That's strange.
The mail's usually here, by now.
Heeelllppp!
Oh, there you are!
D'you have any mail for me?
I'm waiting for some new spikes for my Iron Maiden.
The mailbox attacked me... !
Bad mailbox!
Bad, bad, bad!
You should know better than to bite the hand that feeds you.
Hold on!
I'll be right back.
This will get you down!
Help!
No, thanks.
I can carry this myself.
Now!
Perfect!
Burnt to a crisp.
The more incinerated the better.
Gomez... Morticia.
Wednesday...
Pugsley...
Hey!
There's a postcard for Lurch!
Really?
Lurch never gets any letters.
Maybe he found a penpal down at the morgue!
You rang?
You've Got Mail.
What is it, Lurch?
Is it good news?
A death threat?
Blackmail demands? Huh?
Huh?
Whatever it was, it must have been very upsetting.
[ GOMEZ, in SULTRY TONE ] I hope there's a postcard in there for us.
Cara mia...
Mon cher...
Oh my.
Lurch overfed the vampire bats.
Not a single nip!
How does he expect them to be vicious if they're not even hungry?
If you see Lurch, tell him I have a little complaint about the laundry.
And look at this plate!
I can see myself.
I think we're gonna have to have a talk with Lurch.
Whaaaat?
Lurch.
We've noticed that you seem to have something on your mind, Lurch.
You know we all think of you as part of the family!
If you have a problem, share the wealth.
The girl you met on your Hawaiian vacation, wants to come for a visit?
How nice.
We get to meet your lady love~
I know that groan!
I was right.
He lied about who he was to impress her.
What did you tell her?
I always say that I'm an astronaut.
They really get a "blast" outta that.
Millionaire.
Lurch!
A relationship based on deceit?
This just might be the Real Thing...
Had enough, boys?
Not a chance!
I've just started to get blisters!
Me, too!
Rope burns are the best!
Where are you going, Lurch?
Away.
Stay.
But your lady love will be here in a few days.
I know.
Why would she be disappointed, Lurch?
She may not be getting a millionaire...
But she's getting a liar... !
Why can't she have both?
Capital idea!
We'll let Lurch pretend he's the man of the house.
And you and I will be his maid and butler.
Come, Lurch.
We're going to turn you into a man of leisure.
Let me take that, Lurch.
Lurch?
No, really, Lurch, I can take it.
Lurch, give me the bag!
I win... !
Hah!
Even if you can't read, you shouldn't be seen without the Ghoul Street Journal.
Being an eccentric millionaire is not as easy as it looks.
Let's start with the basics.
Pretend there's someone at the door.
Knock knock!
I'll get it.
No, Lurch.
When I go, "knock knock", you say...
Who's there?
Oh no, Lurch.
The correct response is to say nothing,
just to sit there,
and let one of us answer it.
Maybe we should try a different approach.
Lurch, if you were thirsty,
what would you do?
Lurch, whatever you need, anything, all you have to do is ring.
Rang?
No, Lurch, that's my line now!
Rang?
Here, Lurch.
Give it a try.
Oh.
This is gonna be harder than I thought.
Lurch always makes this look so easy.
Gomez.
I'm worried about Lurch.
I caught him sweeping dirt out from under the rugs and the den!
He got up early this morning,
and did all the shopping!
Well, you know what they say.
What's that, darling?
I don't know.
I was hoping you'd know.
Fester, Mama.
Where are you going?
Lurch asked us to leave.
He told his girlfriend Lizzy he lived alone.
Except for his servants, of course.
Gomez has all the fun.
Children?
Where are you going?
We're going with Uncle Fester and Granny.
Lizzy can't stand children.
She has my vote, already.
This isn't like Lurch, at all.
You're right.
Bossing people around?
Kicking family out of the house?
Perhaps we've made some progress, after all!
Welcome to the Hotel de la Posh.
This is the finest suite we have.
Finest suite!
There's not a speck of dust on anything in here!
They're never going to attract bugs,
with their sweets wrapped up like this.
This soaps smells like flowers.
And the towels aren't hard or scratchy, at all!
Ahhh, the sun! The brightness!
It's right there!
Make it stop, Wednesday!
Make it stop... !
Do you have any other room?
Maybe something in the basement?
I'm sorry, sir, but this is all that's left.
I'm sure that you'll find everything that you require.
But if you need anything,
my name is Stanley.
Oh, thank you very much, Stanley.
That's all.
Ahem.
Sir.
It is customary to offer a... tip?
Oh, right!
Wednesday, do you have a tip?
When meeting strangers for the first time,
it's best not to expose your fingers.
Otherwise, you might get them bitten off.
Ahh!
Oh!
Good afternoon! Welcome to...
Save it.
Gently.
Actually, the name is Gomez.
Whatever.
The important thing is my name, Lizzy.
Lurch is expecting me.
Of course.
Follow me.
Remember, Lurch, keep your eye on the ball.
[ GOMEZ, CHOKED by GOLF CLUB ] Miss Lizzy.
Lurch!
I am so glad to see you.
Me too.
Oh, Gomez.
Isn't love grand?
If you ask me,
it's a pain in the neck.
Oh, Stanley?
There are a few things I need from the Apothecary.
And there are a few dozen essentials, that I, too, forgot to pack.
Nitroglycerin, acetylene, torches?
Where am I supposed to get all this... stuff?
Well, you said that you could get us anything we needed, didn't you?
Very well.
Is there... anything else?
Now that you mention it.
I would like to discuss the options I've made on the vibrating bed.
Oh, we don't have vibrating beds here, sir.
You do now.
Ahhh!
Stop... !
Stop?
What do you mean stop?
We're just gonna kick this baby into turbo charge!
Sorry.
My goodness, Lurch.
