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[ Engine trying to turn over ]
You're flooding it, booger.
- [ Grunts ] - [ Engine backfires ]
[ Coughing ]
For god's sake, izzy.
[ Continues coughing ] [ engine idling ]
Here she comes. Let's go.
Come on, man. Come on.
- You gotta be kiddin'. - What?
Don't "what" me, izzy, or you ain't goin' to no comic book convention.
I'm 18. I can go anywhere i want.
Yeah, but where you gonna live when you get back?
Mom, we gotta get going.
[ Engine idling roughly ] you drive careful, booger.
He's the only son i've got. Okay, miss b.
[ Tv: jerry springer ] i'm about to introduce you to a woman...
who three years ago was delivered the surprise of her life.
After nine months of what seemed like a normal pregnancy,
Doctors delivered to delores a very special child.
A mother of two beautiful children,
Delores held in her arms a boy with fur like a dog...
and a hairline like eddie munster.
She's here with us today with her real-Live, but sleeping wolf baby.
Why not just give him a razor and some shaving cream?
He's gonna be shaving in a couple of years anyway.
[ Delores ] actually, he seems to be quite allergic to shaving cream.
[ Springer ] so they don't tease him?
[ Delores ] no, he's quite popular.
Is dandruff a problem?
No, i wash his hair twice a day, and brush a hundred strokes at night.
I can't believe this. [ Springer ] good for you.
I think the question the audience really wants answered is—
[ Tv continues, indistinct ]
[ Sizzling ]
Dddd
[ Cher ] dd loneliness dd hello?
Dd is the cloak you wear dd
Who's there?
Dd deep shade of blue dd
Dd is always there dd
Dd the sun ain't gonna shine anymore dd [ coughing ]
Dd the moon ain't gonna rise in the sky dd
[ Gasps ]
Dd the tears are always clouding your eyes dd
Dd when you're without love dddd
[ Scully ] "dear special agent mulder, i'm writing to you for help.
"Several years ago, i had an experience i could not explain.
"I was lying in my bed when i felt a presence in the room.
"Though i was awake, i felt something had taken control over my body.
"I don't remember much else, but i woke up three days later pregnant with my son, izzy.
"That was 18 years ago, but now it happened again.
"I was in bed and could swear i heard cher singing,
"The one who was married to sonny.
"Then the room got all smoky...
"and i saw some kind of monster.
"He had a really gross face with lumps all over his head.
"I was too scared to scream.
"Then i got all groggy and conked out for three days.
"Guess what happened when i woke up?
"I got your name off the tv.
"Some lady onthe jerry springer show, who had a werewolf baby,
"Said you came to her house.
"Well, i got her story beat by a mile.
So maybe you'll want to come see me too. Sincerely, shaineh berkowitz."
Scully, do you think it's too soon to get my own 1-900 number?
So, did you actually see that werewolf baby or was that just a story?
No, it had something called hypertrichosis lanuginosa.
It's a rare hereditary condition most commonly found in some south american families.
Uh-Huh.
But he was all hairy and stuff?
Uh, mrs. Berkowitz, you said that you also had a son?
Mm-Hmm. Izzy. That's him there.
[ Scully ] and izzy is the product...
of your union with some kind of intruder?
I don't know about no union, but i woke up in a condition.
- Did you report this to the police? - Of course i did.
[ Scully ] was there an investigation?
Not really. Nobody here ever locks their doors.
And it took me a month or two to figure out that i was pregnant.
Now you're pregnant again? [ Shaineh ] uh-Huh.
But as i told agent mulder on the phone, that's what takes the cake.
Mrs. Berkowitz had a tubal ligation two years ago.
You can't plant a seed in a barren field.
They were cooking something on the range.
Took me two days of scrubbing to clean the skillet.
I don't know how many of them there were.
I only saw the one, but they ate almost a whole damn jar of peanut butter.
You said you were gone for three days, but nobody missed you.
- I know what you're thinkin'. - Do you drink, mrs. Berkowitz?
No, but i'm not so sure my intruders, as you call them, didn't have a few.
Somebody set a tumbler here and didn't use no coaster.
Hmm.
That's a family heirloom too.
Is there no chance that your son could have put it there?
Izzy's got more brains than that. Not much more, but he values his life.
That pigsty there is his room.
