Captioning made possible by turner entertainment group
- As you value your life or your reason,
Keep away from the morgue.
- Oh. I'm so bored.
- I know. I've been watching billy pull stuff out of his ears for two hours now.
And the worst part is, i can't stop watching.
- Did he find me keys?
- Check the pile.
- Doh! A secret cave!
Ha! Mandy, i found it!
I do have a brain.
Hi, brain.
I missed you.
- Ooh. That's just wrong on so many levels.
- I don't know. Makes sense to me.
- Come on, tv, you're our only hope.
- I have a bunion that looks like abe lincoln.
- Baklava!
- Wait! Turn it back!
- Are you bored? Nothing to do?
- My life is empty.
- Why not fill your life with toys?
Since the dawn of man, toys have entertained thousands of children,
And if you get to the endsville mall in the next 4 minutes,
You'll get a free happy huggy stuffy bear.
- Wait! Something was said.
Something good.
Was it peanuts? No.
Something was free.
Was it free peanuts?
No.
Peanuts are never free.
What was free?
- Free toys!
- Free... Thoys?
- Free toys.
- Free boys.
- Free toys! - Wait.
Here it comes. Here it comes!
Wait for it... Free toys!
Free toys! Free toys! Free toys! Free toys!
So then i was, like, free toys, yeah!
Free toys! Free toys! Free toys! Free toys!
- So come on down! - Free toys! Free toys! Free toys!
Hello, free toys!
- Oh, why can't it ever be free severed heads?
- What is it about malls that turn people into slack-Jawed idiots?
- Toys! Toys! Toys! Toys! Toys!
Hey, a plaguey peggy doll with bubonic grip.
I always wanted one, but mom said dolls were for girls.
Oh, what a good dolly.
- Where's billy?
- Hey, mandy!
- Billy, they gave you a happy huggy bear costume?
- Uh-Huh. Sort of.
- All right, here's your free toy.
- Ooh! My own happy huggy stuffy bear!
Oh, i love you so much. I love you!
Yes, i do!
- Wait here a second.
That's not a toy, billy.
- He's covered in goo! - Ha ha!
- No! No! Please!
I can't feel my spine.
- This is a toy.
Goo cannon, you and me are going places.
- Ahem. Excuse me, but the goo cannon is only for display.
Now give it back.
- Ok.
This place was getting boring anyway.
- Thank you. Come again.
- A teddy bear? Some free toy.
- It's in my ear.
- Well, well, well. You are just what i'm looking for.
Cute, sassy, and gritty as kitty litter.
- I suggest you move, lady.
- Love it. You're perfect. My name is sara sue,
And i'm with the happy huggy stuffy bear company.
And i want you to be our spokesmodel on tv.
I'm going to make you a star!
- Beat it, lady. Not interested.
- Did i mention it pays?
- Keep talking.
- A lot.
- Money is the root of all evil.
I think i need more money.
- When's your stinking commercial on anyway?
- In about two minutes, but sara sue said i'd be paid first.
- Delivery for mandy. - Ooh! Come on, big money!
No whammies!
- Ah ha ha ha!
That is why i always ask to be paid in brains.
- Mandy! You got paid in happy huggy stuffy bears!
This is super!
Huggy stuffy pony bears!
- There better be a check in here.
- Hey, your commercial's on.
- Happy huggy stuffy bear, i love you.
- Bears don't actually hug or return love.
Chemical treatments may cause nausea, dizziness,
And dry mouth.
Not for ages 8 and over.
Go buy 5 now!
- Mandy, you're... Cute?
- Grr...
- Hey, there she is! - Mandy!
- Hey, just happened to see your commercial,
And i was wondering, do you think you could give me a wedgie?
- Yeah! Can i get your autograph?
- Well, hey, mandy. Looks like you'll need an assistant.
- No. - Uh, lackey?
- No. - Uh, toady?
- You always offer that. - I know.
But that was because of my sick obsession with you.
Now it's because you're famous.
- All right, that's it. I don't even like the stupid huggy stuffy bears.
Take 'em! And leave me alone!
- Mandy gave me a gift, a gift of love!
I shall call you mandy ii, and i will teach you the meaning of love.
- I think this happy huggy stuffy bear thing was a bad idea.
- Aw, don't sweat it, mandy. It's a gig.
- What's wrong with the tv?
- Nothing. I'm just waiting for billy to realize it's not on.
- Doh! I love this show!
- Hello. - Hello.
- I'll be your friend. - I'll be your friend.
- I love you. - I love you.
- I'll do your bidding.
Hee hee!
- I'll do your bidding.
Pardon me, i have bidding to do.
- Is billy drooling more than usual?
- Just be happy it's drool this time.
- No! No! Bad mandy ii!
- Well, this is a nice change of pace.
It's good to see children getting some exercise.
- But it does seem a bit chaotic.
Chaotic! Quick, let me see that bear you sold out for.
Hmm... Seems ok.
- I love you.
Now destroy for me.
