There's nothing like fishing in a dark and murky swamp,
to stir up the appetite, eh, old boy?
Well, I haven't had a nibble all night.
Are you sure this is where they're biting?
I'd stake your life on it.
Maybe I'm using the wrong kind of bait.
Looks fine to me.
Wait!
I think I've got one!
Easy, Gomez!
Let 'im run with it!
I'm wearing him down... !
Oh, that's it, boy.
Come to Papa...
There he is.
Wow, you landed a big one!
71/2 inches!
Haha!
That's a keeper!
Hahaha!
Well.
I've caught my limit for the night.
Let's get these bad boys back to the kitchen.
You know,
we could probably catch more
if there weren't so many of these in the way.
Now!
I do so love going through all of our past accoutrements.
Ah, the French even have a beautiful word for musty ol' stuff.
Say it again, querida~
Perhaps later, darling.
We must decide which of these treasures to donate to the charity auction.
Bric-à-brac.
Bric-à-brac?
Just put it over there between the knickknacks and the tchotchkes.
Oh, look, Gomez...
Your wedding dress.
I thought it was so fashionable then.
Isn't it funny how styles change?
Styles, perhaps.
But you...
You are as lovely as the day I ran you down the aisle.
Impetuous caballero mío.
Oh, look, darling.
All Mama had to do was look at it, and
we had seven glorious years of bad luck.
No,
I don't think we can part with this.
I don't think I can part with any of my memories.
Except your short-term one, my love.
Oh, cara.
Let's just skip the charity.
After all, they didn't even ask us to donate this year.
And isn't that odd.
Oh,
Pugsley's pogo stick.
Boy, did he have fun with this.
I forgot Fester supercharged it.
Charity auction.
It's Morticia Addams.
Heaven help us.
She wants to donate!
How lovely!
There can never be too much charity.
In this case,
I would have to disagree.
Respectfully, of course.
Nonsense.
Mrs. Addams,
this is Ariana Puffington.
Of course, we'd be delighted to accept your donations.
Nooo.
I can't imagine why you were overlooked this year.
Good taste comes to mind.
Yes, of course.
I'll send Mr. Hiller over with our van.
And thanks so much for remembering us.
Bye-bye.
Fine.
Okay.
But I'm bringing Big Earl with me.
And if we're not back in two hours,
I want you to call in the SWAT team!
I know.
Let's donate this old wedding gift from Aunt Gretch.
Gomez, that's our 18th century crystal vase.
It's worthless.
You're absolutely right, querida.
Our gift should at least have some value.
I'm donating Marie Antoinette.
Oh, Wednesday, are you sure?
She's your favourite.
I know,
but I feel it's time to move on.
There's a certain Malibu Barbie that needs to meet Mr. Guillotine.
Head on.
Oh, Wednesday,
you make a mother proud.
And what about you, Pugsley?
I'm donating my mobile from my baby crib.
What mother wouldn't welcome that fine addition to her nursery?
I better go see what Fester's going to give.
I wouldn't expect too much.
You know, the only thing Fester likes to give is blood.
Oh, Morticia! Great!
Give me a hand, will ya?
Fester!
You should be ashamed.
The entire family is organizing our donations to charity,
and you're selfishly indulging in your little hobbies.
Please, Morticia.
Just a few thousand volts?
You know how it helps me focus.
Pleaaase?
Very well.
Thanks.
I needed that.
Now we can discuss the items you're going to give.
Why, that Iron Maiden looks inviting!
Oh, no!
Not my Iron Maiden.
How am I supposed to contain my dates?
Don't be silly.
You still have your betting cage?
Please, Morticia. I just broke this one in.
It cuts off my circulation,
in all the right places.
Fester,
I'm seeing a side of you I've never seen.
A selfish, unattractive side!
Ohh.
Oh.
Well, now I know what it really means by giving until it hurts.
That's much better.
Now, that nice Mr. Hiller is on his way over to pick up our things,
so shine it up and bring it to the living room.
You'll feel better once you know the joy of giving.
Oh, I know all about the joy of giving.
I also know about the joy of making sure my stuff comes back!
Ow!
Ahh...
What is wrong with my darlings, today?
Did you eat someone who disagreed with you?
I forgot, you're allergic to shellfish.
Oh, Lurch. Be a dear and run to the kitchen and bring me some yak?
My little friends seem to be in a raw meat mood today.
Meat shine.
You can polish Pugsley's shoes, later.
I'm not sure if the yak is fully rotten, yet.
I'd better get some old toad, for good measure.
Oh, no.
Pugsley!
Bad fish! Bad fish!
You're supposed to be man-eating!
Not round, little boy eating!
Father!
Pugsley, son!
Keep talking.
I'll find you!
Or, or at least parts of you.
Oh, Puxley, son!
Thank goodness you're indigestible... !
Did you hear that?
Big deal.
How about that, wise guy?
Quit being such a baby.
Come on.
Be my guest, Rambo.
Mommy?
Ahh, "don't be such a baby!"
Good day.
We're here to pick up your
lovely donations
for the charity auction.
Follow me.
Cut me down... !
Please?
Guy?
Hiller, old boy!
Welcome back to our humble abode.
This is my associate, Big Earl.
A pleasure.
Well, what do you think?
We really outdid ourselves this year.
Yes, I was afraid of that.
Wh-wh-what'd you call this?
Why, it's a time machine, of course.
And can it take me to a time when I'm no longer here?
Sorry, old boy.
It only goes back to the Dark Ages.
But say hello to Rue and the Ruthless Addams for me!
I couldn't take that from you.
I'm sure it's much too valuable.
Nonsense, it's yours.
Well, if it's a more traditional timepiece you're after,
Pugsley has one up in his room.
I'm sure he'd be happy to give it to you.
