Cousin Melancholia.
Oh, darling.
Gomez.
You remember Cousin Melancholia.
Of course, Melancholia. Always the life of the party!
Fore!
My fiancé ran and left me!
We had a big fight!
I told him to get lost and then he just took off... !
Maybe it was something you said.
Oh, darling.
Why don't you go upstairs and have a nice hot bath of boiling oil?
It's so moisturizing.
Oh, thank you, Morticia!
What a shame.
The poor dear.
If only we could find someone to take her mind off of Fred.
But who?
You rang?
Lurch, could you please bring the mailman in?
Excuse me.
Darling, the mailman's here.
So nice of you to join us.
What's your name, old man?
Matt.
So tell us, Mr. Duncan, are you married?
Have any children?
Uh, nope.
N-n-n-no family at all, none.
Nada.
Yes?
Then he's free to marry Cousin Melancholia.
Marry.
Melancholia?
I would make a terrible husband.
I have a bad heart.
Besides, I live with my mother.
Perfect. The more the merrier!
Morticia, you called me?
Never mind.
Finding someone new for Cousin Melancholia may be harder than we thought.
Now!
But not the least, Gary.
And pleasantly, Gary.
The life fully, very is the Adam's family.
The Adam's family.
Now!
Well, can you grow up?
So the Addams are a little bit sick.
Look, Ferguson, I'm not going in there.
Those people are weird.
Well, I don't care.
Our law firm can't survive without Mr. Addams as a client!
We'll be out on the street, Ralph, but come on.
Well, it's better than going into that house.
Oh, move, move.
There must be someone we know for Melancholia.
How about Lurch?
He's tall, pale, and he can catch a golf ball in his teeth!
I don't know.
He's such a playboy.
Excellent, Tish.
You rang?
Lurch.
Have you ever given thought to the blissful joys of marriage?
To the thrill of waking up next to that special someone every morning.
Have you ever given thought to... Melancholia?
Darling, I don't think Lurch is ready to settle down.
What about Fester?
Tish, you know he only dates criminals.
Thing, have you ever given thought to the blissful joys of marriage?
What's that?
I don't want to know.
Ooo... kay.
Let me know how it goes.
Do you want to keep your job, or not?
Tish, you have such a gentle touch.
Dear brother, once again you forgot to feed the tarantulas.
Your punishment:
40 lashes.
I'm sorry.
Mr Harvey, Miss Ferguson, I didn't hear you come in.
You remember my wife Morticia, and the children?
Yes, yes, of course.
And how is little Wednesday?
See ya.
Uh.
We'll be right back.
Sometimes I think I make people nervous.
Can we get to work now?
So Mr. Addams, if I could just get you to sign
this contract, renewing our firm for another year.
Miss Ferguson, I have to be honest.
A much bigger law firm has approached me about, handling our business interests.
You know what they say?
More lawyers, the more complications.
Wahhh... !
What was that?
Well, that's my dear cousin, Melancholia.
Her fiancé left her, so we're trying to find her another suitor.
Ralph, you're single.
No.
No, I'm not.
In fact, Ralph was just saying this morning.
You know how very hard it is these days to even find that, uh, special someone.
I was?
Well, then it's all settled.
Mr. Harvey will be joining us tonight for drinks.
Excellent.
Relax.
One night isn't going to kill you.
And besides.
Our medical plan, is excellent.
Much better.
I've gotten rid of every trace of colour.
Now for the lips.
Oh, I'll go with the dry blood red.
Good choice.
Rigor motis blue is a little suggestive for the first date.
Now, let's pick out a dress.
I'll never be able to choose... !
That's why I'm here.
Now this black will bring out your palette.
This black is super limp...
Put this in.
Choosing the perfect dress can be so difficult.
Thing, which one do you like better?
Excellent taste, Thing.
Melancholia?
What about this one?
Tisha.
It's beautiful.
You're too kind.
Think nothing of it.
You don't think it's too sexy... ?
I don't want to scare him off.
Melancholia.
As if you could ever scare anybody.
It's just one night. I can do this.
I'll survive.
They're not home?
Well, some other time.
Harvey, old man!
Lurch, a drink for our friend.
Something special.
The ol' venom on the rocks!
No, thank you really. I'm trying to cut back.
Nonsense.
A toast.
To the ladies.
Ever seen two lovelier women?
I, I, uh...
I know the one on the right is your wife, but what is...
Who's the other one?
That's Melancholia, your date!
Am I dead?
Of course not, silly!
Too bad.
Umm.
Where are the others?
They left.
They thought we might want to be alone.
Well, I don't know about we.
But, I would.
We have the whole evening ahead.
I know, and I'd really like to make the most of it.
So, bye.
