Good afternoon. I hope we're not bothering you.
- Actually, I'm just... - We really won't take up much of your time.
- I'm just waiting for a call. - We're all waiting, ma'am,
for the good Lord to call in his flock.
From the cable TV people.
I'm just moving in. God bless.
Good afternoon. I hope we're not bothering...
- Yes? - Y-You're...
- Weren't you... - Yeah, didn't we just...
- Didn't you just what? - Speak to you.
- Excuse me? - We just spoke to a woman who... could've been your twin.
- What are you talking about?
Yeah, just down the street. She's just moving in. Your spitting image.
You're really not gonna believe it when you see her.
- Ma'am? - Go away! Get out of here!
Okay.
Betty Templeton?
- Yes? - We're with the F.B.I.
We'd like to ask about an incident... a possible religious hate crime in your neighborhood.
I just moved in yesterday. I don't know anything about any incident.
Well, we have two young men in the car who say you do know something.
Oh, my God!
Those were the boys that were here yesterday. What happened?
They were beaten to within an inch of their lives by each other...
after visiting the home of a woman living a few blocks over.
- What woman? - A woman who, by both young men's accounts,
fits your description.
She, uh, lives around here?
Are you a practitioner of the occult, Miss Templeton?
Wicca, voodoo, Satanism, the black art of bodily bilocation?
Me? No.
You know what they say.
Everyone has a twin out there somewhere.
No, we don't know what they say.
Well, if there's someone who fits my description, why isn't someone talking to her?
We went over to the house, but it's empty. No one lives there.
Frankly, we're not even sure if she exists.
This is an F.B.I. fleet sedan...
from our Kansas City field office, requisitioned by two seasoned agents there,
driven into a tree at 43 miles an hour by the female agent...
in a novel effort to kill her male counterpart.
Now, you might think I'm gonna suggest psychokinesis, P. K...
someone or something controlling the agents with remote mind-bending power.
But it's not?
Both agents sustained critical injuries. Their stories eerily similar,
as if they temporarily lost control of their minds, unable to alter their behavior.
You may think that I'm gonna say it's past lives unresolved,
a fate stalking the agents like an animal.
- But you're not? - No, the interesting thing about these agents...
is that they had worked together for seven years previously without any incident.
- Seven years? - Yeah, but they are not...
romantically involved, if that's what you're thinking.
Not even I would be so farfetched.
You have any ideas, Scully? Any thoughts?
What I'm thinking, Mulder, is how familiar this seems.
Playing Watson to your Sherlock.
You dangling clues out in front of me one by one.
It's a game, and...
And as usual, you're holding something back from me.
You're not telling me something about this case.
Hmm?
Okay, so these agents were investigating something.
- Something much like...
what they themselves were almost killed by.
Uh, something they came into contact with.
Uh, third party.
Two third parties.
Twins?
Relatives?
Uh, doppelganger?
Uh, corporeal likeness...
that appears unbidden from the spirit world,
the sight of which presages one's own death.
Or... a double conjured into the world by a technique called bilocation,
which, in psychological terms,
represents the person's secret desires and impulses,
committing acts that a real person cannot commit himself...
or... herself.
Mulder, the slide, please.
Yes!
Don't go thinking I'm gonna start doing the autopsies.
Excuse me.
Hi. I applied for the sales job you posted.
Ah, yeah. I remember. How could I forget?
- Excuse me? - Uh, there's a problem with your application,
- As I recall, Miss... - Pfeiffer.
- Are you sure? - Lulu Pfeiffer, yes.
You reside at 15527 Morton Bay Street?
- Not any longer. I've moved. - You've moved?
Yes. And I don't have my new address yet.
Actually, Miss Pfeiffer, that's what's sending up the red flag.
You move a lot. And there's also your employment history.
Seventeen jobs in seventeen states in the past three years?
You seem to have as many jobs here as you have addresses.
I... I had a restless streak.
Well, the copy business takes a motivated person.
