Captioning made possible by turner entertainment group
- Dying is easy. Comedy is hard.
- Are you ready?
I said are you ready?
- Yes, i am ready.
- Come on. Let's do this.
- Uh, mom? The bathroom is talking to me again.
Should i get my vitamins?
- Oh, billy! Your dad is doing something for mommy!
He's shaving his beard, even though he hates to.
It's well worth the effort.
It makes mommy happy.
- Ooh! Kinda like when mandy makes me eat worms
And makes fun of me for eating them?
- Why, yes, billy. It's the exact same thing.
- So watch your father, and learn how to be cool,
And be loved for doing things you hate.
- Ok!
- Come on. You can do this.
Let's get it on!
Hello, gerico. Steel friend.
Huh!
1!
2!
Still standing.
- Wow! Having a beard is so cool!
All the ladies love me.
- Step forward when i call your name.
- That's the one. The one with the cool beard.
- All the ladies love me.
- Mmm.
- All the ladies love me!
- Hey, boy, trying to think, huh?
- No. I don't do that anymore.
- Why are you shaving your beard? It's cool!
- Well, son, you see, if i shave my face,
Mommy shaves her legs.
- And now these messages.
Bacon-Flavored toothpaste?
Why didn't anybody think of it before?
- This tv stinks.
- I really don't know why i come over here anymore.
- Isn't this your house?
- Do you want to be cool?
Do you want to be rich?
Well, how about having hair?
Anywhere you want, you can have it.
Get a jump on puberty,
Or just look cooler than ever before.
- It's as if you're talking directly to me.
- So don't wait. Go and get some now.
- Ok, tv.
At last, the moment has come
Where i step out of the shadow of humiliation
And into the light of coolsville.
Oh, yeah!
Time to show off my coolness.
- Hey, billy, what you doing, man?
- Who wants to know?
- Your mother. Who do you think?
- Well, mother, what i'm doing is
Showing off my new beard,
And i can tell you're jealous.
- Mm-Hmm. You bought some hair tonic, didn't you?
- And now i have a beard. La-Da-De-Tin-Da.
- Here. Let me spice that up for you.
- Still jealous, hairless?
- Thanks, mom.
- Be careful, billy. This stuff is really powerful
And blah blah blah.
- Oh, sweet elixir.
Eww! Woohoo! Total.
Read it and weep, jerkfaces. Billy's back.
With a beard!
Mmm. Not sure of the coolest stubble yet.
I sure hope mom and the tv didn't lie to me.
Yes!
I have the evolutionary follicle power of a silverback!
I'm so giddy.
Let's watch from the mirror.
Ooh, i like that style.
Rugged billy.
Mountain billy.
Oh, yeah! Hyuk, hillbilly!
Ok, beard. It's time to stop.
Halt! Open sesame!
Eh, i'll just shave it off.
What's happening to me?
Wait. This is the greatest beard in the world!
It's like having a beard on my head and my body!
And it feels so...
Hack... Ahh... Aah!
- Oh, sweetie, are you still shaving in there?
Let me see how...
Sasquatch!
- No-No-No-No-No, wait!
- I thought i told you it's over.
We had an agreement that you would never return.
Aah!
Sasquatch! Sasquatch!
Stalker sasquatch!
Sasquatch! Sasquatch!
Stalker sasquatch!
Sasquatch!
Stalker sasquatch!
- Look. Billy must have taken too much hair tonic.
- Hair tonic? What possible good could come of that?
I mean, why not use your powers
For something that'll put cash in our pocket?
- Stalker sasquatch sighting reported.
A reward has been issued for capture of the sasquatch.
Claim reward at channel 6 news building.
- How ironic.
Billy is useful after all.
Let's tag a sasquatch and get that reward.
Oh, man. They're using chum to draw him out.
And knowing how much billy likes chum,
It's just a matter of time.
- So we'll just wait until he comes to us.
Now let's just enjoy the show.
- G' day, mates.
My name is hoss. Hoss delgado.
And i've just returned from australia,
Where i've been hunting the elusive and wily
Vampire koala bear.
Stupid but clever.
And now i get word of a rogue sasquatch loose in the area.
Have you ladies seen any sasquatches around these parts?
- The sasquatch is mine.
- Don't worry, little boy.
Tell your granny there with the walking stick
That hoss delgado is on the case.
I've tracked these stupid animals before.
Stupid but clever.
- Yes. He's very stupid,
But it's not what you think.
- Shh. Quiet, little boy.
I'm getting a feeling.
A sasquatch is nearby.
- Don't confuse smell with feeling.
- And so begins the hunt.
Watch your step, shovel nose.
You and your bony preacher friend
Wouldn't want to get in the way of
Hoss and his method.
- My method is on like donkey kong.
- Uh, that door wasn't locked.
- I know.
- Well, there he is.
