- Ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Captioning made possible by turner entertainment group
- It's you and me against the world.
We attack at dawn.
- Hey, mandy.
Fancy meeting you here.
- This is my locker.
- So it is.
So it is.
Isn't it sublime?
- Ow!
- Eww! It looks like i hit some kind of big, ugly bug.
Oh, never mind.
That's just mandy.
- I didn't realize the zoo animals were on parade.
- Ha ha!
Very funny, mandy, and in case you didn't know,
That was sarcasm.
Actually, i'm practicing for when i get crowned in
This year's little miss scurvy pageant.
I've got the 3 things you need to win...
Looks, charm, talent, and brains.
See how the other kids bow before me?
- Mindy, beauty pageants are ridiculous contests for
Ridiculous girls.
- Oh, mandy, mandy, mandy.
Mandy, mandy, mandy, mandy, mandy, mandy, mandy, mandy.
Mandy, mandy, mandy, mandy, mandy, mandy.
Mandy.
You ugly people are so predictable, but since you
Were born hideous and beast-Like,
It's not my place to judge,
And stop uglying up my float.
I have to get to class.
- Hey. - Aah!
- I've got a lemon for a head.
I guess that makes me crazy.
- Hello, principal goodvibes.
- Mandy, i overheard the hurtful things mindy said to you,
And i think she's got a point.
You have to look deep inside and realize that the only one
Who can decide if you're truly pretty...
Is a panel of 3 judges.
Here's the pageant entry form.
- Faster.
Faster! Faster!
- I can't go no faster.
- Faster!
- You can carry your own books home!
Why do they got to load you up with so many books anyways?
- Actually, it's just one big book.
- Well, i think i'd better divide it into chapters.
Wait. I sense a disturbance in the force.
Holy moly!
- Is it a candy necklace?
Give it to me! It's mine, mine, mine, all mine!
- It ain't no candy necklace, boy, but i'd prefer that
It had been.
Why you hiding in the bushes?
- I have a question for you two.
Do you think i'm... Pretty?
- Well, i think you're pretty something.
- Yeah. Pretty mean.
- Why this sudden interest in your appearance?
- I was thinking of entering a... Beauty... Pageant.
- Beauty pageant.
- Beauty pageant!
- Pageant.
- Hoo hoo hoo!
- I think she's serious.
- Is it true, mandy?
Are you... Serious?
What is it? - A pageant entry form.
Oh, she's serious, man.
Why on earth would you want to do that?
- Well, well, well, if it isn't the mugly gang, and by
Mugly, i mean monstrously ugly.
- Cindy!
- Mindy. - Mindy!
- You're not really going to enter the little miss scurvy
Pageant, are you, mandy?
- Scared of the competition?
- I'm scared that the judges will mistake you for a big
Doo-Doo monster and chase you out of town with torches.
- Oh, yeah?
We'll see who chases whom with torches.
- Yeah! Mandy will take your pants off!
- Beat your pants off. - Beat your pants off!
- Oh, i'm so sure she'll win, and in case you didn't know,
That was sarcasm.
Now if you'll excuse me, i have to go get a rib removed.
- Oh, and just so you know, we don't really believe
You can win.
- Yeah! We just got caught up in the moment.
Wait a second!
Grim, why don't you use your powers to make mandy bootiful?
- Darn it, boy!
I'm not a miracle worker, but i know someone who is.
- Now what?
- I suggest we move.
- Move?
- Move quickly!
- Chicken wing!
- Crabina!
You look as fabulous as ever.
Mm. Kiss!
- Grim, darling, if i could move any part of my face,
You'd know how happy i was to see you.
- Children, meet crabina, the underworld's premier
Makeover artist.
- Hmm. Well, it's not as bad as you made it sound.
Of course, we'll have to do something about that nose.
- No. Uh, the other one.
- Other one? What other... Oh, my goodness!
Ugh! I mistook her for an angry tree stump.
- What's wrong with my nose?
- Forget it, grim.
I don't need her help.
- Trust me.
Crabina made me who i am today.
You should have seen me before.
I looked like a total nerd.
- My dear, dear child, your problem is not a physical one.
Why, with enough surgery, anyone can look beautiful.
True beauty... Oh, just a moment.
Where was i?
Oh, yes.
True beauty lies within.
- In her lungs?
- In her attitude.
What does this girl's attitude say to you?
- Ooh. It says bad things,
Things i'm not supposed to repeat.
Make the bad things go away!
I'll be good, mommy.
I promise!
- Exactly.
She's what we refer to as a sour grape.
- Yeah, but she's always been like this.
- Then our goal is clear.
If she cannot learn to smile by week's end, she has no hope
Of winning the pageant.
- Will mandy win the pageant?
