A weed.
For you.
Cara mia.
Mon cher.
That's Fester back from the video store.
People drive like maniacs around here!
Every time they see a red light, they stop!
That's why I let Lurch do the driving.
He's colourblind.
So, Fester.
Which videos did you rent?
"Bambi"?
"The Sound of Music"!
Oh, dear.
Put those away before the children see them.
Can't believe they gave me the wrong bag.
Guess I'm going back to the store.
Care to join me in the crypt, querida?
Oui, oui.
Tish, that's French.
Dear Fester forgot his steering wheel!
Good old Fester. I bet he doesn't even know it's missing.
Morticia...
Do you know what you do to me when you hold a steering wheel that way?
Fester Addams, out of the car.
Now!
Here you are, dear.
How does that look, darling?
Perfect.
Ah, the Nisbit branch of your family.
Upstanding members of society.
I know.
That was painted right after they started the Revolution.
Such a handsome bunch.
Look what I found snorkeling on a greasy lake.
Nothing like a little oil spill to enhance the natural beauty of a pigeon.
I hope Harold Pomeroyoy likes it!
I'm giving it to him for his birthday.
Pugsley, you can't give Harold a pigeon like that.
You have to mount him first.
Right!
I'm going to give Harold, Twist Twister.
Excellent choice!
There.
That's better.
Goodbye, children.
Have a good time.
Thanks, Father!
Morticia, don't move.
We have the house all to ourselves.
Mi amor...
Oh, darling.
Remember how I carried you over the threshold that first time?
Not just over the threshold.
Into the living room, up the stairs, into our bedroom.
And out the window and into the cemetery.
I was unconscious.
And covered in dirt and decay~
Oh, Tish.
Let's go to the cemetery and
resurrect that magical moment.
Cara mia... !
Mon cher.
Patience! There's enough for everybody.
speedy ears, but terrible table manners.
Darling.
I think I just heard Pugsley's octopus slither toward the front door.
You're right.
I wonder what the children are doing home so soon.
Children?
What's wrong?
Harold Pomeroyoy said that we were a bunch of "cytos".
How sweet.
He meant it as an insult.
Are you sure?
It's Mr. Pomeroyoy and Little Harold!
Why, the poor child's all tanned as if he's been out in the sun.
Where are Mr. and Mrs. Addams?
I'm Cecil B. Pomeroy.
Perhaps you've heard of me.
I'm in Oil.
Boiling?
No, lubricating!
Oh.
Look what your criminal offspring did with her fists.
Nice eye.
The black really adds character.
Mr. and Mrs. Addams.
Striking a Pomeroy is no laughing matter.
I demand an apology.
Children?
I see you got into a fight with Harold this afternoon.
Only because you said your family was better than ours.
My family is better.
Is not!
Children, I want you to apologize to Harold.
I'm sorry I hit you in the eye, Harold.
That's better.
Next time I won't leave a mark where it's visible.
Mr. Pomeroy, we apologize for the whole misunderstanding.
Please join us in the cemetery for some tea.
You take your tea in the cemetery?
Only when it's dreary.
Wednesday, Pugsley.
Why don't you take Harold out to play?
You can patch things up.
Well, I... I...
When pushing someone out the window,
it's best to gag them first,
so their screams don't disturb the help.
I'm so glad we got everything straightened up.
Yes, yes.
Not only are we neighbors,
but I find we also have a joining property on the county line.
I know, pristine swamp land.
Yes, yes.
Well.
One of the worst investments I ever made.
You know, we Pomeroys
rarely make mistakes!
One of the many things we're proud of.
Ah, good ol' Uncle Slackjaws!
Still breathing after all these years.
Brea - ?
As a matter of fact,
we had Professor Simms trace our family genealogy,
and we discovered that we're directly descended from the Kings of Kent.
What was that?
Fang, Pugsley's jaguar.
Your son has a jaguar?
Yes.
He wanted a grizzly bear.
But they have to be walked all the time.
Gomez, have you seen my overcoat?
I have to go downtown and run a few errands.
I believe I saw it by the stockade.
Good day.
That man is a w-w-walking time bomb... !
That's our Fester!
Always the life of the party.
Father, Father!
I was mauled by a jaguar!
Oh, no.
Pugsley's forgotten to feed Fang, again.
You know how cranky he gets on an empty stomach.