Look at him. Under the bed. Pathetic.
- Hey, guys, are you gonna hide here, too?
- Kind of. I need to show you something, billy.
It won't take but a second.
- Oh, yeah! This is so fun!
Sack riding is the best!
You truly are a good friend.
I don't know what i would have done without you.
This is one of the best days i can remember.
And you're the best!
- The reward, man. Don't forget about the reward.
- Oh, the sharp rocks tickle.
Is it your turn?
Cool! Another sack!
- Gotcha, little fella.
- How can this day get any better, i ask you.
Riding in sacks and growing cool beards. I tell you.
Holy crud, a pirate!
This day can get better!
- So you've learned to talk human, have you?
Well, save your pathetic pleas for the jury.
- Can you say "arrgh"?
- Listen, hoss. What you have there isn't a sasquatch.
What you have there isn't as far up the evolutionary chain.
- Ha! You sound just like those attorneys
Who said they were human.
I know what's human and what isn't, little dog.
- Normally, i'm all for the abuse and exploitation of the stupid,
But you can't turn that creature in for the money.
- Just watch me.
- I call shotgun!
- Listen, that thing isn't a sasquatch. It's a boy.
- I've had about enough of your facts and theories.
Get in my way again, you fish woman,
And there will be trouble.
- Fish woman?
- What now, fish woman?
- Time for some hair-Raising action.
- Well, darling, your trip is over.
When will you silly, little sasquatches learn
That the city is for people?
- Wow. Thanks again, mr. Pirate, for the sack ride.
So what's next?
- What the... I think i remember you.
You are that willy nilly.
- Listen, hoss. That creature you have is a little boy,
And he's with me.
- You are crafty. I'll give you that.
But if you still expect me to believe
That this isn't a sasquatch,
You're a dirty, dirty liar.
- Don't make me angry.
You wouldn't like me when i'm angry.
- And just what are you gonna do about it, simian?
- This. Now, grim.
- I warned you, granny.
You ought not to have done that.
Now it's showtime.
What? What's happening?
I look like me grandmom!
- Time to go, billy.
- Ooh! Is it your turn to fly
In the magic sack of wonderment?
Wow, i don't know what that was for,
But i sure liked it.
Thanks, mom. You're the best!
- I warned all of you there was going to be trouble.
Well, now you've got trouble.
Any last one-Liners before i go ape on you?
- Smile for the camera.
- What?
- Here's your money.
- Aah!
- I'm gonna miss him.
Hey! Another sack! Can i ride in it?
Can i? Can i? Can i? Can i? Can i?
- Uh-Huh. - I call shotgun.
You spent the reward money on a new tv?
Wah! I wanted a baby iguana.
- Today, channel 6 news has finally captured the rogue stalker sasquatch,
Who apparently isn't a happy sasquatch.
It is still unknown if it's male or female,
But the smell is horrific.
- All's well that ends well, man.
- Aah! Help me!
- He's gone wild. Take him down!
- You can always count on hoss delgado
When things get hairy.
- All right, sperg. That's enough.
Put the human yo-Yo down and get lost.
- So how do you do it, mandy?
How do you stand up to that big freakhead sperg?
I just gotta know!
- Ok, billy. Here it is.
- Here? The secret location where you reveal the source of your bravery?
- No. I mean here, as in your house. See you later.
- No, mandy, wait! I need to know!
- You want to know? - Aah!
What the... How the...
- Do you want to know or what?
- Yeah-Yeah-Yeah-Yeah- Yeah-Yeah-Yeah.
- It's all about nerve, billy.
Either you've got it, or you don't.
See you later, again.
- Nerve. So that's it. Boy, i wish i had mandy's nerve.
- Before appearing in "finger puppet theater,"
This actor drove a talking car.
- Who is the severed head of mary, queen of scots?
- Who is my grandmother?
- Severed head! Severed head! Idiot.
- Hi, grim. I need a favor.
- Oof. Billy, what are you trying to do?
Scare me to me?
- I want you to shrink me down tiny small
So i can sneak into mandy's head and steal her nerve.
- I'd ask if you were kidding if i didn't know how dumb you were.
Now go smash your head against a wall
And let me watch my show.
- You know, if i were to steal mandy's nerve,
She wouldn't be able to push you around ever again.
- Ever again?
- Ever again.
Are you sure you know what you're doing, man?
- Of course! Now, come on. Let's get moving.
Cannonball!
Aah! Eww! Yech! Eww!
Yech! Ooh! That was close!
I almost fell into one of those big, slimy, hole-Looking thingies.
Aah!
Aah! Aah!
- What is the hoover dam? Come on!
- Wow! There it is! Mandy's raw nerve.
Time to make my move.
- Who were the tuskegee airmen?
Ah, you idiot. What is lactose intolerant?
- Excuse me, mr. Nerve.
