Edited at https://subtitletools.com
Cotains strong language from the start, violence, drug use, some nudity and scenes of a sexual nature.
PHONE RINGS
It's Tony. He's in trouble.
Tony.
Gay's just wrong.
Then you don't want anything to do with me.
If you want to hit me, go right ahead.
You're the worst Muslim ever!
I pray five times a day!
How come I was ever friends with such a fucking hypocrite?
Ooh. Some day I'll be like Tony.
I could think of nothing worse than being you!
Effy.
It's all my fault.
I never realised how fucking knackering it is to know you, Tone.
It's fun, though.
You think?
♪ I've been lonely for so long
♪ Don't seem like happiness will come along
♪ I've been lonely for so long
♪ Don't seem like happiness will come along
♪ These ain't rain clouds over my head
♪ Everybody's throwing rocks in my bed
♪ Just can't seem to get ahead in life
♪ Ooh, nothing I do ever turns out...
Yeah.
Do that again.
♪ Won't somebody help me, please? ♪
PHONE RINGS
Hey, Maxxie.
Happy birthday, mate.
You fucked up my dream, Max.
What was it?
Oh, the usual. Russian virgins.
Good Muslim boys don't dream about virgins.
That's where you're wrong, Max.
That's all we dream of.
Will you come to my birthday party, Max?
Will you tell your mum and dad I'm gay?
I dunno.
I can't unless you do.
Maxxie, it won't be right if you don't come.
'17. It's the year of telling the truth. OK?
'The truth, yeah, mate?'
PHONE GOES DEAD
♪ Yes I know what it feels like to be lonely
♪ To have your friends turn their backs on you Yes, I've been... ♪
Happy birthday!
(SCREAMS)
Mum! Get out!
That's tiny.
Get out!
Mum!
A respectful boy at least wears something in bed!
Happy birthday, little boy!
I'm 17, Mum. I'm not a little boy any more.
So it would seem.
Now hurry up, everybody's waiting downstairs for you!
"Dear... Cassie."
"Hi... Cassie."
"Hey... Cassie."
Oh, bollocks!
"Cassie."
"Dear, Sid.
"It isn't easy to tell you this, so that's why I'm writing.
"Don't try to ring me because you're not allowed to here,
"and I don't want to speak to you and there's nothing you can say to change this."
"I'm shit with words.
"Everything always comes out so..." Crap.
"But I've been thinking and everything is getting clearer."
"My Mum and Dad have decided that things aren't working out.
"So we're moving to a place called Elgin.
"It's in Scotland and everyone's happy there."
"The thing is Cass, I've woken up this morning,
"the sun's shining through the window and it's making me think of you.
"Cassie, it's not right you hiding away in that clinic. You've got to get out in the world!"
"They're coming for me tonight
"and then I'll be gone and we won't have to play this game any more."
"Cassie, I don't care if you think you're odd
"because I feel like singing when I see you and you're beautiful.
"I've been such a fucking chapstick these past few weeks
"and all I want to do now is sit on Brandon Hill
"and hold you and tell you how wonderful you are
"and stick my hand down your knickers."
No. Jesus!
"And..."
"I want you to know I really liked you."
"And..."
"But it's too late now.
"Goodbye."
"I love you."
♪ Boy, do you feel the same Do you feel the same now?
♪ Love
♪ Well, I didn't mind I didn't mind
♪ I didn't mind
♪ You can't hurry love... ♪
DOORBELL
Ange, there's someone at your door.
Yeah.
DOORBELL
Angie? Are you ashamed of me?
Of course I'm fucking ashamed of you!
Pussy. Right, I'll tell whoever it is...
No! Just stay there.
For Christ's sakes!
Oh, Christ...!
Angela!
Merve?
When did you get back?
Now!
Merve, you can't just do this.
We need to talk.
Angela, you know you missed me.
This isn't fair!
Where's your ring?
I threw it in the fucking harbour, OK?
Angie? What ring?
Where were you?
Sorry. Slept in.
Slept in? You miss prayers with an excuse like that?
Dad, it's my birthday.
Aren't you going to say hello?
