Carl, it's me. I think I might have a place for us.
If I find any more weapons on any of you, you're out on the street, you understand?
Damn, y'all stink. Let's go upstairs.
Move like you got some sense.
When was the last time y'all took a damn bath?
Sorry.
You in there?
Come in.
What do you think?
People say hands are the hardest thing to draw, but I think it's tits.
How the fuck could you send out that picture of Helene?
I just saw your phone there and the idea popped into my head,
like divine intervention.
You know, my therapist says that revenge doesn't give you any real satisfaction,
but clearly she's an idiot because this feels really, really good.
Amanda, it's all over the goddamn school!
Yeah, social media's fast, huh?
You shouldn't have screwed me over.
I never made any fucking promises to you.
Yes, you fucking well did.
With your eyes. And your smile. And your cock.
Does it hurt?
Fuck!
You should change your security code more often!
All the other boys are clean. Your turn.
You're not a boy.
Which one do you like?
Pink or blue?
Pink.
Is that a bullet wound?
We can put make up on it.
Hello?
Where is everyone?
Helene?
You're making yourself at home. I take it the plan worked.
Uh, well, not exactly.
But after Tyler cried on my shoulder, he said I could stay.
Room and board instead of more pay.
"Tyler"? What happened to "Mr. Wexler"?
Come here.
lam so proud of you.
Okay.
You unlock the downstairs window, I'll sneak in late, sleep on the floor,
I'll be gone before anyone wakes up, at least, until Erica kicks it.
Cool. You got it, Dad.
Hey! How about another shot for the Hands of Steel?
That one's for you, slugger.
- Ooh. - Ah.
So, when are you gonna take the test?
- Test? - To become a firefighter, man!
Whoa!
You hurt, man?
- Oh, man. - Okay. Those guys are wasted.
You should.
You really think I could be a firefighter?
Isn't that why you've been hanging around? 'Cause you wanna go on runs, save lives?
Yeah, that, and I was hoping to get my hands on your hose.
Is that what this is to you? A fuck?
You say it like it's a bad thing.
Come on. Let's get out of here.
No. I knew you were younger than me, but I thought you were a grown up.
Fuck. Okay. Okay.
Hey, I'm into you, all right? I thought you were into me.
lam.
Then what's the problem?
I don't stick my dick in just any guy.
What do you want then?
Seriously? Do I have to spell it out for you?
Yeah.
A date.
With, like, flowers and chocolate and shit?
No. We could skip the flowers.
Okay. You're on.
All right. Let's get some fucking brews.
Helene?
I thought you were out of town.
Given the circumstances, I came back.
- Look... I need to speak with Helene. - You took a picture of her,
in your dorm room.
Well, please, can I just... Can you let me talk to her?
She's being summoned before the disciplinary board.
Do you know what that means?
It means that you may just have buried her career.
Okay. It wasn't my fault, all right? Somebody took my phone.
Just wait, wait. Helene, just let me explain—
Fuck!
Helene! Helene!
I thought you weren't taking me up on my offer.
Carl's getting a hotel room.
It's just me and Liam.
Melinda might have a place for us, but we'd like to stay with you.
And you figured there were no hard feelings from earlier?
I'm mature enough to get over them.
I meant me.
Are you not gonna let us in?
Come on in. I'll get sheets for the pull-out.
Come on, Liam.
He'!-
Remember Will?
- There you are. - Hey.
I was looking forward to a nap in the back row,
but you were a no-show. Had to lecture myself.
- I'm sorry. Something came up. - Yeah, it better be good.
So, it's a long story.
Someone got hold of my phone, and they sent out this picture—
Professor Runyon? That was you?
Jesus Christ, you saw it, too?
I'd say that's some elephant-sized shit hitting the fan.
She as hot in bed as she looks in that picture?
Yeah.
To be 20 and receive the affection of a real woman.
For me, it was Mrs. Linstrom, next door neighbor.
She had the face of Betty Friedan but the body of Betty Rubble.
We went at it over and over and over.
Can't do that anymore. The ravages of age.
Well, the gallons of Bourbon probably don't help, either.
Shall we go get soused?
Please.
We need our stuff.
I got dinner on the stove. You ballers want some mac and cheese?
We'll take some mac and cheese.
All right, kids. Dinner's on!
Hey, give it here.
What do you want?
Shit.
I was hoping you'd come.
I was hoping you'd say that.
Come to my window
Crawl inside Wait by the light of the moon
I'm gonna take Will to a skate park. He wants to show me some moves.
Yeah. You're gonna get on a skateboard?
You don't think I can?
- That I gotta see. - All right. You're invited.
I'll be there.
I rescheduled my abortion.
What prompted that?
It feels like everyone's getting on with their lives.
Figure it's probably time for me, too.
Didn't think I was having second thoughts, did you?
Pillows.
- Two enough? - Yeah. One'll do.
All right, I get it.
- My... Shit! - I got you right in there.
- Yo! - You should not have done that.
On, yeah?
- Ping pang. And boom. - Right in the...
All right. Me. You're supposed to be on my side!
You missed.
So, you fought in a war?
You ever smoke anybody? You know, kill somebody?