Wait!
Hello.
A basket for your head.
Mr. Harvey.
That was close.
Uh.
I... but I... just... alright.
There you are!
We thought you got lost.
No, not that lucky.
Well, just make sure you don't get lost on our wedding day.
Excuse me?
Now, Mr. Harvey, it's time for cocktails.
You and Melancholia can discuss wedding plans later.
Somebody help me!
Wednesday, promise me one thing.
Anything.
You'll still look out for me when I'm married?
Of course.
You know I would never let anyone hurt you.
Thanks.
That's my job.
So, Mr. Addams, here's the contract renewing our services.
And I'll send the messenger tomorrow and pick it up.
Great!
Ha ha!
Excuse me.
Please, Mr. Harvey, have a seat.
Okay.
That's better.
Please, Mr. Addams, if you could just take a look at the contract...
Come now, Harvey.
You're going to be far too busy on that honeymoon to worry about me.
Honeymoon. Whose honeymoon?
Why, yours and Melacholia's.
Provided she accepts the proposal.
Congratulations, old man.
Come.
It's time to retire to the living room for a little fun and games.
Choose your weapon!
What?
It's an old Addams tradition.
You didn't think you were going to take Melancholia away from us without a fight?
Mr. Addams, I'd really rather not do this, sir.
Mr. Addams, this is insane... !
Please don't hurt me.
Ha ha!
Harvey, come back. Melancholia will think you're a coward.
This is so romantic.
Can we play hide-and-seek instead?
En garde!
You hide.
Come now! We're just starting to have fun.
Sponge?
It's quite refreshing.
Thank you, Lurch.
En garde, again!
Tea?
Please.
Where am I?
Peek-a-boo!
Mr. Addams... !
I beg you!
Please, I'm not cut out for this.
Nonsense, you're just getting the hang of it.
Lemon?
Thank you.
Missed me!
Look, I really must be going.
It's way past my bedti...
You parry when you should thrust!
Like this!
You can see the advantages.
Sugar?
Don't mind if I do.
I think Melancholia has found herself a worthwhile student.
No, I'm not that worthwhile.
I'm quite worthless!
I'm getting tired, old man, are you?
Mr. Addams, please.
Can we take a break?
I think I've overstayed my welcome.
Impossible!
Gomez, don't hurt him.
I want him in good shape for the wedding.
Oh, just... kill me.
Ooh... !
Excellent thrust, old man!
Congratulations. You passed with flying colours!
Great.
So valiant.
You really do love me.
I do?
No, I don't.
Gomez, now that Mr. Harvey will be joining the family,
maybe we should give his firm the contract.
You're absolutely right, Tish.
I'll look over the document at once.
Mr. Addams, uh, can I come with you?
Please.
And separate you two lovebirds?
I wouldn't dream of it.
So, Tish.
Any thoughts on a wedding present?
His and her meat cleavers?
Brilliant!
Darling, we have company.
Is Melancholia here?
I'm her fiancé, Fred.
The deserter! It's nice to meet you.
I'm Gomez. This is my wife, Morticia.
How do you do?
I believe Melancholia is in the conservatory.
Follow me.
Isn't Melancholia in there with Mr. Harvey?
Oops.
Hey, what's going on here?
Fred?
Where have you been?
You told me to leave town, remember?
I didn't mean it!
And you said you never wanted to see me again.
I didn't mean that, either.
Then I remembered how you always chase away the people you really like.
So.
I figured you must really like me, yeah?
I do.
Who's this?
Ralph, uh.
This is my fiancé. Fred.
Fred, this uh, this is my fiancé, Ralph.
Nonononono. No.
Hi.
You mean I'm gonna have to fight for you?
No, no, no, no, no, no.
Take her, please!
He's good.
Come on.
Got some makin' up to do.
Melancholia, wait!
Oh!
Oh, Tisha!
Thank you so much for your hospitality.
Mr. Harvey?
Wake up, Mr. Harvey.
Harvey, old man, get up!
I've renewed your contract.
We felt it was the least we could do after
introducing you to the woman who broke your heart.
Believe me, uh.
I'll get over it.
And I've got just the woman who can help!
Thing?
Call Cousin Traciel.
You're gonna love her.
She can smoke through her neck.
Wednesday, you can stop now.
I don't think so.
Darling!
Have we decided where we're sending Melancholia and Fred on their honeymoon?
What about Mongolia?
The weather's supposed to be horrendous this time of year.
Excellent choice!
Leave it to you to come up with the perfect wedding gift.
Cheater.
Wednesday?
Ouch.
Splinter.
Ah, Mongolia.
Miles of unending desert.
Long stretches of barren wasteland.
Such a perfect place for a honeymoon.