Out of my way! Fester!
Off, off my bat!
Never!
Mail's in!
Children, I see you met the new mailman.
Nice guy.
Kitty liked him, too.
Off! Off!
Haha!
At last!
I'm King of the Cones!
Not so fast!
Oh, look! A letter from Grandpapa Addams.
Grandpapa Addams?
How is the old charmer?
Well, let's see.
Oh, he burned down his house.
Again?
How did he do it this time?
He soaked the carpets in kerosene and torched them.
Accidents will happen.
Oh, no!
He's coming to stay with us while they rebuild his neighborhood.
Wonderful!
I'll have Lurch install an extra gas leak in the guest room.
Mother, why does Great Grandpapa always burn down his house?
He likes the company of firefighters.
You see, he's been very lonely since Great Grandmama Delilah passed away.
Poor thing.
She was rollerblading with her headphones on.
Didn't even hear that Mack truck.
Come, Pugsley.
Let's go play in traffic.
I'll let you wear my brand new blades.
Now, we could all learn a thing or two from Wednesday about being kind to others.
Now!
Harder.
You're not getting all the kinks in.
Poor Grandpapa Addams.
I hear he visits Delilah's marble foot everyday.
Good thing he keeps her in the basement.
Saves on travel time.
I know what Grandpapa needs!
Fire insurance?
Besides that.
He needs to play the field.
Live a little!
Fester, you may be right.
Darling, why doesn't Grandpapa date?
He tried!
But he couldn't find anyone who would wear Delilah's wig.
He should visit Club Fed.
Club Fed?
It's the single resort for ex-cons.
You get to lie out on the rocks of Alcatraz.
I don't know that ex-cons are really Grandpa Pa's type.
Well, they have other ones.
Club Bet?
No, too risqué.
Club Shed.
No, that's for lepers only.
Ooh.
I know.
Club Dead.
It does have a nice ring to it.
"Swinging resort for singles over 50."
"And a nice view of the cemetery."
Gives him something to look forward to.
Two weeks of Club Dead it is!
It'll be our gift.
Gomez, darling.
Let's not tell Grandpapa until the last day of his visit.
We don't want him to think we're trying to get rid of him.
Ha ha ha!
He's here!
Hahaha!
He's here!
Mama!
Morticia!
I'm so excited.
I'm back!
Oh, it's so good to see you!
Mama!
Grandpapa!
Cara mia.
Hi, Grandpapa!
There's nothing like the smell of Fester in the morning, is there?
Oh, go on!
Well.
It looks just like home.
Even has smoke damage.
Where's that young Gomez?
Ha ha!
Lurch!
Refreshments, all around!
Good ol' Grandpapa.
He just got here and already it's like he's head of the household!
Morticia, this living room's absolutely dreary.
My compliments.
Why, thank you.
You know.
You haven't changed a bit.
Neither have you.
You're just as ravishing as the day you graduated from finishing off school.
Well, the formaldehyde helps~
You look old enough to be my mother.
Flatterer!
Ah, Lurch!
Mmm.
Thank you!
Hell, Lurch!
You really know how to make a cocktail.
Just the right amount of vermin.
So, Grandpapa. What will you be doing while you're in town?
Oh, well, let's see.
Well, yes, nothing.
Sounds like a plan to me.
It is.
By the way, I had Lurch install the deluxe rack at the guest room.
It's a good one too.
It'll numb all the feeling in your legs.
Oh, that's excellent.
Well, everyone, a toast.
A toast to family and, uh...
standing three inches taller.
All aboard?
Train's leaving for... Cucamonga!
72411.
Beautiful.
Good morning, Great Grandpapa.
Good morning, children!
How was your sleep?
My bed was as hard as a rock.
One of the advantages of granite.
If you think the guest room is nice,
wait till you see where Mother and Father are sending you.
Oh.
Pugsley!
They're sending me somewhere?
Club Dead. Right next to a cemetery.
It's a place for older people...
You'll have to forgive my brother.
He's prone to making up stories.
An admirable trait.
Please excuse me, Great Grandpapa.
It's time to feed the animal.
And you know how cranky Pugsley gets when he hasn't eaten.
Club Dead.
Older people?
A cemetery?
Wait a minute.
They're sending me to a nursing home.
Why would they put me in a home?
It's not as though I was senile,
or indigent,
or a frequent guest on a daytime talk show.
Certainly they can't think I'm feeble.
Maybe they think I'm old-fashioned.
