Mama!
I think these rattlesnake cakes are the best yet.
Thank you, Morticia.
I made them extra crispy,
to lock in the venom.
I see the national parcel delivery man is getting over his shyness.
This is actually the closest he's ever come to the house.
Fester,
it's for you.
Oh, great!
Just what I've been waiting for!
My rocket launcher... !
Just like the CIA sells to hostile nations, under the table~
Very democratic of them to sell local fringe groups, as well.
Let 'er rip!
Dear Fester~ He has so much fun playing with his toys.
I do believe it's his raison d'être.
Tish, that's — !
Fire in the hole!
French!
Ahhhhhh... !
There goes the neighbourhood.
again.
Now!
Where is Mr Addams!
Your jacket?
No!
Actually, it is a little warm in here...
Ah, Mr and Mrs Fletcher!
I'll get my chequebook.
I'm afraid it's not that simple, Mr. Addams.
Sure it is.
Fester blows up your house.
I write you a cheque.
You rebuild it!
Isn't that the way we've always done it?
We thought we'd try a different approach this time.
Ohh, d'you want me to send a cheque directly to your contractor?
No.
We want you to cease and desist the operation
of deadly explosives in a residential zone.
Noo, really.
Ahh.
Mr and Mrs Fletcher, how lovely to see you again.
I'll get the chequebook.
Apparently, we're trying a different approach this time.
Oh?
Mr Addams, what we have here is a clear case.
Of reckless endangerment.
Well...
I can't take all the credit.
Fester's the one you should be thanking!
Let me phrase it another way.
If you,
or any of your family members,
attacks my house, one more time... !
I'll take you to court!
And sue you for... !
every single cent you have.
And we mean it, too!
Heh.
Ta-ta!
Fire in the hole!
[ FLETCHERS, AGHAST]
aaaaaAHHHHHhh!
Must be one of those heat-seeking missiles.
"AN ILLUSTRATED HISTORY OF WITCHES From Salem to Sabrina"
The book says I'm supposed to lower you into the water.
If you are a witch, you won't drown.
But I'm not a witch.
I know.
Ouch.
Rope burn?
You're the lawyer in the family.
Can they really deprive me of my alienable right to explode things?
Of course not.
Oops.
I don't like the sound of that.
Well, it does seem there is some silly little law about
detonating bombs in a residential area.
Why, that's terrible.
Surely there must be something we can do to prevent them from suing us.
Transfer our money into offshore accounts?
Look.
I don't want the family to go through a bitter lawsuit.
I'll just get rid of all my explosives.
Forever.
I'll have to learn to get by on these.
Why, Wednesday.
You're not your usual gloomy self, at all.
Pugsley's not a witch.
Well, darling.
No one's perfect.
And he broke my dunking chair.
After all the hours, it took me to torture him into building it for me.
I'm sure he did it on purpose.
No, it was a total accident.
And now he must pay.
How sweet.
Ow!
"All rise."
"Court is now back in session.
"The Honourable Judge Debbie Gilligan presiding."
"You may be seated."
Wow.
She's a goddess.
Where is that music coming from?
Sorry.
"Look, you lowlife."
"Pay the damages and don't let me see your pathetic face in here again."
"Case dismissed."
What a woman... !
Who, Judge Debbie?
That's not Judge Debbie.
That's the future Mrs Fester Addams!
Ow!
Oh, no.
I'm losing my touch.
What sort of neighbours take away a man's explosives?
Next thing you know, they'll be telling us to cage in the alligators.
Poor Fester.
I've never seen him more depressed.
Morticia, I'm so happy I can hug a grizzly bear!
Although he does have the ability to bounce back from things.
I have the answer to all my problems!
Now, now, Fester.
Homicide is often punishable in this country.
Oh, sue me.
Better yet, let the Fletchers sue me.
Fester, I don't understand. You want the Fletchers to sue you?
Yes.
But, only on the Judge Debbie show.
She's the woman of my nightmares.
She wears a long black robe.
Screams at people all day long.
And bangs on stuff with a hammer!
She does sound charming.
Do you really think we should use the United States court system, as a dating service?
Of course!
Besides, we'll be defending Fester's right to bear explosives.
After all, this country was founded on the principle
that the common man must take a stand against injustice.
Oh, Gomez.
I love it when you pontificate.
Tish.
Was that French?
No.
Did Paul Revere stand idly by and allow taxation without representation?
No.
Did Rosa Parks sit in the back of the bus?
No!
Will Fester Addams triumph in court?
No!
Can we take that one again?
Come on!
It's time to take a stand against tyranny.
Help me get lucky.
That, too.
Just out of curiosity.
What are we doing out here in the middle of the night?
We're here for a special ceremony.
Lurch?
Four score and seven years ago,
our forefathers came upon this continent, yada yada yada...
My fellow Americans, I have lusted in my heart.
Yada, yada, yada...
Oh, here it is!
The right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.
Fester, go.
Pursue happiness.
You mean pursue Judge Debbie?
Fester, Fester, Fester, Fester, Fester, Fester, Fester, Fester, Fester... !
Fletchers!
Come and get me!
We'll see you in court, Addams!
Be careful, Thing.
You don't want to cut off any thorns by mistake.
Hello, Wednesday.
Mother.
Thing.
Where are you going, darling?
To take Pugsley to a level of pain he's never known before.
So that I may prove to myself,
that I'm still capable,
of instilling fear and panic,
into the depths of his very soul.
Well, have fun, darling.
