Captioning made possible by turner entertainment group
- Today's password is "mmfth yahg."
- For heaven's sake, harold,
What the heck is a giant anaconda
Doing in my kitchen?
- Pretty much anything he wants, i'm thinking,
- Uh, hello.
- Oh, hi, mandy.
Billy's in the living room.
Go right on in.
- I'm kicking your space alien butt, grim.
Hee hee hee hee.
- Billy, are you aware that your parents
Are being menaced by a giant anaconda?
- I told him to keep his mitts out of me trunk.
You never know what might slither out.
- So, you are going to stop it, aren't you, grim?
- Have you seen that thing?
Not me, baby.
I'm keeping my distance.
- Ooh, ooh!
Oh, oh!
That is so whack!
Just when i was owning his bony butt.
- I was this close to closing me trap
When mandy pulled the plug.
- Plug this, skull boy!
- I'm serious, you dweebs.
We need to do something before
Before that snake makes lunch out of billy's parents.
- Ooh! I know!
We'll get nigel planter.
He can talk to snakes.
Hee hee hee hee hee!
Come on!
Wizards communicate through the toilet.
Observe.
Hello?
Are there any wizards in there?
- Who wants to know?
- It's me... Billy.
- What do you want this time?
- I'm looking for nigel planter.
Have you seens him?
Hee hee hee!
- Billy, is that you?
- It's nigel!
- Is that little blonde vixen mandy with you?
- Yes. Hee hee hee!
I don't think we'll get her to talk into the toilet though.
- I really hate wizards.
- Oh!
Now, who left the toilet seat up?
Aagh!
- Yuck!
- Gnarly!
So, are you dudes ok?
- I've been better.
- I'm hungry.
- Technically, i'm dead.
- Who is this jerk anyway?
- Don't you recognize me, sweet cheeks?
It's me, nigel planter.
- Right.
Make that big jerk.
- Yeah!
You used to be a little jerk just like us.
What sort of magic made you so big?
- Ha ha! Not magic, billy.
I just finally hit puberty.
You know, you get a little taller every year
As you get older.
- No. - And your voice changes,
And you grow hair in weird places,
And you gotta shower with ninth-Graders.
- Gosh!
- All you can think about is girls, girls, girls!
They make you feel all queasy inside like,
Like you're gonna hurl,
And you just want to be with them and stuff
And hug and kiss and...
- You're scaring billy.
And we need your help.
- So, what can i do you for, baby cakes?
- We need you to come back with us
And talk to a snake.
- But i don't talk to snakes, mandy.
I'm a partial tongue, see.
Check it out.
I can only talk to snacks. Ha ha.
- Can you talk to this half-Eaten hot dog?
- G'day, mr. Hot dog.
- Good?
You think it's good?
What's so good about it?
All my life all i ever wanted to be
Is an astronaut.
But look at me!
I'm half-Eaten!
Half-Eaten! Oh, no!
- Gosh. That is so sad.
Yum!
- Now where the heck did grim go?
It's time for us to blow this dump.
- Wait, mandy.
I need your help!
- Toadblatt's? - Yep.
Dean toadblatt magically transforms
The school grounds into a beach for summer school.
Yeah, i failed remedial hexing,
So i'll be here all summer.
- And you'll be spending the rest of eternity here
If you keep it up.
Just like your father.
- Well, mr. Planter,
You just barely passed your 32nd year at toadblatt's.
You received an "f+."
- Woo-Whoo! I'm a sophomore!
- Aah!
A day at the beach.
Free from those little brats at last.
Sun, surf, sand, and hot sand witches.
Now, this is living.
- Hee hee hee!
- Well, that didn't last long.
- Ha ha ha! Hee hee!
- By now, you all must be wondering
Why i summoned you here.
- Nope. - Not me.
- Who cares?
- There!
That's why.
- Yep. Sun screen is important,
But never drink it.
I learned that one the hard way.
Woo-Whoo. Ooh, hot! Know what i mean?
Natural gas pipeline.
Whoo! Pttthbb!