Mr. and Mrs. Addams,
keeping a live jaguar in the house?
I mean, what's next?
Sorry.
I forgot to set the timers for daylight savings.
That's not the worst of it, Estelle.
This monster, they all call Fester,
blew himself up with time bombs.
Oh, that's appalling.
To think that our Harold was exposed to such...
coarse elements!
Cecil, what if he's scarred for life?
Well, we'll just ship him off to the Swiss boarding school.
Just like his brothers.
Oh, Twist Twister.
Who's that from?
I don't remember.
Harold, would you please come in here a minute?
There's another gift for you to open.
There's nothing like the angelic sound of a church choir.
Ahhh... !
Why does Harold say his ancestors are better than ours?
It's not true.
Is it?
Why, of course not.
I'm sure we're descended from just as many killers, outlaws,
and ruthless monarchs as they are.
Our family does have its sentimental side.
Can I have some of these?
Help yourself.
Harold says we'll never be as good as his family.
Nonsense.
We come from a long line of model citizens.
Why, look at your Uncle Fester.
Bingo!
I knocked a hole right through that ice cream truck.
Who do the Pomeroys think they are?
We ought to hire their genealogists to trace our family tree.
Excellent.
Who knows what delightful skeletons will turn up?
I bet our better ancestors are a lot nicer than the Pomeroys'.
Harold never even thanked me for the Twist Twister game.
Your presence is requested.
Now.
You're welcome.
Mr. Addams.
Your unruly children are a menace to society.
Compliment noted and accepted.
I'll have you know that I'm reporting everything to the school.
The black eye,
that... attacking jaguar,
that, that, that, that board game... !
Everything.
Great idea!
Maybe the children can earn some extra credit!
Mr. and Mrs. Addams.
It's perfectly obvious to me that unlike the Pomeroy children,
your fiendish offspring were brought up,
not to behave in a civilized manner.
Most certainly not.
That does it.
Forget about the school.
I'm going straight to the police.
I have a lot of connections in this town.
And I'll see to it that both your little monsters are severely punished.
Promise?
Oh!
I'm telling you,
Great Grandpa Slud had only four toes.
Don't be ridiculous.
Nobody in this side of the family has four toes.
They have six.
Bingo!
No, hurry up!
I've got a lizard pot pie in the oven.
Eight toes!
Great news.
Professor Simms has agreed to trace our family tree.
Good.
Now we can finally put that blowhard Pomeroy in his place!
As if we couldn't already.
I'll bet he hasn't one ancestor with six toes,
let alone eight.
Well, not everyone's as highly evolved as we are.
Great Grandpa Slud.
Still feisty after all these years.
Thank you, Officer.
That was Officer Madison.
He wants to see us tomorrow at the police station.
Madison?
I don't recall him arresting us before.
He must be new!
Well, he wasn't particularly nice.
He said Mr. Pomeroy is charging the children with Assault and Battery.
Hoo hoo!
Wait till the kids at school hear about this.
Wednesday and Pugsley will be so popular!
I wonder which member of the family this belongs to.
We could ask around.
See if anybody's missing a brain.
Professor Simms here to see you.
Excellent.
Professor Simms.
We're so glad you've agreed to trace our family tree.
I do enjoy,
digging up people's dirty linen.
I, I mean, discovering their ancestors.
Oh.
And something tells me you have quite a few unusual ancestors.
What makes you say that?
So tell me, are you any relation to John?
Or John Quincy Addams?
No, but people often assume that.
It's a great source of embarrassment to us.
Darling, I wonder if Mr. Pomeroy thinks we're related to the presidential Addams.
I hope not!
Ready, Lurch?
This should get rid of your headache.
Professor Simms?
That's odd.
No, that's Cousin Itt.
That's Cousin Odd.
Oh, look, the old Addams barn.
Darling, that's Aunt Flemish.
I don't recognize those two.
Wait, that's one!
Of course, Grandpa Slurp.
You can always tell by the buck tooth in one head,
and the receding hairline in the other.
He was a handsome devil.
We should show Mr. Pomeroy a picture of him!
You know, the Pomeroys have some interesting characters in their background, too.
Really?
There was "Quick Draw" Pomeroy,
the Scourge of the Wild West.
"Scourge of the Wild West"?
I like the sound of that.
And the...