I've been on control since three o'clock yesterday.
32 cabs, not that you care. It's a stupid fuss over a birthday party.
Does it give respect to God? Does it promote peace?
No, Dad.
Does it help the poor? It's an affront.
So why do we have to do it anyway? I don't even want a party.
Because I love that woman more than these legs I drag myself along on,
and what she wants, she gets.
All right?
Erm... No.
We don't see him these days.
We had a fight.
A fight? You fight with your friends?
Yeah.
What would you fight Maxxie about? He's a good boy.
Always well turned out, respectful.
Never mind.
Whatever it is, forgive him and don't be a bloody fool.
Now tell them I'm sleeping, huh?
Auntie can I have one?
No, you can't! Get out of my kitchen!
Who's that boy? All the time there's little boys.
Boys don't... Here he is!
Happy Birthday!
Hi, Auntie Jess.
Oh! He's got a moustache.
Little Anwar's got a moustache!
That ain't all Little Anwar's got.
Why aren't you saying hello to Aunty Sahra and Uncle Muneer?
Sorry.
(SHOUTS)
They've come all the way from Sutton Coldfield and they don't get a hello?
Hello, Uncle Muneer.
Anwar. So, 18 at last, huh?
No. No, I'm 17.
What?
He's 17?
Yeah. What's the problem?
You drag me here, all this way!
I paid money to drive on the M6. Money!
Just to drive on a road to come to a 17th birthday party? Huh?
Ahh! Got you!
I had you going, didn't I? Didn't I?
His so funny, my brother! Why did you fall for that one?
Every fucking year!
L-O-L-L-I-P-O-P
Lollipop.
You're just too good.
Of course!
When are your folks coming?
Later. They've packed.
Hm. Bummer.
You wanna get out of here?
Huh?
Let's go out.
We're not allowed.
Come on. I want one last look.
What if we get hungry?
There's... there's food out there, you know.
Come on!
How?
It's easy.
We're just getting a breath of fresh air.
My friend thinks she want to puke.
Go. For fuck's sake, go!
Hello?
'Restorations Clinic.'
Can you help me? I really, really need to come in.
I know you don't like it, but I need to come in, OK?
Hello. Can I help?
Yes. Yes. I need to see someone. It's very important.
There's something I have to get off my chest
and if I don't, I'm afraid everything might just totally go to shit.
Right.
I've got something going on and I need to see someone.
Something going on in here...
'Megadog's trying to tell us something. Woof, woof!"
OK. Let's see if we can sort you out, shall we?
Just you wait right there.
Ah, thanks. I don't know what this means, but...
What? What's going on?
What you doing? Let go! Come on! You don't understand! Cassie!
Hey!
I'm not mad, for fuck's sake! I'm fine!
For fuck's sake!
PHONE RINGS
'What?'
Leave him alone.
'What the fuck, Angie? What the fuck?'
Hey. Hey, I wanna talk to you.
Talk away, sweetie.
Are you gonna tell me who the fuck you are?
I'm the fiance.
No, you're not.
Yes, I am.
Since when?
Since she asked me to marry her.
Where the fuck did you come from?
I'm Mervin. She gave me genital herpes.
I'm the love of her life. I'm back.
You don't stand a chance, kid,
not even with that beautiful little cock of yours.
What, she told you?
She tells me everything, kid. I can see into her soul.
Now do us a favour and disappear, OK?
But... No. She can see into my soul.
How old are you?
17.
You haven't got a soul yet.
With luck you haven't got herpes either. Quit while you're ahead.
And with that, I bid you good day.
Hi, Effy.
Your brother just called me. We're not speaking.
I heard things got a bit out of control last week.
You feeling better?
Is that why they sent you to the posh school?
They think that'll sort you out?
School on a Saturday.
Hardcore.
Why don't you speak, Effy?
Does nobody ask you why? >
It must mean something.
Doesn't anybody care?
Tony really hurt me, Effy.
Why did he do that?
Sometimes I think you're the only person in the whole world Tony truly cares about.
I thought maybe... maybe he told you why he did that.
If I could trust him to tell the truth just once,
then maybe I could...