- I was talking about the girl, doofus.
The most beautiful witch at toadblatt's,
Herfeffenie pfefferfeffer.
Aah. I simply must have you, herfeffenie pfefferfeffer.
Mmm!
Oh! Oh, no!
- Why, hello, herfeffenie.
Hi, dorko.
- I'll be back for you later, baby.
- Aah!
- Who was that guy?
- That's dorko malfly, my arch nemesis.
He thinks he's so superior,
But i'm as good as he is.
Just 'cause he has muscles and good looks...
- And he's really cool!
- He's a big jerk!
So, then you'll help me win herfeffenie's heart, right?
- Sure. - No way.
- Do we get to eat it afterwards?
- Oh!
- There she is.
What should i do?
- I think you should talk to her.
- But what should i say?
- Oh! Tell her to get you a bologna sandwich
And a root beer.
Yeah, that always works for dad.
- Ha ha. Hi there, herfeffenie.
Uh... I...
You might remember me as the winner of
The trying wizard cup.
I'm nigel plant... - Please move.
You're geeking up my beach.
- So, anyway, where was i?
- Who's this little toad?
- Hey!
I'm not a t... A toad, you big dope.
I'm nigel plant...
Ribbit!
Ribbit.
- I think you should give her a noogie.
Or throw a kickball at her!
That's what we do in school when we like a girl.
Rrrhrr!
- You dopes are going about this all wrong.
What you need is a love potion.
That way, she'll fall in love
With the first person she sees.
Just make sure the first person she sees is you.
- But where will i get this love potion?
- Granny grim makes an excellent love potion.
- That was fast!
Thanks, granny grim.
- Hmm!
One minute i'm talking to me toilet,
And the next thing i know, i...
This is for you, herfeffenie.
Ha ha. It's really delicious
And totally good for you and stuff.
Drink it. Ha ha.
- Thank you, mr. Planter.
Don't mind if i do.
- But... - This better not be
Some of your frat house swill, mr. Planter.
- Oh, no, dean toadblatt, sir.
Ha ha ha ha!
- Good!
Because i'm feeling kind of parched.
- Squidsy!
- Toadsy!
- I think you should give her a box of chocolate...
Enchanted chocolates.
- Now where the heck am i supposed to get
A box of enchanted chocolates?
Gosh!
Thanks again, granny grim!
- Grr!
I've gotta stop talking into that toilet.
Hi again, herfeffenie.
I, uh, i brung you a...
Whoa!
- I'm ready, dorko.
- Hey, we're going to the drive-In.
Ha ha! You're not.
You're just a stinky little buffalo
With pig tails and a nerdy hat.
- I'm not a stinky little buffalo, i'm a...
- I hope they show a cartoon!
Ha ha!
- I can't believe i lost her!
- Well, at least you didn't lose the chocolates.
- Get over it, planter.
- Oh, i'm over it.
I don't need that stupid herfeffenie pfefferfeffer
Because i'm in love with this chocolate!
Mmm!
- Hey, wait!
Don't go!
- Come back!
I love you!
- Well, this has all been real fun,
But i can't help feeling that we got off track somewhere.
- Says you.
- Hey, gladys? - Yes, dear?
- Get me a bologna sandwich and a root beer.
- Ok, grim, watch a pro at work.
Watch and learn.
I think it would be a good idea to duck.
- Why? Oof!
- Nice catch.
- I'm ok.
- Tuna brain.
But at least he's not trying
To take people out with magic croquet balls.
- Don't be foolish.
If i wanted to get rid of you
And the king of stupid over there,
I'd use something bigger... Like a truck.
- All right, kiddies, stand back.
This area is cooking with supernatural activity.
I'm talking a crock pot full of level 14 bad mojo.
- Oh, oh! Oh! Is it me? Is it me?
'cause i found a mole on my butt this morning.
It has two red hairs and looks like a ghost.
- Whoa, it's coming in stronger.
And it's coming directly from this.
Oop! Whoa! Whoa!
Ooh! Ooh! Oof!
