Captioning made possible by turner entertainment group
- It's cruel and unusual.
- Well, having a son is finally paying off.
To billy and irwin!
- Hey, guys!
- Wow.
I hate to be the one to tell you this,
But mandy is a girl.
- Yeah!
And this is a father-Son picnic.
- Oh, come on, guys.
She's just one of the boys.
See?
Ha ha!
Boys!
Oh, who am i kidding?
I have no son!
Smells ready.
Commander billy reporting for pre-Launch checklist, sir!
E. Coli?
Check!
Cat hair?
- Meow.
- Check!
And special sauce?
Check!
Prepare for launch, private irwin!
- Aye, aye, captain!
Commencing countdown!
5... 4... - Uh, 3... - 2... - 1!
Fire!
- Billy, i think you dropped your brain.
- What's wrong, mandy?
Not afraid of a little dirt, are you?
Aah!
- Uh...
- Do you mind!
- Finally...
After 7 hours of cleaning up after them brats,
Everything is spotless.
Huh?
Wha!
- Oh, oh, oh!
I hate bugs!
Oh, my gosh!
What if i turn into a bug right now!
- Let's do a bug test.
Tell me the first thing that crawls into your little brain.
Lady? - Bug.
- June? - Bug!
- Yo, sucka, don't be... - Buggin'!
- Yep, you're turning into a bug.
- B-B-B-Bug!
Oh.
Thick, brown water.
Oh!
The burn means it's working.
I'm not gonna turn into a giant bug
Like that freak jeff!
- Wow.
Who knew fathers and sons
Could be so happy?
If only i had a chance to show my dad
What a great son i turned out to be.
But all i have to remember him by are these...
Baby pictures!
Oh, daddy.
- Uch!
I am so unclean!
- Dad?
- Take that, you dirty old bugs!
You can kiss my butt!
- Kiss his butt!
That's all he wants?
A kiss on the butt?
Heck, i'll kiss both cheeks.
Stupid squirrel!
I wasn't afraid.
- Hey, dad!
- Huh?
- I made you a card.
- Are you ok?
It's all right, dad.
It's me, your son, jeff!
Happy to see me?
- Hey, dad, are you gonna eat that?
- No, dad! Wait!
You can have the bug.
Oh, what did i do wrong?
- You're being too nice.
- Mandy, i don't think you can be too nice.
I mean, maybe too forgiving, but too nice?
Oops.
You dropped your canopy.
- See?
Too nice.
Look, nice gets their attention,
But mean puts the hook in them.
Just look at irwin.
- Hi, mindy.
What a lick of my... - Oops!
Later, loser.
- I love you!
- Wow!
That's all it takes?
Mandy, i want you to teach me
To stop being so nice
And start being mean, cruel, and evil...
More like you.
- I'll do it for 100 bucks.
- 100 bucks?
Well, for you... 200!
- Meet me at billy's house at 6 p.M.
And bring a bad attitude.
- Take this, you giant spider freak!
- Yeah! Take that, you spider freak!
- Oh, this game cheats so bad!
- That's right, grim.
It's a conspiracy.
- What's that, bones?
You over there crying?
Cry about this!
Now shut up, sissy!
- Ha! You tell 'em, sarge!
- Hey, jeff.
- Psst, mandy, i'm over here!
- Oh.
You're definitely billy's son.
- Ok, mandy,
Time to play hardball with dad.
And to show him i mean business
I'm made him some pony tear truffles.
- Hey, mandy,
Guess who just got the crazy high score!
- You?
- Yep. Me.
It's that freaky giant spider,
And he's made pony tear truffles!
No white chocolate.
Run!
- Attack.
- Grr!
Dad! Dad!
- This is gonna be good.
- Dad...
I know that maybe i didn't turn out
The way you planned,
But, gosh darn it, i'm your son.
And i cordially request some love.
How am i doing? - Meaner.
- Right! Strike the cordial part.
- Dad?
- Get away from me, freak!
- It's working, mandy!
Oh! He's showering me with gifts.
- Oh, mandy!
