Garçon!
Gomez.
That's French.
Ooh, what lovely croissants.
I especially like it when they're fresh.
We'll start with the, uh, French toast,
french fries and french bread.
And for dessert,
we'll have the French silk pie with French rose coffee.
Merci!
Happy Bastille Day, darling.
Ah, the wonderful celebration of the overthrow of the French aristocracy.
The storming of the prisoners and beheading of the guards...
That's French Independence.
That, too.
Ah, Fester!
Ready to storm the local prison tonight?
I can't wait.
I only hope they post more guards this year.
Last time wasn't much of a challenge.
Ooh, how do you plan on breaking down the gate?
Battering ram or cannon?
I couldn't decide.
And that's why I invented,
the battering cannon.
Very nice.
How does it work?
I thought you'd never ask.
Please, allow me to demonstrate.
Sorry.
Oo-oo.
Vive la France~
Tish!
That's French.
I love Bastille Day.
Now!
"BEWARE OF EVERYTHING"
Follow me.
I think this is gonna be the best Bastille day, ever!
I don't know!
It's going to be awfully hard to top that first one.
Visitor.
Hello!
I'm Gomez Addams.
This is my lovely wife, Morticia.
My fascinating brother, Fester,
and my bewitching mother, Eudora.
Welcome to our home. I don't believe we've had the pleasure of meeting.
You are...
Death.
Any relation to the Boston Deaths?
I don't think so, Mama. They were all very short.
Sorry, Gomez.
I almost impaled you with my pitchfork.
That's okay, Fester.
You can get me next time.
Ooo.
Oh, Mr. Death. I'm afraid you caught us at a bad time.
We're making — oooo!
preparations for our annual Bastille Day celebration.
The children are polishing the ceremonial guillotine.
I'm dying to see it.
Yes... you are...
Ahhh, children!
How's the guillotine coming along?
We seem to have a small problem.
It's stuck.
It was working fine, yesterday.
We're not sure what's wrong.
Let me take a look.
You have to be very precise for the guillotine.
Maybe the guide flange is too tight?
Screwdriver.
There!
That oughta do it!
Thank you, Father.
Carry on, children.
Curse you...
Aaaah, Mr. Death!
Are you looking for me?
Well, if you wanna talk, we'll have to do it on the run.
There's still plenty to do to get ready for our Bastille Day celebration!
Okay, Pugsley.
Now it's your turn.
Oh, there you are, darling.
Would you please hang this flag outside the window?
Of course, querida.
Excuse me just one more minute, and I'll be right with you.
Yeah...
Curses...
Tish!
Oh, look at that.
Gomez, are you alright?
Yes. I'm fine.
But the rain gutters need to be stuffed with leaves, again!
Would you be so kind
as to pull me back in?
Certainly, darling.
That was a close call, querida!
I almost met the Grim Reaper that time!
Well, Mr. Death,
I'm all yours.
Let's go downstairs where it's more uncomfortable.
Capital idea, querida.
Mother Nature told me there'd be days like this.
Is everything ready, Lurch?
Then let the celebration begin~!
Ahhh, querida!
Merry Bastille Day.
Ahh, Tish.
I'm the luckiest man alive.
Ah, Mr. Death!
Would you care to join us?
This is going to be one party you'll never forget.
I am not here for a party...
Oh, what did you come for?
Gomez Addams...
I have come for you...
I didn't quite get that...
what with the echo and all.
What did you say?
I have come for you...
Oh!
Something about a shoe.
Oh!
Try talking a little... slow-er.
I...
Have...
Come...
For...
You...
"What makes gum clouds blue"?
I don't know.
Heck with this...
I said,
"I have come for you, Gomez Addams."
You know you look much taller with your hood on.
I hear that all the time.
I don't understand.
Did I win some kind of a contest?
The Posher's Fearing House, perhaps?
I am Death.
The Grim Reaper, keeper of the netherworld.
Whenever someone dies, I escort them to the afterlife.
Surely you've heard of me before?
Well, of course, but I'm fit as a fiddle!
I'm afraid you're out of tune, and! out of time!
But if I die, what do I have to live for?
Oh!
This is so sudden, must you take him now?
Sorry, there's nothing I can do about it.
It's a whole "balance of the universe"-thing.
Well, is it the cigars! 'Cause I'll quit!
Hah!
Well, do I get at least a chance to say goodbye to my family?
Look, if I had a nickel for everyone who's asked me that,
whoa!
Please.
Well...
I guess a few more minutes wouldn't do any harm.
Thank you.
I can't tell you what this means to us!
Well, me at least.
Does this mean Father's gonna miss the party?
Over his dead body.
Oh, Gomez.
I always knew this day would come, but I can't believe it's here already.
You'll miss seeing the children become rebellious teenagers
and dysfunctional adults,
and neglectful parents.
Ah, querida.
It's like Death said.
It's my time.
And as appealing as our problems may be,
they don't amount to a hill of beans in the balance of the universe.
I'm so glad we had so many unpleasant times together.
Oh.
I'll miss you so.
Look on the bright side.
With any luck,
I'll be back to haunt you in no time.
Promise?
Cross my heart and hope to...