It was nice seeing you, Effy. I'm glad you're OK.
'I love you, Tone!'
'You're going to be on Big Brother.'
'You do that and I'll kill you!'
'You're going to be famous.'
'But if you're famous you have to have like, huge boobs
'and blonde hair and I have neither of them.
'Would you like me like that?
'I like you like that.
'You've gotta do something whacky.
'What?'
'Come to bed with me. Please.
'(SCREAMS)'
'I'm sorry! I'm sorry!'
PHONE RINGS
Answer. You know you want to.
'Hi. This is Michelle, leave a message, except if you're Tony,
'because Tony can fuck off!'
BEEP
Please.
♪ You don't know where to go
♪ Or go where you know
♪ Your only way
♪ You always give advice
♪ But never pay the price
♪ For running away ♪
♪ Happy birthday, happy birthday
♪ Happy birthday, happy birthday... ♪
♪ Happy, happy birthday in a hot bath
♪ To those nice, nice nights
♪ I remember always, always
♪ I got such a fright
♪ Seeing them in my dark cupboard
♪ With my great big cake
♪ If they were me, if they were me... ♪
"Anwar, you naughty boy. I want to spank your..."
Who wrote this?
FEEDBACK SQUEAKS
Who wrote that?
Mum, why does Uncle Muneer have to do the disco again?
Why on earth not?
It's just... Mum, please.
Are you hearing? He doesn't want my own brother's gift of music.
Do what your mother says!
But Dad...
Your uncle knows what's respectable.
Dad!
Your English friends have no restraint.
They drink, shout, fornicate... They puke in the back of cabs.
We have proper music, so the English don't burn the place down
and get me arrested. That's why your mother is right.
Now say no more about it. No more!
Thank you, Istiak.
Thank you very much. Come on, you three now.
Is the buffet going to do itself?
♪ Life is life, la la la la la
♪ Life is life... ♪
Muneer's an arsehole.
What did you just...?
A complete tosser. At least he can't grope the women up there.
Ladies...
Hello, Mr Kharral.
Nicely dressed too. You see - respectful.
I keep asking Anwar when Maxxie is coming.
He says they fought. Why would anyone fight with Maxxie?
Well...
I never see Maxxie, you know. He was such a wonderful dancer.
The tap dancing... Superb. Physical.
Yeah. We know...
Anyway. Have some fun, huh?
♪ Like a bat out of hell I'll be gone when the morning comes
♪ When the night is over
♪ Like a bat out of hell I'll be gone, gone... ♪
I won't be long.
Cool. But hurry, in case I get hungry.
♪ BROKEN FAMILY BAND: It's All Over
♪ I could hold your beautiful hands... ♪
(RINGS DOORBELL)
♪ And kiss your beautiful eyelids... ♪
Hi.
♪ Throw open your beautiful doors
♪ And phone your beautiful friends
♪ But it's all over
♪ It's all over... ♪
Bye...
♪ It's all over
♪ I could bind your beautiful wrists
♪ Oh, shame on your beautiful friends... ♪
Ah...
♪ Cos it's all over
♪ It's all over
♪ It's all over... ♪
Oh...
So let's take a look at what's going to be happening in New South Wales.
It's going to be hot, super hot and you better keep in the shade
because by golly, it's going to hit 42! Whooo!
Ah, you've caught me off guard. Thanks, Burt.
Flushing those pesky beggars from underneath your porch.
Showers will carry on till Thursday, so get your bowsers out, guys.
You're gay.
at what's cooking down in Tasmania
DOOR SLAMS
I broke in.
That's not fair, Chris.
You lied to me.
I never lied. I just...
Merve went away on a field trip to Alaska for six months.
Climate change.
What? He doesn't like hot weather?
No. Climate change! The fucking icebergs are melting, OK?
Oh...
Christ!
Did you ever pay any attention in college, Chris?
We're trying to fucking educate you!
Well, cheers, Angie.
Appreciate it.
We had some issues...
Well, Merve did.
And I...
Screwed around.
You don't know what I did.
You really don't know that much about me, Chris.
I need some time.
Can't you see it?
What?