I can feel the warmth of daddy's love
Surging through my shattered limbs.
- This is going to be harder than i thought.
Time for plan b.
Ok, can you hear me?
- Loud and clear, mandy.
- Ok.
Get billy to come to the window
And i'll tell you what to say.
- Jeez, mandy,
I feel like we're being awfully sneaky.
- Now, go.
- All right!
- And now all you need is a nose, linty.
Ooh! I got a squishy nose!
- Hmm.
How do i get his attention?
- Throw a pebble at his window.
- Right, a pebble.
- Oh, my eye!
- Oh, sorry!
- Mandy, i think he's coming down!
No, he's...
He just giving me more furniture.
- I hate you!
- Thanks for the furniture, dad!
- Jeff, get angry.
- Are you sure?
- Put the hook in him.
- Right.
- Now repeat what i say exactly.
Hey, stupid.
- Hey, uh, stupid!
Don't make me eat my parents like other bugs do!
Ew!
Oh, sorry, dad!
What do you say we just go get some yogurt?
I'll buy!
Oh, i get it.
You're lactose intolerant.
Sorry.
- Stop apologizing.
Be mean!
- I can't.
I have an abnormally small mean gland.
- That's it, i give up.
- No! No!
I'll listen. Please, mandy!
- All right, mandy.
I'm here to do your chores.
- Hey, go nuts.
- Go nuts?
- Now, get to work.
- Grim,
What have you done to deserve this?
- Yeah, what did i do to deserve this?
- Leave me alone, you jerk!
- "clean my room, grim."
I hate you, you horrible little monster.
- I hate you, you horrible little monster.
- No matter what i do, i'm never appreciated!
- What am i supposed to do...
- To get some respect around here?
- Chew someone's head off?
- That's it!
- Toot!
No more mr. Nice spider!
Love me, dad!
Love me!
Love me now!
- No!
- Aw, dude!
This game cheats!
- I told you.
- You know, jeff,
I don't know what you said to billy,
But he's much less annoying now.
- Yeah.
- Well, i owe it all to you, mandy.
It's just nice to have a father.
How you doing, dad?
- I love you.
I love you!
I love you.
- Aw, shut up, dad.
- My bike rocks!
Oh! The wheels are like circles!
One lemonade, please!
Well! At least my bike is ok.
I should still be able to ride it home.
Aw.
Who needs a dumb bike to have fun anyway?
Walking can be it's own reward.
Go, legs, go!
Yeah! I'm on fire!
You put one foot in front of the other!
- Hi, billy!
- Oh, hey, irwin.
Man, it sure looks like irwin's having fun
With his bike.
- I'm having so much fun with my bike!
Whoo!
- It looks like pud'n is having fun
With his bike, too!
- Even sperg!
- I now pronounce you man and bike.
- I only wish that everyone could know
The joy this bike has brought me.
- You just put one foot
In front of the other.
- Alas, poor billy,
Destined to walk the sepulchered streets of suburbia,
A doomed husk of a child.
Do not cry for him.
Do not cry!
You see, billy's life is about to drastically change.
For better or worse, i know not.
Oh!
I wish i hadn't drank all that lemonade.
I can hold it. I can hold it!
I don't gotta hold it!
What kind of weirdo porto-Potty is this?
It looks so unsanitary.
- That's why they call it pittsburgh.
- Oh, hi!
- Hello, billy.
- How'd you know my name?
- I guessed.
- Wow!
Is that your red tricycle?
It sure is nice.
- Actually, i brought it here just for you.
For me?
- It's totally free.
You only have to promise to love it forever...
And ever and ever.
And ever.
- I promise.
Oh, sorry.
I just remembered this really funny joke
About a duck in a...
Never mind.
It is time to go.
Don't forget... You must love it forever.
Forever... Forever... - Thanks, mr. Kid!
You're a 3-Wheel dream!
I'm gonna name you trykie.
Come on, trykie, let's go have some fun!
Guys! Hey, guys!
Do you notice anything new?
- What is that, yo?
Is that a tricycle?
- Yep!
It's name is trykie!