Oh, I'm an extremely versatile employee, as you can see by my resumé.
What I can tell is you've left a variety of jobs.
"Mongolian barbecue chef, high-rise window washer,
- Wild animal trainer, palm reader."
- Yes, but I am on a career path now. - Hey! What's going on here?
- All my copies are black. - My machine's going crazy.
Who's running this place?
I can start you immediately. There's a clean uniform in the employee washroom.
- Oh, God. - Here. Over here. Oh, that's great.
- Can you help me turn this thing off?
My only copy!
That's quite a string of positions you've had, Miss... Templeton.
Seventeen jobs in the last three years.
I would've listed more, but there wasn't any room left on your form.
Seventeen's plenty, believe me.
I think you'll find my former employees will only give the highest personal references...
It's not your references. It's the jobs themselves.
"Mongolian barbecue chef, high-rise window washer.
Wild animal trainer?"
I'm a highly versatile employee.
What guarantee do I have that you won't just up and quit tomorrow?
You have my personal word on it. I'm here in Kansas City to stay.
- Who is it?
Mr. Zupanic, it's the F.B.I.
- Excuse me? - It's the F.B.I., Mr. Zupanic.
- Open up. - Give me a minute.
- Bert Zupanic? - Yeah?
We're hoping you could help us find the whereabouts...
of a woman we think you're familiar with...
a Betty Templeton.
I don't know no Betty Templeton.
Maybe you should take another look at that photograph, Mr. Zupanic.
Five foot three, red hair.
Maybe I can jog your memory.
Are you still pleading ignorance, Mr. Zupanic?
Is that not you in last year's Fourth ofJuly parade?
- Yeah. - Then who's that sitting next to you?
- Her. - Try Betty Templeton.
We can't find her, Mr. Zupanic. She seems to have left town in a hurry.
- She did? - Mm-hmm.
And didn't she used to live on Morton Bay in a pink house?
- Alderwood, blue house. - On Alderwood?
Mr. Zupanic, do you have any reason to be lying to us?
No, sir... I mean, ma'am.
Thank you, Mr. Zupanic. I have no doubt we'll be in touch with you.
- You know what I'm thinking. - That Mr. Zupanic not only knows Betty Templeton...
and where we can find her, but that he is hip to whatever she's into,
and I should take a look at that house he mentioned on Morton Bay Street...
while you go and find out from Mr. Zupanic what it is exactly...
that he's clearly hiding about Betty Templeton.
I'm thinking that Bert Zupanic really truly doesn't know Betty Templeton.
Well, I guess that's why they put the "l" in the F.B.I.
I'm gonna be standin'on the corner
12th Street and Vine
I'm gonna be standin' on the corner
12th Street and Vine
Give me a double, Freddy.
I thought you were in training, Bert, my man.
- Would you just pour? - All right.
Well, I might take a train
I might take a plane but if I have to walk
I'm goin'just the same
I'm goin'to Kansas City
Kansas City, here I come
Nice outfit.
Freddy, fire in the hole.
Seven and Seven for the lady, and make it stiff.
Oh, my God! How did you do that?
- Do what? - How did you know my drink?
I feel like you're looking right through me,
like you're reading my soul like a book.
Maybe you've had enough of the vodka.
- You are in trouble, aren't you? - I don't know.
I could be.
What kind of trouble are you looking for?
You don't want to go home tonight, okay?
It just so happens I don't got a home to go to.
Anyway, I'm Betty Templeton.
Alderwood Avenue.
- My God.
I'm shaking.
Oh... Oh, that's perfect.
Hey.
Hey, Scully!
I want you to meet a buddy of mine, Mr. Argyle "Sapersteen."
- "Stein." - Saperstein. Excuse me.
- This is my partner, Dana Scully.
Pleasure and an honor.
So, uh, I take it from your posture, Mulder, you've solved this case.
Not solved it, but I have narrowed down the search for our perpetrator...
with the kind help of Mr. Saperstein here.
- Narrowed it down to where? - Right down there.