- Yeah, yeah, just put it down, ok?
And, uh, hey, there better be an egg roll this time.
- Uh, no. Mr. Nerve?
- Huh? Who are you? How'd you get in here?
- Well, my name is...
- Wait, wait. Don't tell me.
Let me guess. I'm psychic that way.
Uh, let's see. Let me think, now.
Uh, let me get a closer look at you.
Ok, it's coming to me. It's coming to me.
How about snotface?
- Wow. You are a raw nerve.
- Yeah, well, maybe i am.
Say, what you doing down here anyway, snotface?
- I'm here to steal you.
- You wish, snotface.
What's that you got there, snotface?
- A tasty, delicious egg roll.
It's been in my pocket. It's nice and warm.
- Chicken or shrimp?
- Combo. - Sweet thighs of apollo, snotface.
I'll do anything you want.
- I thought so.
- Ow! What's going on? Who's there?
- Well, hello, mandy. You look surprised.
Well, i've got an even bigger surprise.
You're never gonna boss me around again.
- Uh, a little help here, grim.
- Uh, my bad.
- Behold, mandy. Your raw nerve.
- Hey, you got any potstickers? Whoa.
Ooh!
- Ahh.
- Billy, it worked. It worked!
Now, what do you say we take mandy and...
- Pipe down, you walking wind chime.
You talk when i tell you to talk. You follow?
- I follow.
- Good.
Now put that can opener to use and get us out of here.
- Uh, as you wish.
- Aah!
This is insane. I can't go on like this.
I got to get my nerve back. But how?
Aah!
Please, grim. Listen to me.
You've got to help me get my nerve back inside my head.
- Now, why should i do that?
- Grim, can you honestly say you're much happier
Having billy boss you around than me?
- Well...
- Don't look at me! Don't you look at me!
Deeper! Dig deeper, you pig!
Ooh-Ooh-Ooh. Yeah. Oh, yeah.
That's it. That's it.
Fore!
- You have a point, child.
- Sperg, i gots a bone to pick with you.
- Well, if it isn't old... Wha... - Ow!
- There's gonna be some changes around here, sperg,
And as soon as you're done losing your fudge,
I'm gonna make the first one.
- Come on, grim. Now's our chance.
Grim, hurry!
- Oh, i hope this works, child.
- It has to work.
- Aah!
Oh, my gosh. It's true.
The inside of billy's head is terrifyingly stark and empty.
Let's hope that makes it easier to find my nerve.
[ah-Choo, ah-Choo] billy's brain.
It's got to know where the raw nerve is.
Uh, pardon me, billy's brain?
- Please, don't hurt me.
- I was just wondering if you could help me find the raw nerve.
- The raw nerve. Oh, yeah.
Ever since that guy moved in,
This place has gone to heck in a hamster bowl.
I... I'm telling you. It's gone crazy in here.
It's party, party, party. One party after another.
It's wearing me out.
I'll tell you where he is, as long as you promise
To take that crazy man with you. Deal?
- Deal.
- Hey! What the heck in a hamster bowl is going on?
- Uh, yeah. Uh, me.
I'm what's going on, and, uh, i, uh...
- Out with it, sweetheart. You're bringing down the room.
- Uh, i was just wondering if you wouldn't mind,
Uh, hmm, getting back inside my head?
- Yeah, sure. No problem. Let me get my tapes.
- Wow. That was easy.
- What are you? Nuts? I'm not going anywhere.
I'm having the time of my life in this airplane hangar
Your snotface friend calls a skull,
And you want to know something else? You're nothing without me.
So why don't you get your nerveless, wide-Eyed butt outta here!
Yeah, that's it. That's it, wide eyes.
Go back to your skinny sidekick and your snotface friend
And keep out of my life!
What are you still doing here, wide eyes?
Uh-Oh.
- Now, you listen up, pal.
You're not what makes me mandy.
I don't need some pompous polyp
To make me dark, foreboding, and charmingly cynical.
I am what makes me mandy. You got that?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah. But what are you gonna do with me?
- Aah!
- Mandy?
- Look, billy. I got my nerve back.
You can go back to being your spineless, wimpy self.
Can you walk a little smoother? Ouch! Burn!
- I'm sure gonna miss old snotface.
- What are you waiting for? Hit the road.
- But i... I... I got nowhere else to go.
- Beat it, pal,
And don't let me ever catch you in endsville again,
Or else!
- Did i mention i do catering?
- Scram.
- Don't you think you're being
A little hard on the tiny fellow?
- Grim, are you saying you'd rather have billy as a best friend forever
Instead of sweet, lovable me?
Grim, you're not answering me.
Grim, why aren't you answering me?
- I don't have the nerve, child.
- That's not funny, grim.
Captioning made possible by turner entertainment group
Captioned by the national captioning institute www.Ncicap.Org...