Not exactly the entrance i had in mind.
A little help, muscles.
Oh, that's better.
Ah, you two maroons
Falling for the old magic croquet ball trick.
Huh?
- Great caesar's gout.
Your readings are off the charts.
According to my proboscometer,
You're either a tricky pixie or a sea hag.
A gorgeous sea hag.
- Ahem!
That happens to be eris,
The goddess of chaos.
- Yeah. So?
- She'll use her charms to steal your heart.
- Sounds good so far.
- He's all yours, sister.
- Oh, i won't do anything
To this big hunk's heart.
I'll just banish him to the puppet dimension
If he gives me any trouble.
- By thor's banjo, woman, you are a temptress.
- By thor's banjo, i think i'm gonna puke.
- Oh, oh, oh!
Do it here! Do it here!
- Hey, billy! Billy!
We're off on our second honeymoon.
See you in a week.
- But, dad, have you forgotten?
We invited principal goodvibes over for dinner tonight
To see if he could recommend me
To get me into the rollington academy for the gifted.
- Gifted?
- Oh, yeah. I completely forgot.
Oh! Hey! I got it!
Why don't you build two robot replicas
Of your mother and me?
- Come on, dad,
You remember the last time i did that.
- Oh. Yeah.
Man, i'm still paying off that bill.
Ok, billy boy, how 'bout this?
Why don't you have the good witch
And rambo there impersonate your mom and me
Till we get back?
- He's kidding, right?
- Sounds good to me!
Bye, mom! Bye, dad!
- Bye, son!
- Billy, you can't be serious.
- Oh, what's the matter, mandy?
You jealous 'cause you don't have the goddess of chaos
And a spectral bounty hunter to impersonate your parents?
Hmm?
- Yeah. Yeah.
That's it exactly.
- I knew it.
- So, what do you say, big boy?
Want to help the little boy out?
Maybe break some stuff?
- Well, i think i should stick around
Just to keep an eye on you,
You slinky little weasel.
- Ooh, meow!
- Now i think i'm gonna puke.
- Ok, you guys, remember,
This dinner has to go off without a hitch
Or i'll never get into rollington academy.
- No problema.
- Don't worry, honey.
This is gonna be great.
Who wants punch?
I do!
Open the pod bay doors, hal!
- Billy, i hate to break this to you,
But you're never getting in to rollington academy.
Rollington academy is for... - Geniuses?
Which i is one of them.
I'll even prove it to you.
Ask me a question. Give me a challenge.
Anything at all.
- Who developed the theory of relativity?
- That is a trick question, grim.
Everyone knows fruit bats are mammals.
Mandy?
- Let's see you tie your shoes.
- Oh, please!
- I got a question.
Where is the can? I gotta...
- Oh, boy!
Ok, everybody, it's show time!
- Nice one.
- Hello. I'm principal goodvibes.
- Goodvibes?
Good golly, man.
What's that on your head?
- Uh, my hair.
- Your hair, huh?
Huh.
Jeez, the only thing missing is a chin strap.
Anyway, goodwater, welcome to this uh...
House.
- It's goodvibes.
- I'm robby's dad.
- Billy's dad.
- Billy's dad is back? Where?
- Hello, mr. Goodchild.
- Goodvibes.
- Whatever. This is billy's dad.
I'm billy's mom.
And this is a trout.
- Why did you just hit me with a trout?
- Because the mackerel wasn't fresh.
- So, there i was, goodacre.
- Goodvibes.
- Surrounded by 12-Foot zombie poop elves.
Nowhere to go but... - Uh, excuse me.
But how could they be elves if they were 12 feet tall?
- It was a leap year.
- But that doesn't explain...
- You sharp-Shooting me, goodpudding?
- What?
- You stepping in my corn flakes?
- No, i... - Let me tell you something
About stepping in someone else's corn flakes,
It's a weird way to eat corn flakes.
- Would you and your hair like an hors d'oeuvres, mr. Goodpoop?
- It's goodvibes, and, yes, i would.