Thing, how could they do this to me?
In five easy installments?
Any thoughts on what I should do?
Sure, that's brilliant!
I'll pretend to be 50 years younger.
I'll show them I'm too young to go to a home.
I'll be down right invincible!
Oh, oh, oh, my bursitis.
Cousin Winkle, sleepwalking again!
Ho!
Oh, nothing like a pre-dawn jog to put blisters on your feet, heh!
Grandpapa, you shouldn't be jogging at this hour.
Why not?
There's no traffic.
Oh, yes.
Although it is good for spying on the neighbours.
Haha!
I just can't help it.
I have so much... energy!
Relax!
One bite of Mama's Lobotomy Lime Pie,
you'll be as docile as a doorknob.
Oh, no!
You can't put a man down while he's in his prime.
Now let's find Cousin Winkle.
Let's go.
Come on.
Gomez?
Where?
Gomez?
Ooh, he's fast.
Hey!
Look how nicely the hemlock is coming along.
Just in time.
Whoa.
Haiyaaa... ha!
Now was it two parts nitroglycerin?
And a dash of sulfuric acid?
Or was it two parts of sulfuric acid, and a dash of nitro...
Oh, there's nothing I'd touch, pressing 500 pounds.
You get the circulation going.
Yeah, I'd like to exercise, too, but I'm too lazy.
What's that?
Someone's birthday coming up?
No, it's a bomb for fishing.
Oh, I love the way you take the sport out of the hunt.
Why don't you look at your handiwork?
That's beautiful.
Nice.
Be careful with that.
We ought to let the nitroglycerin settle.
Oh, you don't have to worry.
I studied ballistics.
Ay, or was that statistics?
Huh, let me, lemme look at this button.
Yeah, uh, don't touch the button...
Don't we have to be very careful?
I love the stopper in here.
By George, that button really works.
Black widows make the best webs.
They really catch the dust.
Cowabunga... !
Hey, watch this!
Oh, dear.
He's at it again.
What...
do you think you're doing!
I can't hear ya!
Hang on a minute!
Alright!
Grandpa Addams!
Whatever possessed you to buy a motorcycle?
Why, they expose you to the fresh air as well as the sun.
And those leather trousers.
How are you supposed to get scrapes with those?
I know, but it's what all the other Hells Angels are wearing.
Perhaps I could talk to them about initiating a new dress code.
Grandpa?
Where's Pugsley?
Pugsley?
Yes, the two of you left this morning, remember?
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Well, let me see.
He was right behind me when I backed up on that freeway ramp.
You don't suppose the little rebel has snuck off to school, do you?
Ah! Here's our boy now!
Nice looking bruises, son.
Fine looking fellow, isn't he?
Fester, do you know where Gomez is?
I haven't seen him since he went out looking for Cousin Winkle.
I'm sure he's fine.
Or at least better than Grandpapa.
So you've noticed Grandpapa Addams' odd behavior, too?
Noticed?
Noticed!
Morticia, face facts.
He's lost it.
Oh, here comes the nut now.
Morticia, Fester.
If anybody's looking for me,
tell them, I'm out dragging the rivers.
Grandpapa, aren't you a bit, well, mature to go river dragging?
Yeah.
Shouldn't you be dueling windmills instead?
Nonsense!
I'm as fit today,
as I was when I was 16.
Grandpapa, please sit down.
I'm sorry, Morticia.
I've got to keep going.
Going!
Going... !
Gone, gone, gone.
C'est la vie.
Hey!
That's French.
Ah, cara mia!
Speak some more.
Soup du jour.
Crêpes Suzette.
Grandpapa!
Charles de Gaulle.
Grandpapa!
I'm afraid I must, uh, tender my apologies.
I must have lost myself for a minute.
You see.
Whenever I hear French,
something comes over me.
Good thing Cousin Winkle came back and let me out of his coffin.
Just in time, too.
Grandpapa.
Will you excuse us?
I need to speak to Gomez alone.
Oh, of course.
We need to talk.
Care to join me in a nightcap?
No, thanks.
I prefer to sleep in the buff.
Tish, being separated from you all day, was more than I could bear.
Darling, I missed you, too.
But we've got quite a problem with Grandpapa Addams on our hands!
So take him off our hands.
Put him on Fester's hands.
Put him on Thing's hand.
Put him on dishpan hands.
Grandpapa first.
Grand passion, later.
And now, about Grandpapa Addams.