- Destroy for you?
- Yeah. Let's destroy everything!
Is that naughty? Hee hee!
- It's kind of weird for a toy.
Eris!
- Ha ha ha!
Hello, darlings. Miss me?
- Eris, i thought i recognized your handiwork.
- Oh, i didn't sew all these myself.
I've got a factory full of underpaid canadians to do the dirty work.
Did you see my little zombie minions?
Ah, i love the smell of chaos in the morning.
It smells like victory.
Or tuna casserole.
- Wait. How come i'm not a zombie?
- Oh, mandy, you should know that mind control doesn't work on people who think.
The fact is, throwing the planet into chaos is a bigger job than it seems,
And i'm not as young as i used to be.
So i thought, what about mandy?
All you have to do is keep endorsing the happy huggy stuffy bears
And they'll keep brainwashing the children,
And soon the entire planet will be in chaos!
Then the universe will be ours!
Just think of it, mandy,
You, me, all the control, all the power,
All the free chicken.
Legions of zombie children to assist us in our quest for chaos.
It can all be ours!
So, what do you think? Sound like a deal?
- Hmm... - You should be evil.
- I suppose it's never too early to start working toward a career.
- I love you.
- I guess it wouldn't be that bad.
- Yes...
- You'll be the second most powerful person in the world.
- Hang on. Who said anything about second?
Sorry, eris, but i don't share.
Grim, fix this mess.
- Oh, weeping teddy bears.
How unexpected. Excuse me, eris, i have work to do.
- This isn't mandy.
What have i done?
- You guys ruin everything.
I'm out of here.
- Mandy, i'm sorry.
I promise that i will never again revere a false mandy.
From now on, baby, you're the only mandy for me.
Here, let me kiss your feet
Or the ground where your feet touched.
- I love you.
- I love you?
- I will do your bidding.
- Good enough.
- Good morning, mandy.
I've eaten 26 bowls of sugar frosted blasto bits.
More!
- Dare i ask why?
- Glmmph, glmmmph...
'cause buried inside one of these boxes of blasto bits
Is a secret decoder ring.
And i'm gonna find that ring
If i have to eat a gazillion bowls
And puke till friday.
- You're a regular einstein.
- Just playing the odds, baby.
- Would that ring look anything like this?
- My ring! Gimme that ring!
- Hey!
- Pleeeeease!
Waaahhhh...
- Take it. Decoder rings are for dweebs.
- Yeah!
Ha ha ha ha ha!
I'm invisible.
Hee hee hee hee hee!
Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha!
- Just what do you think you're...
- Invisibility is cool.
Hey! You can't see me.
I'm invisible.
- You're not invisible, you twit.
You're just naked.
- Nuh-Uh. I'm wearing a fig leaf.
Or maybe it's poison sumac.
I'm kind of chafin'.
- Look, you little nudist,
It's just a stupid decoder ring for decoding the stupid message
On the back of the stupid cereal box.
Stupid.
- Oooh, you're right!
Time to decode the stupid secret of the whole stupid universe.
Hee hee hee hee hee!
- That's just stupid.
You can't find the secret of the universe
On the back of a cereal box.
- Blasto bits, mandy.
Think about it.
- Stupid secret message.
Bah! Looks like gibberish to me.
- And it can only be deciphered by the mighty decoder ring.
Observe.
- So, what's the message, eat more blasto bits?
Ha ha ha ha ha ha!
- We need you, oki wan kadoke.
Hey, who the heck are you?
What are you doing on this frequency?
Our planet is under attack, you twerps.
We're about to be overtaken,
And you have the nerve to... Ohhh!
- Man, i'm glad we got rid of her.
What a nag. Call 911, lady.
Seized her! Ha ha!
Whoa!
- I have a secret message for he who bears the ring.
There is a secret cave on top of gutterball hill,
Where the ghosts of canaries can be seen flying in and out.
- Why the ghosts of canaries? 'cause they whistle a lot?
Maybe they're mad 'cause mom flushed them down the toilet
When they didn't wake up from their nap.
What about the ghosts of toucans or cockatoos?
How about kiwis?
- Do you want to hear the secret or not?
- What have you got against kiwis?
- May i go on?
- Knock yourself out.
- Ahem, now, where was i?
High on top of gutterball hill
There is a secret cave where the ghosts of canaries can be seen flying in and out.
And a few cockatoos.
- And kiwis.
- All right!
Ok, and maybe the ghosts of toucans, as well,
And the ghosts of kiwis.
Anyway, deep inside the cave
There lies a bottomless shaft.
He who looks into the depths of the abyss
And does not flinch
Shall see the secret of the universe.
- I'm pretty sure my mom told me not to play
Around old abandoned mine shafts.
Or was it not to play with old bowels?
- Run, don't walk, to gutterball hill.
The secret of the universe awaits you.
- Hey, wait! Are there any other prizes?
- Get your clothes on, billy, and let's go.
- Those lips.
That voice.
It all seems weirdly familiar.