You know what this thing is, don't you, agent mulder?
Why do you say that?
'Cause you're all quiet and stuff.
And you know something you're not saying about alien abductions.
They said onjerry springer you're like an expert.
I don't think this has anything to do with alien abductions.
I don't even know if i believe in that anymore.
Oh, come on. Really? [ Scully ] mrs. Berkowitz?
You gave a description of the intruder.
You said he had a gross face and lumps on his head?
And two mouths. I don't know if i mentioned that.
Funny. Sounds just like this.
[ Shaineh ] oh, that.
That's "the great mutato."
That's the comic book character my kid, izzy, created.
[ Door opening ]
What's going on?
These are agents mulder and scully from the f.B.I.
The federal bureau of investigation? We were wondering...
how this suspect in your mother's case looks exactly like this?
The great mutato.
Because i've seen him too.
You've seen the great mutato? Yeah.
A lot of people around here have.
Has it crossed neither of your minds what you say you saw that night...
fits perfectly with this creature that your son created?
Yeah, but...
that don't mean it didn't happen.
Don't ask me why, but it works.
Peanut butter sandwiches?
You think bologna would be more effective?
Why are you humoring them, mulder?
I'm not humoring them. This is a very serious crime.
So is perjury.
So is calling out f.B.I. Agents under false pretenses.
For the purpose of what?
Isn't it obvious?
I think what we're seeing here is an example...
of a culture for whom daytime talk shows and tabloid headlines...
have become a reality against which they measure their lives.
A culture so obsessed by the media and a chance for self-Dramatization...
that they'll do anything to gain a spotlight.
I am alarmed that you would reduce these people to a cultural stereotype.
Not everybody's dream is to get onjerry springer.
Psychologists often speak of the denial...
of an unthinkable evil or a misplacement of shared fears,
Anxieties taking the form of a hideous monster...
for whom the most horrific human attributes can be ascribed.
What we can't possibly imagine ourselves capable of...
we can blame on the ogre, on the hunchback, on the lowly half-Breed.
[ Coughs ]
Common sense alone will tell you that these legends,
These unverified rumors, are ridiculous.
But, nonetheless, unverifiable,
And, therefore, true in the sense that they're believed to be true.
Is there anything that you don't believe in, mulder?
[ Moaning ] shh.
[ Moaning ]
What's that sound?
[ Moaning continues ]
It's the great mutato. [ Thunderclap ]
Where'd it go?
I don't know. I lost it.
[ Thunder rumbling ]
There! Up there!
Turn that damn thing off!
- You're on my property! - We're with the f.B.I.
- They're not! - We were—
We were chasing what they told us was a monster.
Monster? What'd i tell you boys?
There ain't no monster. I'll show you the monster you're looking for.
- Who sent you here? - Your father.
My father is a simpleton farmer.
He understands nothing of my scientific achievements.
What achievements are those?
What makes you thing you'd understand them any better?
Well, i'm a scientist, for one.
Then you probably know that once in a generation,
Perhaps once in a lifetime, a truth is uncovered...
which thrusts mankind into a shocking new consciousness,
Turning accepted notions of our very existence on their head.
Consider relativity, double helix.
And now the homeotic hox gene, for which i will undoubtedly...
have my place among the columbuses of science as a visionary leader of men.
- Yes? - What do you want me to do with these, dr. Pollidori?
Never mind.
What is the homeotic hox gene?
She's a scientist. Ask her.
I, uh, i believe that it has something to do with, um...
growth and development.
If you two will excuse me, i really don't have time for this.
I have to travel tonight to the university of egostat...
to deliver an international address.
Sir, unless you want your scientific achievements...
to end up as a footnote onthe jerry springer show,
I suggest you make the time.
[ Thunder rumbling ]
Jerry springer show?
Witness the morphogenesis ofdrosophila.
The fruit fly. [ Thunderclap ]
What you're watching has been going on for a millennia,
Since the cambrian period some 580 million short years ago...
whendrosophila was first born.
Notice the elegant symmetry with which the pupae grows...
into a series of beautiful segments.
[ Thunderclap ]
What we have found—
What i have found...
is that these segments represent a linear model...
for the genetic development of our friend the fly.
Each gene is responsible...
for the development of its corresponding segment.
The legs, the mouth, the body, posterior and anterior.