- Just be careful. They're messy.
- Ah, my wife.
She's a scamp, eh, goodburger?
- My eyes! They... They burn!
- Uh, pardon me, billy,
But who is that dour-Looking chap at the end of the table?
- Oh, that's just the grim reap...
I mean, uh... That's my aunt pearl.
- Aunt pearl?
Why, i ought to... - Easy, aunt pearl.
We wouldn't want to ruin our billy's chance
To get into rollington academy for the gifted.
And keep him from being there instead of here.
- Why, of course, child.
We wouldn't want that at all.
So, mr. Goodbread,
How did our little billy do on his test?
- Well, i happen to have the results
Of billy's iq test with me.
And, well, i, uh... I think that maybe...
- Come on, goodlamb! Out with it.
Is our little remus... - Billy.
- Billy...
Is he on the bullet train to smartsville,
Or is he riding the slow pony to the rubber forest?
- Uh, well, i'm sorry to say
That billy's scored a negative 5.
- What's wrong with negative 5?
- Well, we gave the same test to a shovel
And two candy bracelets.
- And?
- They scored a positive 17.
- Negative 5, huh?
Goodcare, you want to know what it's like
To hunt a bloodthirsty werewolf though the canadian outback?
You're lucky to come back negative 5% alive.
- And that has to do with what?
- I think he... - Zip it, aunt pearl!
- Mm-Hmm.
- So, goodtoaster,
What you're saying is our little randy...
- Billy. - What she said...
Isn't smart enough for rollington academy?
- I think... - Think hard.
- I think that if billy applies himself
And is diligent in his studies,
He has the potential to be a very gifted
Research monkey.
- Yehaw!
Yes! Yes!
I mean, what?
- Ok, who's ready for a yummy dinner?
I hope you like lobster, mr. Goodpotty.
- It's goodvibes!
And, yes, i love lobster.
- Hows about giant alien zombie lobsters?
- Well, i can't honestly say if...
- It's go time.
Nothing like a little surf and turf, huh?
- Help! Help!
Aagh!
- Incoming!
- Don't worry, aunt pearl!
I'll save you!
- Oh, shut up, billy!
- Oh, dear.
This is terrible.
I forgot to buy lemons and butter.
- Time to make some chowder.
Oh, you want some of this?
Oh, you want some, too?
How 'bout you?
- Oh!
You people are insane!
Do you hear me?
Insane!
That was the worst dinner i've ever had,
And you can forget about rollington academy!
- Listen up, goodmanners,
Either you reconsider our little otis...
- Billy. - What?
- Billy for your hoity-Toity school
Or i'll send you back to your mama
With a jelly jar shoved up your nose.
- Oh, oh! I, uh... No! What i meant was...
That i'd be happy to recommend billy
To rollington academy.
- That's more like it.
- Come back anytime, mr. Good-You're-An-Idiot.
- Uh, that's mr. Good... Oh, never mind.
- Bah-Bye now!
Don't be a stranger.
Come back any time.
- Good night, mr. Goodbar.
- Aagh!
No!
- Well, baby, this is it.
I love you, but you're just too darned dangerous.
I'm gonna have to bring you in.
- Now, don't forget, handsome,
I told you if you tried anything,
I'd banish you to the puppet dimension.
- Just as long as you do it alone.
- Oh, that's just wrong.
- This is a kid's show, for gosh sakes.
- Ew! Make it stop!
- And to think i had a crush on her
When she was going through that valley girl phase.
- I think we'd all like to forget that phase.
So, billy, looks like you're on your way.
- On my way to what?
- Billy, you're going to rollington academy.
- I am?
I'm going to rollington academy!
Whoo-Hoo!
Do you know what that means?
- You won't eat my homework any more?
- Stupid people seem to always come out on top?
- No!
What it means is...
I'm going to military school.
Captioning made possible by turner entertainment group
- Where am i? What happened?
What the...
Captioned by the national captioning institute www.Ncicap.Org...
Huh? What?
Oh, no! It can't be.
No!