I intend to.
Now, once more from the top.
Pro bono, habeas corpus, quid pro quo, ad hoc, ad nauseam.
Bravo!
But what does it mean?
Who cares?
Oh, who am I kidding?
I don't stand a chance with Judge Debbie.
She's a judge.
And a TV star.
She probably even has her own car.
Which is all the more reason why you should dazzle her with your legal expertise!
Now, repeat after me.
Non compos mentis.
Darling, I believe it's time to go.
Why, you're absolutely right.
Should I invite the children to come with us to court?
I bet they haven't seen such mud-slinging since the last family reunion.
Actually, Wednesday's torturing Pugsley right now.
Better not to interrupt them,
when they're having fun.
Oh, Pugsley~
Could you come here for a second?
Coming...
Did you call me?
It's true.
I've lost the gift of torture...
Wednesday? What's wrong?
The Wednesday you've known and feared is no more.
I am merely a shell of my former self.
I know what will cheer you up.
Here, beat me senseless with this mace.
You don't understand.
I no longer have the power to inflict bodily harm.
Does this mean you'll never try to torture me again?
Consider yourself free.
Hurray!
I'm bored now.
'And now, step into the courtroom of Judge Debbie Gilligan.'
'Where it's not just the law.'
'It's Judge Debbie's law.'
At last!
I'm finally gonna have my day in court!
'These are the plaintiffs, Lyle and Sylvia Fletcher.'
'They claim their neighbour, Fester Addams, continually blows up their house with powerful explosives.'
I can't believe you let them talk us into coming to this media circus.
Don't worry.
Judge Debbie will take one look at those psychos, and throw the book at them.
'This is the defendant, Fester Addams.'
'And... some other strange looking people.'
'Mr Addams says he's only exercising his right as an American citizen.'
'He also seems to have a bomb with him.'
All rise.
Court is now in session. The Honourable Judge Debbie Gilligan presiding.
You may be seated.
Your Honour, this is case number 629 on the docket,
in the matter of Fletcher versus Addams.
[ UNDER HER BEATH, to the BAILIFF ] I thought we'd taped the Halloween episode six months ago.
We did, now.
So they just... look like that?
Apparently so, ma'am.
Okay.
Uh, which one of you is, uh, Fester Addams?
I am, your loneliness~
Where's that music coming from?
Sorry.
Flattery will get you nowhere in my courtroom, sir.
Will it, Fred?
No, ma'am.
Although I personally have always considered you a hottie.
Remind me to give you a raise.
No thanks, Thing.
I don't feel like playing right now.
I'm a little sad.
Hey, Thing, that's a great idea.
Come on, let's go!
Let me see if I've got this straight.
This gentleman regularly detonates explosive charges,
sufficiently powerful to damage your house.
And then this gentleman compensates you for your losses.
That's correct, Your Honour.
Is this some kind of a joke?
Oh, no, Your Honour.
If this were a joke,
it would have a narrative set up,
followed by a humourous conclusion,
also known as a punchline,
combining the elements of the... !
Let's hear from you.
What do you have to say?
You look lovely in that robe.
Only mine is the...
You know, it's very similar to mine.
I meant about the case.
Oh, that.
Do you dispute the facts of the case, as set forth by the plaintiff?
Huh?
Do you agree with what Mr. Fletcher said?
Oh, sure!
Like Gomez always says,
a man who doesn't tell the truth,
is like a horse with one leg missing.
He's an honest man, but a lousy poet.
How come this never happened to Judge Wopner?
Ow!
That's okay, Thing.
I've got another
So you have no out-of-pocket expenses?
Well...
N'yeah...
But we do have pain and suffering,
and a lot of dust.
We'd be happy to pay for that, Your Honour.
You will?
Of course.
Gomez never lies.
Unless he has a really good reason,
or he feels like it.
Then what are we doing here?
Fester wanted to ask you out.
I would have sent flowers,
but this seemed more...
personal.
I object!
Overruled, Mr Fletcher.
So, does that mean you'll go out with me?
Tempting as that proposition sounds.
I'm afraid it would be unethical for me to mix business with...
fine dining.
Since the defendants have agreed,
to compensate the plaintiffs for all monetary losses,
as well as pain and suffering.
B - but, Your Honour... !
This man is a menace to society.
Look!
He actually brought,
a bomb into the court of...
Case dismissed.
Hmm.
I thought we could have our chocolate elk shakes out here.
It's such a nice, smoggy night.
Thank you, Mama.
Don't mention it.
Oh, look!
The Fletchers have put what's left of their house up for sale.
Oh, dear.
That's too bad.
They were the only neighbors who ever came over to visit.
ahhhhhh!
I think Gomez decided to go inside.
Wednesday?
So...
This is where you've been hiding.
And where I will shrivel up and die.
What is it, Thing?
You and Pugsley have a surprise for Wednesday in the dungeon?
Surprise... !
My dunking chair.
Thing and I fixed it. It's no fun around here when you're nice to me.
But what if it doesn't work?
I've lost my touch.
I'm cured.
I can torture again.
I love happy endings.
Who's next?
"Case dismissed."
I hate how the camera only adds ten pounds.
Anybody want to watch it again!
No!
Ten times is quite enough of one evening.
Sorry, things didn't work out between you and Judge Debbie.
Me, too.
I guess I'm just not cut out to be the husband of a career woman.
I'm too high maintenance.
Look, it's Rosie O'Donnell.
I've never realized how beautiful she is...
Awoooooo... !