But which i, through my genius,
Can alter into a creation of my own.
Behold... proboscopedia.
This fly has legs—
Growing out of his mouth.
Why would you do that?
Because i can. [ Thunderclap ]
Could that be done in humans?
That would go against every scientific convention.
But could it be done?
Theoretically.
[ Thunderclap ]
Good night, dr. Frankenstein.
Despite what you might think, mulder,
Mutations like these are virtually impossible on humans.
That's not what i just heard.
Even if they could, no scientist would even dare...
to perform those kinds of experiments on a human.
Then why do them at all?
To unlock the mysteries of genetics.
To understand how it is that, even though we share the same genes,
We develop arms instead of wings;
We become humans instead of flies or monsters.
But, given the power, who could resist...
the temptation to create life in his own image?
We already have that ability. It's called procreation.
And first thing tomorrow morning,
I'm gonna verify the pregnancy of shaineh berkowitz.
When are you coming home again? Huh?
When are you coming home again? What?
- We were gonna have that talk. - Soon, soon.
We'll have our talk soon. That's what you always say.
Elizabeth, you know how i feel about children.
They're mewling little monsters.
- But i want children. - What happened to our dream...
about getting out of this place, getting away from this hick town?
I think that's your dream. Elizabeth,
What do you want, a baby or a nobel prize?
See you on thursday.
[ Car engine starts ]
[ Sobbing ]
[ Bell on door jingles ]
Hot plates! Hot, hot, hot! Biscuits, fritters, grits,
Flapjacks, eggs; boiled, scrambled, poached and fried.
We got some monster grapefruits on the way, bigger than your head almost.
I-I'd just like some coffee. Thanks.
On the house, compliments of j.J.
That's with two "j's."
Is it true jerry springer's coming to town?
[ Bell on door jingles ]
We've been had.
I'll save you the trouble of reading the article.
It has everything that we talked about last night, word for word.
Izzy berkowitz, get your butt front and center!
What did i do? All i can say is,
I hope the answer to that question is "nothing."
We have reason to believe that you or one of your friends...
recorded our conversation last night...
- and gave it to a newspaper reporter. - Me?
In order to promote your comic book monster that you created.
Do you own a tape recorder, izzy?
Um— Christmas, 1993!
[ Scully on tape ] of shared fears.
Anxieties taking the form of a hideous monster...
for whom the most horrific human attributes can be ascribed.
That's for starters. [ Tape continues ]
[ Pushes button, tape rewinds ]
Dddd [ cher on tape ] hey! Hey, that's it!
That's the song that was playing when i got knocked up.
Dddd [ cher continues ]
- [ Man moaning on tape ] - Who the hell is that?
That's the same voice we heard out in the woods last night.
That's him: the great mutato.
[ Singing along ] dd the sun ain't gonna shine anymore dd
Dd the moon ain't gonna rise in the sky dd
Dd the tears are always clouding your eyes dd
Dd the sun ain't gonna shine anymore dd
Dd when you're without love dd dd love dddd
Where are we going now? Messenger this to the bureau.
I want to filter the tracks and separate out the voice,
And then i want to see the professor.
This is just a dopey hoax. Something recorded its voice on this.
Do you think dr. Pollidori had something to do with it?
When victor frankenstein asks himself,
"Whence did the principal of life proceed,"
And then, as the gratifying summit to his toils,
Creates a hideous phantasm of a man,
He prefigures the postmodern prometheus,
The genetic engineer whose power to reanimate matter,
Genes into life— Us— Is only as limited as his imagination is.
I'm alarmed that you would reduce this man...
to a literary stereotype, a "mad scientist."
Who else would go to such trouble to impregnate shaineh berkowitz?
[ Car engine starts ]
[ Scully ] i'll have to admit, mulder,
Everything looks in order.
Mrs. Berkowitz had a tubal ligation in 1993...
and two months ago, she had two pregnancy tests, both with positive results.
What are you doing?
Mrs. Berkowitz said in her letter that...
when she saw her intruder, there was a gaseous white cloud.
Then when she woke up three days later, nobody knew that she'd been gone.
Yeah, so?
