That's the last time I get my weather information from the weatherman.
A little higher, Lurch.
Perfect.
The moonlight certainly brings out your ghostly pallor.
Hey, Tish.
Care for a little swordplay?
Perhaps later, darling.
Lurch?
En garde!
Lurch,
how are those deadly nightshade berries coming along?
I want to get my jam made, before they lose their kick!
And could you hold my antenna?
I don't want to miss my favorite soap opera,
The Old and Repulse-less.
Relax, Lurch.
I'll take care of that, Mama.
We seem to be getting an awful lot of interference.
Here.
I'll just have to boost up the power for ya.
'A lightning storm warning is in effect for the greater metropolitan area.'
You probably get your information from the weatherman, too.
Oh!
Wow!
I can't wait to hear the Five Day forecast!
Now!
What do you think, Fester?
Maybe one more flammable tank car, up near the engine.
Capital idea!
Would you get it? I put it up on that shelf.
So that if it fell, it would cause maximum destruction.
'I'm hungrier than I'd ever been.'
Oh, me too, Gomez.
Maybe I should ask Lurch to fix us a snack?
How did you know I was hungry?
You just told me.
No, I didn't.
But I did think it.
Fester, old man, you're a mind reader!
Wow!
Why don't you ring Lurch while I get this tanker car in place?
And I'll let you know when to detonate.
'Do it now.'
Okay?
Remember.
I'm psychic.
'Do it now.'
'Tell him, Mary!'
'What wonderful news!'
'I'm sure John will be as happy as I am.'
'I will as soon as he gets home. I can't wait to see the smile on his face!'
I just love soap operas. [ MAMA, CRYING ]
They're so filled with anguish and despair... !
The Old and Repulseless will return after another word, from Stuffy Smorgasbore.
'I'm hungrier than I've ever been.'
'That's why I like to eat... Stuffy Smorgasbore.'
Game point, Gomez.
And the crowd is hushed in anticipation of Addams serving Addams.
Magnificent return, querida!
Merci.
Tish! That's French.
Gomez.
I hate to interrupt you while you're ravaging me,
but our match has left me a bit parched.
I'll ring for Lurch!
Two alligator-ades, Lurch!
Lurch?
That's odd.
Ah. There he is~
[ STRAINED VOICE, carrying MANY THINGS ] You rang... ?
Can we have some alligator-ade, please?
Oh, since you're heading that way, could you please take the anvil to the playroom?
Ah, Lurch!
This chair's lost its wobble.
Can you fix it for me, please?
Ah, thank you.
And my straw is clogged.
Can you clean it?
Gomez, you don't think we're overworking Lurch, do you?
Nonsense, querida!
If that were true, don't you think he'd say something?
Well,
he is unconscious.
Perhaps we should hire him an assistant.
Or build one... !
'Mail Order Robot, Butler of the Future.'
Capital idea, Fester.
What does that fine print say?
'Some assembly required.'
A storm is rising... !
We've no time to lose!
Fester!
Full power!
Fester!
Crazy, eh? We'll show them who's crazy~!
Festerrrrrrr... !
Yes, Doctor Gomez!
The leg bone's connected to the... !
the hip bone!
The hip bone's connected to the... !
the intestine!
The intestine's connected to the... !
I know, I know!
It's the, I just can't find it!
Sorry.
Come, my son.
Well, Fester.
Looks like we have a dart with Destiny!
Fester!
It's not working! More power!
Yes, Doctor Gomez!
More power!
Eeeeyah!
Again, Fester... !
Eeeyah!
It's alive... !
It's alive!
It's alive... !
Morticia, Mama,
I'd like you to meet... Simon.
Oh, my.
The Synthetic Intelligence Menial Operative.
Gomez, wouldn't that be "Simo"?
Oh, I added the N.
For "nitroglycerin"!
Simon, would you please demonstrate?
Woo!
Well, that'll really speed up the housekeeping.
He's amazing.
Thank you.
Morticia.
This calls for a celebration!
You know what would be really nice, now?
Some scalding...
Hot apple spider?
He's good.
He's very good.
Why, with Simon around, Lurch won't have anything to do at all!
He sure is something.
Do you think he can play the piano?
Ah, Lurch!
There you are.
We'd like you to meet Simon.
What's the matter, Lurch?
Where are you going?
Job interview.
You didn't think Simon was going to replace you?
We could never replace you.
You're one of the family.
Besides, most of your parts are obsolete.
Simon was built to be your assistant.
And with an assistant comes a new title.
How does Head Butler sound?
Hmm?
Head Butler?
Follow me.
As you wish, sir.
This could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship.
Why do you need to be measuring the doorway anyway, Morticia?
I'm expecting something.
'I need a nursery for the baby.'
Fester, this is no time for games.
What exactly are you expecting?
It's a surprise.
But please don't say anything.
I want to tell everyone, myself.
'I think it may be twins!'
Fester...
Fester?
Agh.
Ah.
Hm.
Eh...! Ah... !
Lurch,
I just finished sharpening my seating spikes.
And I need to try them out before I call for Pugsley.
You rang... Sir?
Help Wednesday.
Lie down.