Well, you know.
Oh.
Gomez,
you'd better hurry if you wanna say goodbye to the rest of your family.
Well, I know, but...
Don't worry.
I'll see that Morticia is adequately consoled.
Well, what are you waiting for?
Which one is it?
That big, old one.
"The Complete Morons' Guide to Death."
Thank you, Pugsley.
You're welcome.
Oh, no, Mr. Death surely you know this word.
Hah.
Um, is there an "X"?
I'm afraid not, and you already guessed that!
The answer is rigor mortis.
You lose.
Again.
I'm beginning to think you like seeing the little man swing.
I can't lose, Morticia.
Not while I'm sitting here with you.
So you must meet a lot of interesting people.
Oh, interesting. Boring.
Pretty much meet 'em all, but —
no one pales in comparison to you.
Mm-hmm.
Has anyone ever told you your eyes are like vacuous pools of obsidian?
Why, yes.
But a woman always enjoys a compliment.
Fester! Mama!
I see you're hard at work coming up with a spell to free me from Death's icy grip.
I'm afraid there is no spell for that,
but don't worry, son.
As soon as you're dead, I'll bring you back.
Though it might be as a toad,
or a rotting flesh-eating zombie.
Nevermind.
So what are you doing?
We're working on the party poppers for the Bastille Day celebration.
Festivities must go on.
Gomez would have liked it that way.
Fester, I'm still here.
Well I guess, not for long...
So long, Fester.
Some people take forever to die.
I know.
Damn.
I never said goodbye to the children!
You should have thought of that before we left the house.
Call...
Wednesday, Pugsley, I'm going to miss you both very much.
You might not have to go.
I've been doing some research.
And although Pugsley can't take your place,
unfortunately,
you can challenge Death.
Is this true?
Why didn't you say so before?
Curse.
Well, it's not something I'd like to advertise.
Otherwise, everyone would be doing it.
Let me get this straight.
If I challenge you and win,
I get to stay?
Technically.
Yes.
In that case,
Death, I challenge you.
Oh, I hate when they do that.
Are you ready, oh Challenger of Death?
I am.
Then let the Death-cathalon, begin!
That's your name.
Thank you.
And now,
it's time to play —
Win Back Your Soul!
If I say the magic words, do I get an extra hundred years?
So, everyone's a comedian!
Our lovely hostess may select the first event.
Thank you.
Heads or tails?
Aaaand... break!
Heads.
Tails!
Heads, heads, it's tails, no — ah!
Call it!
Heads! Tails!
Heads?
It's up!
And the next event is...
Cut the Deck.
Highest card wins.
The suicide King.
Now it's your turn to cut the deck.
Wait — !
Try this.
You can't miss.
Ahhhh. The Ace of Spades~!
Ah, looks like it's my lucky day!
Other than the fact that you showed up at my doorstep and told me my life was over, that is.
The bone-chilling suspense is filling the Addams' house, here in the dungeon.
That's right, Morticia.
It's been a gruelling competition,
but Gomez Adams is clearly killing Death.
We're down to the final event of the Death-cathalon.
It's worth three points, so it's still any one's battle to win.
Then why bother doing the other two?
Ratings.
So, Mr. Death.
How many other people have beaten you?
None.
Hm-mm.
And the final event is...
Jousting!
Perfect!
On a tightrope!
That just makes it easier.
Over a bottomless cavern.
Is that the best you can do?
Wearing.
Clown shoes.
You fiend!
My one irrational, unexplainable, morbid phobia is —
wearing clown shoes!
I know.
You can still beat him, son.
You think so, Mama?
No...
But I'm just trying to be a supportive mother.
Try harder.
It says here,
when battling for your immortal soul, don't look down.
Or else?
Oh.
I can't watch... !
Neither can I.
Down in front, I can't see!
Any last words, Gomez?
Ha ha ha ha!
I just want to thank everyone,
for making my life unbearably miserable!
I'm so glad we had this time together!
No!
Stop stalling!
Let the game... begin!
These clown shoes aren't so bad!
They're actually quite comfortable!
Pity you won't get time to get used to them... !
Come on!
Alright, Gomez, enough clowning around! It's time to fall... !
After you!
I love you, mon cher!
Tish! That's French!
Wha?
Remember, Father!
When battling for your immortal soul,
don't look down!
Don't look down, don't look down.
Don't look down!
What are you saying?
Don't look up!
Don't look down!
Why not?
Gomez, you won!
That's right, Tish!
You won!
Of course, querida!
Oh-whoa, did you ever think I'd let a little thing —
like dying?
Come between us?
I can't watch!
Neither can I...
Come on, everybody!
If we hurry, we can get to the prison
before they lock down for the night!
Right behind you, Fester!
Wait!
Where are the children?
We're right here!
Wednesday, Pugsley.
What have you got there?
We carved a tombstone for Father,
just in case he didn't win.
Children?
That was very thoughtful of you.
"Six feet under, you will find Gomez Addams, one of a kind."
Looks like you'll have to save your pallbearers' glove for another time.
I'm sorry, Thing,
but I'm an Addams.
It'll take more than that to get rid of one of us.
Come on, everybody!
Awoooooo... !