And what fool would reveal the secret of the universe
To mere mortal children?
Oh, no, it can't be.
- Ha ha ha ha... - Grim, get the lead out.
The secret of the universe awaits us.
- Wait!
I don't think that's such a great idea.
The secret of the universe cannot be revealed to mortals.
- But why can't mortals know the secret, grim?
- Because you'll do something stupid with it.
- Hey, where's everybody goin'?
- We're all goin' to gutterball hill, yo.
Gonna get down with the secret of the universe.
Maybe meet some chicks.
Ha ha ha! Know what i'm sayin'?
- How the heck did you find out?
- With my secret decoder ring, yo.
Everybody has one. Hey, mandy, lookin' good.
- Blam! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
You're loanin' me your bike, dweeb.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha!
The secret is mine! Yeahhhhh!
- My bike!
- Ciao, losers.
Check out my sweet new scooter.
Isn't it cute? It's fast, too.
Daddy gave it to me because i'm his pretty little princess.
I'm gonna be the first up gutterball hill
To learn the secret of the universe.
And i won't tell the secret to any losers.
Why am i telling you? You're losers.
- Blam!
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
You're floatin' me your scooter, cupcake.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha!
- We're all doomed.
- This is terrible!
- I love a parade!
- Break out your scythe, grim.
You're takin' us to gutterball hill.
- Well, it looks like the end of the line.
What do you say we go back?
- Say, what's with you?
What's down there, anyway, grim?
- Ha ha, how should i know? Ha ha ha...
- Kiwi. Ha ha ha!
Aah! Kiwis!
Keep it away from me!
Aaaahhhh! Get it away!
Uh-Oh.
- Hmmm.
- Ok, stop, stop. Stop, everybody!
Stop, stop, stop!
No pushing!
- Oh, this won't end well!
- Grim, is there something you're not telling us?
- Absolutely not.
Nothing.
Ok, yes.
You see, in my youth, many eons ago,
While i attended the high school of the dead,
There was a winsome young ghoul
Who had a mad crush on me.
Her name was lubber.
She had large, luscious lips.
- The better to kiss you with, baby.
Mmww, mmww, mmwww, mmwww... - Yuck!
All the kids made fun of me
Because she followed me wherever i'd go.
- Hey, grim, who's the shadow?
Ha ha ha ha ha!
- Aaaaaaahhhhh!
- Soon she devoured them all.
When the principal got the news, she was beside herself.
- That kind of behavior will not be tolerated,
Young lady.
- So, she expelled lubber
To the bottom of the bottomless shaft,
Where she would guard the secret of the universe forever.
Or until the curse was broken, whichever came first.
Wow, what a break.
So, now you know everything.
- I have a very small bottom.
I'm almost bottomless.
- Phhtooo!
Uh, grim?
Oh, i thought i tasted something familiar.
- Hello, lubber. Eh, ha ha...
- Grim, sweetie, baby.
Oh, where have you been for the last 1,000 years?
Mmwaang, mwaaang, mwaang...
Oh, i knew you wouldn't forget me.
I'm gettin' out of here, man.
I am making a break for it.
We'll be together at last!
- But you can't leave here, lubber.
You're under a curse.
- I don't want to guard the stupid secret anymore.
I want to see the big world and party with total strangers.
That's why i sent out secret decoder rings
To every kid endsville.
I have a secret plan to break the curse.
- All right, cut the gab, fish bait,
And cough up the secret of the universe.
- Ha ha ha ha.
Sure, i'll show you the secret...
If you are worthy.
You need only to look deep inside my worm hole
To read the secret message.
Ha ha ha ha ha...
Ha ha ha.
- Hold it right there, loser.
If anybody's gonna see the secret of the universe,
It's going to be me.
After all, i'm much prettier
And much more popular.
"i was only kidding."
What kind of stupid secret is that?
Aaaahh!
Who pushed me?
Somebody pushed me.
Hey, what's going on? Let me out of here, you losers.
- It worked. The curse is lifted.
It is clearly stated in the curse
That upon the day that the secret is seen by a human,
The curse will be lifted
And said human shall take your place
As guardian of the secret
Forever. Here's a copy of the curse.
You get a plan 401-K, toodle-Loo.
- What? Where are you going?
Come back here, you worm!
You're bird food when my daddy finds out.
- Grim, we are so over, because i am out of here.
Suckers!
Ha ha ha ha ha... - Everybody!
Out of the cave!
Now!
- Hey, wait, don't go. Let's part-Ay!
- Don't leave me here! I'm warning you!
You are all losers!
I haven't had this much fun
Since the french revolution.
We gotta do this more often.
- Hey, grim,
Why'd you cut the head off my huggy stuffy pony bear?
- Because it made you a zombie.
- Oh.
You bears are all alike.
You love us, and you turn us into zombies,
And your heads come off,
And you leave us brokenhearted.
Captioning made possible by turner entertainment group
Captioned by the national captioning institute www.Ncicap.Org...