- Incoming data packet for billy.
Only big babies ride tricycles!
- That's not true!
- Ready for your bottle?
I'm not a big baby!
I'm a young adult.
- You're wrong!
Trykie is cool!
And i haven't worn a bib in months!
They... They... They didn't even give it a chance!
- Hey, you remember earlier, yo,
When we called billy a baby?
- Yeah!
That was awesome!
- And then when he cried all the way home?
- Yeah!
- It's nice that it wasn't me for a change.
Hello? Is someone there?
Hello?
- Trykie!
How'd you get in here, you rascal?
Wait!
What's that lodged in your spokes?
It... Looks like...
Some kind of cool noise-Maker!
I'll just put that back in.
Trykie, i don't care what my friends say.
I feel so right when i'm with you.
Hi, sperg. Nice day! Gotta go!
- Get back here, meat!
Just when i thought you couldn't get no lamer
You show up on that thing!
- I don't care what you say about trykie!
They're just words, and words can't hurt me.
- That's why i've got these.
- Gulp.
Wh-What are they for?
- Atomic wedgies!
- [high-Pitched scream]
They work well.
I don't care what you do to me,
Just don't hurt trykie.
- Your stupid bike is about to have a little fall.
- No, sperg.
No! No!
- This is where the sidewalk ends, baby.
- Don't do it!
Trykie!
- Well...
That was even more satisfying than i thought.
Oh, stupid, stupid!
I missed the third cue.
I'll never get to broadway with that kind of sloppiness.
Gotta train even harder.
You got a problem, cuz?
No!
I got rid of you, man!
I got rid of you!
Oh, no!
No!
Nothing is as fun without trykie.
Trykie!
You're ok!
- So it's safe to assume
That thing belongs to you?
- Mandy, you brought trykie back to me!
You rock!
- Where'd you get that tricycle, billy?
- From a weird kid in a magic porto-Potty.
Why do you ask?
- Stay right here.
- Where do you think she's going, trykie?
Oh, oh!
I'll bet she's gonna get her own tricycle
So we can all ride together.
- This the thing?
All right, let's see.
Yep. It's haunted.
- Haunted?
- You're positive?
- Yep.
It's got the mark of the beast.
- All right, grim.
You know what to do.
- Wait!
What do you mean trykie's haunted?
- Your bike is possessed by an evil force.
Do it. - Right.
- Trykie didn't do anything to deserve this.
He would never hurt anyone.
Trykie is cool like that.
- I beg to differ.
- Show him, irwin.
- I've got tire tracks over 85% of my body.
- Those could have come from anywhere.
- Well, what about me?
Look what your mean tricycle
Wrote on my full-Body cast.
- Your pain has only begun.
I'll be back to finish the job.
You stink. Love, trykie.
That could be any trykie.
- All right, billy.
I didn't want you to have to see this.
- Oh, my goodness!
- It's sperg.
Apparently he suffered an irreversible
Super-Mega wedgie.
- That could only be done by... By...
- By a pair of handlebars.
- No!
Say it ain't true, trykie.
- Sorry, billy.
But i gotta do this or else it could...
Sweet pig in a pot!
It's got me face!
My beautiful face!
- Trykie, stop!
Please stop!
- Aah! It's gone down me robe!
Ow! It bit me bony butt!
What the?
Oh! Oh! Oh!
It's punching me kidneys, man!
- Trykie is a killing machine.
So, what am i gonna do, mandy?
- I thought you'd never ask.
- The agony!
- Hey, trykie!
You're just a big meanie!
You're not cool at all.
You're... Uncool!
- Is it over?
- Trykie has left the building.
- I'm sorry, trykie.
- You're monkey people, all of you!
- And thus our story ends.
If you've been paying attention,
It's because you're a nerd with nothing better to do.
But what of billy, you ask?
Well, he got a new unicycle.
- I'll call you uni!
- And what of everyone else?
Who cares?
They bore the snot out of me.
The end!
Captioning made possible by turner entertainment group
Captioned by the national captioning institute www.Ncicap.Org...