Our mystery woman is indeed involved with Mr. Bert Zupanic,
the man we spoke to at his hotel,
who will be fighting here two days hence with the mystery woman undoubtedly in attendance.
If it's the lady I'm thinking, she's not much to look at,
but he says she brings him luck.
- Bert Zupanic is a boxer? - A wrestler, semipro.
So, we wait around Kansas City for a couple of days until we can talk to this woman?
Well, there's lots to do here and the barbecue's second to none.
Right, Mr. Saperstein? Plus, Mr. Saperstein was gonna show me...
some in-your-face smack down moves so I can quit getting my ass kicked so often, right?
Oh, and there's... there's an art exhibit that traces the influence of Soviet art...
on the American pop culture, right?
Unless, of course, you've already found Betty Templeton.
Finding Betty Templeton won't solve this case, Mulder.
Not unless we find Lulu Pfeiffer.
- Who's Lulu Pfeiffer? - Our doppelganger...
who lived, until yesterday, in a pink house on Morton Bay Street.
But she's not a manifestation, Mulder. She's real...
and so is the path of destruction that she's left in her wake.
Though there seems to be no connection of any kind between these two women,
Betty Templeton and Lulu Pfeiffer...
have traveled city to city across 17 U.S. states,
one alternately trailing the other for the past 12 years.
- And wherever they have been, mayhem has followed. - Damn.
It's not just car accidents and fistfights, Mulder.
- It's house fires and explosions and even riots. - The lady knows her stuff.
- Sholom Aleichem. - Yeah. Your mama.
- Hello. - Where's my money?
I got it, and I'm bringing it.
Yeah, that's what I heard last night. Now you got the feds on your ass.
- What? - Your good luck charm don't sound so lucky no more.
Maybe I should cancel the fight.
I'm bringing the money, okay? I'm bringing it!
I'm having lunch at Froggy's. No money, no fight, Titanic.
- In trouble or something? - I'm just, uh...
I gotta be somewhere, okay?
Why? What time is it? Oh, God, I'm gonna be late for work!
You were incredible.
Why do I find myself so wildly attracted to you, Bert Zupanic?
You just can't help yourself, baby.
Where were you last night?
- Where was I? - Yeah.
- Well, I... - You said, "Meet me for a drink."
- That's what you said.
I was there, and I-I was waiting on you.
- Are you two-timing me, Bert? - How can you say that? You're my good luck charm.
- Who is she? - "Who is she?"
You do not wanna get in the ring with me, mister!
Honey, listen... Come on, baby. There's nobody under there.
- You're acting crazy, sweetie. - I'm gonna look under every single...
Hey! I know this hairpin.
Oh, I-I can explain that.
You lovable lug, Bert Zupanic!
I'm sorry, baby. This is mine.
- Of course it is. - I just get so jealous.
- You forgive me? - I forgive you.
- I'm in training. You've gotta go to work. You're late. - No. No.
- I'm so wildly attracted to you, Bert Zupanic. - Hey, listen.
- Good looks and charm. What's not to love, all right? - There's a lot to love.
- I know. You go on. No! You have to go. - But why... But...
- Will you call me at least? Bye. - You bet. I'm on the phone now, okay?
- Bert, did I hear voices?
- Voices? I didn't hear any voices.
Oh!
Oh.
Where's the Titanic?
What?
Your boyfriend, the wrestler.
Wow, talk about moves.
I can't believe that we barely just met.
He's supposed to meet me here.
He's coming here?
He'd better be if he wants that fight Saturday night.
I'd better go freshen up a little. I was just coming in for lunch.
Zupanic, hey.
Thought you were a no-show. Talking to your girlfriend.
- My girlfriend?
Holy shoot!
What is that?
- Now, how did she do that? - Do what?
I just saw her. I swear. I just saw her go to the can.
- She just went to the can? - Ten seconds ago.
- What are you doing here? - I have a business meeting.
Why don't I meet you outside in the park?
- I was just gonna get some lunch. - Perfect.
