Ahhh, cara mia.
There's nothing more enchanting than waltzing with a beautiful woman...
I couldn't agree more.
I thought they'd never leave.
How about picking up the beat, then?
Ah, querida.
As a dancer,
you're quite a catch.
Now!
Tish...
You're beginning to cut off my circulation... !
Tighter!
Darling.
Do you really think you can beat Cousin Mojo Addams' record?
It took him three days to extricate himself from the full-body tourniquet.
[ in DEEPER VOICE, that ECHOES ] of DOOM.
And he called himself an escape artist.
Bet I can beat all his old records
and I can do it in a fraction of the time, too!
But first I think I'll have a drink.
I'll ring for Lurch.
No, no, querida.
Allow me.
I forgot.
This is Lurch's day off.
Oh, no problem, querida.
I'll get it.
Can I get you anything?
whOA!
Bravo, darling!
What did I tell you?
Child's play.
Imbecile!
What kind of shipping company would lose my prized possession?
My lifeblood?
My Bögendorper*!
Please, Maestro von Hertzelbert, there's, there's no need to panic!
Panic?
Panic!
I refuse,
to play on any other piano!
Cancel the show!
I'm going back...
to Dusseldorf.
Maestro, please, I'll find you another Bögendorper.
Impossible!
There are only five in the whole world... !
Four, if they can't find mine.
And who knows when the others are?
I do!
According to this issue of Superior Interiors,
there's a Bösendorfer, right here in town!
At the home of the, uhh, the Addams family,
1313 Cemetery Lane.
Get me my piano...
And I'll make you...
my personal concert promoter!
You'll have it by the end of the day.
Pugsley, you're not supposed to moan until I dislocate something.
Pugsley.
I can't help it.
My tooth hurts.
That's odd.
We haven't played "Root Canal" for weeks.
I guess I'll just have to remove it for you.
Say "ahhh."
Ahhh...
Oh whoa ahhh!
Ma'am, cute!
May I help you?
Oh, don't mind him.
He's just being friendly.
Down, boy! Down!
Get away... !
Allow me!
Allow me to introduce myself.
I'm Sam Crudale,
your neighborhood door-to-door piano salesman.
Pleased to meetcha!
Fester Addams. [ STICKS out INDEX FINGER, gives a SQUEAKY "SHAKE" ]
We already have a piano.
You...
You want me to think you have a piano?
Now, if I can just have a moment of your time,
I'll show you what I mean.
He's pushy.
I like that.
Bögendorper
What is this? A piano or an overgrown cigar box?
Do you have any idea how much...
how little this thing is worth?
Uh. No?
Well, I'll tell you.
Nothing!
And now this?
On the other hand.
This is a state of the art keyboard no home should be without!
The Horowitz 5000.
It can synthesize the sounds of over 200 different instruments.
Ow, that's a lot. But, I —
But are you going to accentuate your performance as much
as usually only heard in over-budget action movies!
Well, that's pretty neat.
Why, it even slices and dices.
Why didn't you say so?
How much is it?
If you have to ask.
Too much.
But I'm making room in my warehouse and I like the way you look.
So I am going to let you trade...
that old piece of junk,
for, the Horowitz 5000!
Mr. Crudale,
you've got yourself a deal.
Mama, do you have any hearts?
Hmmm... Let me see.
I have an eye,
and an ear,
and a brain.
Mmm.
But no heart.
Ooh wooooo.. ! Oooo... !
Are you sure you wouldn't like some help, darling?
After all, it took Mojo four weeks,
to escape the Concrete Cocoon...
of Doom.
of DOOM.
That's because he was waiting for his bones to heal... !
[ SWINGS, FALLS ] wAAAAHHHHh.
Good thing my head broke the fall...
Where's the Bögendorper?
Gooooooone.
Hey, Lurch.
What do you think of thew new Horowitz 5000!
I traded our old, worthless piano for it.
Isn't it great...!
You're welcome~!
Oh, dear.
I don't believe Lurch likes the new piano.
Either that or he thinks I'd be better off as an only child!
Put me down... !
Save me!
Lurch... ! Put me down!
Lurch, I said I was sorry!
How was I supposed to know you liked your old,
wood and wire piano, more than this modern musical miracle?
Fester meant well.
Perhaps you could find a new instrument you'll love just as much.
Capital idea!
Let's ignore the pain of your heart-wrenching loss,
by having you take up a cheap substitute!
Sorry.
The ukulele is very popular in Hawai'i, Lurch.
Now, give it a try.
Why, you're a natural!
Oh... !
Perhaps we should find you something a little sturdier... !
C'mon now, Lurch.
A harmonica is just like a piano.
Okay, smaller.
It doesn't have keys...
You have to, blow on it to make it sound... but —
Give it a try!
Open your mouth.
Now take a deep breath!
And blow!
Catchy tune!
Relax, Pugsley.
This is going to hurt you more than it's going to hurt me.
Wednesday... it didn't work... !
And now my head hurts, too.