We've got some stuff. We've got some stuff.
I'll see you, Angie.
Can't take it, huh, sweetie?
(Oh, yeah.)
Beat it.
♪ Everything changes but you
♪ We're 1,000 miles apart but you know I love you
♪ Everything changes but you... ♪
Hi. Enjoying your party?
Um... Do I know you?
I'm Seeta... friend of Atifa.
Oh. Right, um...
Have I met you before?
Like a million times.
I asked your sister to invite me here tonight.
Right... Why was that?
(I want to tongue you senseless, big boy.)
Just to check... You're not my cousin, are you?
No.
You're not related to me in any way.
Uh-uh.
Happy Birthday, Anwar.
♪ I don't wanna close my eyes
♪ I don't wanna... ♪
MICROPHONE FEEDBACK
Welcome, everybody. Happy birthday to Anwar!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
He's the apple of my sister's eye.
A great God-fearing lad.
So we've thrown a party to celebrate his birthday
and his marriage to his cousin who's just flown in from Pakistan!
GASPS AND HUSHED MURMURING
Aaaah!
LAUGHTER
Got you!
Had you going...
Didn't I? Didn't I?
I'll bloody kill him! I'll kill him!
So come on everybody, let's dance!
Oh yeah! All right!
Here we go, wooh wooh!
Come on everybody, hit the dance floor.
Come on, whooo-whooo!
♪ Give a little bit
of your time to me... ♪
Raas!
This is a big boy tune!
This mofo's got some serious riddims kickin' off!
You get me? You get me?
I'd so would love you to dance.
Would you?
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah... ♪
Oh, God...
Oh, God. It's wonderful.
That's cool. I'm glad.
There's one more place I want to go.
I'm eating...
OK.
I never knew life could be so good!
It's OK. I don't think he's dangerous... for the moment.
This is another fine mess you got yourself into.
I gotta find Cassie.
She's not here, mate. Run away again.
What?
Well, I've gotta tell her something...
Do you understand me? I've gotta find her. I...
I love her.
Oh...
Well.
Then we'd better attend to that need with due dispatch, my friend.
Tony, you're my best friend.
But I don't know what the fuck you're on about most of the time.
Do you think that matters?
Sidney, I think, on balance, it helps.
I reckon Anwar's party, yeah?
Yeah. That's it! Let's go, for fuck's sake!
Tone... This is my Dad's car.
Yup. I went round to get your clothes.
Your Dad was watching the football and I reckoned we'd get here a lot faster if I nicked it.
You stole my dad's car again?
Yeah, but I've got Effy to worry about now.
I'm meant to keep an eye on her now she's a drug fiend...
Better get changed, mate. You don't get the girl wearing Bermuda shorts.
Fuck it. Drive!
A mission of love... Cool!
God. You're like totally...
totally... fit.
I know.
I'm so sorry.
There's somebody just has to meet you.
PHONE RINGS
Hi.
'Where are you, man?'
I'm outside, An'. It's really fucking cold.
'Come inside.'
I don't think so.
'Just come inside, man. You gotta see this...'
No, Anwar. It doesn't matter. I'm going, OK?
'Maxxie... Maxxie, I'm coming.'
Please.
Maxxie!
Hi, Mr Kharral.
You're just in time for the food.
Dad, Maxxie's gay.
We've got a fantastic Lamb Bhuna.
My wife made it because she knows how much you like it.
Dad. Did you hear me?
And the spices are just so hot, you know. Not too much, not too little.
I'm gay, Mr Kharral.
I always have been.
It's a fucking stupid messed-up world.
I've got my God.
He speaks to me every day.
And some things I just can't work out. So I leave them be. OK?
Even if I think they're wrong
because I know one day he'll make me understand.
I've got that trust.
It's called belief.
I'm a lucky man. Right?
Yes, Dad.
Come, Maxxie. The food's ready.
Jesus, Anwar! Who's the DJ? That's Starship? Even I think that's wank.
Can't be that bad. They've got Spicy Lamb Bhuna.
What? Your mum's?
Yup...
Let's go.
I've had the best birthday present ever.
Cos you're back with your best mate, yeah?