What is the purpose of your request?
Simon, we'll get along just fine if you do as I say, and don't ask questions.
As you wish, Miss Wednesday.
I will be... silent.
Well, a scream would be acceptable.
I can see we're not going to get along.
Nice try.
Wednesday.
You rang?
Ahhh, Lurch!
I need you to help me prepare for my next duel with Mrs Addams.
You rang, sir?
Fence.
Now, take it easy inside 'cause I know it's your first match!
Welcome to the Dark Side!
[ FESTER ENTERS ROOM
Gomez! Gomez!
I just read Morticia's mind.
She's gonna have a baby.
A baby what?
A baby baby.
But you got to keep it a secret!
She doesn't want anybody to know.
What do you say we call it a draw?
As you wish, sir.
Is there anything you'd like to announce before we start our, uh...
family meeting, querida?
Gomez,
you're acting very peculiar today.
What are you talking about?
Pickle?
No.
Thank you.
I thought we were here to discuss Simon.
I miss Lurch.
He does things Simon can't.
Like feel pain.
Still, Lurch must think that we're happy with Simon.
He's finally getting a little relaxation.
Yes!
We all know how important it is to relax. [ ADJUSTING MORTICIA on COUCH, to her ANNOYANCE ]
Are you comfortable, querida?
Gomez, I'm up here.
Of course you are.
Where was I?
Ohhh, yes.
I admit, after seeing Simon in action, I'm beginning to regret that...
that we didn't build that remarkable robot, sooner!
Huh?
Lurch, we were just talking about how well you trained Simon.
He's wonderful... !
I don't know how we got along without him.
He's so efficient.
It's like we don't even need you, anymore!
Huh.
Don't need me...
Must destroy Simon...
You rang?
Sir?
Wine, cigar...
As you wish, Sir.
Oh my.
[ FESTER, on the PHONE ] No, I didn't order sixty gallons of nitroglycerin.
I ordered six hundred gallons of nitroglycerin.
I ordered sixty gallons of hydrochloric acid~!
Thank you.
We got Pugsley's old baby cage out of the attic!
We're gonna need help puttin' this together.
You rang?
Lurch, old man!
Can you get Simon to help us put this together?
Simon is not —
You rang?
Sir?
I heard something break, sir.
Accident.
Sweep up.
Special delivery for Morticia Addams?
Oh, good.
I've been expecting this.
Please bring this around back to the cemetery.
I want to surprise my family.
Oh, sorry ma'am.
Can't move it past the front door without a work order.
Union rules.
Ooh, that's alright.
Lurch, will you have Simon take this crate around back?
I'll get it.
That's alright, sir.
I've, got it.
Thank you, Simon. [ MORTICIA, signing CLIPBOARD ]
Querida!
What are you doing?
I call it "Still Life, with Coffin."
Those paints could be toxic.
I certainly hope so.
I've been breathing them for hours.
[ GOMEZ turns AROUND, BASHFUL ] Tish...
Gomez... ?
You've been acting strangely, lately.
I must confess.
I know all about your little surprise.
And I couldn't be more thrilled!
I don't know what you're talking about.
The little bundle of terror?
This is the happy delivery.
The baby... !
I bought him!
Or her~
Or it?
A, a present!
Baby?
Why ever did you get such a foolish idea?
Fester...
Anthrax...
Boobala...
Charles.
"Charles"?
Addams...
Who would ever name their kid that?
Fester.
Did you tell Gomez I was having a baby?
Oh, ehh. It might've slipped out...
This radio is working again.
I'll take a crack at it.
'John! I'm going to have your baby!'
'John...'
'You don't look so good.'
Hey...
Those are the voices that I've been hearing in my head!
At least some of them.
Fester, old man!
You're not a mind reader.
You're a human antenna!
Wow.
Let's see what else is on.
Gomez.
Were you really happy when you thought I was having a baby?
Of course, querida.
I was really looking forward to hearing the pitter-patter of little claws around the house again.
Wednesday...!
But then, what's the likelihood of us being blessed with another child
as perfect as the two little devils we already have.
Lurch, Simon!
Where are you going?
Away.
You prefer Simon...
No, we don't.
He's just hired help.
Actually, he's the assembled help.
No offense.
None taken.
If you will permit me, sir,
I believe I can resolve this dilemma.
You're resigning?
I've received a better employment opportunity.
Well, come on, buddy. We got work to do.
I've been on my feet all day.
Coming, Dave.
I couldn't turn it down.
It's... Union.
Good night!
Well, Lurch, it won't be easy without Simon around here anymore.
There will be long hours, and the work will be tedious and back-breaking.
But at least the chores will be unpleasant~
Are you up for it, old man?
I'll take that as a "yes".
Tish, I can't take the suspense!
Aren't you going to unveil it?
Very well.
The Steel Lady 3000...
I thought the house could use a new Iron Maiden.
She's magnificent!
Would you like to give it a try, Gomez?
Ladies, first!
Sorry, Morticia.
I just couldn't wait.
Well, Fester!
How does she compare to the old Maiden?
There's only one way to find out... !
Lurch!
Thank you, Lurch.
Much better... !
Awooooo... !