- We'll have a picnic. - A picnic? We never do that.
- Oh, yeah.
Now...
- Bert?
I have a little business to attend to, sweetie.
- You got more than that to attend to. - Hey, Bert, I only got an hou...
Mr. Zupanic?
What happened?
Uh, there was an incident.
You were struck by flying glass.
Did you lose something?
Yeah. My good luck.
Would that be Betty or Lulu, Mr. Zupanic?
'Cause they're the ones who caused this, and they'll do it again if we can't find them.
Where are they, Mr. Zupanic?
Excuse me.
- F.B.I. - Can I help you?
Yes, I'm looking for... that girl.
Betty. This man's from the F.B.I.
- Betty Templeton? - I'm just getting off work. Could we talk some other time?
I think we both know why I'm here.
- It's her fault! - Lulu Pfeiffer.
She follows me around trying to ruin my life.
I'm not gonna let her ruin it this time. It's either me or her.
I don't want to leave Kansas.
- Scully. - Hey, Scully.
I found her at Koko's Copy Center.
- Betty Templeton? - Yeah.
She says that Lulu Pfeiffer's trying to ruin her life.
- Follows her wherever she goes. - Lulu Pfeiffer works at Koko's too.
That's exactly what Lulu says about Betty,
except she says this is the end of the line, that she's not leaving Kansas.
- That's exactly what Betty said. - What's going on here?
I don't know, Scully. You're running this show. Why don't you tell me?
I think that this is more than just physical proximity, Mulder.
I think that these women have some kind of a psychic connection.
- No... Sherlock.
Hey, Scully, uh, where's Lulu?
She just took off, Mulder. She left work, and she drove away.
She wouldn't be driving a little blue convertible, would she?
That's exactly what she's driving.
Oh, crap.
- Can I help you? - Uh, yes.
I'm looking for someone. He was here speaking to an employee,
and I can't seem to reach him.
- Tall guy, dark hair? He left. - Yeah.
- And you don't know where he went? - Couldn't say.
- Okay. - However, I can tell you...
we have a two-for-one copy discount in effect.
- How about Internet access? - Right this way.
- Is he in there? - Yeah. Sleeping.
- Can you wake him up for me? - You sure you wanna do that?
- It's important. - Will you two shut up or go away?
Mr. Damfuse?
The sound of your voice is like a jackhammer on my eardrums!
Mr. Damfuse, I'm Special Agent Dana Scully with the F.B.I.
What's so special about you?
It's an F.B. I title, sir.
I know it is. I'm not stupid!
Mr. Damfuse, if you'll let me explain why I'm here,
we might be able to get you to bed a little bit sooner.
Ah! What a relief!
Mr. Damfuse, through a lot of matching up of documents...
that I have been able to compile on the Internet...
and by comparing time and space and circumstance...
and by liberally applying the law of averages...
They could electrocute me quicker!
I believe that you may be the father of two daughters.
I'm no father!
Using documents filed by a sperm bank in Sparta, Illinois...
and by the mothers who may have been impregnated by your donation...
I Yankee Doodled into a plastic cup!
Well, be that as it may, sir, it is very likely that you are the biological father.
And it is very important for their safety and for the safety of others...
that we get as much information as possible about your mother and your father...
and anything about your family tree that may be able to explain...
the reactions that are being caused by these two girls.
A big ugly dog lifted its leg on my family tree!
Make room for Daddy.
Shut up, you fat ox!
- Oh. - You aren't answering your phone?
I'm just screening my calls.
You sleep with me once and now you're avoiding me?
I got... big trouble, baby.
I got just one shot left for the big time. Just one.
But you got your match tonight. Your name's up on the marquee.
I've lost my financing.
- You're my good luck, baby. - I am?
It was my good luck to meet you.
And if you could just...
- If you could help the Titanic find a way. - "Find a way"?
They say I'm old, I'm washed up.
All I want's a shot.
If I don't get the money, I'm gonna lose my chance.