O-o-o-o-of course,
Quick Draw didn't kill nearly
a-a-a-as many people as
Caelnic Pomeroy.
The Hanging Judge.
O-o-o-or,
o-o-o-or "Peg Leg" Pomeroy!
Bluebeard in Boston!
My, there is an impressive background.
I don't blame him for feeling superior.
That woman is so high-strung.
Cecil B. Pomeroy here.
Oh, hello.
Oil. Where?
Where?
Are you sure?
I'll get right on it.
What's the matter, dear?
According to our lawyer,
a satellite just detected oil on that swamp land
Addams owns, next to ours.
So?
I've got to get him to sell me that land!
Mr. Addams will never sell it to you now that
you're pressing charges against his children.
You're right.
Unless...
Mr. Pomeroy, what are you doing here?
Well, I reconsidered and decided to drop all the charges.
Finally came to your senses.
It happens to the best of us.
Hello, Harold.
Father says I have to be nice.
Now, Harold, why don't you kids run along and play?
Come on, Harold.
I'll show you how to juggle meat cleavers.
Father!
Now, Harold.
Please.
They're only kidding.
We never kid.
Give me your hand.
No way!
Harold, you're no fun.
You don't want to play on the rack or the guillotine.
Well, why don't we play something that I want to play?
Like what?
Well, I know.
Do you have Operation?
Please accept my humble apologies.
Don't mention it, old man!
Care for a duel?
No, no, no, no, no thanks.
Querida?
Now that we've learned of your family's background, we understand your pride.
Well, we Pomeroys don't like to brag.
Ha ha!
Ha!
Darling.
Show them your Flying Dutchman dagger trick.
Great idea.
Mr. Addams.
Mr. Addams, as I was saying, I,
I would like to show you how, how sorry I am.
By, by taking some of that
worthless swamp land off your hands.
At the same price you paid for it, of course,
$5,000 an acre.
Let's not talk business, old man.
Let's talk about our illustrious families.
Why don't you tell us all about Peg Leg Pomeroy?
I beg your pardon?
I don't know what you're talking about.
Come now. You're not gonna deny coming from a long line of pirates and outlaws!
I should have known.
Alright, alright.
I-I-I-I'll pay you $10,000 an acre.
But you must swear not to breathe a word of this to anyone.
Mr. Pomeroy, you're too generous.
And modest!
Pomeroy, the knife would be proud of you!
Th-th-the knife? The knife?
P-P-P-Pomeroy.
I don't know how you found out about him.
B-but I'll give you,
$15,000 an acre.
But you must swear to keep this under wraps.
Well, if you insist...
¡Olé!
Bravo, bravo!
My cheque will be here first thing in the morning.
Harold!
We're leaving!
Harold, we're leaving.
Get down here this instant.
Father!
Harold, Harold!
What have they done to you?
They... they tried...
Don't be a sissy.
It's only brain surgery.
Give me away from these, these freaks!
I'm afraid we must be leaving now.
First you have to say goodbye to Kitty Cat.
No!
Harold, Harold! Harold, Harold!
We must say goodbye to Kitty Cat.
Here, kitty kitty.
What happened to the Pomeroys?
Those businessmen. Always in such a hurry.
Some businessman.
He bought that worthless land from me for three times what I paid for it.
Gomez, that land's not worthless.
After all, you added that lovely oil spill for Pugsley to play in.
Ah, yes. Greasy lake, rotting pigeons, floating carcasses, a deathly stench.
Morticia.
Care to take a walk around the lake with me while it's still ours?
Only if you promise me one thing.
Anything.
You won't be gentle.
Never.
That Professor Simms was a bit skittish,
but worth every penny.
To think she discovered a whole line of deviants we didn't even know about.
Not a white sheep in the bunch.
What about Great Uncle Matthew?
The accountant.
Fester, I thought we agreed never to mention him again.
You're right.
Sorry.
Fester, don't forget to return your video.
When you're at the store, why don't you pick up a copy of The Exorcist?
I'm in the mood for a good comedy.
Sure.
Down you go.
Can someone give me a light?
Certainly.
Have a nice trip.
This will be a real blast.
Here ya go.
Gomez,
is there anything more comforting than knowing you come from a long line of
rogues, tyrants and mercenaries?
We Addams.
Family to be proud of.
Awoooooo... !