Oh!
I'll be right back.
What a bunch of junk.
Take it away.
Eugh!
Come on.
Out you go.
Hiller, you mad cow.
You're going to love this.
Not a doubt in my mind.
Isn't it wonderful?
Well,
it looks harmless enough.
One o'clock.
I'll be curious to see what it brings at auction.
I'll be curious to see who it eats,
at the auction.
Listen to him scream.
Dear, now he's going to want the chair, too?
Here it is,
the last one.
Oh, my. That's hideous.
Just leave it next to the other monstrosities. Go.
You got it.
Go!
I got to start eating a more balanced breakfast.
Thing!
Quick!
Get me out of here!
Now!
Uh-oh.
I'm stuck.
Thing... !
Wednesday,
what are we doing again tomorrow?
We're recreating the classic duel at dawn
between Alexander Hamilton and Aaron Burr.
Why?
Let's just call it a history lesson.
Weapons?
Yours or mine?
Yours?
Dagger.
Mine?
Nerf ball.
Okay.
But I better send my alarm clock for dawn.
My clock!
My tiger head clock!
It's gone!
This takes me back to my days as a big game hunter.
I must have this.
Whatever the cost!
Ahhhh!
What happened to the music?
I was just about to...
bust a move!
It's not working, darling.
I thought the party music would coax little Pugsley down.
But, alas~
Still in the chimney, eh?
He's been sulking about his tiger's head clock for hours, now.
Ah, it's all my fault.
I should have asked his permission,
but I was so sure he would have donated it.
He says it's the only thing he's ever loved.
Well, what about that crush he had on Rosie O'Donnell?
I believe the jury decided that was more of a stalking.
Mmm.
Perhaps Wednesday could come down and let a fire under him.
Mmm no.
As much fun as it would be for her.
This is a problem between a father and his son.
Say, Pugsley?
You wanna go out for a drive with the top down?
It's raining,
and the brakes are completely shot!
The poor dear's been traumatized.
I certainly hope so.
Ah, querida.
I must find a way to mend this terrible rift with my son.
Something
funky?
Perhaps later.
Right now I'm going to the auction to bid for Pugsley's clock.
But please,
not a word to Mr. Addams.
I want it to be a surprise.
Good luck.
Thank you.
Oh, Lurch. I've got to get that clock back!
If it's the last thing I do.
Do I hear, 100?
100!
Sold to No. 23.
Thank you.
And, uh, now we come to this..
uh, very unique collection,
donated by our dear benefactors, the Addams family.
Better dust off your wallet, old boy.
This next batch will knock your eyes out.
In fact,
I think there's a device up there specifically designed for that purpose.
Well, here we have...
I'm not sure,
but it appears to be a seedy little...
plant.
Do I hear a bid?
I didn't think so.
And moving right along!
Pugsley,
you've been up there too long.
I'm afraid you might get hurt.
Come on.
My new home surgery kit is here,
and you've got a spleen with my name on it.
Fine.
Suit yourself.
But in the meantime, I'll sterilize this scalpel for you.
Our next item is this truly unusual clock.
The bidding opens at,
$50.
Anyone?
Oh, my.
It, it looks like we have 50.
Um, do I hear,
60?
$60.
We have 60.
Yes, uh, eh.
Umm.
Could I get 75?
That's 75.
Unbelievable!
$1000!
Querida?
Darling!
$1,100!
Going once?
Oh, Gomez.
We both had the same idea.
Going twice?
But of course,
we are of one mind,
and one heart.
Sold for $1,100 to Clayton Howell III!
Capital!
For that kind of money, it better be housebroken.
You'll all mine.
Come to Papa, you ferocious feline.
He's all mine~!
Our next item,
is this, uh,
medieval iron maiden.
As you can see.
Fester Addams, strong as an ox!
Do I hear $10?
He's handy around the house!
$10!
15!
$25!
35! 45!
35, 40, 45!
65!
80, 85, 90... !
Say, Pugsley?
Pugsley?
Son?
We tried to get your clock back.
We're sorry.
Won't you come down and talk to us?
I'm afraid he's beginning to like it up there.
Dark, damp, musty? What's not to like?
Thanks a lot, guys.
I was this close to becoming a love toy to a psychopathic 80 year old.
Too bad.
She sounds like she would have made a nice addition to the family.
Well, the good news is,
I lost three pounds while I was trapped in that iron maiden.
Maybe I should market it as a diet aid.
Now, Fester.
I hope you used some of that time well-trapped
thinking about the true spirit of giving.
I did.
And you're right.
I was being selfish.
Selfish, selfish, selfish.
Next year, I'm going to go through my entire collection of explosives
and any that are malfunctioned,
I'm gonna give to a needy family!
Your generosity brings a tear to these Castilian eyes.
Surprise!
Lurch,
you got the clock back!
Did you hear that, Pugsley, darling?
Your tiger's come home.
Thank you, Lurch.
This is fantastic.
But tell us, old boy.
What happened to that Clayton Howell III fellow who outbid us?
Ah, there's nothing like the call of the wild to bring a family together.
Does this hurt?
Yes.
Does this hurt?
Yes.
Does this hurt?
Yes.
Does this hurt?
Yes.
Does this hurt?
Isn't it nice that Pugsley's finally out of the chimney?
And playing with his sister, again.
Does this hurt?
Yes.
We must have done something very right.
Yes.
Now, now Wednesday,
what did we tell you about the eyes?
Quickly.
That's a good girl.
I did so enjoy the charity auction. T
There's nothing like giving, to revive the spirit!
Speaking of reviving the spirit.
Cara...
Darling...
Yes.
Does this hurt?
Yes.
Goodnight children.
Don't forget to unlock the doors.
Awoooo... !