He's been acting very strangely.
Well, he did knock me into Cousin Winkle's coffin without asking permission.
You don't think he's...
I'm afraid so.
The loss of his dear Delilah must have taken a greater toll on him than we thought.
Not to worry, he can come and live with us!
Darling, that's a noble idea.
But I'm afraid Grandpapa may need professional help.
Then we'll hire movers.
That's not exactly what I had in mind.
Narcoma Nursing Home.
"Giving patients all the rest they need, and more."
"Miles from the nearest hospital. So no annoying sirens."
"$100,000 non-refundable deposit."
Reasonable, too.
"Call now for a doctor evaluation."
I suppose it doesn't hurt to get an expert opinion.
Maybe you're right, Tish.
Narcoma Nursing Home?
Well, nothing like a good river dragging, to make you feel alive!
Come on, Great Grandpapa!
Let's go bungee-jump from the overpass!
Oh, great idea.
But.
Why stop at an overpass?
Why not leap from the tallest building?
Parachute from a craggy cliff.
Wade in a kiddie pool.
Be force fed... in a nursing home.
Cool!
Great Grandpapa, what's wrong?
Oh, nothing.
Except that Gomez and Morticia want to send me
to an old folks' home,
to rot in a metal bed.
Great Grandpapa, they would never send you away.
They only do that to their male offspring after his twelfth birthday.
But you said they were sending me to Club Dead.
Club Dead isn't a nursing home.
It's a resort.
Club Dead.
"Swinging singles club for people over 50."
"Booze, schmooze, and snooze."
Looks like they've thought of everything.
Let our club coordinator visit your home,
and plan a trip specially suited to your needs.
Oh, I hope they have roast yak!
Pan-fried sticks to my teeth.
But don't tell Mother and Father.
They want it to be a surprise.
Oh, no. Don't worry, children.
Your secret is safe with me.
Nurse.
Ah, Dr. Kratchet.
I'm Morticia Addams, and this is my charming husband Gomez.
So nice of you to perform the evaluation.
Well, at Narcoma Nursing Home,
we try to make our patients delirious.
I mean... deliriously happy.
Grandpapa.
Ah, Gomez, Morticia. I love what you've done with the bed.
Why, those spikes are so pointy, you could puncture a lung!
Grandpapa, we'd like to talk to you about something.
Of course, I always have time for my, uh, favorite grandson and his lovely wife.
Anyway, Morticia and I have been noticing that you seem a little out of sorts lately.
Oh, thank you. I try my best.
Anyway, we think that maybe you could use a rest.
A long rest.
With some professional guidance.
Oh, I couldn't agree more. When do I leave?
Then you're not adverse to the idea of going away for a while?
To the contrary, the longer the better.
It's something I should have done years ago.
He's worse off than we thought.
Well, then, I guess it's all settled.
Yes.
You won't regret this, Grandpapa.
Dr. Kratchet, Grandpapa Addams!
I'm pleased to make your acquaintance, Doctor.
This is the patient?
Evaluation?
Over.
Let's go.
Boys!
Take him, away!
Ooh.
Look at this.
Ah! Foot rest.
This really is a deluxe resort.
Now, we want to be sure Grandpapa Addams is comfortable.
Are the rooms nice?
Are they well insulated?
Well, we have a few.
That are padded.
Splendid, I'll take one of those.
Let's go.
Schven!
Ta ta~!
Goodbye, Grandpapa Addams!
Don't forget to call!
I won't.
Darling, do you think we did the right thing?
That Dr. Kratchet seemed rather curt.
Always a sign of a good doctor!
No bedside manner.
Besides, Grandpapa really wanted to go.
True.
You'd almost think he was leaving on vacation.
Tell me, are the single women of the club as attractive as Dr. Kratchet?
I really love her scowl.
Why.
Your head's so shiny I can see myself!
Look, dearest Grandpapa Addams!
Grandpapa, back already?
The club burned down.
Too bad.
I was beginning to enjoy those spinal taps.
How'd you start the fire this time?
Oh, I didn't.
Deandra did.
Deandra?
Everyone, I want you to meet my new wife, Deandra.
I took one look at her,
and sparks flew!
Then again,
she was holding a blowtorch.
How romantic.
We leave tomorrow, for our honeymoon to Africa!
It's a little sunny, but I hear the brush fires are spectacular.
Funny.
You remind me of someone.
A toast.
To one big, happy family~!
Cheers!
Awooo... !