Dddd
[ Cher ] dd i was born in the wagon of a travelin' show dd
Dd my mama used to dance for the money they'd throw dd
Dd papa would do whatever he could dd
Dd preach a little gospel dd
Dd sell a couple bottles of doctor good dd
D dd gypsies, tramps and thieves d
Dd we'd hear it from the people of the town, they'd call us dd
D dd gypsies, tramps and thieves d
Dd but every night all the men would come around dd
Dd and lay their money down dddd
[ Coughing ]
Come out. [ Coughs ]
Get up! Move!
[ Coughing ]
Mulder?
[ Coughing ]
I told you, there ain't no monster.
[ Coughing ] [ coughing ]
What are you doing in my house?
He had this awful face with these hideous tumors...
and not one mouth but two.
Oh, my god.
Dr. Pollidori?
Is there something you'd like to tell us?
Are you accusing me of knowing something i'm not telling you?
I'm accusing... that your wife may have been impregnated.
Impregnated? By whom?
Oh, i think you know.
Sir, with all due respect,
I think this is all part of a hoax. A hoax?
- A hoax? - A shameless publicity stunt.
Scully.
What? What is that?
The other victims, they had their frying pans... violated.
Do you know what that is?
No, i don't.
I think we found our smoking gun.
[ Whooping ] hey, mom.
You look great.
[ Son over tv ] hey, gar. Mom, i got some great news.
[ Mom over tv ] me too. You first.
I quit. I'm clean as a whistle.
Here. Brought you your favorite. [ Tv continues ]
You finish your movie.
Don't stay up too late. Okay, son?
[ Son over tv ] well, that's a start.
What about your news? It's no big deal.
I met a girl. We're going out.
[ Whooping ] what's her name? Her name is diana.
Yeah. Yeah. She's beautiful.
She rides horses, and she's beautiful and smart...
and she loves me.
What's not to love, baby.
Tell me it isn't true. You didn't.
You wouldn't.
Why? Because i can.
[ Door closes ]
Excuse me. Not a problem.
[ Spits ]
- What's this? - [ Waitress ] compliments of j.J.
- Coffee? - Sure.
That's not a place you want to burn a guy.
[ Boy ] come on! [ Man ] what is it?
Come on, hurry! Come on!
[ Crowd chattering ]
You want to see your monster? [ Crowd ] yeah!
You really want to see your monster? Yeah!
Here's your monster.
- [ All gasp ] - His name is izzy berkowitz!
- [ Man ] string him up! - Get your hands off him!
You let him go! I intercepted a package.
How would you like your face to intercept my fist,
Coconut head? [ Man ] your kid's the monster!
[ All ] yeah! Yeah!
That is my son you're talking about!
[ Crowd, shaineh arguing ]
Mulder? You may have been right, scully.
That these people can be reduced to cultural stereotypes?
- They unmasked the monster. - Don't even talk that way to me!
I may have found something that says otherwise.
The residue on the frying pan was an agricultural product...
used to anesthetize herds of animals.
Used by who? Farmers, who have to register...
with the f.D.A. To have it in their possession.
Is there someone registered locally? Mm-Hmm.
[ Moaning ]
[ Sobbing ]
[ Continues sobbing ]
- [ Sobbing ] - [ Grunting ]
[ Digging ]
[ Sobbing ]
Mulder?
We may be too late.
I think we are. [ Boards creaking ]
Who's that?
Show yourself!
[ Chicken clucking ]
[ Scully ] if you're armed, drop your weapon and walk out slowly!
Please don't. Don't kill me.
- Who are you? - I'm with the newspaper.
[ Mulder ] what's your business here? The old man was murdered.
By whom?
It's alive.
I've seen it. In the barn, burying the old man.
[ Angry crowd approaching ]
[ Chattering, yelling ]
[ Crowd approaching ]
[ Chattering continues ]
Whatever you have in mind, i have to ask you to stop right there.
We have come for the murderer! [ Crowd ] yeah!
What makes you think he's here?
I've seen him with my own eyes.
He is not a man. He is a monster! Yeah!
The fiend must be found! And then we'll let justice take its course!
Yeah! Search every crevice, every ravine!
You get him alive if you can, but you get him!
Yeah! Yeah!
[ Crowd departing ]
[ Whinnying ]
- [ Shouting, indistinct ] - [ Squealing ]
There's only one way pollidori could have seen that monster,
If he was out here himself.
[ Door creaking ]
Mulder.
Federal agents, and we're armed! Come on out!
Scully, look at this.