That help of yours is so inefficient.
Just look at these windows.
And there's dust everywhere.
You shouldn't have to put up with this.
You rang?
What took you so long?
We came as fast as you...
I'm tired of your excuses.
You.
Clean these windows.
I want them as clear as day.
But why would you want... ?
And you.
Get rid of all this dust.
I want this place spotless.
But it... !
It took us so long to get it this way... !
No.
You are a Saint to put up with this incompetence, Lurch.
If it was up to me,
these two would be out on the street.
Oh, yeah! More! More! Oh, that feels great!
Olga, you're the best!
[ OLGA, SWEATING ] Mr Addams.
Would you mind,
if I take a break now?
We've been at this for over four hours.
Oh, alright.
But only if you call me Fester~
Hey, kids.
Where are you up to?
We're going to the swimming pool to play Jaws.
Just when you thought it was safe to go back into the water.
Mr Addams, here is everything on your list.
I can come back.
If this is a bad time.
Mmmmn, one shouldn't leave such nice things lying around~
You must be mistaken, Thing.
Why would Lizzy want to steal those old gems?
Gomez.
Do you think Lizzy's pretending to like Lurch, because he's pretending to be rich?
I knew they were the perfect couple.
Oh, Lizzy's going to break Lurch's heart.
Let's tell him.
Why, that's preposterous!
You can't take them seriously, sweetums.
After all, who are you going to believe?
Couple of no-good, lazy, shifty servants.
Or your fiancée?
Fiancée?
That's French.
Not now.
That's right.
Lurch and I are to be wed.
This weekend.
And as for you two.
Tell them, sweetums!
You're fired.
Fired!
Ooh.
Will you people stop bothering us!
The last time you were here, you took all our musty towels,
and cleaned all the scum up of the tub!
Fester?
It's us.
Morticia and Gomez.
Oh.
What a relief!
You don't know how bad it's been living in this...
pit of luxury.
What are you two, doing here?
We were fired.
Fired?
You know, I think the hotel's looking for help?
Ooh!
That was close!
Pugsley almost landed in the pool.
Wednesday?
What did we say about shooting your brother out of a cannon?
Not outside.
Good girl.
But it's not my fault.
The aim on the cannon's is off!
I think she has a point, Morticia.
I think the children are homesick.
They call this a gourmet meal...!
They cut all the gristle off the meat!
And it's cooked all the way through.
Oh, my.
These snails are dead.
Not to worry!
I think I've caught something! [GOMEZ, FISHING out the WINDOW ]
And it feels like a big one!
Look!
Oh, what do you know?
It's an itsy bitsy amber-coloured woman's bathing suit!
With little white dots!
Gomez, I believe that's out of season.
Sorry.
We can't go on this way.
Mama is right.
We've got to do something about Lizzy.
Not only has she kicked us out of our own home,
she has her hooks in Lurch, as well.
Yes, it does seem as if she only likes him for his money... ?
That's strange.
Considering he doesn't have any!
Capital idea!
What, dear?
We convinced Lizzy, Lurch is a millionaire.
We can just as easily convince her that he isn't!
[ FESTER ENTERS, in a SUIT ] Addam Fester, I.R.S.!
I.R.S.?
I'm here to audit Mr Lurch.
Audit... ?
Don't argue with me!
I'm here to find out what he's been hiding from us.
And the total comes to... ?
That's what they all say.
Ooh.
Don't worry, sweetums.
I know of a good lawyer who has experience dealing with these vultures.
Flattery will get you nowhere~
Daddy! Daddy! Daddy! Daddy! Daddy!
Daddy!
No, I...
We missed you soooo much!
Is this gonna be our new Mommy?
But we already have a Mommy~!
You're married!
Do you take me for a fool?
I'm going to sue you for misrepresentation and take every penny you've got!
I'm afraid there won't be much once the I.R.S. gets through with him.
And the I.R.S.'ll take this, too!
Daddy!
We love you, Daddy!
I think she's coming... !
I'm not spending another minute in this house!
I think we got her!
I have to get out of here... !
Thing is right!
She is a thief!
Maybe we should give her another chance.
What are you talking about?
You're just the hired help.
The fired hired help.
Now, get out of my way!
Actually, we're the Addamses.
This is our home.
What?
You mean... ?
Lurch is our butler.
We let him pretend to be man of the house,
to impress you.
Butler?
I should have known that big oaf wasn't a millionaire.
That lying, deceitful scoundrel... !
See, she likes Lurch for who he is.
Lurch!
We've told Lizzy everything.
And boy, is she mad at you~
Now you two lovebirds can get to know each other, all over again.
I picture a Fall wedding, after the leaves have died.
Are you joking?
Me?
Marry a... butler!
Not!
I've never heard of anything so ridiculous!
I can carry it... myself!
[ Lizzy, STALKING OFF... ] I can't believe I almost married a butler!
Don't worry, Lurch.
You'll find someone else.
You know what they say.
"There are plenty of eels in the sea"?
Actually, I was thinking of "if at first you don't succeed."
But I like your eels one.
Merci.
Tish! That's French...
Hmm?
Be it ever so dismal, there's no place like home~
I'll drink to that.
Care for a Deadly Nightshade iced tea, querida?
Darling, that sounds delightful.
Lurch?
Yes.
On rocks.
No, Lurch, you get the drinks for us.
Fester,
where are you going?
I got a hot date with Olga, tonight.
Why the spacesuit?
Oh, this old thing?
I told her I'm an astronaut.
Fester, didn't you learn anything from Lurch's experience?
Oh, sure I did.
That if you're gonna lie,
you better learn to back it up.
Blast... offff... !
Wow... !
Woohoo!
Woohoohooo... !
Don't wait up for me... !
Ow... !
Awooooo... !