Will she ever smile?
I don't care!
Instead, here's an important commercial message.
Important commercial message!
- And so throughout the week,
They tried a series of dumb gags to make mandy smile.
Let's watch a clip.
Watch a clip!
- Any reaction?
- There was even a wretched musical number!
- And then the day of the pageant finally arrived.
- Well, the day of the pageant has finally arrived.
Look at these little girls all tarted up.
What kind of sad, needy person would force them to do that?
- Don't forget. This is mommy's big day.
- The bigger you smile, the more beautiful mommy looks.
- Baby, it's time to earn mommy's love.
- I don't see mandy.
- Crabina wanted to do her hair and makeup.
Ah! Here they come.
- Wow, mandy!
You look lots better!
- Gentlemen, prepare for shock and awe.
The plain, drab mandy you knew before is dead.
- Grim, she murdered mandy!
- It's a figure of speech, dummy.
- Say hello to endsville's newest glamour girl.
- Oh, my word!
- I feel ridiculous.
- You are ridiculous, ridiculously beautiful.
- Oh, i agree.
She's a real looker now, and in case you didn't know, that
Was sarcasm.
Putting makeup on you is like putting diamonds on doo-Doo.
Give it up, mandy.
I was little miss rickets last year, little miss toe jam
The year before, and, girl, i'm gonna be little miss
Scurvy this year!
Oh, and here's a little advice.
Put the bag back on, please.
Ha ha ha!
- You want me to turn her into a stink bug?
- No, grim.
I want to crush her on my own.
- All right, ladies.
It's show time!
- Good luck, mandy.
- And try to smile.
- Mandy, i only have these words to offer.
You are a special girl, and what you lack in grace, you
Make up for in fury.
I believe in you.
Oh, and here's some petroleum jelly.
A little rubbed on your teeth will help you smile.
Yeah. That's better.
Ladies and gentlemen, meet the contestants for
Little miss scurvy.
- Whoo!
Yeah, baby!
Whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo!
- And say hello to our impartial judges...
General scar...
Cap'n green gums, and mindy's mom!
- Hi, honey!
- Hi, mommy!
- Impartial my big, bony...
- But before we begin, let's stop and think about
Why we're here.
- My wife made me come!
- Scurvy is a terrible, terrible disease.
Isn't that right, cap'n green gums?
- Arr! I used to have a set of gums
What made all the tavern wenches swoon.
Then i got the scurvy!
They had to replace me gums with... With kosher pickles!
And i hate pickles!
- Statistics show the number-One cause of scurvy is ignorance!
Please do not boil your fruit juices.
I cannot stress this enough, people.
Ahh. Now that that's out of the way, let the pageant begin!
- First round, evening gowns.
Julie. - Aw.
- Laura. - Ooh.
- Eva. - Ohh!
- Xena. - Ooh!
- Anna. - Ahh.
- Rae. - Ahh!
- Sue. - Ooh.
- Mindy. - Ahh!
- Mandy. - Oh, yeah!
- And now swimsuit.
- Baby got back!
- Nice, eh?
- Western wear.
- Arr! Her boldness be slowly winning me heart,
But her coldness keeps me at an emotional distance.
- Samurai armor. - Yay!
- Renaissance fair! - Yay!
- Jersey mall. - Yay!
- Gom jabbar.
- It burns!
- Arr! That will cost her some points.
- Our last event, my personal favorite,
The talent competition.
- Ooh.
- Arr! This routine be technically sound,
But where be the soul, the passion?
- It's so close.
All mandy's got to do is smile.
- I'm gonna vomit from the tension, yo!
- Well, well, well, if it isn't little miss runner-Up.
Ha ha ha!
And in case you didn't know, that was sarcasm.
No, wait. It wasn't.
- You know what to do.
- Arr! She appears to be moving a vessel out to port.
Ha ha!
- Come on. Come on.
- Bring it. Bring it.
- You ever get the feeling something really bad
Is about to happen?
- It's so beautiful.
- What have we done?
- You fools!
You've messed with the natural order!
- Aah!
- Reality is falling apart!
- What's gonna happen to us?
- I don't know, but i'm gonna hold you tight
And never let go.
- I love you, grim.
- What about me, yo?
- Eh, you'll be fine.
- Aah!
- Girls, girls, get up.
Mojo jojo just snuck into a movie theater without paying.
- We're on it, professor.
- Ok. We keep flying. We never head back.
We never talk about this again.
- Yep. - Uh-Huh.
- And so once again, the day is saved thanks to billy,
Mandy, and grim.
Captioning made possible by turner entertainment group
Captioned by the national captioning institute www.Ncicap.Org...
- I can't breathe, yo.
This belt is cinched too... Tight.
Ahh.