Oh, my god. You're gonna have to come out of there.
[ Scully ] we're not gonna hurt you.
Do you think he understands? I hope not.
[ Scully ] he looks frightened.
We have to get him out of here, scully. They're gonna kill him.
The barn's on fire!
[ Crowd, animals panicking ]
There it is!
[ Crowd ] let's go! Let's get him!
[ Crowd approaching ]
[ Dr. Pollidori ] let him go.
Where is he? You let him go, or we'll burn him out.
Where is he? Show the world your horrid, lumpy face!
[ Crowd shouting ]
- That's him. - Yuck.
That repulsive physiognomy is the vilest perversion of science.
Created by whom?
A pale student of my most hallowed arts...
whose life was taken by that which he gave life;
By his own horrible creation; by that monstrosity that you see before you.
Who's he talkin' about?
My father.
[ Gasps ]
No. [ Shaineh ] he can talk.
Your ears deceive you.
It's a trick! [ Angry murmuring ]
I'm sorry, my voice is damaged by the gaseous chemicals,
But i would like to explain myself.
Despite my appearance,
Which you see is quite horrible to the human senses,
I have never acted to harm another soul.
- These are fiendish lies! - Quiet.
Twenty-Five years ago,
My father, having only one son—
A spiteful, hateful man of science...
incapable of the deeper sentiments—
He came to realize that this son,
Had been conducting secret experiments,
Of which i was the most unfortunate product.
[ Crowd gasps ]
A simple man, he rescued me and loved me...
in spite of my deformity.
But as time passed, i grew restless for friends of my own.
Because i couldn't go to school or play sports...
or even show my face outside this farm,
My father set out to learn his son's science...
so that before he died he might create for me a mate.
Uh-Oh.
Alas, my father was a simple man;
His heart close to the soil he worked,
The animals he tended.
The experiments he attempted, too advanced;
The science too complex for his understanding.
The results of his experiments unsatisfactory.
[ Clucking ]
[ Bleating ]
I still—
You mean izzy—
But who's the father?
[ Oinking ]
Suffice to say, his experiments failed.
My father is dead.
I am alone and miserable.
If one as deformed and horrible as myself would not deny herself to me,
If this being you can create,
I will take blame as a murderer.
I don't know how to re-Create you.
You were a mistake.
What we did was wrong.
But in our trespasses, we gave you a loving son.
And in your homes...
i went places i never dreamed of.
With your books and your records...
and your home media centers, i learned of the world.
And of a mother's love that i'll never know.
Cher loved that boy so much.
Hey...
he's no monster.
Arrest me then, as you will.
[ Siren blares ]
We should go, mulder.
The prisoner's in the car. This is all wrong, scully.
This is not how the story's supposed to end. What do you mean?
Dr. Frankenstein pays for his evil ambitions, yes,
But the monster is supposed to escape to go search for his bride.
There's not gonna be any bride, mulder. Not in this story.
Where is the writer?
We need to speak to the writer.
Dddd
[ Cher ] dd put on my blue suede shoes dd
Dd and i boarded the plane dd
Dd touched down in the land of the delta blues dd
Dd in the middle of the pouring rain dd
Dd w.C. Handy dd
D dd won't you look down over me d
Dd yeah, i got a first-Class ticket dd
Dd but i'm as blue as a girl can be dd
Dd when i'm walking in memphis dd
Dd i was walking with my feet ten feet off of beale dd
Dd walking in memphis dd
Dd do i really feel the way i feel dd
Dd saw the ghost of elvis dd
Dd on union avenue dd
Dd followed him up to the gates of graceland dd
Dd and i watched him walk right through dd
Dd now security they did not see him dd
Dd they just hovered around his tomb dd
Dd there's a pretty little thing waiting for the king dd
D dd down in the jungle room d
Dd when i was walking in memphis dd
Dd i was walking with my feet ten feet off of beale dd
Dd walking in memphis dd
Dd do i really feel the way i feel dd
Tell me something. Is it hard to love these babies?
What's not to love?
[ Cheering ]
Dd walking in memphis dd dd walking in memphis dd
Dd i was walking with my fee t ten feet off of beale dd
Dd walking in memphis dd dd walking in memphis dd
Dd do i really feel the way i feel dd
Dd dd put on my blue suede shoes dd
[ Child ] i made this!