Maybe I can.
You're not answering your phone?
Lulu?
Someone else you were expecting? Well?
Baby, I got trouble. I got big trouble.
- Mulder?
- Yeah. - Where have you been?
Seeing a side of Kansas City few men have the privilege to see.
- What happened to you? - I got sucked into a storm drain.
The more pressing question is, what the hell happened to Betty Templeton and Lulu Pfeiffer?
I don't know, but I have been able to locate the nature of their connection.
Both women are nonfraternal siblings from the same father.
- You've located him? - Yeah. He's here in the state pen.
When is all this yammering gonna stop?
And he's given you insight?
Well, the biggest thing that I can figure out right now...
is he's probably the angriest man in the world, Mulder.
Not as angry as those two women are gonna be...
when they both realize they're in love with the one and only Bert Zupanic.
- They're both after him? - They're both in love with him.
That's why they're both staying in Kansas City and they won't leave.
Well, if they're the reason, it doesn't explain what's happening,
what's causing this phenomenon or how we're gonna make it stop.
I don't know. You're the one who's supposed to have all the answers.
Somebody's got to get to that fight and keep those two women apart,
or else this time the... is going to hit the fans.
Well, hi.
Mr. Zupanic?
- Goin'to Kansas City
Kansas City, here I come
Goin'to Kansas City
Kansas City, here I come
- You said you'd have my money.
I'll have it. I swear I will.
I'll call off the damn fight, Titanic.
I'll have these people cursing your very name!
I'm telling you it'll be here.
Don't worry. I promise.
Bert!
Bert, I got it.
How about ya, buddy?
Let's get ready to rumble.
Oh, baby, I knew you wouldn't let me down.
It's you and me... all the way.
- Yeah!
Ladies and gentlemen,
get out your seats and on your feets...
for our own hometown boy,
Whoo!
Bert "the Titanic"...
Zupanic!
- Go, Titanic! - Oh! Oh, yeah!
Let's take him, baby! Let's take him, baby!
Whoo!
- Whoo!
Come on!
- Titanic!
Oh, yeah! Come on!
Whoo-hoo! Go, Titanic!
You can do it, Titanic!
Betty Templeton.
My name is Fox Mulder. I'm with the F.B.I. Can you come with me?
I'm watching the fight!
Don't make me have to remove you, ma'am.
I can't believe this.
What are you doing here?
I'm Bert's good luck.
- He's mine! - Over my dead body!
Stop it! Stop it! You're going down, lady!
I'm gonna kick your butt from here till Tuesday!
Stick a fork in you! You're done! Hi, baby.
- Betty? - Bert, keep it up. I love you, baby!
- Bert, I got the money. - Lulu?
Kick his butt, Bert.
- Lulu!
No! Bert!
Oh, my.
Oh, my God!
What?
Why...
Fifty million anonymous donations...
have been made to sperm banks across the U.S.
Most have produced healthy offspring for single mothers...
or fertility-challenged couples while some of them have not.
Bert Zupanic and his nonfraternal biological sibling...
both small-time bank robbers, part-time pro wrestlers,
both with too many idiosyncratic behaviorisms to list...
stood a 27-million-to-one chance of ever meeting,
but they did.
Damn, those are some odds.
Betty Templeton and Lulu Pfeiffer...
products of different mothers but the same father,
an angry drifter now doing time for counterfeiting...
chanced to meet 12 years ago,
but couldn't seem to avoid each other's compulsively identical mannerisms...
mannerisms attributable to their perpetually angry father.
Hmm. What does it all mean?
I've been thinking hard about that, Mr. Saperstein.
I would like to say it has something to do with balance in the universe...
the attraction of opposites and the repulsion of equivalents.
Or, that over time, nature produces only so many originals...
that when two original copies meet, that the result is often unpredictable.
If four should meet, the result is...
Well, suffice to say,
it's betterjust to avoid these encounters altogether...
and at all costs.
I think Agent Mulder would agree with me.
Uh-huh.