Well, at least it wasn't a total waste.
Am I glad to see you!
What do you think you're doing?
I'm taking my Bögendorper back!
Security?
Your boulder!
My good man, that piano belongs to Maestro von Herzlberg.
No, it doesn't.
And I can prove it.
See those burn marks there?
That's where Wednesday spilled her acid-ade,
while Lurch was trying to give her piano lessons.
And those teeth marks?
Those are little Pugsley's.
Poor child had a terrible time teething.
Personally, I think it was because Morticia was much too lax with him.
Always lettin' him out of his cage... !
Too bad!
We made a deal.
The piano belongs to me, now.
Please go.
Oh yeah?
Who's gonna make me!
There's still time to make friends.
I'm still taking back my Bögendorper... ! [ FLUNG into AIR, CRASHES! ]
Good work, men.
Darling, you look so dapper in Uncle Looney's dinner jacket.
Thank you, querida.
You know, I'll bet these straitjackets drive people insane... !
It's almost a shame to break myself out of it.
Maybe you won't.
After all, Mojo Addams was never able to escape...
the Buckled Blazer.
of DOOM.
Lurch, where are you going?
Away.
Why?
miss piano.
Lurch,
I know it's awful to lose a loved one in such a non-violent way.
But...
running away is not the solution.
Gomez is right.
Besides, we need you.
Who will mix our drinks or answer the door or play the pi —
piccolo.
Please reconsider.
What do you say, old man?
I quit.
Lurch, please don't go.
[ GOMEZ, STILL STRUGGLING in STRAITJACKET ] Yes, give us a moment to at least think of a deceptive ploy to get you to stay... !
But Lurch, you can't leave.
We'd be lost without you.
Sorry.
Oh... !
Fester,
did you get Lurch's piano?
Not exactly.
But!
I do know where it is.
We wait till everyone leaves the building...
And then we blow the place to smithereens.
But won't that hurt the piano?
Oh, yeah.
Darn!
I think it's time we all paid this "Mr Crudale" a visit!
That's him.
What are you doing back here?
Mr Crudale, I'm Gomez Addams.
This is my lovely wife Morticia.
I believe you have something that belongs to our butler, Lurch.
Correction.
Did belong.
You don't understand.
We must have the Bögendorper back.
Lurch and his piano have a very special bond.
I don't care.
Hah!
The piano belongs to me now.
Alright? The matter is closed.
Now,
I have a concert, to get back to.
When I get back, you and your traveling freak show had better be gone!
Well, I will say one thing for the man.
He certainly knows how to pay a compliment.
Don't worry, Pugsley.
I promise this will be excruciating.
Now,
open wide.
My tooth!
It fell out on its own!
Sure,
after I loosened it for you.
Gomez has about as much chance getting out of those chains,
as we have of getting our piano back.
Poor Lurch.
Why, you didn't even get a chance to say goodbye.
Or play once last dirge.
You've lost your raison d'être.
"Raison d'être"!
Tish!
That's French.
Ohh, if Mojo Addams had been married to someone like you,
he wouldn't be in that trunk at the bottom of the River... !
of DOOM.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I thought I told you people to get out!
We're not goin', anywhere.
Immediate seating, in the balcony... !
Ha ha ha ha!
Lurch?
I believe there's a Bögendorper with your name on it.
Play it, Lurch.
Play it again.
Oh, no!
I missed my cue, again... !
Encore, encore!
Bravo!
Lurch!
You heard them!
The people demand more!
Encore!
[ GASP! ] Tish! That's French.
Woot, whooo!
Now it's time for some real fun.
But my tooth fell out already?
Remember?
Out is easy.
The hard part, is putting it back in.
Lurch, you were a smash!
That was the most moving performance I've ever heard.
I would have to agree.
I am Englebert von Hertzelbert.
I have been playing the piano,
all my life.
And I have never heard anything so lovely.
We were fortunate enough to hear it every night.
That's right.
Till somebody snatched our Bögendorper.
I must confess.
I am jealous of your skill and talent.
A classic case of pianist envy.
I'm going to retire.
I could never make the Bögendorper,
sing the way you can.
This piano,
belongs with you.
Ooh.
Thank you.
It was nice of Mr Crudale to let Fester keep the Horowitz 5000.
He must have really been moved by Lurch's performance.
He couldn't stop crying!
Are you going to take up the piano now, Fester?
You've always been tone-deaf.
I'm sure you'd make divine music.
Music?
Are you kidding?
I'm turning the Horowitz 5000 into a rapidfire missile launcher!
All I have to do,
is play 'Pop! Goes the Weasel.'
I wonder what ever happened to Maestro von Hertzelbert's piano?
Ahh, querida, you know those airlines.
It could be anywhere.
Isn't that amazing?
how that plane can still fly with that enormous hole in it?
'PROPERTY OF MAESTRO VON HERTZELBERT' 'FRAGILE'
Wow!
It is true!
There's nothing like the sound of a Bögendorper!
Awoooo... !
Ooooh!