No, stupid. I've pulled.
You coming in?
Go and find Cassie.
Cheers, Tone.
Oh, Sid...
That was on your bed.
All right.
I'll see you.
Just you and me, sis.
Fucking wanker. >
Eff? What you talking about?
Michelle.
I tried.
Nah. Wanker.
I said sorry.
Wanker.
Effy.
I liked it better when you didn't talk.
Wanker.
Stay here.
Hey, Cassie.
Wow! Hi, Tony.
Is she all right?
She couldn't make it stick.
Bummer.
I'm leaving tonight. We're going to Scotland.
Sid's looking for you.
Tell him goodbye for me.
Tell him yourself.
No.
See you, Tony.
No, wait! I've got you a going-away present.
I think you want to see this.
Style-wise it could be improved. But it makes several compelling
thematic points.
LOUD HIP-HOP
Excuse me?
Give it back, mate.
Huh?
My ring's gone walkabout, cobber, and I've come over all shonky.
I've heard that can happen.
You looking for a touch of this?
Ohh, Merve,
we hardly know each other.
You don't want me and my Joeys to spit the dummy.
Because they'll take you lower than a dead dingo's donger.
Right. Now they've lost me.
Stop it! Stop it, all of you, for fuck's sake!
Give it back Chris. OK?
Give what back?
All right... Sorry.
Ladies and gentlemen, we have a happy event!
A very happy event! Everyone, whoo!
APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
No. No, it's not that. Listen!
It's yours, Angie. Do you want it?
No.
Yeah. She loves me.
Oh, my God!
Fight! Fight! Fight!
Has anybody seen Cassie?
♪ "True Love Ways" by Buddy Holly
Someone call the police!
Ow! Fuck!
#.. Sometimes we'll sigh
♪ Sometimes we'll cry
♪ And we'll know why just you and I know true love ways... ♪
Hello, Tony.
'Michelle?'
What?
Michelle. I want to talk to you.
'I can't hear you.'
Michelle, listen... Is it a bad signal?
Hang on...
Can you hear me now? 'Tony?'
I need to tell you something.
I'm a twat.
I don't know why I'm like this. Maybe I can change.
'I can change.'
You're the only one.
'The truth is...'
The truth is, I love you.
HORN BLARES
BRAKES SCREECH
TONY!
Ahhhhh!
Tony?
Tony!
Fuck.
♪ La, la, la, la, la
♪ La, la, la, la, la, la, la
♪ La
♪ Now that I've lost everything to you
♪ You say you wanna start something new
♪ And it's breaking my heart you're leaving
♪ Baby, I'm grieving
♪ But if you wanna leave, take good care
♪ Hope you have a lot of nice things to wear
♪ But then a lot of nice things turn bad out there
♪ Oh, baby, baby, it's a wild world
♪ It's hard to get by just upon a smile
♪ Oh, baby, baby, it's a wild world
♪ I'll always remember you like a child, girl
♪ You know I've seen a lot of what the world can do
♪ And it's breaking my heart in two
♪ Because I never wanna see you a sad girl
♪ Don't be a bad girl
♪ But if you wanna leave take good care
♪ I hope you make a lot of nice friends out there
♪ But just remember there's a lot of bad and beware
♪ Oh, baby, baby, it's a wild world
♪ It's hard to get by just upon a smile
♪ Oh, baby, baby, it's a wild world
♪ I'll always remember you like a child, girl
♪ La, la, la, la, la, la
♪ La
♪ La, la, la, la, la, la
♪ La, la, la, la, la, la, la
♪ Baby, I love you
♪ But if you wanna leave take good care
♪ I hope you make a lot of nice friends out there
♪ But just remember there's a lot of bad and beware
♪ Oh, baby, baby, it's a wild world
♪ It's hard to get by just upon a smile
♪ Oh, baby, baby, it's a wild world
♪ And I'll always remember you like a child, girl
♪ Oh, baby, baby, it's a wild world
♪ It's hard to get by just upon a smile
♪ Oh, baby, baby, it's a wild world
♪ And I'll always remember you like a child, girl. ♪
Hi.
Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd