Exit, stage left
Ooh! Ooh, let me tell it.
Uh, you see, there was all these scary spiders everywhere!
And there was this big fat ugly spider named jeff
And he didn't see my son but he was being really gross
And then there was this one lady who was all weird,
Had the body of a spider but the face of a lady
That had too much make-Up.
She was gonna try to eat grim's head because then she'll get
His powers and become more evil because once they went to
High school together and they use to be friends
And there were these two talking milk cartoons
And i picked the chocolate and just broke it.
And i hate it so much!
That i joined the space patrol and they gave me a hat
And irwin's a nerd and there's spiders everywhere!
What's going on!
I can't take the suspense...
I grow impatient.
Curtis was foolish trying to patch the reaper's head in
Through the dvd player.
Shut up, kalgoron.
The show's starting.
Oh, great. It's the boogeyteen.
Hey, guy.
Some jerk over there said he was gonna give you a wedgie.
Really?
Oh, yes.
I'll protect you, but it's gonna cost you your lunch money.
No way, boogey.
I don't need help from the likes of you.
I can handle this myself.
Well, okay.
Oh, look! There he is!
What do you say?
I'm some jerk, all right.
Remind me why i wear
Underwear again.
Tell you what... You hold out on me again, and i'll give you
Nightmares that'll make you wet yourself for a week.
Boogey, you're a creep.
Leave grim alone.
Nerds are people, too.
That's a lie.
Nerds are not people.
That's why they're called nerds and not people.
You might not have known it back then, velma, but i
Was sort of embarrassed when you stepped in like that.
Why?
Oh, don't look at me.
Wow, grim, you were an even bigger wuss back then.
Well, well, if it isn't velma green the spider queen.
Don't call me that.
Who's gonna stop me, velma green the spider queen?
Aah!
You okay, grim?
Wow, velma.
You sure can be scary when you want to be.
Oh.
It's all the pent-Up rage.
You have it, too.
You just need to know how to harness it.
I hear there's going to be a
Big announcement in class today.
Let's get going.
You'd better come on, boogey.
If you're late, you'll get detention.
Oh-Ho-Ho-Ho!
Oh!
I hate it here.
It smells like your locker, mandy.
Shut up and listen.
I've got a plan.
I hate to say this, but i think if we work together, we
Can get out of here.
Me? You?
Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You in or what?
I'd rather be in your smelly locker.
Suit yourself.
Okay, i'm listening.
Hee-Hee hee-Hee hee-Hee.
It's okay, billy.
It's okay.
You can do this.
You can do it, billy.
You can do anything you set your mind to.
Did you come back here to apologize to a friend whose
Feelings you hurt?
Oh, hello, gross plain milk.
No, i just came back in here because i had a shipment of
Liquids and/or solids to deliver.
Oh.
Well, there's a bathroom right down the hall.
Nah, i don't need it anymore.
You scared me pretty good when i came in.
Billy, you need to let go of
Your fear and your irrational anger.
The chances of you being attacked by a spider on any
Given day are about a million to one.
I mean, that doesn't count today, obviously.
Today it's like 98% or something.
I don't know.
You got a calculator?
Well, it doesn't matter.
The point is, you just have to accept that you're probably
Going to be eaten alive by hungry, giant spiders.
So you may as well enjoy the little time you've got left.
Be good to your friends.
Let go of your fears.
And fill the time you have in this world with peace and love.
Master, teach me.
Before we start today, i have an announcement.
The board of underworld affairs has a new position opening up.
They need a reaper.
This is an opportunity that will
Come along once in an eternity.
It is an important position in the universe.
Lots of responsibility.
Anyway, this is sort of a big deal.
You'll probably get some sort of cool hat to wear, and people
Might take pictures of you, that sort of thing.
The only real requirement is that you be scary.
Wow.
The reaper will be chosen by scare election.
You'll find the sign-Up sheets in the hall after class.
Ooh, ouch, man.
Friend versus friend.
Oh, honey, we're so proud of
You.
I just know you're gonna win.
You will win, velma.
And when you do, we spiders will finally rule this pathetic
Planet.
Skippy, ruling a planet is
Your dream.
I'm sure our little girl will grow up and rule two planets.
Don't worry, mom and dad.
I'm gonna be as scary as i can be.
And, um, i also have the power to give people terrible
Nightmares.
Uh, so anyone who doesn't vote for me is in big trouble.
Um, oh, and i hate you all.
Oh, booga booga booga booga!
You're up next, ms. Green.
Good luck, velma.
You're gonna need it, spider queen.
You twerps might as well throw in the towel.
You can't beat me.
This is a scare election, grim, not a sissy election.
You're not scary, either, boogey.
True, but i'm going to cheat!
You're up, grim.
Try not to make a complete fool of yourself.
Hi.
I'm grim.
And i think i should be reaper because i-I'm scary and angry
And, uh, responsible.
Prove it.
Do something that would make me what to tattoo your image all
Over my body.
Like, i don't even think we need a reaper.
Anarchy!
Well, i-I just can't be scary at
A moment's notice.
I have to be in the mood, man.
Okay, okay.
Time to cast your votes.
Please vote for whoever you think was the meanest, scariest
Candidate.
Grim, you... You didn't throw
The election for me, did you?
No, velma.
I'm really that bad.
I'm not scary at all.
Grim, you look pale.
Let me get you some bog water.
Boogey!
Aah!
I can't let you do this.
Oh, yeah?
Well, you're too late.
Almost half of the ballots have been cast already.
And now... Almost half of the ballots belong to me.
They all say "boogey."
No duh, scrawny.
The only way someone could win now would be if every single
Monster up there voted for him.
I've got this one in the bag, and there's nothing you dweebs
Can do to... Uh!
Looks like you kicked the bucket.
Uh!
Help! Get me out!
Open it up, please!
Grim!
Hello?
You down here?
Velma, i...
Grim, how could you?
Velma, i-I can explain.
The time for explanations is over.
The time to feast on your powers has begun.
Do you understand what it's
Like to live here with your wicked laughter going off every
Two minutes?
You said you liked my wicked laughter.
I said i liked your wicked chuckle.
This isn't about wicked laughter at all, is it?
This is about how i fold your t-Shirts, isn't it?
No.
But the way you fold my t-Shirts makes me so mad.
You watched the japanese folding video.
That's how i like it.
Well, well, well.
Look who grew an exoskeleton.
You're gonna do this now, huh, on my wedding night?
Yo wedding night?
Give us a few minutes.
I swear we'll get this thing back on track by the time
Commercials are over.
Okay, jeffy, do you feel better now?
Are you still angry?
I said i'm fine.
I'm gonna go lie down.
Dr-Ama!
Now, where were we?
Ah, yes!
Eating your skull and absorbing your powers.
Okay, initiate operation annoyance.
Excuse me.
Hey, loser sauce, i drank a 32-Ounce natural sparkling
Spring water before i got cocooned, and i need to use the
Little girls' room.
Surface dweller takes me for a
Fool, curtis.
I will not free her.
Really, kalgoron?
You want to clean up human pee?
Hmm?
You are wise, little fellow.
Hey, hey, hey!
Are you nuts?
Duh!
Standards and practices.
Here, let me hold that.
Kalgoron, there are little girls loose in the throne room.
Here, hold this.
Aah!
I love it when a plan comes together.
Don't look now, mindy, but i think we're surrounded.
Get them!
Hyah!
Hyah! Hyah!
Hah!
Hyah! Hyah! Hyah!
Oh!
Wrong number, you freak!
Hoo! Hah! Hoo!
I got the mad skills.
Aah!
Hyah!
Spiders are losers.
I'm free!
Let's go.
You're welcome!
Wait up!
Grim, where's your head?
Help!
Drama!
Give me my reaper, you freak.
Ha-Ha!
Hyah!
Aah!
It's the eagles.
Billy has come with the eagles.
There's an eagle on my
Butt.
You fight because you do not know how to resolve your
Problems using compassion.
I now know the truth of the powers of calcium and vitamin d.
Go home, dad.
I'm all grown up now, and i don't need you.
Velma and me will just do a drive-Through wedding in vegas.
Don't do that, son!
I will go to your wedding.
Dad.
You are not really angry with me, son.
You have been possessed by a wicked spirit of anger from
Spider planet in galaxy omega-9.
Uh, what you talking about?
That's right, billy.
I'm arachnotour, the spider god of anger.
Didn't see that coming.
The galactic council chose to imprison me in your school
Chocolate milk carton.
Moooooo!
When the seal of the milk carton was broken, i was
Released from my cosmic prison and entered into the body of
Jeff, where i taught him the power of anger!
There is no power in anger.
Arachnotour, i will defeat you without ever raising a fist
Through the power of passive resistance.
You can beat me up all you want, but eventually you'll just get
Tired and go away.
Bet you i won't.
Aah!
Moooo!
See, honey?
Like i told you during the commercial break, you're not
Angry.
You're just possessed by some sort of spider demon.
Give me that skull!
Mandy, what are you doing?
There's something in there you just have to see.
Velma, i...
Grim, how could you?
I had to do something.
I thought that you deserved to win the most.
Oh, grim.
I'm sorry.
But how... How did you win?
Look and see.
The winner of the scare election will receive this
Prototype scythe, the reaper's tool.
The final design, i'm told, will be much cooler.
Boogey!
Aah!
This is all your fault.
Aah!
Aaaaah!
Sorry, folks.
Boys will be boys.
Let's choose grim, right?
I haven't been that scared since you sawed me in half.
Everyone who hadn't already voted, voted for me.
But i tried for you, velma.
I really did.
Oh, grim, now that i know the truth, i almost can't believe
That i plotted to eat your skull for the last 130
Centuries.
Yeah, it does seem a little silly, doesn't it?
Phew!
I'm getting bored.
This ain't worth my time.
Mooooo!
Dad!
I'm proud of you, jeff.
Go now, my son.
Leave me.
No. You're coming with me.
I'll not leave you here.
I've got to save you.
You already have, jeff.
You already have.
If you want to get me a milk from the cafeteria, though, i'd
Drink it. Sure, dad.
Chocolate or regular?
Mm, chocolate.
Aaah!
Uh!
I now pronounce you hideous spider and hideous spider woman.
You may exchange poisons.
That was disturbing.
Aaah!
Wait!
I object to this union.
No son of mine is going to marry a big, disgusting spider.
Wait a second.
If my dad disapproves of this wedding, then so do i.
This marriage is over.
So be it.
I take it all back.
I'm still gonna need my 50 bucks.
Aw!
You see, billy.
You embraced your compassion, defeated a giant spider
Minotaur, and regained the love of your only son.
I am proud of you.
Thank you, master.
Hey!
Are you a giant space-Spider minotaur, too?
No, billy.
I'm not even here.
Milk cartons don't talk.
Well, at least that means that i can go back to
Being normal again.
This wasn't the most awful
Time i've ever had.
I'd rather have been at the mall, but still.
Next time we meet, we shall be enemies.
I'm so glad we're friends again, velma.
What are you gonna do now that the wedding is off?
I guess since my plans didn't work out, i'll just take over
The world like daddy wanted.
Aah!
Well, age of the spider, dad.
Age of the spider!
Told ya.
Aaaaah!
Aah!
You know, dad, this is
Exactly how i imagined having a real father would be.
I'm so happy that you've not only accepted me as a son, but
As a spider.
Yeah.
You're a spider?
Aah!
Get out! Get out! Get out!
Oh, dad.
I love you, too.
Get out! Get out!